Synopsis:

Charlotte's first outing as a girl.

Story:

A Different Plane of Existence

By Karen Page

Many thanks to the anonymous person who provided their editing skills during Angel's absence.

Part Ten

Unfortunately it wasn't the next day that they were able to get out. Charlotte suffered a lot during her first period and Kelly postponed the trip until things were on a less emotional level, which was the day after her period had finished. The time wasn't wasted as Kelly drilled Charlotte over those days, trying to perfect the way Charlotte talked, moved and acted. Kelly wanted this trip, the first as a girl, to be as big a success as possible. Kelly had been concerned that Charlotte's period might have put Charlotte back but it appeared to drive her on, making her more accepting of her new path in life.

Charlotte opened the car door and peered around. Nobody was visible, so she opened the car door and gingerly stepped out onto the gravel car park. She peered down at the docks and took in the cry of the flapping seagulls coming up the river on the tide.

"What are we going to do here?" Charlotte asked, trying to put out of her mind the question that Kelly has posed only an hour before. The panic of being out in public as a girl was quite effective in doing that.

"We are going out to get you used to being out as a girl. We will have a look at the docks and if you're feeling brave we can walk into the city centre to do a bit of shopping."

"No way!" quickly retorted Charlotte. "A look around these docks will be enough for me."

"Then lets go," replied Kelly as she locked the car. "The docks aren't big but there is a bit to them."

"Are you going to give me a guided tour?"

"If you want," Kelly laughed changing her tone to the rather flat informative version you might find in a stately home. "Well the building behind you was built for the Bank of England's registrar office, though there are other small companies there as well. It was the site of the old hospital before it was moved."

Charlotte giggled at Kelly's impression of being a tour guide. "Okay then, what about that newish building on the corner?"

"Ah, that's the county and crown court. It's ideal, they sentence the criminals and that old building over there is the prison."

"Cool. I wonder if they have a big tunnel linking them."

"I doubt it. The prison was originally built in 1782 but most of it is from 1840. It's a grade one listed building which means you basically have to get permission to hang a picture, let alone make any structural changes. I doubt even sneezing is permitted."

"How come you know all this?"

"Because I love history, especially local history. Just past the Bank of England building is the old Spa area of Gloucester. If you're interested then we'll have a look later."

"Sounds great," replied Charlotte reluctantly. She really didn't want to be out too long; what would happen if she saw someone she knew? Charlotte then berated herself as she was hundreds of miles from anyone that would know her. Perhaps walking round the docks would help her take her mind off Kelly's sneaky question.

As they made their way into the docks Charlotte continued to scan the faces of everyone she saw. Did anyone see that she'd once been a boy? Her scans had so far been negative. Most people seemed too busy, even in a pleasure area, to bother looking.

"You'll be fine," reassured Kelly as they entered Victoria Dock. It was filled with lots of little boats having been converted from its original aim of docking tall ships to that of a marina.

"What's that?" asked Charlotte as the skirted round the waterfront.

"Exactly what it looks like," replied Kelly.

"What is a church doing in the middle of the docks?"

"That is the Mariners Church. It was built to encourage dock workers in the middle of the nineteenth century. I suppose they also didn't want the smelly and uncouth dockers and sailors going into the churches in the city centre."

For the first time today, Charlotte began to relax and enjoy herself. Kelly made the whole local history exciting and, coupled with Charlotte's love of learning, she found herself forgetting her situation.

While in the church Charlotte found herself sitting on one of the pews and prayed. Charlotte was by no means a regular attendee but something just clicked and she felt compelled to pray. 'Er, Hi God, my parent died the other week and I know they were good people so will have gone to heaven. Erm, can you watch over them and make sure they are okay and tell them that I really miss them ... er, thanks ... er bye.'

"Are you okay?" Kelly tenderly asked when Charlotte raised her head.

"I'm fine," Charlotte croaked in response. She hadn't noticed the tears in her eyes before now.

As they left the small church, which was dwarfed by the surrounding ancient warehouses, they strolled towards the main basin of the docks. Charlotte gasped when she saw what used to be one of England's busiest inland ports. The quay still had the mooring rings where ships bringing goods to and from port used to tie-up. The bridge to the left was raising letting in a large pleasure boat.

'Could I get away without doing it?' thought Charlotte to herself. 'Would it really matter?'

A loud siren wailed across the air, bringing Charlotte back to reality with a start. Kelly just managed to grab Charlotte before she fell off the quayside into the cold, murky water.

"What's that?" panted Charlotte, looking around in panic. The noise of the siren appeared to float across the water and Charlotte had difficulty ascertaining its source.

"The start of world war three," Kelly calmly replied.

"WHAT?!" shouted Charlotte nearly peeing in her panties.

"I'm just kidding," laughed Kelly, no longer able to keep her face straight.

Charlotte thought about pushing Kelly into the water but thought better of it. She needed Kelly to drive them home.

"So what is it?"

"Well see over there," said Kelly pointing to the opposite corner of the docks. "That is where the docks link to the river. The docks are slightly higher so there is a lock. That lock gate also acts as a bridge so the siren signals that the lock gates are going to open so people shouldn't cross."

"Oh, I've never seen a lock before; can we go and have a look?"

"Sure. There, you see the boat coming out? It also looks like there is one going to go in so we should get a great view."

Kelly and Charlotte rushed round the docks as a second boat came out. Then a single large pleasure boat entered and the lock gate swung shut.

"What now?" Charlotte asked as the siren stopped.

"Watch and see," smiled Kelly. "Since this one is quite big we should see more happening than a little boat."

The water in the lock started to drop and the boat slowly went down. Eventually the water in the lock was level with the river.

"Watch the bridge," prompted Kelly.

Charlotte watched as the small bridge raised and the lock gate swung open letting the boat out to continue its journey up the river towards Worcester.

"Doesn't that cause chaos?"

"How do you mean?"

"Well traffic couldn't use the bridge when it was raised."

"It isn't a very heavily used bridge. It just takes traffic round the side of the dock and to a little village. Most traffic goes round past the prison and up towards the court."

"I never knew something like this existed," said Charlotte as they watched the bridge lower and life again return to normal. "Thanks for showing it to me."

"My pleasure," replied Kelly, glad that her charge was settling down.

"What a lovely polite girl, you have there," said an old lady, who had been waiting for the bridge.

"That she is," grinned Kelly as she saw the shocked impression on Charlotte's face.

"While we're at this side of the docks, why don't we see the two dry docks? After that we can go and find somewhere to eat."

"Sounds fine," absently replied Charlotte.

The quietly walked together, Kelly studying the silent girl. Eventually Charlotte, without looking at Kelly asked, "Did she really call me a girl?"

"I think her phrase was a 'lovely polite girl'."

Charlotte was again quiet, the turmoil of the situation causing many conflicting thoughts and emotions. She was pleased that the hard work was paying off but on the other hand there was the horror that the male life was drifting further into the past. 'Could I pull it off? Should I really be doing this? Wouldn't it have been better if I'd died with my parents? What should I do about Kelly's question this morning? Would it make any difference to me? Could I cope with it? Could I cope without it?'

After visiting the dry docks where they witnessing a boat having its hull repaired, which Charlotte barely glanced at, they made their way back to the small shopping area near where they started. Kelly didn't like the look of the small café in the centre so they opted for a pizza in the pizzeria in the corner.

As they waited for the pizza to arrive Kelly asked, "Charlotte, you've been brooding for the last half hour, do you want to share your thoughts?"

"There's nothing really to share," lied Charlotte. "I'm just worried about being caught."

"Caught?"

"I'm sure someone is going to scream 'that's a boy'"

"I'm sure that's part of it, but I doubt you have had those thoughts much since we were in the Mariners Church," replied Kelly carefully watching Charlotte's every reaction. "I think the lady calling you a 'lovely polite girl' sparked some emotions inside you. Am I right?"

Charlotte paused and sighed, nodding her head slightly.

"So, do you want to share your thoughts?"

"Not really but I suppose I should. I was thinking about if I should be trying to be a girl or if I should have never decided on this experiment. I was also thinking about what you'd said this morning."

"Ah, have you come to any conclusions?"

"No."

"Good, I don't want you to tell me your answer until tonight at the earliest. You need to make sure you know what you want. However, I think there was more to your brooding than that."

Charlotte just nodded and Kelly waited patiently for Charlotte to talk. There must have been a few minutes of silence before Charlotte spoke. The hostess came to enquire if the Chicken Wings were okay but Kelly subtly waved her off. She didn't want Charlotte not to answer.

"I had a thought that I've not had since the start of my period," said Charlotte reluctantly, when she realised that Kelly was waiting.

Kelly said nothing but waited.

"I wished I'd died with my parents," she whispered.

Kelly again waited, letting Charlotte think, now the thought was out in the open. "Thank you for sharing that," eventually said Kelly patting Charlotte's hand.

"You aren't going to say any more than that?" asked Charlotte in shock as Kelly picked up another piece of chicken and acted as if it was the most natural thought in the world.

"No."

"You're not going to shout at me?"

"No."

"Not going to put me into a straight jacket?"

"No, why should I? It isn't a feeling to be ashamed off. In fact it is a perfectly reasonable thought. I'd have been worried if you hadn't been having thoughts like that; though I do hope that you never want to act on them. Hopefully, as you begin to get your life back together your anger at yourself will fade."

"It's not really anger. More wonder of why they died and not me."

"Ah but if you'd died then you wouldn't have found out about canals, docks and lock gates. Think about all the things in the world that you want to see, want to experience and do. If you'd died in the incident, then how would you get the opportunity to do these things?"

"I suppose."

The pizza arrived and the conversion changed to more mundane things such as the weather. Why is it that English people always talk about the weather when they are trying to keep a low profile?

"What's that over there?" Charlotte asked as they walked back into the fresh air.

"That's a dredger. It's part of the waterways museum. If you want, we can come back sometime and visit that."

"Mmm, that's a possibility," replied Charlotte. "However, I've now seen a lot about the canal and I don't think I'd want such a detailed history of different boats and uses of the waterways at the moment."

"Well, let's go out of the docks area and wander through the Spa area."

"Sounds fun," Charlotte said without enthusiasm.

"Then lets go," responded Kelly, tactfully ignoring the reluctance.

They walked past many old buildings and as they walked down the road Kelly suddenly said, "Let's go down here, you might find this a bit of a change."

Charlotte, who was now getting a bit tired nodded her head and followed. "What's down here?"

"This is Cromwell Street."

"Sorry but that means nothing to me," said Charlotte. "The houses don't look anything special. The only odd thing I suppose is there is a gap where number 25 would have been."

"I suppose you were a bit young at the time. Why don't you look it up on the Internet tonight?"

They carried on walking and soon they were entering the end of the city centre. After admiring the preserved remains of the old city building just outside one of the shops they walked up Eastgate Street and then down Southgate Street back towards the docks.

"Ooh, do you mind if we call in here?" asked Kelly as they passed one of the clothes stores. "I need to get a new bra."

Charlotte, who didn't really want to stop at any shops, let alone going into the lingerie department. However, Charlotte couldn't think of any good reason not to go in, so said nothing and reluctantly traipsed through the doors into the shop.

As they approached the lingerie department, Charlotte was feeling a little ill. Was this really the life she wanted? She found wearing a bra uncomfortable and slightly cumbersome. She hadn't got breasts yet, so why go through the hassle of wearing a bra with false breasts? 'For perception', she'd been told on the numerous times she'd voiced these thoughts. She really didn't want people to know that she'd once been a boy and a fifteen year old really should have breasts.

Charlotte followed behind Kelly as Kelly pondered the style. Charlotte was glad that Kelly wasn't asking her advice but instead they discussed what Charlotte thought about the docks.

Eventually, when Kelly must have been through every type of bra she settled for one of the first ones she'd looked at. Together they went to a checkout which, at this late hour, there wasn't a queue.

Charlotte, who was trying to look invisible, was half behind the till, so only the face was visible to the sales lady.

"There aren't so many boys who would go with their mother as she shopped for a bra," she complimented Kelly.

Charlotte turned bright red and wished for the floor to swallow her up. 'Damn,' thought Charlotte. 'I knew this would never work. I should never have tried to be a girl.'

Kelly just beckoned Charlotte to move next to her. As she did the saleslady noticed the breasts and outfit that was being worn.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," blushed the saleslady. The shop had a strict policy to treat all customers, including transsexuals with the utmost kindness. "I don't know how I got so confused. You have a very beautifully daughter."

'Nobody else has twigged, so maybe it is something small. If I don't ask, I'll never know. Damn, I'm not a quitter; I will do this.'

"What gave me away," Charlotte asked after seeing nobody else was in earshot.

"I'm sorry?" asked the saleslady. Kelly wondered what Charlotte was up to but kept quiet, knowing full well the store policy gave them leverage if required.

"I know you saw a boy and know that I was born male. To help me improve I really need to know what gave me away. I can't improve if I don't know the faults."

The saleslady cast a furtive look around to see if they were alone still, which they were. She was, however, still reluctant to say anything just in case it made things worse. "I really don't know."

"We aren't going to report you," said Kelly to the sales assistant. "I would be very grateful if you could answer Charlotte's question."

"It was your Adams Apple. You talk like a girl and you seem to act like a girl. If it wasn't for the way you were positioned behind the till, then I would never have guessed.""

"Thank you," replied Charlotte. "You have helped me more than you will ever know."

"Let's go home," said Kelly putting her arm around Charlotte. "We've had a long day."

On the final section of their journey home, as they drove up the hill towards the house, Charlotte gave a gasp. She quickly looked back at a car that had gone in the opposite direction trying to see it, but it was out of sight.

"Are you okay?" asked Kelly.

Charlotte, who had turned white, eventually nodded. "I thought I saw someone I knew. Silly really as I don't know anyone in this area."

When they were back at home Kelly said, "Why don't you look up Cromwell Street while I cook the meal. It will be ready in about thirty minutes."

"Oh, I've reached a decision regarding the surgery."

"I want you to consider things further before you tell me," said Kelly. "It is a big thing to think about and I want you to be absolutely sure. Now scram while I rattle a few pans. Remember, I'll be checking the sites you've visited later and will be very upset if you break my trust."

Kelly went into the kitchen and started making the meal. As she browned the meat, she thought about how long Charlotte would be. Boot the computer, search for the details and reading the articles should take about twenty minutes. If, like Kelly thought she would do, think about the situation perhaps another ten minutes. Maybe another five if it freaked her out. Kelly therefore timed the cooking for thirty minutes.

Just as Kelly was finishing putting out the meal, Charlotte appeared.

"How could something like that have occurred?" Charlotte demanded to know.

"Why does anything like that occur? It certainly isn't something that people like to think about."

"But none of them deserved to die."

"Your parents didn't deserve to die but they did. But you didn't die. You survived."

"I know and I need to move on with my life. I suppose there were other ways they could have died that were a lot worse. I need to move on with my life and not be ruled by their death. I should be grateful that I'm alive and wasn't crushed under the terminal building collapsing but it sometimes is difficult when my life has changed so much."

As they ate, Charlotte suddenly put down her cutlery and said, "One thing that I've learnt is that life can be very short. After reading about what Fred and Rosemary West did only helped emphasis that fact; so I'm going to try and get on with things."

"You are doing very well," replied Kelly. "You have come a long way. It isn't easy to cope with such major life changes as you've done. I'm proud at how well you've done."

"Really?" asked Charlotte, her heart swelling with the praise.

"Yes really, now eat up before it gets cold."

After they'd eaten and cleared away, they both settled down with a mug of hot chocolate to watch the last remnants of the spring sunshine disappeared over the far hill.

"I never tire of seeing that wonderful sight," sighed Kelly. "The way the fading light filters through the garden trees is something special to me. It's one of the reasons I've never moved."

"I've only witnessed it a few times," replied Charlotte as she took a sip of her drink. "It certainly looks like paradise."

"Nah, Paradise is a hamlet just down the road," chuckled Kelly to herself.

"Huh?"

"There is a small settlement of houses about five miles away called Paradise."

"Ah, I'm with you now."

Charlotte continued to sip at her drink, knowing she wanted so say something but was unsure how to start the conversation. Eventually she said, "I've been thinking about what you asked this morning."

Charlotte tried to sink into the settee in an effort to make herself as unnoticeable as possible.

"You mean about having your Adams Apple shaved?" asked Kelly without any concern,

"Well yes," blushed Charlotte.

"And what did you decide?"

"Well I think it might be a good idea. I didn't think I'd go for it but I saw today that it certainly made people think I was a man. I suppose, rather like facial hair, it won't make me any more feminine, just another missing pointer to being male."

"Exactly," confirmed Kelly. "Are you sure that this is something you want? You do remember the risks that I mentioned this morning?"

"Yes I know there is a risk to my voice but I need to move forward. I've decided to try and live as a girl and this is something I need to do to achieve that goal. I never thought I'd want to see the inside of a hospital again but I'd be grateful if you could make the arrangements."

Kelly reached out and embraced Charlotte, who was shaking in fear. "It will be okay. The surgeon who will do your thyroid chondroplasty is very good and has performed this operation on many people. As it might take a fortnight for all the swelling to go down the operation will be soon. The surgeon, who is a friend of Dr Millard, had already reserved a space for you, just in case you opted to have the surgery."

"You knew I'd go for this surgery?"

"No and you still don’t have to have it. The choice is yours. Do you need more time to think?"

"No, I would like to go ahead. I've had a busy day, would you mind if I had an early night."

"Not at all," replied Kelly. "Sleep well."

As Charlotte went upstairs Kelly sat there, knowing too well that Charlotte would not be sleeping well that night. Today had been stressful and that always brought out the more severe nightmares.

After an hour Kelly peeped into Charlotte's room and saw she was asleep. She grabbed a blanket and settled down in Charlotte's easy chair to try and have a nap. Kelly hadn't had to do this for a while, but there was no way she was going to let Charlotte go through the turmoil on her own.

Notes:

Readers, Please Remember to Leave a Comment