“Get out! No way!” Saffron was NOT buying my 'confession'.

“You don't believe me? Do you want to see it?”

“Actually..... I would actually. And I'm still not sure I'll believe it”

She was serious. I just said that to show her I was for real. I never expected her to call my bluff.

“Oh, hell.....” I lifted up the dress and pulled my underwear down to my knees. She just smiled and raised an eyebrow at the smooth triangle of skin.

“I forgot. Wait a sec....” I fumbled around, since everything was tucked away. I popped the little guys out of their sockets and unfolded the thing from between my legs.

“Hunh” she finally muttered. “OK. I guess you're telling the truth.”

“I never meant to trick anyone. Until I was given the change of clothes, it never occurred to me that anyone thought I was a girl!”

She kneaded her chin. “I believe you.” she furrowed her brow and stared at my junk. “Still, it's not much to look at. OK. You're a guy.... if not much of one”

“Hey! My feelings?”

“Guys don't have feelings” she smiled. “Damn. Everyone liked you as a girl.” She seemed deep in thought. “You know Max is going to throw you off the bus.”

“What? Why? Because I'm not a girl? Oh God. He doesn't have a crush on me, does he?”

“Not especially. He just doesn't pick up guys. Except for Dog, who's Rain's old man, so he's no real competition. I think Max likes being the rooster. He thinks the more girls he gets on the bus the better his chances of one of them liking him. None of us has the heart to tell him.”

“What am I supposed to do then?”

She rubbed her chin and thought about this for a while. “I think the best thing would be to do nothing.”

“I don't understand.”

“Did you ever tell anyone you were a girl?”

“NO! But then again, no one ever asked. It never seemed like a topic of conversation until recently” I replied waving my hand up and down my now very female attire.

“And you're not planning on flirting with any boys?”

“Of course not!”

“Or girls?” she smiled.

“Well, that doesn't seem too practical, under the circumstances.” I frowned. “Anyway, you've all become such close friends, I wouldn't want to risk that by hitting on someone”

“You never know” she smiled wickedly. “You may get further than you think. ...but since you're not who people are assuming you are, it's probably best to keep some distance. No intimacy. OK?”

“It's not like I'd be giving up much” I sighed.

“OK. So get back on the bus as if nothing ever happened. And if someone does find out, explain that it all started out as an innocent misunderstanding, and by the time you realized, you couldn't figure a way out without embarrassing someone – or everyone.”

“That's pretty much the truth”

“Which is why it will work. If it ever comes to that. But things will never be the same afterwards, so let's hope it never does come to that.”

“How long do you think I can keep this lie up?”

“Why call it a lie? It's a misunderstanding. You said you wanted to reinvent yourself. You're just reinventing more than you originally expected. You were always just being yourself with us. And we all thought you were another girl. So why not go with it and commit yourself to the new you? Be ok with people thinking of you as a girl. Do you think there's anything wrong with being a girl?”

“Oh God no! Now that I realize everyone thought I was a girl, I'm beginning to understand why I've been getting along better with everyone. Frankly, I think 'being a girl' actually suits me better than being a boy ever did.” I couldn't help but frown a little at the thought. I was considering myself a failure as a boy rather than as an unintentional success as a girl. When I thought about it, I had to concede it seemed a naturally better fit.

So we all piled back into the bus, taking on a few new passengers – all female as Saffron had predicted, and headed west.

I thought Kansas had desolate stretches, but I didn't know desolate until we got into the New Mexico desert. There were long stretches of nothing but sand and road. And in a gas hungry old schoolbus, all that wide open space with the only sign of life a distant soaring vulture made me a bit anxious.

I became “pee girl”, because every time we saw a roadside outpost, I would claim to need to empty my bladder, and cheerfully suggest that while we were there we could top up the gas tank. I really did not want to get stranded in the desert. I had a little bit of survival training in military school. I knew in this place, with these charming, but helpless people, things could get really bad really quickly.

We pulled into a small 'trading post' somewhere outside Picacho and true to their sign, they actually DID take some of Rain's handmade beadwork in exchange for a few fresh eggs. Max suggested we could all have omelets. Saffron told me quietly it was the only thing he knew how to cook, but they were really good.

The woman who ran the store seemed in no hurry to shoo us out. I suspect it was usually quite quiet, so the eclectic and good natured strangers were a welcome break from the monotony. Around back, we spied an old person bundled in a handmade blanket with a colorful geometric pattern, apparently asleep in a rocking chair in the hot sun.

"Who is THAT?" Rain asked.

"Oh. That's my 'GreatGram'". Said the shopkeeper. She seemed to be in her 50s herself, so I couldn't imagine how old her 'GreatGram' was.

Saffron whispered to Rain. " 'GreatGram'. Is that a man or a woman?"

"At that age, who can tell? I suppose it doesn't matter either by that point. Anyway, how do you ask such a thing?"

At that point, GreatGram opened one eye and smiled. “How indeed?”

“OK." Rain asked directly and without hesitation. "What ARE you?”

“I am a shaman, child. When I was young, younger than you, those like me were called “two spirits” and sought out for our special insights. I was called 'N'atapwe' the 'seer of truths'”

“So, you're like a psychic?”

“That is your word. But you are not too far off the path.”

“So can you tell us, like, our futures?”

N'atapwe smiled. “The future is not yet written. I can not tell you what has not happened. But I can help you see your true nature and offer insight into the path you yourself have already chosen.”

“Groovy! Would you? Would you do me?”

N'atapwe smiled indulgently and motioned Rain close. She sat her down and talked about her past and her path, her quest and her true nature, her passion and her destiny. It all sounded like generic BS to me, but Rain bought it completely.

“Oh wow! That was amazing! Do someone else!” N'atapwe smiled indulgently as a sea of eager faces gathered around. I figured 'let them have their fun' and slowly drifted to the outside edge of the crowd.

“You.” I heard the exclamation, and saw everyone look around. I stopped my retreat long enough to see who the next victim was, when the disappointed crowd parted and I saw N'atapwe's smiling eyes and bony finger pointing my way. Was there a reason the one person who did NOT want to be read was the one chosen? I tried to politely decline, but the old shaman – and the crowd – were having none of it.

“Come, child.... you have nothing to fear from me...”

I had my doubts. Still I pulled up the adjacent seat and braced for scrutiny. The face was quite aged, which made the clear, sparkling eyes even more jarring.

“Relax, little one. There is no need for anxiety. I know you better than you know yourself. You have only begun your life's journey. Until recently, all has been preparation, acquiring the skills to use on your journey.”

“See?” Saffron said. “You were meant to come with us!” She elbowed Max “We were meant to pick her up. It was destiny!”

N'atapwe smiled indulgently, and turned to gaze back at me.

“Little one. We are very much alike. You are of my people.”

“You're part Indian?” Rain exclaimed and was instantly shusshed by N'atapwe.

“Our people are in every tribe. Every group. In every nation. In my past we were called 'two-spirits'. Do you understand?”

I nodded. I got it immediately. It made perfect sense and was an instant, comfortable fit.

“We were always shamans, healers, advisers, consuls. We see more than others can. We are bridges between people. We understand things in a way others cannot, and can help guide them. As I am guiding you. As you will someday guide others.”

I felt a chill run down my spine. I didn't ask for this. I felt overwhelmed at the prospect, yet I knew at my core that there was no way of avoiding it.

“Yes it is a great responsibility.” She said answering the question I was only just beginning to form. “But it is also a great gift, bringing solace and joy to others. And helping the lost to find their true path. A talent can be a burden, but it can also be a blessing. Never lose sight of that.”

I nodded.

“You feel you are alone in the world, but you are not. You never were. You just keep others out. In time you will learn to let them in, and you will all be richer for it.”

I wasn't sure what she was talking about but it had a ring of truth to it, so I just nodded.

“All you need do now is listen and remember. You will understand when it is time.”

“Ask her a question!” someone from the crowd shouted. “Psychics love questions!”

N'atapwe smiled indulgently, as if at the innocence of an unruly child. I felt embarrassed about the outburst. She squeezed my hand and smiled at me.

“No. It is alright. Ask..”

I hadn't even thought about this, but suddenly a thought burst from the back of my mind.

“My mother.....”

The sad tenderness in her smile took me by surprise.

“Your paths are destined to cross again. You gain insight never dreamed and will be richer for it. Through understanding comes empathy. Through empathy comes forgiveness. You will understand her better than she has ever understood herself.”

“We will see each other again?”

I couldn't read the expression that came over her, but I sensed something weary and forlorn.

“You will see her. She will not see you. But as you know deep in your heart, she never really did.”

I think I understood what she said, but it made me overwhelmingly sad, so I just pushed it down and filed it away for later.

“As I said. When it is time, you will understand.” She pushed a smile onto her face. “You have many marvelous adventures ahead. Many paths to cross and lives to touch. We are living in a magical time. You have the youthful energy and ageless wisdom to seize the magic. Do not hesitate or hold back. Your life will be richer than you can imagine.”

“You're going to be rich.” Max laughed. Saffron elbowed him again.

I turned and looked at him. We both heard what she said, but he didn't get it.

“There are many kinds of riches” I smiled.

N'atapwe lit up. “See? You are well on your way. Go with joy, little one.” At that, she motioned with her hands and shooed us all away, returning to her languid doze.