by Phantasi Boi

Intro: Here’s my 1st attempt at a serial, I don’t know how long it will be as yet, or where it’s headed, I’m making it up as I go along. I welcome comments be they praise or criticism. I know I’m a novice and there’s no way this will be as good as my favourite stories on here, but I’m trying my best.

“Well you don’t help the situation, if you’d have a haircut like your dad keeps suggesting, you might look a bit more masculine.” She replied

“I like long hair, I’ve always had long hair, I don’t see how that makes me look like a girl” he said sulkily

Chapter 1: An Invitation

“Hey look” Jess was scanning the local paper for something to do at the weekend. “I think I’ve found it Lini”

The summer holidays were in full swing. A week gone and already the teenagers were getting a little bored. As they sat in Jessica’s kitchen, they scanned the local paper and Linford had his laptop open looking at the county’s website.

“Cut it out Jess that makes me sound like a girl, you know I hate it” Whined Linford “Call me Ford will ya.”

“How long have we known each other Lini?? You’re getting so touchy these days” Replied the girl. “Ok, Ford!! I’ve found sommat for us to do on Friday night.”

“Go on then, tell me what you’ve found, I hope it’s good, this village is a real drag this summer.” Replied Ford

“Well Lin………..Ford, sorry.” She started, then added “You never used to complain about being called Lini.”

“No, but seeing as all the other guys my age have successfully negotiated puberty and I don’t seem to be even starting it yet, I’m having the piss taken out of me and being called a girl. I don’t even look like one and being called Lini or Lin doesn’t help.” He sounded slightly upset as he said this, Jess decided to cut him some slack and not mention the fact that he sounded just like one and “actually” she thought, “you do look a bit girly now you come to mention it.”

“Well you don’t help the situation, if you’d have a haircut like your dad keeps suggesting, you might look a bit more masculine.” She replied

“I like long hair. You know I’ve always had long hair, I don’t see how that makes me look like a girl” he said sulkily, Jess shot him an incredulous look, he continued without noticing. “Lots of guys have long hair, besides, if I have it cut, my dad will think he’s won and another thing, I’ll be definitely classed as a geek, I can’t help being into computers, I’m a bit small for rugby, no good at football, just leave it alright. I’m a guy, I am, I don’t look anything like a girl and I’m not even the slightest bit effeminate.” Ford was starting to lose his temper a bit “Anyway, what have you found for us to do this weekend??”

“Wow,” Thought Jess, “did I hit a raw nerve there or what?? He sounds more like a whiny teenage girl than I do.”

It so happened that at 16 years old, Linford Saunders was the smallest in his year. His voice hadn’t yet broken; his below shoulder length hair was longer than all the other boys and some of the girls in his school. The village itself was pretty small; their school was in the next town which was 5 miles away. Most people in the village knew each other with a few exceptions. Linford was very bright, being nearly top in all his classes, excelling in computer studies and maths. His academic prowess was his saving grace as his sporting abilities, with the exception of table tennis and to a certain extent cricket, we’re very below average.

His partner in crime Jess had lived next door all their lives, there was 3 months between them, he being the oldest and for the last 2 months they’d both been 16. They’d grown up together and were like brother and sister, often fighting like siblings too. Their parents were also best friends; their dads had been friends for over 30 years, ever since they met at primary school.

Jess was pretty good academically; she loved English, maths and computer studies as well as art and literature. She was getting on pretty well in drama and trying to persuade her friend to start drama class in the 6th form, next term. She thought he could probably make a decent actor.

“Well, a chance for you to show how masculine and macho you are, Dozer’s 18th birthday at the Village Hall and it’s fancy dress, maybe you could go as Rey Mysterio or Shawn Michaels or one of those other tough guy WWE Superstars.”

“Oh, well that’s just peachy innit?? We’ll never get invited to that, Dozer hates me and you’re not cool to his mob cos you hang around with me.”

“Yeah, I know that, but Kyle Bates will be there, he’s such a hunk, it’ll be one of my last chances to get off with him before he leaves for college in September.” Jess sighed “Oh yes, and Beryl Patterson will be there also, I know you fancy her, maybe you could use it to impress her.”

“Who’s Linford trying to impress now??” Asked Jess’ mum, walking in to the kitchen.

“No one Betty” Linford answered quicker than his friend.

Jess had other ideas than to keep it secret from her mum. “He fancies Beryl Patterson, she’ll be at Dozer’s party on Friday night and we haven’t been invited, so we’re both out of luck.”

“Are you still chasing the Bates’ oldest son then Jess?? Or is there someone else you’re not telling me about” Laughed her mum.

Jess blushed, “Mother!! Kyle’s so hunky, why would I be looking elsewhere??” She shrieked. “Besides, how do you know he’s gonna be there??”

“I was talking to his mother in the supermarket this morning and she mentioned it then, she says he’s going as Conan the Barbarian, so how you planning on getting in then?? It’s exclusive you know, no ticket, no entry.”

Jess looked at Ford pleadingly.

“What??” He said. “You can’t seriously expect me to come up with a plan for this, there’s no way we’ll ever get tickets for this one.”

“Well, with what Carol was saying, it sounds like there’s a lack of girls going, so Jessica might be in luck.” Mentioned Betty

“Just great.” Replied Ford, “So if I was a girl, I might just get in, that figures, my luck is never good. But if I was a girl, Beryl wouldn’t be interested in me.”

“You might be onto something there.” Suggested Betty, looking at Jess with a funny grin.

Suddenly, her daughter clicked on to what her mum was thinking and they both looked at Ford.

“What??” He asked looking up from his laptop.

“Well, I’ve got an idea; you only need to get in, right?? After that, you’ll be free to wander round the hall to your heart’s content.” A devilish grin was now on Betty’s face “It is fancy dress after all.” Linford looked a little uneasy. But he was still not quite sure what she was getting at.

“Linford, how badly do you want to go out with Beryl Patterson??” Asked Jess.

“I hope you’re not suggesting what I think you are,” It finally dawned on him, “Why are the Rowland women crazy?? And why does it always seem to get me in some kind of shit??”

They laughed, Linford was getting nervous and Betty reached into her hand bag, looking at them both she pulled something from it, a rectangular piece of card. “This says ‘Jessica Rowland + 1’” She declared.

Both Jessica and Linford’s eyes opened wide and they both exclaimed “No way!!”

“Mrs Harris was there as well this morning, I mentioned that u hadn’t had an invite, so she gave me this and said to bring a girlfriend that hadn’t been invited.”

Linford’s face dropped, Jess still had the widest grin on her face but then realised what her mum had said. “Oh no, you said girlfriend, but what about Ford??”

“Oh I don’t know, a little lip gloss and his hair tidied up, he can slip one of your dresses on and he’ll easy pass for a girl, looks like Lin will be your cousin who’s here for the summer eh??” The mischievous laugh from Betty as she said this struck mortal fear into Linford’s soul.

“Don’t you start too Betty.” He whined, “I’ll never live it down if I go as a girl.”

“Looks like you’ll be spending Friday night at home then Lini,” Teased Jess.

Despondently he hung his head, what was he to do?? He couldn’t pass as a girl, no way, even in his pre-pubescent state, his voice, his masculinity would betray him. He’d never live it down; even if it was the only way he could get in to the party and make a play for Beryl.

“Oh man, this sort of thing always happens to me,” He said sadly, looking at the women, he saw the look on their faces that he dreaded. They weren’t serious surely, or were they??

Jess broke the silence, “Well, we could always give it a go mate. See if we can turn you from a butch, masculine type into a soft feminine girly type.” He glared at her, she continued. “We’ve got 5 days, I can teach you how to walk, act and talk just like a girl. My clothes will fit you, I’m not much taller and we’re about the same dress size, hmmm, shame you haven’t got boobs though.”

He carried on his glare at his friend, “What do you mean shame I haven’t got boobs?? I’m not becoming a girl for anyone. Not even for a fancy dress party, they all take the piss enough as it is. Besides, there is no way, I repeat, NO WAY; I can pass as a girl.”

Betty and Jess had tears rolling down their faces, tears of laughter, how they loved making fun of Linford when they were in this mood.

“You’ve gotta laugh Lini baby!!” Betty exclaimed.

“No I haven’t, you 2 are crazy to even think I could do it, I’m just not feminine enough.” He replied, his frustration starting to show. “I’m gonna go home and try to figure out a way to get in to the party, I’ll see you later.”

He hugged the 2 women and they both kissed him on the cheek and then he stomped out the back door mumbling “I’m not going as a girl”

Betty looked at her daughter, “You know, I’ve got a feeling Linford could pass as a girl and I think he knows it too. Hmmm, he was a little too upset about what we were implying. I think I’ll have a word with Jenny and see if we can come up with an idea to persuade him. After all, it is for his benefit.”

Jess looked thoughtful, “Ok, I’ll come with you mum, I’m sure between the three of us we can come up with something. If we could break his defences and show him, he might realise. To be honest with you, I think he’s in denial; he does seem to be getting a bit girly and moody these days. It’s as if he’s going through puberty as a teenage girl rather than a boy, if he starts budding, I swear, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

They laughed, although both slightly concerned, “Puberty is a funny thing Jess, it affects everyone differently, he’s probably just starting it now bless him, I bet his voice will break next, then he’ll be happy I think.”