Chris' head pulsed with the painful throbbing of another sleepless night. He tried speaking to the gremlins hammering away inside his skull but they couldn't hear him over the noise of their work. Every thought brought pain. Pain brought tears but the tears would never fall. He flipped through his file cabinet of a memory and couldn't find the last time he had cried.

He pulled his sheets around him tighter forming a cocoon. Cold air circulated through the room sending a shiver down his spine. He'd forgotten to turn the fan off. Chris usually slept better in the cold but not tonight.

Click. Click. Click.

He groaned in despair at the obnoxious sound. That was why he turned his fan off when he slept. The cold air felt nice but the incessant clicking the chain hitting metal was torture. His eyes dropped and nausea was just beginning to join the party. He could hear the medicine cabinet calling his name.

He shuffled his way to the cabinet in the dark. Curses slipped out of his mouth as he stumbled over a pair of shoes. After regaining his balance he found the light switch. He winced in pain as a burning light filled the room. He blindly reached for the cabinet door and swung it open. Bottles and boxes spilled out, crashing to the countertop below.

Chris squinted as he scanned the cabinet. Empty bottles, empty boxes. Allergy medication. Inhaler. Where did I put the flipping aspirin? He shoved a few of the cabinets long time residents aside hoping it was hiding behind something. He slammed the door shut only to look down and see the bottle of aspirin laying amongst clutter that had fallen out.

"Thank god."

He grabbed the bottle and about punched himself in the face trying to open it. Chris grunted in frustration as he attempted to get the safety cap off. After three tries the cap came off and revealed the hollow inside of the bottle. Furious, he threw the bottle against the wall.

"Everything ok in there?"
"Yeah mom. Everything is fine go back to bed."

Chris massaged his temples hoping the pain would magically go away. His mom said something else but he paid no attention to it. He slumped down to the floor. His head felt heavy in his hands. His eyes felt like they were watering up but he couldn't will the tears out.

"Why did you make me this way God? How come I couldn't be normal?"

He hated that his life was like this. He felt torn between two different worlds. It felt as if two titans were pulling him separate ways. It was cosmic tug of war and he was the rope. Unlike the rope, he would eventually break. He would be ripped apart and unable to survive. Some mad scientist would probably try to stitch him back together but he would never be the same.

"I feel fake, like my life is one big masquerade. No one knows who I really am. Hell, I don't know who I really am. All I've ever asked is that you would just tell me but all I ever get is more headaches."

Chris looked up at the ceiling. He was hoping to see some sort of sign, get some kind of answer. All he got was plaster and paint. He shook his head and went back to his room, closing the door behind him. He flicked on his desk lamp and opened a notebook up.

The blank page stared up at him. It was white as snow. Clean. Innocent. His pen danced across the page like a figure skater on ice, graceful and fluid. He wrote two sentences. Two sentences that tainted that innocent white page and would never be erased.

My life is a lie. There is a girl inside me and if I don't let her out I will die.