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Hello. I am new here although I have been reading blogs and fiction on BCTS for several years now. I have finally convinced myself it was time to create a persona.
I almost never remember my dreams, so when it does happen it is significant. I recently had a dream that I remember, and I think it holds special significance to the general subject matter of this site. If any of you are into interpreting dreams, this one should be pretty easy IMO. This dream is also the catalyst for creating a persona here on BCTS. I just had to share it with you all.
I am going to try to lay it out here in the same order as it happened, with the same awarenesses and realizations that came to me as they happened.
I find myself among a crowd of people. There are many people, but the place is not crowded. There is plenty of room to move without bumping into others. I know that the people around me are from all walks of life from all around the world. Somehow I know they are from every nation, every race, every religion. The people here accept the others around them without prejudice, no matter their color or sex or gender. It is a part of being allowed to be in this place. You must be open-minded and care about others.
For some reason I get the impression that it might be on an island somewhere, but this is not clear to me and I am not certain of it. The structure I am in is like a mall and a market combined. It is a single level building and there is a roof overhead, but it is spacious. The architecture has what I, as an untrained layman, would call neo-classic modern-roman styling. There are electric lights like you would expect to find in any current modern building with carved columns that you would expect to find in ancient Roman and Greek ruins. I know, a bit confusing, but this is how it came to me. There are shops you can go into, some with doors and some wide open entries, and there are booths setup between the shops and kiosks in the center of the avenue. Anything you might think of that can be sold normally elsewhere is here.
As I move among the other people it seems to me that my viewpoint is at a lower level than the average person I pass by, although at this point I am not really aware of my physical self. I know that I am ME, but I do not see or feel my own body. This may make a little more sense a bit later. I am moving along heading towards an open air courtyard in the distance, when there is a shifting in the crowd around me and I notice her, and so does everyone else around me.
The person who is causing the shift of attention is female and very different from all the other people in this place. She is a Centaur mare. Everyone takes notice of her as she passes by (actually coming from behind me going in the same direction). The looks are ones of respect, interest, curiosity, or a mixture of one or the other or all three. However, there is no hate, no fear, no malice, not even any surprise. As for me, when I notice her I experience a sense of joy at seeing her. She is as much a part of this place as much as everything and everyone else here, including all the people around me and myself. She is noticed for being what she is, but it is taken as normal, par for the course. She is quite large as her equine portion is that of a fully grown horse with a proportionate human upper half in place of the horse’s neck and head. People simply move out of her path like they would anyone else they encounter, and she moves around people just as they move around her.
The next thing I know I am at that open air courtyard now. It is a large rectangular area with natural grass surrounded on all four sides by numerous of those carved columns supporting the edge of the roof I mentioned. It is about half the size of a football field I’d guess. I am seated at a small round table like you might find at an open air cafe type setting. I notice another Centaur moving in my general direction, although this time it is a child. The human half seems to be a boy of Indian decent (as from India, not Native American), but the equine half is that of a filly, not a colt. The child walks up to a glass display counter, I get the impression that it has sweets or confections of some type displayed, and carefully kneels down on their fore-legs then just as carefully lowers their hind-quarters so he(she?) can get a better view of what is in the case. Again, everyone around notices the Centaur in their midst, but it is not big deal.
As the child walked up to the display, I shifted around to my left to continue watching him(her?), and at this point I find I am aware of my own body for the first time. As I turn around I see my lower limbs. The first thing I notice is my hooves. Yes, hooves. Not feet, but solid hooves like a horse. And going up they are connected to the hind-legs of an equine. MY legs. Right on up to the hips my legs are very much equine in shape before quickly transitioning to a human body. I feel that I am probably in a wheelchair (remember that lower viewpoint I mentioned earlier?) as my legs, while capable of supporting me, are not stable enough for normal walking without extra support because of the structural differences in my hips. I know that I am in the first stages of transitioning to my true self. I also know that I am neither the only nor the first person to have done so, nor will I be the last. I also feel like I am stuck at the point I am at, unable to continue my transition for some reason.
And, that is the end of what I can recall. Like I said, there is some definite imagery which I think fits right in here.
Comments
Transition to writer?
An unusual setting but a transition is a transition is a transition. If you decide to work with the setting I imagine the British Museum would architecturally fit your scene
Rhona McCloud
Settings and Transitions
Well, I'm technically already a writer, just not here on BCTS. Yet. (but hopefully soon) :-)
I will politely apologize in advance though, as I will not share where others of my stories have appeared. I wish to keep those separate from here.
That picture is interesting. I've never actually seen that museum before, in pictures or person. It has some elements that would fit what I saw in my dream, primarily on the left and right sides with the columns and stone work.
- Leona
The Old British Library round reading room
You might have seen the interior of the round building in the courtyard as it
is the round reading room of the old British library that appeared I'm many old movies. In particular Sherlock Holmes (and I) used it for research.
Rhona McCloud
The classical setting and characters
obviously give your dream a quasi-religious setting, a mixture of ancient myths and antiquity in the architecture. Being stuck in your transition sounds like you're waiting for permission to complete the job, which usually means you're scared of it - which may or may not be a good thing. Only you can decide, which is how it should be.
Angharad
The mind is a funny thing
I believe the setting and mythological "creatures" comes from my penchant for stories involving those things, so my sub-conscious used them.
As to religion, well, let's just say that I do not personally hold with any of the established doctrines out there. The only concern I have with religion in my life is how it gets misused and abused as an excuse to mistreat other human beings. I try my damnedest to not do that to others, and quietly continue to hope that humanity will someday pull their collective head out of their collective ass.
Doing my own psycho-analyzing of the dream, me being one without any training in psycho-babble at all of course, it is primarily about my own gender issues and wish for transition (MtF), with a little bit of wishfullness for society thrown in. I feel that the potential theological values I may have touched on in describing the location are born of that hope for humanity I mentioned a minute ago. In my dream it was/is a place where people who are "different" can go without fear and simply be who the are. Black, white, yellow, brown, Jew, Muslim, Christian, Agnostic, straight, gay, bi, trans. None of that mattered there. It was my mind creating an idyllic setting. One where I could feel safe.
The use of a mythological creature such as a Centaur in place of something else is an interesting twist, but again I think that was my mind trying to create a frame of reference. With how my own physical self was changed/altered I think the Centaur was a metaphor for transgenderism. It took something that is not easily seen in many cases and threw it out there for everyone to see without a doubt. Possibly commenting on an inner wish to be able to show my self, and what I am going through, publicly without having to fear negative reactions from others. The small percentage of change, just my legs, in comparison to the potential transformation to a full sized Centaur matches the little things I have done up to this point to try and keep myself from going off the deep-end. Depression is an issue for me, and these little things I have done in the past and do on a daily basis currently are just enough to help keep the worst of it at bay. At least most of the time.
Being stuck is showing my fear of transitioning? Yes, I think you're probably right there. I live in a state that, while it has not actually passed new laws allowing discrimination recently, does have several in the queue going through the legal processes to become laws. That's bad enough. Then there is the matter of Family. While they claim to be Christian with open minds and hearts, some of their actions towards me in the past give lie to what their mouths say. So yes, I am scared to death of what coming out and announcing who I really am on the inside will stir up in my life.
You're also right that is is up to me to decide what I should do. I just don't know if I can handle what, in my heart, I really want. But I've made what I hope to be a positive step in the right direction. I've created this persona here, on this site, and opened up to someone for the first time.
- Leona