I have my first appointment this morning at the clinic (Callen-Lorde) to start HRT. (4 hours from right now!) And I realize I'm scared.

I'm really anxious about it. (Actually, I've been getting more and more anxious about transitioning the closer I get to it maybe possibly kinda hypothetically optionally becoming a reality.) I keep being afraid that being trans and wanting to transition is just some fairy tale I made up to distract myself from my Real Issues(tm). I know I have non-trans issues which would lead me to feel that whatever I was was wrong and I worry that transitioning is just a misguided attempt to get away from the me that was/is so wrong and that all I'll do is add the hassle of being transsexual to the mess I already have.

But then I go back and re-read Dorothy Colleen's story "The Last Question" and I wonder if it really matters. I started wearing skirts and dresses and such 10 years ago and bit by bit have been dressing more feminine and more places as time has gone on, and each step in that direction has made me feel more "me" and closer to a "me" that feels at peace with itself. I don't expect the road ahead to be smooth, but so far, every indication I feel is that living as a woman will suit me far more than living as a man ever has.

BTW, I want to thank all the writers who have written and posted stories here. I've read a lot of them, and some of them I read and re-read and go back to when I feel I need some help and hope so I can keep going on. They've helped me envision a future that is not like my past. They've given me the feeling that my past didn't have to be that way, that it wasn't what I deserved. That what I was told about myself was really a lie.