Part 1
Unavoidable Roads

Chapter 4
Girl Friends

Rich Bromely again vowed to stay away from panties, bras and dresses. In fact, he just didn’t think about it, except sometimes late at night alone in his bed wearing his panties. Rich threw himself into being a boy. With his two best friends he tried out for little league baseball but while his friends made the team he was cut, walking home half ejected and half elated. He probably just wasn’t strong enough and while he heard a coach say that another boy ‘threw like a girl’, he didn’t hear that said about him but wondered if that was what the coach thought about him.

While Rich’s friends were practicing and playing baseball that spring of 1958, Rich was mostly by himself reading and building model cars. He did have one other friend, Barbara Hundley. They were in the same 8th grade class and she lived a few doors down from Rich in the same block. They often walked home from school together. It wasn’t a girl-boy thing. They were just friends and Barb, as Rich called her, was a little like Rich. She had other friends, girls, but like Rich, she didn’t make the cut for junior cheerleading just as Rich didn’t make the cut for little league. They laughed about it and they confided their peer group insecurities to each other. Rich never mentioned his girl feelings to Barb, of course, but Barb was open about what she was going through as a developing girl. It almost embarrassed Rich but he loved the closeness and accepted the information as a gift.

“I got my friend last night.” Barb would say to Rich out of the blue.

Rich didn’t know what she meant the first time but Barb explained in some detail about how it felt and how self-conscious she was when it happened, especially the first time. She told Rich how she had to wear this belt with hooks to hold the ‘Kotex’ in place. Rich tried to imagine how that worked and felt. But no matter how hard he tried he just couldn’t relate.

“Can you tell?” She always asked expecting Rich to examine her and what she wore. “No.” He would always respond but then add something like, “Not if you’re standing still.” They both would laugh. Rich felt like Barb was his best friend and while he wouldn’t admit it, not even to himself, he wanted to be her best friend, as a girl.

That’s why he was so surprised when she kissed him. Richard Bromely at thirteen had never kissed a girl, or been kissed. He knew girls had breasts, and that they didn’t have a penis or testicles, but he had no real idea what they did have. He had heard other boys, especially Gary, his brother, talk about what girls were like, how they were different, but he couldn’t visualize it. Rich hated the way those boys talked about girls, the awful words they used, how they only seemed interested in sex. He knew they were just bragging, or emulating older guys but he felt he was not supposed to be hearing such talk.

He had not seen pictures of girls or what they looked like, and they rightfully didn’t teach it in school. That would be wrong. He had never inadvertently seen his older sister undressed; she was too careful for that to happen, or his mother either, although he had often seen her in her underwear as she got dressed. As a boy before he started school, when Mary and Gary had left for the bus, she often brought little Richie into her room and he watched her get dressed but he never saw her completely naked, at least he didn’t remember if he had.

Rich and Barb walked home from school in late April the spring he was cut from baseball and Barb asked Rich to come in her house. That wasn’t unusual. They sometimes spent time at each other’s home after school. But this was different. Barb’s mom wasn’t home, no one was.

“Come up to my room. I want to show you something.” Barb commanded. Rich followed her up the stairs looking forward to seeing where his friend slept, where she spent her time, where she got dressed.

Barb went to her closet and pulled out a dress. It was beautiful and new with the tag still dangling from one side.

“Do you like it?” She asked. “It’s for the dance.” She continued not waiting for Rich to respond. “My mom didn’t want to get it since no one asked me to go yet but I’m going even if I’m not asked. I’m hoping Buzz will come through.” Buzz was the boy Barb constantly talked to Rich about. Barb clearly had a crush on Buzz, he was tall and was the best pitcher on the baseball team, the team Rich was cut from.

“I love it.” Rich said trying not to sound too enthusiastic. “You would need a crinoline with it, wouldn’t you?”

“Yep. Got one hanging right here.” She answered pointing to the spot next to where the dress had been hanging. Then she got a serious look on her face.

“Rich, we’re friends right?”

“The best.” Rich answered quickly.

“And you’re a boy, right?” She continued.

“O.K. what’s going on, Barb? You’re up to something.” He quickly answered trying not to give away what he wanted to say. Rich wanted to say yes, he was a boy but didn’t always feel like one. But it was too complicated to explain, even if he could find the words, too complicated to share even with his best friend.

Barb smiled. “Well.” She started drawing out the l’s. “If Buzz asks me to the dance and I’m wearing this dress and he tries to kiss me, I won’t know what to do.” Barb explained. “Rich, I need practice and I just thought that since you’re a boy and we are such good friends, and you’ve probable kissed a hundred girls that we could practice.” She added.

“You want me to kiss you?”

“Yes, but I have to put the dress on, with the crinoline. I need to practice standing in the dress with the crinoline when he leans over to kiss me. I need to know what to do.”

“Barb, I can’t help you.” Rich protested.

“Why not?”

“Well, you’re not wearing the dress and well, I haven’t kissed anyone, yet.” Rich confessed. Rich wanted to take Barb up on the offer. He was hoping she would persist. He wildly wanted to make a deal that yes, first he would pretend to be Buzz, but only if they could then reverse roles and she would be Buzz and he could pretend to be her, wearing the dress of course.

“I’ll put the dress on and mom won’t be home for a couple of hours. We have time to practice. Come on Rich, you’re the only one who can help me and we’re so close. It won’t mean anything.” She wasn’t trying to offend her friend; she was just stating the way things were. While she was coaxing Rich for the kiss Barb had unbuttoned her blouse and unzipped the zipper on her skirt. Rich could now see the bra Barb was wearing. Rich turned away as Barb unbuttoned the skirt and let it fall to the floor. She showed no signs of being modest in front of Rich the boy; she acted like Rich was a friend of the same gender.

“Whoa. What are you doing?” Rich protested. “Barbara Hundley you shouldn’t be doing this. O.K. I’ll kiss you but I’ll wait outside your room while you put the dress on.” Rich really wanted to stay but he just couldn’t take advantage of his friend.

“No stay, Rich.” She commanded. “It’s no big deal. We are friends and we don’t have to have any secrets. I’ve thought about this. I think it’s important we can be close without any hang ups. Don’t be mad but I don’t think of you like a boy. You’re my friend, not a boyfriend.”

“Barb, that’s great. I can understand and I even like it but …” He stammered. “But I’m afraid I might, well, uh have a reaction.”

“Oh.” Barb said turning toward Rich in just her bra and panties. “I hadn’t thought about that. Can’t you just ignore it? It wouldn’t happen with me, would it? I mean we’re not like that.”

“No, we’re not like that and that’s the point. I don’t want it to happen with you. And sometimes it doesn’t matter; it just happens. I like it that we are friends, that we can talk, that you tell me about your ‘friend’, that you want to show me your dress. But you’re standing there in your bra and panties, and uh well, I’ve never, uh…” Rich couldn’t say another word. They stood there just looking at each other. Rich finally broke the silence. “I love that you feel comfortable with me like that but I want to feel just as comfortable. I don’t want anything to happen.” Rich stopped trying to think about how to explain himself to his friend, this half naked fourteen year old girl. He thought about how some his friends talked about girls; thought about the ugly words they used; thought about Gary calling one girl a cock-teaser. Rich knew that wasn’t what Barb was doing. He knew she was sincere and loved Rich, as her best friend, without thought to gender or to sex.

Barb tried to understand the message. “Oh, Rich. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to….” She didn’t finish her statement but instead took a step toward Rich. They were not close enough to touch but closer than either had ever been with one of them nearly naked. Rich studied Barb, first looking into her girlish eyes and fine skin. He examined the bra she was wearing and the small but real breasts filling each cup. He let his eyes drop to her legs and he focused on how the panties fit snugly against her between her legs, with the smooth outline of a mound before the crease, he saw the outline of her dark pubic hair through the white panties just above the crease.

Barb waited for Rich to return his gaze to her eyes enjoying his clear admiration. “Rich, I’ve upset you. I’m sorry.” She stepped to him and hugged him. She tried to feel if there was an erection but didn’t think there was. “We’ve never really talked about you. I mean you and girls. I’ve been so insensitive. We don’t have to do this. I’ll get dressed and you can talk to me while I do. Tell me about how you feel about girls. Do you have a crush on someone? Stupid me, I’ve never asked.”

“Wait.” Rich heard himself say. “Put the dress on. I want to see it. I’m o.k. And I’ll be Buzz. It might be fun. And I’ll tell you about girls.”

“Rich, why are you so sweet? Here hold the dress for me while I get the bra I have to wear with it and the crinoline.” Rich watched in disbelief as Barb opened a drawer in her dresser and took out a strapless bra. She turned away from him as she unhooked the bra she was wearing and pulled the strapless one on hooking it behind her. She then put on the crinoline and reached out for the dress. Rich helped her pull it over her head and then pull it up over her little A cup strapless bra. She turned around so Rich could zip it up. When she finished she looked in the mirror and seemingly satisfied turned back to Rich.

“Now kiss me.” She demanded looking up into the face of her taller friend. He did, several times. In different ways, open mouth, closed mouth. He even tried to push his tongue into her mouth but that didn’t work. They kissed without touching and they kissed with their arms around each other.

“Well?” He finally asked.

“Well.” She responded with a wide smile. “You can kiss. Did you feel anything?” She asked.

“Sure. But I still just want you as a friend. I do think I liked it, though.” He stated without thinking. “I do like girls.” He added defensively.

“I certainly hope so.” Barb exclaimed. “Do you think Buzz will like the dress? What if he doesn’t take me to the dance? What if he doesn’t kiss me?” Barb was obviously obsessing about Buzz.

“Buzz will take you to the dance and he will kiss you.” He assured her. “And if he doesn’t I will.”

“Unzip me, please.” Barb asked as she turned her back. “You can’t keep kissing me and still be my best friend.” She reasoned. “Now tell me about that girl you like.” Barb was again standing in her bra and panties. She unhooked the strapless bra and reached for the one she wore before, holding the cups of the strapless one over her breasts with her other hand.

“I don’t know. There isn’t one really. There are a couple girls I like but I’m just not ready for that. The whole boy-girl thing just doesn’t make sense sometimes. I mean I like girls, and it was fun to kiss you but.. I just don’t know.” Rich was rambling while studying how Barb was so at ease in front of him.

“Rich, you’re a boy. Boys don’t think about it like girls do. My mom told me that. She said boys are oblivious, whatever that means.” Barb briefly let go of the strapless bra while she put her arms into the straps of the other one. Rich could not avoid seeing her, seeing her small and firm breasts, see her developed nipples. The deep longing he had occasionally felt about girls almost overwhelmed him. He couldn’t explain it but he wanted to trade places with his friend; he wanted to be her. In an instant they were gone, covered again. Barb pulled on the blouse and buttoned it.

“I think it means boys are different than girls and they don’t understand each other.” Rich postulated. “We’re close friends now but someday, you and I won’t be this close. I wish we could but I’m afraid…” He didn’t know what he was going to say. Barb was now dressed again and they headed down to the living room.

Rich Bromely and Barbara Hundley remained friends throughout high school. They were never as close, physically, as they were that afternoon in Barb’s room. They kissed often but only platonically. Barb frequently consulted Rich about what to wear and modeled things for him, but he never saw her in just bra and panties again, and he never saw her breasts again. But he would never forget how wonderful it was to be that close. He would always remember that for a few brief moments in the spring of 1958 he felt like he was, in a small way, a girl who had a friend who also happened to be a girl, a real one.

Barb Hundley did go to the dance with Buzz, and he did kiss her. He also tried to feel her up, about which she vented profusely to Rich. Barb and Rich agreed that boys were ‘oblivious’ and they laughed about it. Barb wasn’t laughing when she told Rich she was pregnant in their senior year. But she did let Rich feel the baby kick, before she had to go visit her aunt in Cleveland. Barb and Buzz married, a couple years after the baby was born and given up for adoption. Rich’s and Barb’s friendship died.