I'm sure many of you now are grinning in smug superiority, already sure where this tale is leading and sure that it could never happen to you, that you were far more intelligent and clever than I. Than any of us, in fact. You could never be so stupid as to fall for such an obvious trap; we all like to believe such lies.

The truth is the rose colored glasses we filter reality through, the blind belief that something like this could never happen, or could never happen to me, are glasses every human possesses. We pay for them, trading in our true view of reality and the universe willingly to delude ourselves about our importance or ability. At least, until the scales are forcibly ripped from our eyes.

So many of you, the majority of you, would have disbelieved the entire situation as well, and therefore found yourselves right where I was. And where I was, was waking up slumped on my couch, with the sunlight hitting me directly in the face.

Oh shit, my job! If the sunlight was able to hit me, it was 7 am, and I was late!

I managed to get my eyes open, only to see an absolutely huge pair of eyes and a large twitching nose inches from mine.

“Gahhhh!”

My vision widened to include all of the critter, the rabbit thing from last night, and also what the rabbit thing was sitting on. He was sitting on my chest, which was swelled up well beyond my head. I could feel the pressure as the creature shifted on me. There were two mounds of flesh the size of cantaloupes on my chest, that he was nestling between.

“What the hell!”

The creature – Hoshiko – went flying as I sat up, registering my now changed voice. This couldn't be happening, this couldn't be happening, this was impossible!

Oh, right. Hoshiko was still here, I was imagining breasts the size of bongo drums on my chest and a voice that would probably manage quite a Marilyn Monroe impression coming from my throat. Obviously I'd moved on from simple auditory and visual hallucinations to tactile ones as well. I couldn't ignore this anymore; I needed to go to a hospital and either be diagnosed with the brain tumor or committed. But first I should probably call in.

I sat up and felt the pull of gravity immediately; what were these imagined puppies anyway? Double D's? E's? Had to be at least that; they were huge. Not that I was that familiar with breast sizes. These things though, jutted out from me like the twin prow of a battleship. Or perhaps tanker prows would be more apt an analogy. A hand crept downwards; I'd hoped I'd still be able to feel little Ian, but was worried I wouldn't.

The cloth the hand crept downwards on was fine silk, sheer and shimmery, a bright white trimmed with large almost neon blue accents. It was a dress of some kind, but it appeared to just be held in place with delicate knots in delicate dark blue cords. It left a large part of hallucinatory me bare; I could see right down the front, and while it was long it didn't encase my legs, and so left them free. And they were gorgeous and went all the way up. My visible skin was a glossy almost translucent white, and strands of hair, both white and light blue, obscured my vision as I sat up and looked for my phone.

My hand reached it's objective, and I discovered that not only could I not feel little Ian, I couldn't feel any underwear, of any kind. Now it didn't surprise me to not see or feel some restraint on my fake chest, but to not feel my boxers was an entire new level of weird. I felt the dress thing, easily. It felt like it was worth more than my entire wardrobe on it's own.

My phone was an older model cheap pay by month phone. There was a phone where I normally kept mine, only this one was an ice blue Samsung Galaxy. I checked it, and it had a network connection... and the current time of 7:21.

It also had my numbers for take out places and taxi services. The number for my parents... the number for my job. Telling my parents I had gone insane or had a brain tumor and now saw myself as female will be an awkward conversation. But I could put it off in favor of a proper diagnosis. I hit speed dial on the proper number.

“Fritz Trucking, IT department, how may I help you?”

Crap it was my boss Monte. Monte was a jerk, and I knew what would happen next. It would have been nicer if my co-workers, any of them, had answered. I'd have preferred Diane, who was pretty hot and seemed nice, but Monte was what I got. So playing the hunch, I removed my phone from my ear.

“Hi Boss, this is Ian. I can't make it into work today, as I have a brain tumor.”

If I was going down, I was going to go down with a bang and not a whimper. Monte's voice changed from pleasant to less so in an instant.

“Ian, you little punk. You've only worked one day. You get here, on time, or you're fired.”

I winced. He was even louder than I thought he'd be. Well, I couldn't even make it on time even if I wanted to ignore the way my chest was bouncing, and the hair pooling on the couch around me. Real or not, it all felt real, and would certainly be one hell of a distraction throughout the day.

“Fine boss, don't worry about my brain tumor or anything, just can me and get the state down on you like a ton of bricks for unfair work practices.”

It wasn't like I could help any of this, darn it!

“Hmm, come to think of it, Ian, that is your number but you sound... different. Maybe you really are sick.”

Wait, I sounded different? Was I hearing that or mishearing that due to mental insanity?

“I can assure you, boss, I am.”

“Alright. You deal with it, go to the hospital and get a note from a doctor when you do. If he O.K.'s it, then you're in the clear. Just stay away from here till then.”

And he hung up on me. Well, that thoroughly creeped me out. I looked at the creature, still looking at me with that unsettling gaze.

“Good morning, Isolde. How do you feel?”

What?

“Why are you still here? You're a remarkably persistent hallucination. And who the hell is Isolde?”

Even the growl sounded more like a purr. A low sultry purr that might well have made my soldier stand, if he wasn't AWOL.

“You are Isolde. Ian is not a female name, and use of a male name for a female would arouse suspicions we can ill afford.”

“First off, I'm not a woman. Second off, if I was a woman, wouldn't I get a choice in names to use?”

Hoshiko cocked his head and scrunched his nose in a way that was probably cute.

“No, you do not get your choice in name; I do. And you are a woman. You have the genitalia and secondary sexual characteristics of a female. Your license and other identification list you as female, and other humans will see you as such. Did something go wrong in the process?”

“Alright, I'll bite. And why am I a woman this morning, exactly?”

Hoshiko's ears flopped, as if not believing his hearing.

“Your wish, of course.”

I wasn't buying it. I tried to cross my arms, but there was no way that was possible now. Trying to squeeze the illusions was well, uncomfortable and vaguely painful.

“And what does my wish have to do with my genitals, exactly?”

“This is hardly the setting to discuss matters of such import, Isolde.”

I interrupted the evasion.

“This is exactly the right setting to discuss matters of such import, Hoshiko. Right here, right now. Consider it a trust building exercise.”

I managed to stop short of threatening the thing with physical violence; after all, what would the point in threatening a figment of my mind be? The creature (Cabbit, my mind whispered through the mental fog shrouding my thoughts) stared at me a moment before relenting.

“That is acceptable. The terms of the contract you agreed to was one wish to meet the girl of your dreams, and an opportunity to spend the rest of your life with her, free of differences in social standing or ability. In exchange you had to do a job for my masters, and I was to be your liaison, trainer, and manager for the job. The nature of your contract is payment before delivery; that is, you are required to do the job we requested in order to receive your wish. In order for you to correctly perform your new job, you had to be transformed into a magical girl.”

….what?

It all slammed home in my mind; I was a failure of an Otaku. Cabbits were a form of magical girl mascot, like rabbits and cats, only less real. Last night this asshole of a thing had been sorting my anime DVD collection into categories... those with magical girls and those without. Only I'd been too tired and worried about my mental health to realize it.

“Why couldn't I be a magic using guy?”

Hoshiko hopped up on the couch I'd vacated, snorting his disgust at the very idea.

“Don't be silly. Only magical girls can use magical girl magic. And magic is required for you to perform your job for us.”

…Did that even make sense?

“What, for the sake of argument, do I need to do? What is this job of yours?”

“Why, fight an evil which threatens all humanity of course. An alien race that your kind have known before throughout human history as demons.”

....right. Clearly, I could skip the hospital and go straight to the asylum.

“I haven't seen any evidence of any alien races, invading or not. Neither has anyone else.”

I made a show of looking out the window before turning back the insufferable thing.

“Nope, nothing there.”

The cabbit sighed again.

“You have seen evidence of an alien race; namely, myself. Humanity has no evidence of the invasion because it hasn't happened yet. But it will happen, and there must be defenders of humanity, or humanity will be defeated.”

None of this made any sense at all.

“And what do you and your bosses get out of this?”

Hoshiko cocked his head again.

“My superiors are altruistic in this matter. They desire to see intelligent life in the multi-verse continue. Humanity qualifies as intelligent life, after a fashion. Well, at least with the criteria expanded slightly. However my superiors do not wish to engage in direct interstellar war over the fate of humanity, instead favoring the approach giving humanity the tools to defend itself. So rejoice monkey, for you have been chosen.”

And the little creep huzzahed with it's paws up. Lord only knew where it got the miniature pom poms. The little cheerleader aids disappeared between one blink and the next as if they had never been, and Hoshiko settled back onto his haunches. I fought down the spike of jealousy; the view of him standing up had left no doubts as to what sex he was. If I wasn't just insane, he was using magic! So why didn't his rules apply to him?

“You're using magic.”

“Of course I am, Isolde. I am your trainer and manager, and am allowed to use magic in order to support and sustain you.”

“Don't call me by that name. That is not my name!”

“But it is Isolde. The magic is very complete, and can easily handle something as simple as the alteration of a name. I can assure you that to the world at large, you are Isolde Geru, only child of Ryan and Sophia Geru, sixteen years old and an emancipated minor who works as an editor for a small publishing company.

He paused and cocked his head.

“Though visiting your parents in this state might be a tad awkward, as they would definitely remember you as male. Also, any friends you may have had would remember your past self. Though, from what I understand, you have no friends. So that should be a moot point.”

Oh, ouch. Low blow. But I had to focus here.

“Sixteen and an emancipated minor? I'm 21.”

Hoshiko sniffed again and wrinkled his nose.

“Of course you aren't. You are a magical girl, and women can't be magical girls; they are too old. That would make you some sort of magical woman, and that idea is just as ludicrous as a 'magical guy'.”

You know what? I don't even care that that statement made no sense at all. Just didn't care. Wasn't going to let it bother me at all. Next question.

“What else changed?”

“A surprisingly pertinent question. Your occupation for one. You are a magical girl, but you are also an editor for an internet publication agency. This particular agency pays well in addition to allowing you to make your own hours, which will be perfect for our demon slaying purposes. Your place of residence has also changed, as this apartment does not allow exotic pets, and under the terms of the lease, I qualify as such. A small expense account has been authorized under your new identity to handle the cost of the move, as well as associated costs dealing with the invaders. You did request a change in occupation as part of your wish.”

The devil is in the details, indeed.

“So I don't live here anymore?”

Hoshiko shook his head, causing his ears to flop all over.

“No, you do not. And I do believe the management of this facility will be arriving shortly in order to emphasize that fact. It would be best if we were gone by then.”

Right. I headed down the short hall to the bathroom. Coors tended to go through one in the best of times, and this was hardly the best of times. I needed to piss like a racehorse. I'd been asleep a good ten hours give or take some minutes, and nature was calling collect.

There was a mirror in the bathroom, a cheap thing hanging over the sink by hooks. It wasn't full length of course, but the image it held arrested my momentum nonetheless.

The image was exotic; unusual beyond any mere normal exotic. The new me was a few inches shorter than the old me, standing at 5 feet 6 inches or I'd eat something unpleasant. Thin yet busty of course, with mammoth breasts I couldn't see my feet past, the waist was tiny; much thinner than my old 30 inch one. My hips and derriere blossomed enticingly outwards, leading to relatively long silky legs. There was just a hint of muscle underneath the alabaster skin throughout.

My new face was delicate, refined, with a long straight pert nose and what almost appeared to be an epicanthic eye fold. There was just a hint of color in the high cheeks, and large almost ruby lips just shy of what botox would be responsible for framed a mouth of straight ivory white teeth.

But the capper, the most arresting assets the new me had, weren't the breasts, or the legs, or the lips... they were a somehow perfect double whammy that would make it impossible for me to blend in anywhere.

My old eyes had been a watery faded blue, the kind that nothing good was ever said about. The best thing about them was, I hadn't needed glasses. My new eyes were like bright chips of faceted blue ice chipped from some ancient ice pack and set into my head. The hair furthered the illusion, alternating between strands of frosty white and strands of sheerest blue, it both looked and fell like a gentle rippling waterfall to my knees.

In short, while I had the body of an exotic dancer, porn star, or gravure model, the refined facial features, eyes and hair put the lie to that first impression but good. There was something about the complete package... if I had seen this lady on the street, I would have assumed she was an upper class noble somehow. Maybe British. This body failed at being crass somehow; it was a body about which sonnets were sung, and epics composed. The dress or whatever it was only added to the effect.

Too bad it was mine.

The stupid dress wouldn't come undone. Those delicate looking knots weren't all that delicate. I finally had to settle for hiking it up. A good thing I'd closed the door without thought; I was pretty sure Hoshiko was waiting outside with that stare of his, and wouldn't have wasted the opportunity for a peek. I wouldn't have, and wouldn't even now, but I couldn't even see my feet, let alone anything else.

I could feel it though, and it felt pretty much like I expected. Which was beginning to poke holes in the hallucination theory, because I had only the faintest idea on how it should feel on the guy's side, and absolutely none at all from the other side. The gentle boiling warmth I felt from just a simple tap to parts unknown was much different; completely foreign to everything else I'd ever felt coming from my nethers before.

And I should probably stop that and just pee before I did something I might later regret, like give that talking rat out there ammunition. I almost pissed myself before remembering to sit down. The feel of liquid beginning to dribble down by leg reminded me.

“So I'm a magical girl then Hoshiko?”

“Yes.”

The answer sounded right outside the door, as expected.

“Then what are my magical powers, exactly?”

I doubted it was to look sexy as hell; seemed to be managing that all on my own.

“An excellent question. There are many types of magical girl, from physical hand to hand specialists to those that command the forces of life and death itself. Yours are element based; specifically, power over cold and ice. The possibilities involving your powers use are nearly endless, and you will no doubt be a strong warrior for love and justice when fully trained.”

Cold and ice, huh? Guess it fit the theme I had going on. I took a washcloth and soap and wiped myself. Then I washed my hands and dried off with my lone towel before opening the door to Hoshiko's unsettling gaze.

“So how do these powers over cold and ice work?”

“Concentration and focus, ideally. However, instead of instruction, we should instead pack any belongings you wish to keep and leave before management arrives to show this apartment to prospective renters.”

Right, according to the hallucinations, I didn't live here anymore.

“You do realize I think this is all one big mind-fuck, right? That I don't actually believe any of this is real? I intend to leave here and go directly to a hospital so they can find the brain tumor or whatever it is that's causing these delusions of mine. That includes you. Probably right after breakfast; I'm hungry.”

“A journey to a hospital would not be conducive to your new job or career. They will not find anything physically wrong with you, and you will end up being committed in a mental institution.”

“Well If I'm crazy, then that should probably happen. I won't get well running around with you by my side.”

Hoshiko cocked his head and stared at me again. That was already getting old.

“But if you are institutionalized, you will be unable to complete your payment for our contract, and will thus be unable to receive your wish. You will also be unable to return to your previous state.”

Wait, what?
“What do you mean, Hoshiko? My previous state?”

The cabbit bounded down the hall as if bored with the conversation, and began packing my DVD's. The ones he had sorted last night, I noticed.

“Your previous gender of course. While you will be unable to return completely to your old self, as completion of your wish will require certain physical adjustments, return to your male gender is possible. Should you renege on your payment, that reversion will not be possible.”

Ack.

“But if you are a delusion, then my new self is a delusion anyway, and proper mental care will 'revert' me.”

I couldn't bring myself to say female form. That felt like bowing to inevitability, or something. Hoshiko cocked his head the other direction and scrunched his nose.

“That is... a logical line of reasoning. Allow me to make a wager with you. If you can prove that you are suffering delusions, I will relent and offer you a boon; a favor, payment free. If however I can prove that you are not suffering any delusions, that you are in fact female and in possession of magic, then you must accept this and grant me a boon instead.”

You know what? Screw it.

“Deal. How would you go about proving me wrong? Since anything you say or can demonstrate can be seen by me as a delusion.”

“Leave that to me. Allow me to collect my boon first, if you would.”

“And what boon would that be? I'm not falling for that trick again, hallucination or no.”

Hoshiko finished boxing my DVD's, and moved on to my games. I had a generation old game system, but the games I'd kept were still pretty amazing.

“Simple. Give me one day to prove beyond any doubt that you are not hallucinating. You must act as if what I am saying is accurate, and you trust and believe me. If at the end of the day you are not convinced, I will escort you to the hospital myself.”

Hmm, more time spent dealing as if this was true. I guess I could give him the time... it wasn't as if I were in a hurry to get fitted with a straight jacket. I could wait until the end of the day.

“Alright, and how will you prove that?”

Hoshiko moved on to my bureau and began throwing clothes out of it.

“I will not. Your experiences throughout the day will. For example; you have now felt what the act of relieving one's self is like for a female of your species. It was different than the act for a male. So then how do you reconcile the issue? Do you believe that you can correctly hallucinate what such a sensation feels like? Or other proper female sensations without any frame of reference?”

A good point. But again, it proved nothing.

“Do you believe that those sensations are accurate or even there at all? I could just be hallucinating them, and deluding myself into believing they are accurate.”

He paused and sighed, holding up an old oversized pair of sweats that I used to be lazy in, which he set aside before resuming throwing my clothes on the floor. A pair of my boxers went flying by my head as he responded.

“You are going to be exceedingly difficult to convince.”

I couldn't resist the smirk pulling my lips.

“Not up to the challenge?”

Hoshiko turned back to me.

“Of course I am. I am a professional magical girl assistant. Now please, help me pack your things. There is much we will have to leave, but if we do not hurry you will be forced to leave all of your belongings. Remember, my boon is that you act as if I am correct.”

Well if he wasn't, then I could always come back here. And if he was, then I really should get a move on. It was now eight-o-clock. What did I absolutely need to take, and what could I live without? My wallet with I.D. and social security card needed to come. My meager savings needed to come. My few photos... I grabbed a box and started throwing stuff in it; mostly eclectic junk that I didn't want to let out of my sight... like my first Halloween light up button, or my zippo that I got for my birthday after dad had caught me smoking behind the house.

Precious memories, in other words, no matter how stupid that sounded.

Hoshiko had found my old college pack from somewhere and was shoveling DVD's and games into it. He'd left the game system out though, and it was kind of necessary for both. I debating about saying something, but when he kicked a controller into the wall I held my peace; let him learn the hard way.

My computer was just too big. An old chugging desktop with a failing fan, it had seen it's share of use, but it was all I had as far as computing power. Well, not anymore; there was the new smart phone, still lying on the battered and nicked coffee table I'd scrounged from someone's garage sale. It went into the box.

I had more questions.

“So, how do I regain my, um, former package, assuming I believe you? I don't remember anything in our agreement that so much as mentions any of this.”

“It is very simple Isolde. You simply need to destroy the invaders. In order to make you a magical girl, much of what made you a male member of your species was drained. The invaders have masculinity in abundance. If you destroy them, you may siphon excess masculinity from them. Enough masculinity drained, and you will 'regain your package', as you so crudely put it. Do this, and your debt to us will be paid, your wish granted. Should you be the first to do so, you will have your choice of women and none of those you choose will be able to refuse you. You will also be able to keep your powers, and any other power you may have gained.”

….What? This had to be a delusion. How the hell could you even drain masculinity? From anyone, let alone from an alien?

“You do realize that makes no sense, right Hoshiko?”

He turned to me with what could only be a smile.

“It makes perfect sense. And that was the first time you've called me by name, Isolde.”

“Yeah well don't get used to it; it doesn't mean anything. Just happened to remember it finally. And don't call me Isolde! That isn't my name.”

“Isolde is your name for the foreseeable future. You should get used to hearing it.”

A single question always seemed to lead to more. I HATED that.

“By the way Hoshiko, I thought you said that I wouldn't need to commit any crimes to pay my debt. Not so sure about where you come from, but around here murder is a crime, and killing aliens might well be considered murder.”

Now there is one thing that college aged men all have and keep religiously, no matter how bad it looks or desperate it seems. Those are hope condoms. The worse the reputation and lower the chance of actually scoring, the more likely you are to see the random plastic package or even box. Words cannot express my unease and dare I admit panic when I saw that Hoshiko had opened my nightstand drawer and found my box of hope condoms, and was checking the expiration date. With a shrug, they went into the pack.

“Oh the invaders are not alive, so they cannot be killed or murdered. They are an animate form of machine.”

Wait a minute... machines running on masculinity? Oh HELL no. Nope nope nope.

“What do these invaders look like?”

“The look varies. Some take forms resembling humans, and some take forms resembling beasts of this planet and some rare ones take forms resembling life on other planets.”

“Slimy, tentacles, kind of amorphous?”

“Many of them share such traits, yes.”

I'd seen this before. We were now squarely into hentai range, and I wasn't staying anywhere near it. At least it explained Hoshiko packing my condoms. I resolved right then and there to lose the box the minute his back was turned.

“I can blast them from range, right? Nice, safe range?”

Hoshiko turned to me and I could almost swear I knew what he was thinking. 'Why so squeemish all of a sudden?' If he was, he didn't call me out on it.

“It should be possible to form ice and then strike them with it from a distance. How they are destroyed does not matter; you are free to become as creative in such endeavors as you wish.”

He turned back to the nightstand and it's contents, mostly old and half used aromatherapy candles. And of course, now I was even more self conscious. I rooted that phone out of the box and looked at it. It stated the time was 8:24. If I wanted to avoid any potential craziness, I would need to be out of here by no later than another 20 minutes. And I didn't want to go out into the great wide world in this freaking dress, or whatever it was. I grabbed my sweats and retreated once more to the bathroom.

Once again I was against the knots on this accursed thing; but this time I was less... rushed. Now I could see that the loops themselves were looped into each other, and all I needed to do was pull the one to the right. I did so and the cloth separated easily. I pulled it off and kicked it in the corner.

My sweats, even stretchy as they were, did not fit. I was able to get the pants on, though they were too tall, and a bit baggy in the legs, the hips... that amazing line stretched the cloth to it's limits. Not to mention made it very obvious I wasn't wearing anything underneath. The top was even worse, showing off just as much and constraining the tankers to a painful degree. When I moved I swear I heard stitching rip.

“Hoshiko! Get in here, I need you.”

The door opened immediately, and he hopped in. How he had managed to reach the doorknob I don't know.

“Yes Isolde? What seems to be the problem?”

This critter couldn't be that dense.

“Isn't it obvious?”

He scanned me and nodded.

“Ahh, you appear to have lost your wrap. Shall I teach you how to summon a new one?”

Of all the infuriating...! My foot stung I stomped it down so hard; not to mention the floor shook and creaked alarmingly. It wasn't as if this place was exceptionally well put together.

“No. That thing you somehow magicked on me was unsuitable to walk down the streets with. I'd have stood out. Questions would have be asked, questions I don't think either of us want to answer. These would be more suitable, and are about the only thing I have that might pass. The only problem is they don't quite fit, and I'd like you to use your mojo to make them fit. Consider it part of your magical mascot duties. After all, if I'm arrested for indecent exposure I won't be able to help you stop any invasions.”

He wrinkled his nose at me, thinking. I'm catching on to his looks, I think.

“That is reasonable, and falls neatly under my job description. At least this time. Hold still please.”

And my ratty gray sweat started to writhe on my form, adjusting here, restitching themselves there, bleeding color and changing fit. As soon as I could properly breathe again I did so. Then I looked down.

The sweats had changed from an old men's pair to a brand new high quality female tracksuit in a blue that I knew with a glance in the mirror matched my new eyes. It had silver trim that appeared to match my hair as well. I was beginning to detect a certain color scheme here. They were just baggy enough to run or work out in, but tight enough to show I had curves. Though honestly I think a burlap sack would show I had curve.

Good thing I was hallucinating.

Underwear would undoubtedly be nice, but the look Hoshiko gave me as he left to resume pawing through my stuff spoke of no further help there. Technically the law couldn't arrest me for going commando, but if I actually had to jog... well I wasn't looking forward to that. Hoshiko spoke up just loudly enough to be heard over the sounds outside.

“Please bring the wrap. It may prove useful later.”

I didn't see any wrap... no Taco Bell wrappers in my bathroom, though I could go for one. Unless he meant the dress thing. Yeah that probably fit, and could be useful, considering it and my new tracksuit were all I had to wear at the moment.

I came back into the living room to find my lone box had been filled, mostly with random crap I was surprised I still owned. That wasn't to say they weren't useful items, like my old Swiss army pocket knife, or my small collection of mismatched cook wear. Which if I were being honest with myself, were mainly just small dented pots to cook ramen in. My old high school jacket, which looked to be over-sized now. It wasn't a letterman's jacket of course, I'd never been a jock; it was from the chess club.
I guess I could use it when it got cold, just like last winter.

“We should leave soon. Can you recall any other belongings you will need?”

I looked around. The small place had obviously been ransacked, but for all that a mere five minutes or so would see it tidy again; it was that spartan. I ran to the bathroom and grabbed my toiletries, and threw them in the box. It was still barely full itself.

“That's everything we could absolutely need. Failing anything else, we can camp out in a park or something.”

“That will not be necessary; you have a domicile set aside for your use, we simply need to travel there. Unfortunately it is on the other side of this city.”

Hoshiko jumped in the box; and on his back... was that my backpack, full of my stuff and sized to fit him somehow? Sure looked like it. According to the cheap wall clock, it was now 8:50.

“Pick the box up please, and let's go.”

“Want a free ride, do you? After all the crap you've pulled on me so far?”

Hoshiko knew the dreaded puppy dog attack, all without being a dog.

“Please be reasonable. You are larger than I, and can cover more ground more quickly. We have many miles to go, and I will tire easily. Also, you admitted appearances are important; if I walk beside you, I am a wild animal. If I am in your arms, I am your companion.”

Reason; almost as effective as the dreaded puppy dog attack. A single tear formed in one of his overly large eyes. I picked up the box.

“Alright, alright, I get it.”

The waterworks shut off before they began, and he almost made me spill the thing in his haste to settle himself face forward. For my part, it was time to dust off my sneaking skills. I walked out the front door and into the too-bright sunshine, and took a left towards the doughnut shop I normally frequented for breakfast.

I'd always sucked at sneaking. Ever since my first try at hide and seek. Luckily enough no one was outside, and the drivers weren't even paying attention to pedestrians. That changed quickly, to the accompaniment of screeching tires and shouting. I looked, curious. Why had that driver stopped?

The driver, a young man in a cheap suit, had his eyes glued directly to me; even when the pedestrian he almost killed by overshooting the crosswalk started yelling at him, his gaze shifted then seemed to snap back to me as if I were magnetized and his eyes steel.

I knew something was up when the pedestrian, a man old enough to be my grandfather, followed the driver's gaze to me and stopped mid rant, mouth open. I quickened the pace. Had they seen Hoshiko? No, he was scrunched down in the box, staring back at me with his unsettling gaze as if to say 'I told you so'.

What had they seen? A guy in a girl's tracksuit? No, that lady in the power-suit walking past didn't spare me more than a passing disapproval tinged glance, and if I were cross-dressing in a tracksuit I'd at least rate a little more staring. That young mother pushing the stroller while walking her dog? Didn't even spare me a glance.

But that older man, running to fat and opening the store with a jolly expression? He stopped dead, leg raised to enter his small shop and did a very credible fish impression. My heart sank to my stomach and my stomach filled my shoes as the light bulb went off in my head. This couldn't be... it was impossible, after all! Every instance of screeching tires, every flat stare, was like an indictment. And Hoshiko, that bunny bastard, kept staring at me through the walk the entire time with what could only be a smug look plastered on his furry face.

Whatever. I guess I could be hallucinating reactions too? Though that seemed stretching it. I certainly wouldn't be able to consciously imagine such reactions. After all, I thought stopping traffic was something that women didn't actually do, no matter how hot they were. I now quite possibly stood corrected. I felt uneasy about approaching people in the street, but luckily breakfast would provide me with a great opportunity to put the matter to rest, without seeming out of place. Or more out of place.

The doughnut shop was ten minutes from my crappy apartment and the bus stop in front of it. Since my college days I had made the pilgrimage there at least once a week for bad for my health breakfasts and gourmet coffee. It was usually a safe walk. Today there were three more near accidents in the ten minutes it took me to reach the door, and in each one the common factor seemed to be men with their eyes wandering. I held the box up, covering what seemed to draw eyes with a type of gravity resembling Jupiters.

The doughnut shop was a chain, one of the better ones that had revamped their business model after all but going bankrupt in one of the recessions, though I'd be darned if I could remember which one; if it wasn't before my time, it was before I was eighteen and paying attention. This particular example of the species had hot fresh doughnuts and other fattening breakfast treats made fresh daily. They also sold coffee, tea, and hot chocolate; the last of which I found odd as a breakfast choice. But apparently it sold well, so who was I to argue?

I hated the coffee and the tea, but they sold these mango mixed fizzy drinks that made my taste buds sing; I could never get enough of them. While I seemed to need caffeine like everyone else when trying to wake up or study, I preferred mine in pill form. Well pill or citrus-y cola.

But today, as expensive as it was, I could really use one of those mango drinks... spiked with rum or something. Too early for that though; I had to wait at least an hour.

The guy behind the counter was Rob, the same guy that had sat behind the same counter when I started college, and he would likely be here long after I was gone, despite his claims of being a student himself, and around my age. It was a few minutes before the great breakfast rush, and he had one elbow on the immaculate counter, chine resting in his hand; looking for all the world as if he might burst into bored tears at any moment.

He glanced over as the door chime, then perked up so fast I could have sworn he left an afterimage for a second. His gaze gravitated much as the other men this morning had; right to my chest. He looked up at my face for little more than a second before heading back down. I all but had my answer, but I wasn't about to give up yet.

“I'd like two glazed and a melon punch, please.”

He was moving before I finished the sentence, sliding a small bag of two prepackaged glazed doughnuts across the counter at me, then almost fumbling them in his haste to grab a cold can of mango melon punch from the cooler under it.

“Never seen you here before; new student?”

...Shit. Nothing I could read in his glance showed that he was seeing a guy in ratty sweats, because he of all people would recognize me. Or at least should; he saw more of me than my former professors had. Nothing to say he was seeing a guy in girl clothes, either. Not so much as a hint of surprise over the picture he was seeing, or at least none that I could detect. Which meant that either my hallucinations were affecting how I saw other people reacting around me (something that could happen, I thought) or I really was a girl in girl clothes, setting a box on his counter with a grateful sigh.

Holding the box in front of my new assets for minutes at a time got kind of tiring, no matter what shape my body was in.

“No, just passing through and wanted something bad for me.”

My smile felt fake, but he bought it.

“Shame. Starting college? That'll be 3 dollars and 87 cents, please.”

And then I realized the flaw in my plan; my wallet, with all my means of paying, was in the box... at the very bottom. There was no line to hold up, but that didn't make me feel any less an idiot. I'd even put the phone back in there. Some random mugger could completely ruin my day.

Before I could reach in to fish for the method of payment, Hoshiko offered it to me, crinkled nose twitching and eyes wide. He had my debit card held gently in his teeth.

“Wow, that's one smart rabbit you got there.”

The debit card looked vaguely like mine; it was a visa like mine, but issued from a different bank. I grasped it and Hoshiko let go easily enough; it was even free of slobber. The name on the card was Isolde Geru.

“Yes, he is. He has all sorts of tricks, though his ears are a bit unusual for a rabbit.”

Rob looked again while running my new card. One I suspected did not exist sixty seconds ago.

“Oh really? How so?”

Damn. Double damn. Rob was looking and clearly not seeing anything unusual with the bunny before him. Problem is, I could clearly see the overly large and clearly non-standard cat-bunny ears Hoshiko possessed. If I was delusional and seeing hallucinations, I simply wouldn't see anything wrong with Rob knowing about cabbits.

But Rob was seeing a bunny, and I was seeing a cabbit when he looked at Hoshiko. Our expectations weren't matching. When he looked at me, Rob was seeing a beautiful if slightly unusual girl in girl clothes. All the cues I was getting from him told me so. My mirror and his expectations matched. Hoshiko was staring back at me with a knowing gaze and a slight grin. I thought quickly.

“His ears are a bit large for the type of rabbit he is.”

He looked again, his face stating clearly that he was not seeing it but willing to take my word for it.

The only reason for one to match and the other not to, was if our perceptions were not being influenced by my mental state. Rob further drove home the dichotomy as he handed my new card back with a receipt.

“Like your hair. Looks very punk-ish but... elegant. That length has got to be a real bear to deal with though.”

“It is. I'm considering cutting it all off.”

The door to the backroom opened, interrupting us, and in stepped Cindy.

Cindy Lipman had been a secret crush of mine for years, and the real reason I had come here for breakfast as often as I could. She was tall, blonde, leggy, and fit with an angelic face. A former alum at the college, she was 27 and unmarried, with no kids. Her major had been acting, and she spent time as the lead in a small theater at the edge of town, waiting for her big break.

Not that I was stalking her or anything.

No matter how hard I had tried, I could never get her to notice me, in three years of coming here every week. It had done wonders for my self esteem. But she noticed me now, and in a hurry. She stopped, eyes wide for a second, but they closed into slits and she purred.

“Hello. Good morning, and welcome to the Creme Crepe. Haven't seen you here before; new in town? Going to the college?”

I was struck with an incredible sense of deja vu as she sauntered over, licking her lips and giving me a look that was more predatory than Rob's had been. What the hell? Where was the cold tightly controlled fish I'd come to know and love all these years? There was more heat in her gaze now than Mount St. Helen's. Something was seriously wrong here; I found my tongue by glancing at Hoshiko, who was clearly having a field day, despite the lack of expression on his furry face.

“Um, no. First time here, and I'm a bit too young for college yet. Just stopping in on my way to move.”

“Oh. Anywhere close? Cute bunny. And how old? I'd have guessed you to be about 18?”

I wilted a bit under the onslaught of personal questions. This was more than I'd heard her speak to me in a year. I was game though.

“Across town, 16, and I'm often told I look older than I am.”

Now why had I said that? My real age was 21; even if there was no way I looked 21 (I'd have pegged me at around 18 too) why had I said 16? Hell, I'd forgotten what it was like to be 16, other than the vague sense of everything at all being awkward at that age. Rob added his own 2 cents, his own demeanor cooling a bit.

“That rabbit is smart, but apparently the ears are weird.”

Her attention turned to Hoshiko briefly, and she dismissed him with a smile as he looked at her, debit card back in his mouth. She didn't see his true ears either.

If anything, when her gaze snapped back to me, there was even more heat in it. I stuffed the bag and prepared to make good my escape when the voice of the crotchety manager sounded from the kitchen.

“Cindy! Get back in here, we still need three racks done before the morning rush!”

She rolled her eyes then sent another smoky look my way.

“Well, got to get back to work. Morning rush soon and all that. Still, if you can, stop on by later. I'll be happy to show you all the sights.”

And she sauntered back into the kitchen, putting some extra wiggle into her walk. Rob and I both watched her go, Rob with some lethargic appreciation. I was just shocked.

“Dude. Rob... what the hell was that?”

Rob looked at me as if to say 'you're kidding, right?' Hoshiko shot the exact same look, somehow; if only Rob had been looking at him. He looked to make sure the coast was clear and then crooked a finger, and I got closer.

“Miss, you couldn't tell? Cindy is a lesbian. And not all that particular about things like age differences. Best if you watch yourself around her.”

I felt sick. I had been pining over a lesbian all these years? I'd stood no chance at all! And now, now I did, and it was statutory! Not that the idea of having someone, anyone, fondle my new parts (or worse) was appealing to me at the moment. But it was the final straw that broke my theory.

After all, I would never have dreamed she was a lesbian; I would never have dropped that bomb on myself; delusions were self serving to an extent, after all. My mind would have had her staying her typical ice queen self, distant and unattainable and oh so very desirable, instead of that creepy thaw she pulled.

I definitely wouldn't have pegged her as what she was. Whatever she was. That was a matter for a legal team, after she touched an underage girl. That girl wouldn't be me, however, in any case.

“Right, got to go. Have a nice day, Rob.”

If he responded, I didn't hear it. I walked out in a daze, no longer paying attention to anything.