I sit there the next morning, in girlier jeans and overall outfit than I have ever worn in public… I am lightly made up, but it is without a doubt feminine. My hair is in ‘girl mode’. I am nervous--REALLY nervous. Not just because I am in openly girly mode out in public, but because I am openly in girly mode in the waiting room of Frankie’s shrink. She was able to get me a really quick appointment once she ‘mentioned’ that she had taken the pills away from me…

A nurse comes out a side door and says, “Barbara Boudain?” I take a shaky breath and get up. She introduces herself as Cindy and asks Tina to stay in the waiting room for a bit. She takes me back and takes my blood pressure and temperature. Then she puts me in a cozy conference room. She says, “Dr. Richards will be right with you, Barbie. You do prefer Barbie, right” I just nod, still in a daze that this is really happening. A few minutes later, a very pretty blonde comes in and introduces herself, “Hello, you must be Barbie. I am Gina Richards. Please call me Gina.” Self-conscious, I say, “I am pleased to meet you, Gina.” She smiles and settles in at the table and opens a note pad. She says, “There is nothing to be nervous about, Barbie. I promise…”

Then, she asks me to tell my story…and I do, completely unfettered, for the first time I bare my soul to a complete stranger. It is so freeing…it is like a house is lifted off of my body. Gina takes lots of notes and asks questions at times. When I am done, she says, “Well, I am glad that you have finally opened up on this. I have to ask… You are not still contemplating any kind of suicide, right?” I shake my head and say, “No. I am not certain that is what I was doing last night, either. But…it was…an option, I guess. At any rate…” I look her firmly in the eye and finish, “No, I am not.” She seems satisfied with that answer.

She makes a few more notes, then she says, “Frankie tells me you took the online version of the COGIATI and scored over 580? I would like to give you some different tests if that is OK? While you are filling those out, I would also like to speak with your wife. Is that OK?” I nod my head and she buzzes for Cindy to take me to another room where I answer several hundred questions on a computer.

When I am done, Cindy brings me back to the conference room where Gina and Tina are waiting. Gina is looking at a printout. After I sit, she says, “Well, Barbie. If I did before, I have no doubt now that you were being honest on the COGIATI. Your results from today are consistent with the score you say you received…and there is no way to trick all of these tests, whether consciously or not.”

She puts down the printout and looks at me intensely, “So, where would you like to go from here? I can give you a letter confirming that you are officially transgendered and can set you up an appointment with Dr. Vernon—she is the endocrinologist here in the building. She is the one that Frankie uses. If you want to follow through with this, which is the best course I can see, then the next logical step is hormones and going full-time as a woman to satisfy your year. Then you can contemplate SRS, if you wish. Would you like me to see if Dr. Vernon has an opening?”

YES! YES! YES! I look at Tina, still unsure about her reaction. She just squeezes my hand and says, “It is your decision, Barbs, but I don’t think there really is a choice…” I close my eyes…fully at peace with myself for the first time that I can remember and whisper, “Yes, Gina. I would love it if you could get me in ASAP.”

Gina smiles and goes over to a phone. She pushes a button and speaks for a few minutes. She puts her hand over the receiver and looks over at me. She asks, “Would ten minutes from now be soon enough? They just had a cancelation.” I come close to fainting. Tina looks at me, smiles and says, “That sounds wonderful, Gina.”

Twenty minutes later, Robbi, Dr. Vernon’s nurse, is pulling a ton of blood from my arm. She smiles as she packs up her things and says as she is leaving, “The doctor will be with you in just a moment. I am going to go run your labs.” I sit there, tightly squeezing Tina’s hand—not knowing whether to be impatient for the doctor to get in here, or to run and throw my guts up in the bathroom from nervousness.

A quick single knock on the door and a kind-looking older woman comes in. She smiles at the object fear on my face and says, “Hi. I am Vicki Vernon. From the look on your face, which is not uncommon—that mix of anticipation and fear—I assume you are Barbie? So, that means you must be Tina?” She looks at both of us in the correct order and Tina smiles brightly at her. I wanly smile and say, “Yes, doctor. You are correct on all counts.” She just says, “Call me Vicki, please. We are going to be seeing a fair amount of one another for a while. Frankie speaks very highly of you. She stopped by this morning and said that you would likely be visiting…”

She studies her computer screen in quiet for a bit, then she says, “Robbi is still running your labs. We do them in-house which saves a lot of time, but it still takes a bit. So, let’s talk about options here. Gina told me that you are committed to hormones. Is that true?” I simply nod. She continues, “OK. So, we will have to give you both a blocker, to stop your male hormones, and then, of course, the estrogen. I am going to start out with short-term injections to get you regulated, then we can discuss long-term implants later…”

She makes some notes in the charts on her computer. She says, “According to Gina, you are officially starting your year. Is that right?” Again, I nod. She makes a note and smiles. Then she says, “Understand that I am not a surgeon and won’t have anything directly to do with SRS, if you decide to go that route. At some point, it will be best to at least contemplate removing your testicles, though—there is a danger of cancer, otherwise.” I simply nod. And the sooner they are gone, the better! She continues, “Anyway, if you choose the SRS option, then I am afraid that you are going to have to lose about fifty pounds, or so. The hormones that I will be giving you will make that even tougher. I don’t tell you this to discourage you—but, I don’t want it to be a surprise.”

My eyes open wide. FIFTY POUNDS! OMG! But then I settle down as I think about it and say, “Well, eating has been one of my coping mechanisms. I hope that will not be necessary any more…” Tina hugs me and says, “Well, and I have gained quite a bit since I got into vet school. Hitting the gym and eating better will be good for both of us. It won’t be a problem, Vicki.” She looks at me and says, “I promise!” I sigh and hug her.

There is a slight ding on her computer and Vicki takes a look. She says, “Your labs are in and look fine. Are you ready for your first shots?” I almost faint again. It is HAPPENING! It REALLY is! I just nod and say, “You don’t know how ready I am, Vicki. Please! Before you change your mind—or I wake up from this wonderful dream!” Vicki just laughs softly and says, “Well, the pain from the shot will wake you up if that is what it is…the estrogen depot stings a bit…”

Tina and I walk to the elevators hand in hand. I am rubbing my sore butt as we walk. She wasn’t kidding when she said it stings…it is a bit more than a bit, though. I giggle at the thoughts in my head and Tina’s head swivels around to look at me. She is smiling and asks, “Was that a giggle I just heard?” She hugs me tightly and the elevator door dings. Frankie steps out in her pink scrubs. She hurries over to us and says, “Oh, good. I was afraid I would miss you! Tina, I know you have to get to class… GO! You have missed enough this morning already. Barbie, I know this happened really quickly today, but, since you are already off sick for the day, there are a lot of things that you need to take care of ASAP. I arranged to have the rest of the day off—there weren’t any surgeries scheduled for me to assist in anyway…” I smile at the pink scrubs, picturing Frank of long ago in them. Frankie is so much happier as the prim and proper surgical nurse for the city’s premier cosmetic surgeon—who also happens to specialize in transgender surgeries.

I kiss Tina passionately and she giggles as she gets on the elevator without us. I hear her saying, just as the door closes, “Hold onto that thought until tonight….!” Frankie smiles at me and gives me another hug. She asks, “All went well?” I nod and show her my papers from Gina…and rub my butt again. I say, “Yes… I am official—but I don’t think I will be able to sit for a week!” Frankie giggles as we get on the elevator ourselves to go up and grab her things.

After Frankie changes into her street clothes and grabs her purse, we are walking back to the elevator. I am nervously holding onto my papers…my new life. She shakes her head and says, “A purse! How could we forget to give you a purse? Here; give me those.” And she shoves them into her purse. So…our first stop is the mall to get me…a purse.

After we eat a quick lunch at the mall, Frankie drives us to the court house. She walks me through all of the steps of formally requesting a name change—to ‘Barbara Kensington Boudain’. At the same time, I request that my birth certificate be amended with my real gender—female. After filling out all of the paperwork on a public computer, making copies of my paperwork, paying the fees, and submitting it all, I feel even better about myself. I even pay the extra ‘expedition’ fee. It is outrageous, but…it gets me my official papers within days instead of weeks—and will allow me to get my other documents fixed.

From there, Frankie surprises me when we pull into my vet clinic’s parking lot. She just looks at me and says, “You have to let them know…” I pale, but know she is right. I go in and meet with the office manager and the medical director of the clinic. To my surprise, their only comments are, “It is about time,” and “Welcome to the better gender…and sex, too, Hon!” They giggle and that is it… They knew? But… Brit, the office manager tells me as I am walking out the door that my new name tag will be in when I come in to work tomorrow…and reminds me to get the name on my vet tech license changed, as well…

On the way home, Frankie stops at a store that I am not at all familiar with. She just smiles as we get out of the car and says, “Tina told me about your homemade gaffs. Those work for a while, sure, but there are much better options. And you need better breast forms, as well. This is the place for all of that.” And so, an hour later, we get back in the car. I am carrying a bag with Tina’s old breast forms and several new gaffs. I am wearing my new, bigger, glued-on forms (after some adjustments to my bra) and one of the purchased gaffs. I now look like I have the correct size ‘boobs’ for my body-size and marvel at how much heavier they are!

Frankie then drops me off at the apartment complex and drives off—she has a date with her boyfriend that she can’t be late for. I take the elevator up to our floor and walk down the hall to our door. The hallway is empty, but I still feel a little self-conscious. It is going to be hard to explain myself to the neighbors… Not that we really know any of them… I slip the key into the lock and hurry through the door.

It is still a couple of hours before Tina is due home from class—so I open up my computer and navigate to the Word document that contains the beginnings of my story. I read through some of it…and move it to an ‘archive’ file of rejected ideas. I say out loud to myself, “This is the work of Ray…it is not bad…but it is not my work…” I turn on the stereo and hook my computer up through Bluetooth. I open up Pandora and start my ‘Enya’ feed… I close my eyes and start going through options…

And it hits me… I will take my lessons learned as Ray, my joy as Barbie, and Tina’s love of fantasy…and meld them into a story… I start sketching out ideas and almost don’t hear Tina come in… I get up and give her a huge hug and a passionate kiss…after I figure out how to navigate my boobs being in the way of hers. She giggles…and takes it from there. Once we have properly kissed, she checks out my new ‘equipment’ and says, “Nice! I can’t wait until you have real ones!” I giggle and we go into the kitchen area where I help her make supper…a healthy one… One that will help us lose weight… One that will leave me hungry, but OH so worth it.

As we are eating the delicious salad…, Yes! And it is FILLING, too. I just need to keep telling myself that! …I look at Tina and say, “I scrapped my book.” Tina drops her fork with a loud clank and gives me a shocked look. I quickly grab her hand and say, “That came out wrong. I am not stopping writing…I am just not writing that book. It is not ME anymore… Does that make sense…?” Tina picks up her fork and says, “Yes…I think so… So…?” I start running some of my new ideas by her and she gets more and more excited…giving me additional ‘fantasy’ ideas and details—something she is the expert at (at least when it comes to fantasy worlds).

We clean up the kitchen and I take up my computer again…anxious to get started on the new ideas. I get in a zone and furiously write several rough chapters…until Tina says, “Barbs, it is late…and…well…we have some business to attend to in bed.” She comes over and gives me a more passionate kiss than she ever has. When she breaks it, I look at her and say breathlessly, “OK, I guess you are OK with this… I am still in shock, honestly, that you are…” She gives me a serious look and says, “I am not only OK with it; I love you all the more for it. Not that I came into this relationship wanting a wife… But I did come into this relationship wanting you to be happy. I was worried, Barbs…”

I shake my head and say, “And that is why I love you so much… Just for the record, though… How far do you think…?” She kisses me again and whispers, “ALL the way!” And leads me to the bedroom.

Over the next few months, a lot happens. It is hard to capture it all, so forgive me if I miss something. Basically, it boils down to this:

Frankie surprises us all—she met her guy, gets engaged and married—all within six months… Beating Tina’s and my short engagement by three whole days. Tina is a bridesmaid…and I am the Maid of Honor! *SHRIEK*

Tina somehow gets pregnant in the last dying throws of my sperm… Not what we had planned in her last year of vet school—but we are ecstatic!

Not long after Tina gets pregnant, I develop a reaction to the hormone blockers…and…well, let’s just say that a little piece of surgery will ensure that cannot ever happen anymore…

I start growing boobs! *SHRIEK*

I am doing really well on my diet…I am already down to a size eight—my goal is a four.

I also finish the first draft of my book… I am quite proud of it; even if it still needs a lot of polishing…

I hand the draft to Tina—she had not been allowed to read it to date. She looks at me and smiles. She is in her third trimester and showing quite plainly now… I love her SO much! She takes the printout and sits in her favorite rocker with a cup of tea and starts reading—she is a very fast reader, so I know it won’t take her long. A little less than two hours later, she looks up and wipes the tears from her face. She says, “Barbs, it is beautiful! If this is just a rough draft, as you say, I can’t imagine how a finished one would look—it is perfect!”

I give her a passionate kiss and get to work on cleaning up the issues that I still have on my ‘list’. A week later, I give it to Frankie’s husband, Beau, who is an English major, to proof. Two weeks after that… Well, I start working with Amazon on publishing it…

A highly pregnant Tina, Frankie, Beau, and I are sitting in my favorite restaurant. It is my birthday, I turn twenty-one today… Frankie and I are drinking an appropriate Frou-Frou drink. Beau is having a manly beer. Poor Tina is having a virgin Pina Colada. We are not only celebrating my birthday, but that my book is available on Amazon as an e-Book. Not only has it been available for about a month now, but it is has already sold over 100,000 copies—and that number is increasing daily. Amazon tells me I am on track to be on their bestseller list in a couple of weeks, if the trend holds! *SHRIEK*

I am sitting in the hospital…in a private maternity suite… Tina is in the bed exhausted. I am holding our sweet newborn daughter. I rushed over as soon as I got word that Tina was here. Next week is her graduation, so the timing is perfect—her classwork is done… Now we won’t have to sweat her going into labor during graduation. Our parents are on their way…

I had been on the phone with Shauna Rousseau, my publisher contact at Amazon, when I got word that Tina was on her way here from class. Shauna was telling me that I just exceeded selling a million copies of my e-Book. They want to do hardcopies… Shauna has even suggested posting a condensed ‘teaser’ version of the book on the website that started it all for me… She has said she will do that for me… So, if you have not read the book yet…look for the teaser version in the near future on that site…

Me? I exceeded my weight goal I am nearly a size two) and am scheduled for SRS in three weeks. Then, I will be busy living my life with my wife and daughter and loving it like never before. As a matter of fact, I still have to pinch myself every day to make sure it is not a dream…

*OUCH*

NOTE: This really HAS given me an idea for a new fantasy series that I will post as soon as I can find time to write it! (NOT on Amazon, of course…) :D