As many will know, I separated from my ex in 2008 but was able to gain custody of my (then 9yo) daughter in 2010. Since then I have made best efforts to maintain contact between my daughter and her maternal family, albeit within the limits of a restrictive court order.
One of the problems is that my ex's family appears to be almost incapable of arranging contact for themselves so I end up doing all the running. One tradition I started at Christmas 2008 was to meet at a half-way point on the last Sunday before Christmas. That half-way point is the Westfield shopping mall next to the site of the 2012 London Olympics. The date was confirmed a month ago, train times (it is very close to the centre of London so you don't drive!) sorted out and everyone notified.
Then the ex mother-in-law informs me that my ex-missus and her new hubby will be driving up and picking up the ex m-i-l on the way. Not a problem (I'll still go by train, regardless) and we keep the same meet-up time, 1145.
Myself, daughter and my own mother arrive there at 1135 so have time in hand, this was planned. By 1155 there's no sign of the others so I call the ex m-i-l to check on progress, she tells me she's still at home, 80 miles away. Her daughter had called at 1020 to say they would collect at 1030 and nothing heard since. The day is now falling apart!
They finally arrive at 1345 but have ended up in a car park of a different mall, thankfully only a few hundred yards/metres away. I was over there when they called so was able to intercept the group quickly then locate my daughter (who'd gone off looking for them). It was a farce.
By the time everyone was sorted out it was 1400 and I was leaving with my entourage at 1500! They had wasted two hours and my ex m-i-l was not impressed, she's the only one who has met up with me at every contact , regardless of where it has been.
We'd left home at 0930 and returned at 1700, 7.5 hours for one hour of contact, which should have been three times as long. From past expereince the ex m-i-l gets tired after 2.5 hours so we keep to a 3hr limit.
The ex tried to use my TG issues against me during the divorce and custody hearings so I was very much in drab today. Roll on the next one, not!
Comments
Thanks for the Update
I remember your prior blogs. It seemed that you were trying so hard to do what was best for your children. I admired your persistence. I don't know that many people would keep as focused on the goal as you did. If it's not too nosy, how is your son doing. I recall that he was living with another relative.
My son
Thanks for asking about my son
He would normally be with me now but at 16 things change, He has a job and wants to keep it so he's working until Xmas Eve and back on 27 Dec. Since there's no trains on Xmas Day or Boxing Day (26 Dec) he can't come down so will stay with his aunt for xmas (for the first time). I should see him in mid Jan when his restaurant of the gold arches closes for 2 weeks. Another update is that he's in college and has a gf.
I'm a realist and knew that other priorities would take over but plainly today's family meet-up and this week's festivities aren't the same with someone missing.
There was a time....
....when we feared that your children would be estranged from you. I'm so glad your son is in school and is moving forward. God Bless!
Love, Andrea Lena
Merry Christmas!
One of my first friends here! You remain in my heart and prayers.
Love, Andrea Lena
I am sorry for your pain.
I got an email this morning from my son telling me that they are coming to Portland, but not when or where. I am sure that he expects me to look like his dad. So, I will sort of go along with this and see how I feel. When that meeting is over I will have an Abaya and Hijab in the car to get decent again.
When I told some friends at church about it, one of them looked at me and said "are you nuts? He doesn't exist any more."
Good luck and Merry Christmas.
Gwne
You can only try
to do your best. Hopefully your daughter will know it wasn't your fault and be glad she lives with the parent who really does love her.
Merry Christmas to you both.
Angharad
Angharad
Families,who'd have them?
Thanks everyone for the support. I do try my best but at time wonder why I should. Of course, this contact is not for my own personal benefit but for my children. Right now that means my daughter but as I've commented above, my son is still in the equation. I was plainly disappointed at the ex and her husband - it was the first time I've met him - but I couldn't say anything in front of my daughter.
Oh well,
Festive Greetings
Hope you enjoy the season of good will