Chapter Two: Thanks for the memories

Belinda clutched at her head as dizziness struck her. The world about her was fading, fading into a mass of blurred colours. Dimly through the haze she felt her knees strike soft turf as her legs gave way under her.

“Stefan, help!”

“It’s all right, I promise; this will be a memory coming back.”

No, this isn’t a memory, I can feel myself fading, going to another time, another place.

Belinda shut her eyes. Brian opened them.

51 Weeks earlier
Brian almost lost concentration, gazing at his surroundings as his Volvo passed the gates of Queen’s Lake Castle. More than a decade before, when he was an angry, violent, confused, unhappy twelve year old living in a frightening, overcrowded and occasionally violent childrens’ home he had been taken on a tour of this place and it had changed his life. Overwhelmed with the beauty, the grace, the air of history that the ancient castle and its grounds exuded he had been filled with an ambition to achieve, to learn, to get a decent job so that one day he could live his life as far away from the atmosphere of that childrens’ home as possible, and maybe, just maybe, live somewhere that reminded him a little of this. Now eleven years later he was visiting as the friend and honoured guest of Queens Lake Castle’s new owner.

Of course, he reflected, glancing at the array of bags piled on the seat beside him, he could never have predicted the circumstances. That new owner was Stefan Shilpott, the nerd he’d bullied remorselessly at that same childrens’ home – and before extending the hand of friendship he’d already taken his revenge.

“Brian!” Brian pulled to a halt and climbed out to meet a broadly grinning Stefan who was waiting for him. Not for the first time he reflected that nerds can definitely shoot up and fill out as he clasped hands with his old enemy and new friend and had to look up to meet his gaze.

“My God, Brian Jenkins! I haven’t seen you for years! You’re looking good.”

“Eh? You saw me last Saturday.”

“No,” Stefan winked “That was Belinda Jenkins.”

Brian let out something between a laugh and a snort.

“I still can’t believe I let you talk me into dressing up as a girl and going to a LARPers party with you.”

“You didn’t; I blackmailed you by seeking out your internet history, remember? All that cyber-bondage just looks bad to the average head teacher.”

“I remember. Would you really have sent it to my employers if I’d refused to co-operate?”

“You’ll never know. Come on in and have a drink.”

“This is the grand hall. What do you think?”

“I, er, wow!”

Dark, polished oaken floorboards stretched away from a front door that could have withstood a battering ram and was old enough that Brian seriously wondered if it ever had. Beams could be seen in the walls – not the mock-Tudor of post-war housing estates but the genuine Tudor of – well,Tudor times Brian supposed.

“How old is this place?”

“This part? Fifteen hundreds maybe. The very oldest bits of the house go back to about the time of King John, barring the foundations. Those old builders were building on older ruins even then. They say this was a Roman outpost once – but I won’t let them dig up any more than has to be done for occasional repairs – there’s a line between historical curiosity and tearing up a masterpiece to find how it’s made, you know? Or maybe you disagree, I don’t know.”

“I don’t disagree, not even a little bit. This place is beautiful. Nothing should ever be allowed to spoil it.”

“Steady on.” Stefan said, laughing. You haven’t seen the rest yet.”

“I remember it from when we were children.”

“Not this, you don’t. Take a look and tell me what you think.”

Stefan led the way to a huge open sitting room. Brian had seen it before but then it had been bare and mostly roped off with the huge velvet ropes English stately homes use to keep the fingers of the hoi polloi off the valuables. Now a fire stood laid and ready in the vast open fireplace with its beamed inglenook that was tall enough for a child or a small woman to stand upright in it. A copper warming pan hung on the wall beside it and a worn but obviously antique set of fire irons leant against the chimney wall. Tasteful leather chairs and sofas were arranged around it, close enough to get the heat but far enough to be comfortable in the face of the fiercest blaze. Thick rugs and carpets graced the floors and a Georgian oak table stood before the fireplace. Beside it was a bucket of ice in which a white wine lay chilling.

“I don’t know if wine is your thing. I have beer or single malt if not?”

“Wine is good.” Brian reassured his host “But is there somewhere I can dump all this lot first?” He gestured to the bags of feminine paraphernalia he had brought from the car “I feel kind of funny having these things around me.”

“Really?” Stefan grinned, a little wolfishly “I didn’t think you looked funny at all having those things around you, and on you. In fact I was pretty impressed.”

“Ha ha! You’re never going to let me live that down are you?”

“Of course I am. I’m just going to remind you from time to time because it’s so funny seeing the look on your face.”

“I bet it is.” Replied Brian ruefully. He had foresworn all revenge, not having understood until a few days before just how much undeserved pain he’d inflicted on Stefan’s adolescent years. All the same it was hard not to wince.

“Grab a drink first?”

“OK. And then I want you to tell me everything about what happened since you left the children’s home.

Once inside Brian was overwhelmed again, the huge open fireplaces, the antique furniture that looked better after two hundred years than most things did brand new.

“I can’t believe you got all this just by studying IT - oh! I’m sorry, that sounds really rude. I didn’t mean to put you - your trade down.”

“It’s OK, you don’t have to be penitent - although penitence kind of looks good on you.” Stefan grinned. Oddly enough something about that crooked grin underneath his mop of inky hair made him look less handsome but much more attractive. A girl would probably have melted. Brian eyed him suspiciously.

“Was that another subtle reference to the night of the dance?”

“Sorry. I just can’t get over how well you managed being a girl. I promise I’m not taking the Mick, in fact I’m even more impressed with your courage than ever.”

“But you really aren’t going to let me forget it?”

“I’m trying, honest. You won’t let it stop us being friends will you? I want us to be good friends.”

“Not as long as you understand that if I ever get anything good on you, I will take a fierce and terrible vengeance in the form of sarcastic remarks.”

“You’ve already got something on me. I was the designated victim and scapegoat at the children’s home, remember?”

Brian shook his head emphatically “No, that’s something you’ve got on me. You did nothing to be ashamed of. I’d take it all back if I could.”

“Then stop being so sensitive about my reve - oh no!”

Brian was thrown for a second before he too recognised the sound of a car’s engine heading up the drive.

“Who is it?”

Stefan pulled his head back in from the open window.

“It’s Tina and the others. From the party. God damn it, they aren’t supposed to be here! We had plans but they weren’t supposed to be here until tomorrow.”

“Oh my God! They’ll recognise me! They’ll know I was - it was - what am I going to do?”

“Hide! I’ll get rid of them if I can.”

Brian needed no second urging but was off and into a spare bedroom like a hare. Crouching behind the big brass Edwardian bed he found he was shaking with terror, heart thumping like a trip hammer.

I can’t go out there, I just can’t. They’ll recognise me at once! They’ll know I was Belinda. They’ll know I was Stefan’s date! Maybe he can bear that but I can’t.

Ten minutes later, the hum of conversation from downstairs suggested that there was no prospect of the unexpected visitors going away any time soon. Worse, he’d left his car out there. Soon or later someone was going to ask who Stefan’s other visitor was. Could Stefan think of a convincing answer? Brian doubted it; clever as Stefan was, he couldn’t tell a convincing lie to save his life. It had helped make him easier to bully. All you had to do was bombard him with embarrassing questions and listen to him choke on his own stammer.

But what can I do? I don’t know the house well enough to sneak out without being spotted and I absolutely can't go out ther- -. Wait. Brian can’t go out there. And this room is en suite. I should just have time to perfume and clear any unsightly hair. I can’t believe I’m about to even contemplate this after all my vows but..but...I've done it before...think 'Belinda'..think 'girl'

Into the shower, ow, that’s still cold, doesn’t matter, warming up now, oGodoGodoGod hurry, , legs still smooth, that hair remover really works, check the face, seems smooth enough but I’ve got wax strips here so might as well use the –owwwwwwwww! Out of the shower, faster, dry off Oh God give me time, I’m so scared I’m shaking!

Moisturiser, have I got time? Oh just do it. Perfume, quick spritz, too much, crap, now I smell like a stripper!

Breast forms, hold them up to check the postion’s right. Damn you Stefan for making me a C cup. Arrrghh! I’m out of the adhesive. No, it’s all right, here’s another tube. Gahh, that’s cold. I STILL can’t believe I’m actually doing this.

Knickers. I’m actually voluntarily putting on a pair of satin knickers! Gah and double gah! Aaaand safe! If anyone walks in now all they’ll see is a girl getting dressed. Hang on, how is that safe?? I know exactly what they’ll assume I’ve been doing here.

Bra, and I actually need it to keep these boobs Stefan wished on me under control – talk about women’s burdens!

Waist cincher – arghh again, this thing is a plot to stop me eating.

Wig, fix wig to own hair with hair pins, now fix hair back to stop it falling across my face. Damn it all Stefan, what have you done to me, I shouldn’t know this stuff. Hang on, I can’t blame Stefan this time – I’m doing this of my own free will! Ei yei yei!

Dress – Jesus, how do I get into these situations? I can’t use the one I wore to the party, I’m damned if I’m wearing the ruffled skirt – it’s so short I’d be flashing my knickers all night. That just leaves – oh no! The flowered sundress! Thank Goodness I hung it up – emerging all crumpled would not be good for my reputation.

Bracelets, check, rings, check, silver necklace chain to fiddle with nervously, check

Make up. Foundation? Don’t need it. Blusher? Really don’t need it. Eye pencil on the inside – ouch! Try that again without poking myself in the eye. Good, now mascara, heavy on the outer edges of my eyelashes so as to make them look bigger. Lipstick. I am wearing bright red lipstick and this time no one has made me do it. I’d better be convincing or I will NEVER live this down.

OK, blink a few times to check I can still move my eyelids with all this goop on them. Wait, did I just bat my eyelashes? Check voice “ Do ray me la so ti do” Contralto, a little sultry, it’ll have to do. Heels, balance carefully, OK girlybirds are go!

Belinda paused to listen to the sounds of conversation as she approached the enormous sitting room.

“So Stefan, exactly whose is that car outside.” said a girl’s voice

“What car?”

What car?? You mix with espionage agencies and that’s the best you can come up with?? Honestly Stefan, it’s a good thing you’re a genius because sometimes you aren’t fit to be let out alone!

“THE car. The one outside that’s obviously not yours because if you bought a new car it would be brand new. I smell gossip! Come on, spill.”

“I haven’t got any gossip!” Stefan protested

“Oh really? What about that mystery girl you brought to the party last week and then whisked away before we could interrogate her properly and who you haven’t mentioned since? Confess! Someone fetch …The Comfy Chair!”

Stefan’s familiar stammer started up as Belinda decided it was high time to run to his rescue and she strode through the door, skirts flying.

“He’s being chivalrous and protecting my reputation. The hot water is out at my place so I came over to shower.”

Cheerfully disbelieving smiles of sly mischief greeted her.

“Belinda!”

“We knew you’d be back.”

“Like the proverbial bad penny.” That was Toni, who Belinda was quite convinced had a major thing for Stefan, but she managed to smile to take the sting out of her words.

“So how have you two been getting on?” said Mildred Arwen to her friends I must remember

“Let the poor girl sit down first” chided Tina “Honestly, what are you, a papparazzi?”

“Papparrazzi is a plural.”

“Pedant!”

“Nosy cow!”

“All I’m saying is Belinda still looks seriously dressed up for someone who just popped over to shower and I want gossip. It stops life getting boring. Belinda can ask anything she wants about me”

“Why would she? Not everyone is as obsessed with other people’s love lives as you. Besides, you have no boundaries; nothing embarrasses you.”

“Yes, well urr!” and Mildred stuck her tongue out

Oddly, if anything had been required to convince the disguised Brian of the strength of friendship that bound this group it was the cheerful exchanges of genial abuse. Their bonds were clearly too strong to be dispersed by any casual cause and of course they would want to know all about Belinda. They wanted to know if she’d slip seamlessly into the group or exert a gravitational pull that would take Stefan away from it.

If only I could be here as Brian, I’d love to join the group; as it is, Belinda doesn’t even exist.
Oh no? said an inner voice Then who’s wearing this rather fetching outfit?

A guy from the party Heron? Herrick? That can’t be right slid along one of the sofas to make room for Belinda to sit down but before she could move she felt Stefan’s hand engulf hers and pull her gently on to the Edwardian love seat beside him.

He certainly has big hands. It’s not often I’m made to feel petite. Wait, did I just think that? Oh God, on the other hand, guys don’t grab my hand often. Maybe I am petite.

“Yes, well. This is actually the first time I’ve seen Belinda since the party so there is no gossip at all. There might have been but half a dozen people turned up on the wrong day.”

Belinda turned and gave him the evils “Don’t be so presumptuous!” She said as several people simultaneously burst out in protestations of

“This is not the wrong day.”

“All right, all right, maybe I was wrong-”

“Wrong day for what?” Belinda wanted to know

“Wrong day for us to talk about putting on a drama to raise money for charity. We all thought the house and grounds were the perfect place for it. I’m holding out for Midsummer Night’s Dream. Titania’s court, Oberon’s court , Puck, it’d be perfect! ”

“Faeries again. You really have a thing for faeries.”

“Well sure. “ Interjected Tina “What’s not to like? Haven’t you ever wanted to be a faery princess? Um, Belinda, are you alright?”
“Just a coughing fit. Don’t worry about it”

“Hey, maybe you could be in the play. Can you act? Belinda? Belinda? That cough is really nasty, you need something to drink!”

“I’ll get you a drink” said Stefan happily. “White wine OK?”
Help! Don’t leave me alone to be interrogated again!”

But it was too late, Stefan had gone and several pairs of eyes focused on the disguised teacher

“Good! That got rid of him. Tell us quickly, is it serious?” said Tina

“And what’s he like in bed? I always reckoned he’d be passionate and overwhelming but Toni’s betting on shy and gentle” Arwen chipped in

“I haven’t slept with him!”

“It’s serious then.” opined Toni

“What do you mean?” Belinda asked

“I mean that unlike some blokes, I reckon Stefan knows how to take ‘no’ for an answer, but if he wasn’t serious, I don’t see why he would. He’s young, good-looking, wealthy, and meets people all the time. If he wasn’t serious about you he’d just add you to his list of friends and move on.”

“Hang on,” said Arwen “How do you know that ? We’ve never seen him with anyone apart from the odd one night stand.”

“Exactly. Every girl we’ve ever seen him with it’s been so casual you’d miss it if you blinked. If he’s still with Belinda by the second date, he’s serious.”

“Wait.” Belinda protested “What makes you think this is a date? How do you know we aren’t just good friends?”

“Oh come on! Firstly you aren’t dressed for an evening with friends. Secondly, I can see how he looks at you. Thirdly, I’ve seen how you look at him. When he left the room you looked desolate.”

Believe me, not for the reasons you think, little Miss Spanish Inquisition.

Luckily Stefan chose that moment to return, laden not only with a bucket of chilled champagne and a carrier bag full of beers and spirits but a handful of take away menus.

“Everyone decide what they want to eat.” He announced “Belinda sweetheart, I ran out of plain white wine. I hope you don’t mind champagne?”

Before Belinda could react to being called “sweetheart” a chorus of groans arose

“Honestly Stefan, are you trying to tell us you still can’t cook? You promised you were going to learn.”

“I can cook!”

“Putting beans in a pan to warm up is not cooking. Especially when you forget to wash the pan and new life forms start evolving. I’ve known students who could take care of themselves better than you can.”

“I pay for everyone’s dinner!”

“Yes, but everyone else cooks when guests come round.”

“You can’t cook at all?” asked Belinda, startled into speech “But you have this fabulous house and grounds for parties. How can you not want to take advantage of it?”

“Exactly!” replied Toni “Keep telling him that Belinda, maybe you can change his ways.”

“What about barbecues?” Belinda persisted “Surely you could do one of those?”

“I can’t cook; stop rubbing it in. Anyway, I’d like to see you cook for this many people.”

“I could!” said Belinda, a little stung

“Really?”

“Really! “

“OK then, this weekend, we can have a party”.”
“Deal!”

Just a minute! That’ll mean I have to be Belinda AGAIN. And I’ll be Stefan’s hostess! What have I done??

Observing her stricken look Tina remarked
“Be careful Belinda. Stefan does that whole little boy lost thing so well you almost don’t notice he always seems to get exactly what he wants.”

“Hey!” said Stefan and Belinda simultaneously

“Ooh!” said Arwen “Careful Toni, I don’t think criticising Stefan to his girlfriend is a safe plan.”

“I didn’t say he did it deliberately, “ responded Toni mildly “It just always seems to work out that way.”

Hey! Why isn’t Stefan telling them I’m not his girlfriend. Stefan, I’m going to have serious words with you later – a joke is one thing but this is getting out of hand! Unless – I voluntarily came out here like this. Maybe he thinks I’ve changed my mind, or at least that I’m open to persuasion. I’ve got to nip that in the bud. I like Stefan, I can’t have him hurting himself with false hopes.

“Before you open that champagne Stefan, I’m sure I saw some more white wine in the kitchen. Come and help me look.”

Not subtle of me, but this is an emergency.

“Oof!” was all Belinda could say for a moment, as Stefan enveloped her in a bear hug the minute they passed through the kitchen door.

“Belinda, you are a genius!” Stefan whispered in her ear “ I was sure we were caught when in you come, gorgeous as can be and answer everyone’s questions before I even had time to panic. You are not just beautiful, you’re talented with it.”

“I don’t want to be beautiful and I’m not, even though your friend Heron can’t stop oggling my legs.”

“Don’t you mean ogling? And it’s Herrick by the way.”

“If I want to say oggling I’ll say oggling, and you’re missing the point!”

“OK, I’ll quietly warn him off. I don’t think he means anything by it though, you just have very good legs.”

“Stefan!” Belinda hissed “You’re still missing the point; I don’t want to have good legs because I am not a girl! I’m worried you’re forgetting that.”

“I’m a little worried about it too. It’s just incredibly hard to remember it looking at you. I did promise you I wouldn’t ever reveal your secret, didn’t I?”

“Of course you did.”

“Pity. I really like you this way; a spot of blackmail would be handy.”

“Stefan, you wouldn’t!” she said reproachfully

“No, I wouldn’t. I gave my word, and now I give you my word I will never hurt you or allow you to be hurt.”

Stefan’s devil may care grin flashed down at her

“Except for a little spanking, maybe.”

Belinda breathed in sharply with a mixture of relief, outrage and barely suppressed laughter.

“If I was a real girl I’d slap your face.” Belinda replied, but couldn’t help smiling as she did. There was something ineffably endearing about his sheer shamelessness.

“If you were a real girl I’d slap your –“

“Stop right there!”
They smiled at each other.

“For as long as you’re being Belinda for the benefit of my friends, will you still play my girlfriend?”

“Yes, for the sake of your reputation as a ladykiller, as long as you understand it stops after that. Mffl! You’re incorrigible! Honestly, I give you an inch and you steal a kiss! Let’s get back in there before you get carried away.”

“You didn’t find the wine then?” remarked Arwen slyly

“No, I must have run out after all. “ said Stefan, reaching for the champagne bucket “Would you like another drink Belinda?”

“A world of yes” replied Belinda, tugging at her skirt with one hand in order to minimise ogling and holding out her glass with the other.

I somehow think it’s going to be a long night