A Love So Bold
by Anon Allsop

The story continues - Hope you enjoy!

-Eleven-

She approached the back of the wagon and began setting things down. After a while, Luttie climbed down and escorted a reluctant Hannah to the back of her wagon. “I’ll hold the little one for you. Get into the clothes I set out for you, everything should be there to give you at least one good outfit suitable for a young woman.”

Standing inside the wagon, Hannah began to reluctantly disrobe. She peeled herself out of the pants and ‘johns’ that Ezrah had worn and hesitated to drag up the drawers that Luttie had picked out. Once it was on, she sighed and picked up the chemise and pulled it over her head.

“Here are some stockings that were hers too…” She said as she tossed them toward Hannah. Hannah sat on the floor of her wagon and pushed her feet into the long stockings. She watched as Hannah stood and drew up the corset.

“I know it isn’t as fancy as you probably wore back in Indiana, but out here you’ll be thankful for the support that it’ll give you. Your back has to be pretty tired with the size of your bosom.”

Hannah’s face reddened as she strapped it around her waist and began to draw the string tighter, finally tying it off in the front. Reluctantly she reached down and picked up the petticoat and stepped through the opening. Once it had been raised over her generous hips, she tied it off. She was thankful it wasn’t like the one her mother had worn with stiff rods all around the waist; it was bad enough though since she found it cumbersome to bend.

“See if these old shoes will fit you,” Luttie asked as she tossed them back where Hannah was dressing. The new mother stood one shoe up with her foot and gently slid it in.

“It’s a bit on the large side but once it’s tied…I guess it’ll work.” Hannah replied as she slipped the other one on and began to fasten them up.

“This dress was one of Eliza’s favorites.” As Hannah watched she noted a hint of sadness etched on the older woman’s face. “She loved the tiny little yellow flowers on the white backing.”

Hannah stepped into the skirt, and pulled it up. Then she buttoned it fast, and put the blouse on and began to button the multitude of buttons on the front. “It is pretty, I guess,” she replied as she dropped her hands to her side and stepped out to where Luttie could see her.

There were tears in her eyes as she looked at Hannah, “She ran off with soldier boy during the night a month ago. Her father and I didn’t approve.” She sighed and wiped the tears with her apron, “What you going to do…she was eighteen and wanted to live her own life.”

She shook off her funk and smiled, “Give me a whirl and let me see how you look.” Hannah obliged and pirouetted slowly for her, “The light colors of the dress really set off your red hair beautifully. You are such a pretty woman.” She laughed as she handed Em back and began to pick up Ezrah’s clothing, “I’ll toss these for you.”

“I want the money and knife out of my pocket.” She called out as the woman was exiting the wagon, “It’s all I got that belonged to my folks!”

Hannah looked down; there was no way of hiding the femininity that was radiating out of her now. “Well, I guess every butterfly has to come out of the cocoon sometime,” she sighed with reluctant acceptance.

As she was stepping out of the wagon she heard Luttie talking to Cap. “She’s such a beautiful woman; it does my heart proud to see some good coming from Eliza’s old clothes.” He hugged his wife as Hannah came around the corner.

She walked over to the couple, her skirt jutting out with each step she took. She was thankful that the heels on the shoes she had been given were not too tall, for it would have been impossible for her to walk if it were. “I’d like to thank you both for the clothes, I really appreciate them.”

Luttie stood stirring a pot and pointed the spoon as she spoke, “You need to be properly attired when you meet up with your husband, and not wearing some frumpy old clothes like you had on earlier. He needs to know his woman…is a woman!”

“Yes sir and she’s all woman I’ll say!” Cap said with a laugh as Luttie gave him an evil glare.

“So what did you find out about my wheel?” Hanna said trying to change the subject.

“He jumped at the tobacco, he was out and tired of smoking the crap he was finding along the trail. He said you’ll be ready to go at first light.” He smiled and fingered the whiskey bottle in the box.

“Do you want it?” Hannah asked.

“Sure…but for medicinal purposes only, of course. I’ll trade you something for it.” He began to look around then quickly walked to seat of his wagon, under it he removed something. When he turned he held a huge pistol. "It's a Walker Colt, model 1847. I was issued it during the Mexican - American war... I got no use for it anymore; it's been lying around just collecting dust since then. Would you take that in trade for your bottle?"

She eyed the gun, its long barrel gleaming in his hands. "What would I do with a gun?"

He shot her an exasperated look, "Why... you would protect yourself and the youngin from Indians!"

Luttie continued for him, "…or other riffraff that would cross your trail."

"When we leave this trail for California, you'll be going northwest... alone. You can't tell me that you wouldn't feel a mite better knowing that that hog-leg is close by."

Not sold on whether it was necessary, she hesitated, "I'm just not so sure I'd need one."

"As my old pappy would have said, it’s better to have it and never use it, than to need it and never have it." He looked from the Walker Colt to the bottle, "Are you planning on drinking the bottle?"

"No, I don't drink," Hannah replied curtly, somewhat feeling insulted.

"Well there then, I guess it's settled," he replied. "Once you find that man of yours, you can trade the pistol for something that you would like." He looked at the cylinders and remarked, "I'll get her ready to shoot... I'll show you how, give you some shot and powder too."

Hannah sighed as she looked down toward the baby, "If you think I'll need it, I guess it would be okay to trade." She started to turn and hesitated, "Are you sure that YOU won't need it?"

He smiled and motioned for her to follow, they walked to the seat of their wagon and he pulled back an oilcloth. There under the seat were three or four rifles and another two pistols of a more modern kind. "I think I can afford to part with one old pistol."

"Papa used to be a gunsmith before he started to lead the wagon trains west, after a few years of watching other people fulfill their dreams, he decided to take a chance on ours." Luttie added with a smile.

"This will be my last train heading west, going to hang out my shingle and grow old with the misses." He smiled and tickled the cheek of Em with his huge finger, causing her to broadly grin.

Luttie picked up a tin and began to scoop her stew into it, “Come on, now… let’s eat while it’s still passable.”

Hannah looked at the plate of food; it had been quite a spell since she had eaten any ‘real’ food. Something in her told the new mother that it wouldn’t be proper to eat before the child, so she quickly asked to be excused so she could nurse Em.

“Feel free to use the wagon; a woman needs her privacy.” Luttie offered.

“Thank you both; I really appreciate your hospitality,” Hanna replied warmly as she and Em left for the wagon.

Cap smiled and gave his wife a wink, “Sure envy the youngin.”

“You old fool; you wouldn’t know what to do with it, if she invited you herself!”

He laughed and gently smacked at his wife’s backside, “I’m old… but I ain’t dead!”

She handed him a plate and spoon, “Here, fill that hole of yours…” There was more she said but it was all under her breath as she walked away. Cap laughed to himself as he sat down to eat.

Hannah climbed into the wagon, the long skirt she wore fouled up her motion. After finding success inside the wagon she settled in and slowly began unbuttoning her bodice. Once that was open she was forced to untie the chemise so she could expose her engorged breast. As she nursed her charge, she sat quietly studying the flower pattern on the dress she had been given.

She shook her head; the garment she wore was cumbersome, heavy, hot and all too feminine. Yet here she sat like a woman, and offered her breast to her surrogate daughter. This life she was now saddled with was a far cry different to that of Ezrah’s. He had freedom and solitude where she was now forced into the role of responsible mother, protector and giver of sustenance. She sadly looked past the puckered end of the wagon’s canopy, and wondered if she would ever be able to return back to the male she had been.

Em began to fuss, let go and cry. Hannah lifted a cloth that Luttie had given her onto her shoulder and raised Em, as she patted out the air bubble, she couldn’t get over the smell of her daughter, sort of sweet and fresh, like lavender soap and talc. Once the burp escaped the tot’s mouth, she lowered her to the opposite breast.

As Emma suckled, Hanna decided that the first chance she got to take a real bath, they both would receive it. Her hand cupped the bottom of Em as she nursed the all too familiar feeling of wetness made the young mother sigh. When she finally had finished nursing, Hanna changed her soiled clothes and placed her in an oversized shirt that had belonged to Eliza.

As the two stepped down from the wagon, Luttie noticed that Em was wearing one of Eliza’s shirts. The wet spot on the lower bodice of Hanna was all too telling to the older woman.

“Let me take Em so you can eat.” She smiled and stood. Having already eaten, she took Em and returned to the wagon. “She can nap in the wagon.”

“Thank you Luttie,” Hannah replied as she picked up the plate of stew, noticing the bread and butter pickles to the side. She gently swept her hand behind her as she sat down, then felt strange for doing something that only a woman would have done. It was odd that she had never done it before, yet did it without thinking.

As she ate, her mind became turmoil with thoughts. Was it possible to begin thinking like a woman without having been one for her entire life? She had only been a woman for a matter of days. Would she fall more and more into the role of one as time passed?

Cap brought her out of her deep thought. “How far ahead of you do you figure that your mister is?”

“I’m not sure, a day, perhaps two?” she replied as she daintily ate. “I think because I’m lighter and don’t have so much to carry; I actually could be gaining on him.”

Hannah grew quiet, her mind returning to her transformation. She sadly thought about what she had given up as its result: taking a bride, being a father. Everything had changed when the original Hannah died, for now she was forced to care for Emma and live the life of this female. She felt like crying and quickly looked away when she saw Cap had been watching her.

“Aww…Honey, you’ll find him. I’m sure of it.” He sat beside her and tried to comfort her, completely misunderstanding her tears. “Shucks, if I could I’d ride with you and see that you find him.” He looked down and sighed, “But I can’t, I’ve been paid to lead these folks to California and I’ve got to…”

Hannah patted his big hand and felt her bottom lip quiver as he drew her close. Luttie had also returned and sat on Hannah’s other side, rubbing her slender shoulder. “I’ve got great faith in you, Hannah. Not many women would take on what you’ve had to do without rolling into a ball and shriveling up. The west needs women like us, women who can stand with their men-folk through thick or thin, good or bad. Like Cap said, you’ll find him, I know you will.”

Hannah nodded and dried her eyes with her fingers, pushing the tears out. “Thank you…thank you both!”

Cap slowly and reluctantly stood, “I have to make my rounds, and we’ll need to get an early start in the morning.” He patted her shoulder softly, “You go on and get some rest, Luttie will make a bed for you in the wagon.”

As she watched him walk away she hugged Hannah, “You’re always welcome to come on to California with us. You know that, don’t you?”

Hannah nodded, “I made a promise to… to myself that I would find Gideon. I have to try.”

“That fella of yours sure has his hands on a spectacular woman…not many come around like you,” Luttie said as she too stood. “Come on to bed now, I’ll show you where you can sleep.”

Sleep didn’t come easy for Hannah; her mind was occupied with everything from the wagon to food to Em. Not forgetting of her promise to take Em to her father…but then what? Where would she go? As she began to drift off to sleep, she decided that after she returned Em to her father, she would leave for California and try to locate Cap and Luttie. In them, she felt she had found true and lifelong friendship!

-Twelve-

Even before the rising of the sun, the wagon train began its quiet movement. Everyone had packed their belongings and were anxious to be off once again. Cap helped Hannah hitch Blackie into the harness, while Luttie stood off to the side holding Emma with tears in her eyes.

Cap walked the reins back toward the little cart; he flipped them over the front and onto the seat. He paused to examine the work his friend had done on the broken wheel, "He sure did a fine job. I guess we know now why they abandoned it on the trail."

"I'm thankful it didn't break on me when we were trying to get out of the creek bed when it overflowed from the storm’s runoff." Hanna softly spoke as she approached and looked at the repaired wheel.

"Whoever had it probably just made it too dang full... or they beat the tar out of it running from someone or something." He patted the wheel and bent down to look at the axle. "Looks like he greased it for you, so it should be fine for the next hundred miles or so."

The three adults stood together, Hannah was watching Luttie holding Em and thought back to her own parents, and began to miss them horribly. Cap stood with his hat in his hand, often glancing up at the others as they began to climb into the seats of their wagons.

Hannah recognized that their time together would soon be ending. She knew she would desperately miss their friendship. "I want to thank you for all you've done... the clothes, food, and gun, really everything."

"It weren’t nothing," Cap drawled as he kissed the top of Em's head. "It was our pleasure."

Luttie handed over Em and hugged Hannah; there were tears in her eyes. "I'm sure going to miss you and your little one here." She dried her eyes with her kerchief, "I put a sack of food under your seat, the clothes ain't much, but with our daughter running off the way she did, we got more than we need."

"I don't know how I can ever repay you for your kindness. You both have been so good to me!" Hanna's eyes began tearing up with her deep felt gratitude.

"Think nothing of it, child; just take care of yourself and this here little one." Cap brushed the strawberry blonde curls on Em's head. "Maybe when you get settled, you could write a letter and let us know how you're doing?"

"Yes, a letter would be nice!" Luttie added, and then picked up the concern on Hannah's face. "Oh don't worry, Hannah, you'll find your man soon. He'll be happy to see you both so much he won't care how long you've been apart."

Cap hugged Hannah and walked to his horse. Once he climbed into the saddle he leaned forward, the leather groaning as he did. "Keep your powder dry and your wits about you, Hannah. God speed to you!"

"Be safe, I'll miss you and Luttie!" She quickly turned and as she did, her 'new' dress flared out and she hurried to her cart with Em. Both Cap and Luttie exchanged a glance; they knew she didn't want them to see her cry.

She sat with Em in her lap as Cap on his horse waved the wagons forward; as they began to roll he rode over to her cart. "Remember what I said about keeping that powder dry. Keep that hog-leg close as you may need it at the spur of a moment." He looked at her glassy-eyed, and Hannah knew he was missing his daughter fiercely.

"I will, Cap," Hannah promised, almost tearing up again.

Cap shook off his sadness and turned his horse to face the same direction she was and pointed, "Now follow that trail right on all day, keep the river to your right. You’ll be fine. If you’re running short on provisions, you can cross it at a point and go on toward Fort Boise, but I’d avoid it and stay on the trail. If you haven’t caught up with your husband by then, you might be able to gain some time staying out of the fort." He straightened up and ran his hand across his stubble, "I sure wish you were coming with us. I don't like leaving a woman and a child to fend for themselves in the middle of nowhere."

"We’ll be fine, Cap. I'll find Gideon; he can't be too far ahead." She leaned over and placed Em in the box near her feet, it had been fixed up comfortably by Luttie and Hannah earlier that morning.

“Sure wish that horse of yourn was a mule, damn thoroughbreds are pretty near useless out here with their spindly legs.” He sighed as he saw her conviction to completing the journey to find her husband. “Well, watch the terrain and keep him at a walk if you can help it.” He blinked away tears and gave her a quick waive, reluctant to let her travel alone.

Hanna saw this and gave the reins a snap and Blackie began the cart to rolling, Cap sat upon his horse like a statue watching the little family disappear down the trail. For him, it was almost like losing his daughter all over again.

With only a quick backward glance, Hannah watched him turn and break his horse into a trot, quickly catching up with the wagon train. She returned her gaze toward the trail ahead, glancing only once toward the sleeping child near her feet, adjusting a lightweight cloth over her face to keep out the sun.

Once again, Hanna and Em were alone.