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Hi, I was not planning on showing this for another two years, but with recent events I thought it might be more productive to share.
PLEASE comment in any way you like good AND bad, but know that wholly nonproductive comments will be removed.
With the grumpy disclaimer out of the way.
Here is Halloween.
PS: This is on Google Docs, and is in fact a living document, you will often see me editing things or changing stuff, so be patient with the end pieces. Still updating regularly.
Now nearing the end of CH3.
Comments
Why?
Why did someone cross out the whole thing?
Jorey
.
I would say someone was
I would say someone was playing a joke I got a lot of "Suggestions" from about 3 sources which were nothing but pranks.
This is what I get for going to work.
I want to keep the comments up as some of you, in fact MOST of you are being decent. But if it becomes to much of an issue I will switch to view only and just ask that you post comments and suggestions here.
for now though the pranking has passed so feel free to read and comment as you like.
Illusions are easy, reality is hard.
I would have commented and kudoed
if it weren't for the load of crap I had to do in order to read this story.
The print in the document is too small for my old eyes and attempts to increase it's size caused it to run off the page.
Copy/paste wouldn't work til I used the "command/C" function. Then I had to increase the size and darkness of the print so I could finally read it.
The story itself is interesting and would likely get a lot more comments and kudoes if it were in a more friendly format. As it stands, it probably won't do well unless you reformat it so it works well here at Top Shelf.
As far as working on it goes, you can still edit it even if it's posted here in a readable format.
Thanks for writing it and sharing it. It is an interesting take on the shapechanger type stories.
Catherine Linda Michel
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
Sorry to hear
Sorry to hear that.
The copy and paste function is disabled because it is a google doc and you are only capable of commenting or viewing it.
if I post it here then I will wind up with a dozen people making comments on the same spot and well I will have people copying it in an incomplete state.
That said I will post chapters here when they reach a satisfactory level of completion.
the people that have helped so far have contributed greatly to me getting past my grammatical and spelling stumbles and Chapter 1 I would say is pretty good.
As far as the font size, I would like the opinion of others.
Does anyone else have an opinion about the font size, to small to big or whatever?
and in CH2 does it help or hurt the letter section that I put it in a different font?
PS: you should still be able to us "Ctrl +" to zoom in and "Ctrl -" to zoom out.
Illusions are easy, reality is hard.
I like it.
You have a very compelling story going here. I believe that the current Eva is the same one that killed the cat's mate as you have written this so far. But what about that necklace? Interesting.
I did add one small correction,but that's all. I do think that using a larger font would help with the reading for a lot of people, especially when it goes to the cursive journals. Something to think about.
Otherwise, as I said, this is really, really good.
I also like the character.
Maggie
Thanks
I felt my dialogue was pushing the suspicion about Eva a little hard, it makes the other people involved seem a little dense for not catching it so I may dial it back, I made the necklace clear it is the key to the whole thing.
thanks for the feedback and I did raise the font on the main text but not the disclaimer.
still working out how Tybalt will show himself. the dream was an inspired accident on my part and actually tells a little of how Blair's powers work through post cognitive emphatic imprinting. that's how she can get parts of an outfit that are out of frame or scars that her pictures don't see.
The pictures are a visual link to a set moment in time for the other person. she unknowingly feels that moment and creates her disguises from that.
But that will probably never be explained in the story, because right now I see no situation where it will come up.
and she won't be sleeping with the lens again.
I have increased the font a little but don't want to raise it much more because it will throw off printing and page count, which helps me with my pacing and progression.
Illusions are easy, reality is hard.
comments - hopefully constructive
The Google docs format is a pita on a tablet with a slow Internet connection.
You used cloths when I think you meant clothes and fim where I think you meant film.
But overall the narrative flowed very well, the characters are all unique and interesting and the whole story is very creative.
I would love to read more of Blair's world.
Great to hear
Glad you like it and you are probably right, slight spelling errors are my second most common issue, behind accidentally hitting "," when I mean to hit "." and just before my never ending battle with homonyms.
But the world is not mine, just this small hand full of characters.
Illusions are easy, reality is hard.