If you were actually wondering why, I just wanted to see if that title would fit. It did, so I'm leaving it.

Really this blog entry is about venting. Feel free to respond or not.

Onto the fun stuff.

I mentioned in a previous blog post that my two cars broke down. I had to buy a new car. I was also in the middle of a move between apartments. I got through that. I had no luck selling the two cars or getting rid of them. Both were towed yesterday for abandonment. They were parked in the apartments parking lot and I checked on them every other day, not that I could do much with them. No takers for cars that didn't run.

I would have owed $470 to get them out of impound. Then another hundred each for towing them back to my apartment, where they'd probably sit with no takers and they'd get towed again to the impound lot and I'd owe more money.

Fun stuff right? I know.

So I scrambled to find the titles which were still in a box I had yet to get to and unpack. I found them. I called the impound lot and asked if they'd buy them. They said yes. They gave me a quote and it was 150 over the impound lot fees. So I got rid of my junk cars and ended with $150. Which I promptly spent at Walmart buying things I needed for my apartment...

And there we have the reason why my anxiety was sky high over the last 24 hours. Only in the last hour have I been able to calm down and relax.

This morning I was on the phone with my mother crying, wondering why I had messed up so badly to be on the hook for money.

Now the boring poo-poo head stuff.

I have some subtle executive function issues which tie in to my autism. I used to be really bad with impulse control, but I've gotten better at that. My fav quote is the Discretion being the better part of valor which I live by. What I still suck at is the task scheduling and getting things taken care of on time or at least in a reasonable amount of time.

I'm always on the lookout for ways to be more efficient and reduce stress. I'm also limited in how much I can do or else I panic and freeze and nothing gets done. To compare to a computer. I have great specs(Wrong color case) except the RAM.

I've been told to use lists, write it down, make a calendar entry, use sticky notes, set alerts and alarms, have people give me reminders, and a few other things.

These things work great, but it's still not enough. I still encounter situations like the cars that I had complete control over but messed it up and ended up on the hook for money, or some penalty. I just discovered two unpaid medical bills for a total of 400$ I had to shell out the money for.

Usually I end up feeling like crap afterwards and my anxiety goes through the roof. I know I'm not perfect. I believe that I'm making an effort to mitigate these executive function issues and it's frustrating that it keeps on cropping up and slapping me in the face. I know there are things in life one can't control, but these aren't those things. These are events and situations which I have a hand in, and somehow I mess it up.

I really don't know how to resolve this.