Cassie came close, and knelt in front of me. "Listen to me, and listen to me good. Whatever you believe right now, whoever you think you are, for Mom–" she grimaced for a moment "–for Mrs. Auburn, you have to at least *pretend* to be her daughter, okay? If you don't, if you say that you forgot, or that your last name is Donner, she will flip right out. And believe me, she does not need that right now. So, until we can straighten out all the stuff that you don't remember, can you play along and be Juliette Auburn's daughter?"

---

 

9. Living The Dream
 

"She forgot again," Nina said.

"Oh, no!" Cassie cried. "That explains why you were acting like such a doofus! I mean, more than usual."

"Thanks a lot," I said. "But anyway, I'm not Marcie Auburn. How could I be?"

Cassie came close, and knelt in front of me. "Listen to me, and listen to me good. Whatever you believe right now, whoever you think you are, for Mom–" she grimaced for a moment "–for Mrs. Auburn, you have to at least *pretend* to be her daughter, okay? If you don't, if you say that you forgot, or that your last name is Donner, she will flip right out. And believe me, she does not need that right now. So, until we can straighten out all the stuff that you don't remember, can you play along and be Juliette Auburn's daughter?"

"Your mother's name is Juliette?" I asked.

"Your mother's name is Juliette. Got it? Will you at least play along? Call her Mom? Okay?

"You can talk about this to me and Nina and Dad — Mr. Auburn. But *not* to anybody else, or you could end up in the loony bin. Okay? Please trust me, this once."

"Okay," I said. "I'll trust you IF you quit swatting my buns."

"Fine," she said. "Until you remember, no swats."

She sat back on her heels and turned to look at Nina. "Maybe this time *you* should tell her the story, because she isn't going to believe me."

"Is it long?" I asked. "Because I'm going for a walk with your– with Dad in an hour."

"Oh, good," Cassie said. "He thinks you're all bummed out about Aunt Julia... but you don't even know who she is, do you?" I shook my head. "She's Mom's identical twin. So, as you can guess, they're *very* close."

I swallowed hard.

Cassie said, "Let's quick get changed, and meet back here. Then, Nina, you can give her the rundown so that she's got some idea before she talks with Dad."

Nina ran to her room. Cassie picked out a pair of jeans and a top for me. "These are your faves," she told me, and the moment I touched them I knew that I *did* like them.

"Thanks," I said. "Looks like I wear them a lot."

Cassie rolled her eyes. "You have a TON of really nice clothes," she told me, "but you wear the same old things over and over."

"I do?"

"Yes, you do."

With that, she left and I got changed.

As I did, I made a discovery: I'm a girl! A real girl. I suppose I should have noticed before, but what with all the... I mean, I was so disoriented... anyway, I didn't notice! But now I was noticing, believe me! Yes, I was girl in every way, in every part! All the way, through and through. I pulled down my underwear to look, and was stunned. I was real down there, too!

I would have spent more time checking myself out, but I heard Nina coming back, so I quickly finished changing. I was still zipping up when she appeared at my door.

"Hi," I said. "Do I really live in this mess?"

"Yes," she said. "You're the messy one. I think Mom's given up trying to get you to clean."

I looked around at the white walls and the windowless curtains. "And how come the room is so bare? Why isn't it more... girly?"

"You can never make up your mind what color you want or what drapes you want. Mom wants to choose, and Cassie would choose, but you say that *you* want to pick your own stuff, and you don't trust Cassie."

"Hmmph," I said. "And how come Cassie is always fighting with me?"

Her eyes opened as high as they could go. "Um, you fight with her, too. The two of you are always fighting."

"Why?"

She frowned and stared at me. "Because you're sisters." Then, remembering, she said, "Oh, but you forgot..."

"I forgot what? And where is Jerry?"

"Wait," she said. "Wait until Cassie comes."

"Alright," I said. "In the meantime, I'm going to start picking up this mess." I bent down and scooped up the biggest pile of dirty clothes. Then I looked around for a place to put it. There really wasn't any. Nina smiled, and I dropped the clothes back on the floor.

"Why don't we get some garbage bags?" she suggested. "Then you can bring 'em down to the basement and start washing them."

"Okay," I agreed.

"Cassie's going to take a while anyway."

We went down to the kitchen, and Nina grabbed a box of trash bags from under the sink.

"What are you girls up to?" Mrs. Auburn asked.

"I'm cleaning my room," I said. "Oh, and... uh... Mom... I give up on decorating my room. I'll never decide. So, if you want to pick... whatever color you want, I'll paint it."

She looked stunned. "Am I hearing right?"

"And for drapes and everything... whatever you want is good for me."

"Oh," she said, as if she couldn't believe it. She turned to Mr. Auburn and said, "Pinch me."

"You're not dreaming," he replied.

"Can I take your car to get some paint?" she asked him. He laughed and nodded. "Best to strike while the iron's hot," she said. "Before she changes her mind."

"I won't change my mind," I said.

Nina and I went back upstairs, and she helped me sort the clothes and stuff them into bags.

When Cassie came in, she said, "Can you do that and listen at the same time?"

"Almost done," I replied.

"Nina, stop doing that," Cassie said. "Sit with me on the bed and tell Marcie all about herself."

The two of them sat down. I quickly ferreted out the last of the dirty clothes and stuffed them in a bag. Then I sat on the floor, ready to listen.

"Okay," Nina began. "See... Where Dad works there's this machine. It's a time machine, and he went back—"

"Wait," I interrupted, shaking my head. "There is NO WAY—"

"No," Cassie said. "You wait. Just listen, and then when you go for a walk with Dad, you can talk about it. For now, just keep your trap shut."

I frowned, but closed my mouth.

"So anyway," the little girl went on, swinging her legs as she spoke, "He went back in time and switched you and Jerry when you were in the... um... in the two mothers' bellies—"

I was about to open my mouth again, but Cassie gave me a fierce look, so I shut it.

"And that's why you grew up as Marcie Auburn, and he grew up as Jerry Donner."

"So where is Jerry now?"

"In New Jersey, with his family, in Frickenitch."

"Flickerbridge," I corrected.

I didn't believe it at all. There was no way on earth that what she was telling me was true. I knew it was impossible, but I also knew that what was between my legs was impossible, so I listened.

For sure, what she was telling me was all a crock, but I was sure that eventually I'd find out the truth.

Cassie jumped in. "See, the last thing you remember is being on a plane, right? With a girl named Piggy?"

"Wiggy," I corrected.

"Whatever," she went on. "Anyway, that's when Dad hit the button, and everything rewound."

"The whole world?" I asked, incredulous. This story was beyond ridiculous. "If that were true, everybody would know what was going to happen next."

"No," Nina said. "The only people that remember are you, me, Cassie, and the two fathers: Dad and Mr. Donner."

"What about the mothers?" I asked.

"They didn't want to remember," Cassie explained. "Don't ask me why; I don't know."

"And how come nobody else remembers? And how come *I* forget, if this is true?"

"Nobody remembers because that's the way the machine works. Dad can explain, I guess. But I don't know why you forget. It used to happen, like, once a year when you were little, but since then it happens less and less often. The last time was just before school started, in September. But the time before that, you were nine or ten."

"What about Jerry? Does he remember?"

Cassie smirked when I mentioned his name. "No, he doesn't remember. He didn't want to."

"So why are you smiling like that?"

"You don't remember?"

I shook my head.

"Because when he came here, to stay with his Aunt Jane, the two of you were all over each other."

I turned red.

"Mom had a BIG talk with you... you don't remember?"

"It will come back to you," Nina threw in.

"Yeah," Cassie agreed. "Some time tonight or tomorrow you'll start to remember. When you were really little, you'd forget for days, but now, it's shorter. In September, it only lasted a couple of hours.

"Anyway, back to you and Jerry... Mom wanted to send you away with Aunt Julia, or to an all-girls school or something. She even thought about putting you on the pill."

"The pill?" I repeated, going white.

"She didn't want you to be a teen mother. Then you had to do that stupid fake-baby thing for Home Ec., and it seemed to help a little."

"Really?"

"There were times I thought we'd have to spray you two with a firehose to get you apart—"

Nina turned red and said, "If you two are going to talk like this, I'm going to leave."

"Sorry, Nina," I said, blushing myself.

"You were broken-hearted when he moved," Cassie said, pretending to pout with sadness. She wiped away an imaginary tear.

Ignoring the big-sisterly meanness of her remark, I asked, "So do I have a boyfriend now?"

"Not really," Cassie replied. "You keep that poor John Martin dangling..."

"I do?"

"Yes. You should either go out with him or dump him, but you let him run after you like a sick puppy..."

"Okay, okay!" Nina said, standing. "I'm leaving!"

"Wait, wait," I said, and Nina sat back down. "What about all the things I did, like climbing the building, and catching the baby, and running after the kidnappers..."

"Oh, yeah," Cassie said, remembering. "Um... you didn't do those things. You made sure they didn't happen. Like with Cory... I think you went and reminded him about his backpack or something. And the baby..."

"You got the conductor to make the mother sit in the closed car," Nina said. "So the baby didn't fall off the train."

"And the kidnappers..."

Nina looked uncomfortable. "You called 911 and said there were suspicious men outside the school, and you told them that the police were coming."

"So they got away?"

"Yes, but they didn't take that girl."

"Oh," I said.

"But now we're almost caught up," Cassie said. "Pretty soon, everything is going to be new."

"Yeah," Nina said. "I'm glad, 'cause it's been really weird, knowing what was going to happen."

Cassie shrugged. "It's had its upside, too." She stood up.

"So!" she said, "that's enough to get you going. Dad can tell you the rest. I have things to do. Come on, Nina, let's let Marcie dig through this stuff."

"Oh, wait!" I said. "Am I friends with Eden and Carla?"

Cassie laughed. "Oh, yeah! Eden's your best friend, and you and Carla are teammates."

"Teammates?"

Cassie pointed to the sticks in the corner of the room. "Field hockey? Lacrosse? You're fast, and Carla's strong. Neither of you are the best player on the team, but you're good. Your coach loves you."

"Coach?" I repeated, searching my memory. "Ms. Price?"

Cassie nodded, and the two girls left me to my work.
 

---

 

I looked through the closet. It was true: I did have a lot of nice clothes, but they looked as if I never wore them.

I pulled the sheets off the bed and carried them down with the other dirty stuff, and started a white load. Then I returned to the room, took another garbage bag and started throwing things away: old papers, wrappers from sports bars, empty Gatorade bottles... "What a pig I must be," I said aloud. Soon one bag was full, and I started on a second.

Next, I gathered all the books from the floor and from my desk, and organized them in the bookcase, tossing out piles of paper that I'd left on the shelves. While I was busy doing that, Mr. Auburn knocked gently on the door.

"Hello," he said. "Oh, look at that! There's a floor in this room! And a rug! I forgot all about that rug, I haven't seen it in ages!"

I laughed, and realized that it was the first time I'd laughed since I... well, since I woke up here. He smiled.

"Ready for our walk?" he asked. "Cassie told me what you girls were talking about. I'm sure you have a lot of questions."

"Yes," I replied. "Just let me get my shoes on."
 

---

 

"Based on past experience," he said, "I think I know what your first couple of questions are going to be: the first one is always Is there really a time machine?"

"Is there?" I asked.

"Yes and no," he said. "It's not a time machine, in the classic sense of the term. You can't get inside and go back in time. And it doesn't go forward at all. There are machines that do, but I don't think any of them are around right now."

I shook my head.

"Yes, I know," he said. "It's unbelievable. I can't go into a lot of detail, but it came from the future. We don't know how it works, but what it does is that it lets you look into the past and change small things."

"Like an embryo in a mother's womb?" I asked.

He coughed and said, "I know. Talk about unethical... Sometimes I can hardly believe I did this to my own family and to... well, to yours."

I looked at him.

"Oh, and there's something else," he went on. "I didn't know until I talked to... your... father, but... I had no idea that you weren't born a girl. I was able to change that when I moved you into your mother's womb."

"You mean Mrs. Auburn's womb."

"I hope you'll call her Mom to her face," he said.

"Oh!" I said suddenly. "How come the mother's didn't want to remember how everything used to be?"

"I don't know," he said. "I've thought about it a lot, but of course there's no way to ask them... I have a theory, though, that it was the only way they could go through with it. To ask a mother to give up her child... it's unthinkable."

"And yet, they thought it," I said.

"Yes, but you know... there is a reset button."

"Really?"

"Yes. If I hit it, everything will go back to the moment before it all changed. You'd be on that plane to... where was it? Hawaii?" I nodded. "With whats-her-name... Piggy?"

"Wiggy," I corrected.

"So, if things had gone horribly wrong, if everyone was terribly unhappy, I could always hit the button and send things back the way they were. Except—" he looked at his watch. "Huh. Maybe that explains why you forgot..."

"What?" I asked.

"You know, I honestly forgot, but we're getting close to the day when I pushed the button. I mean the first time around, while you were still Marcie Donner. Maybe this will be the last time you forget. Let's hope so, anyway."

"Why do I forget?" I asked.

"I don't know," he replied. "No one at work has any idea, either. But it *has* gotten less and less frequent, and your forgetting lasts less and less time. I think that sometime, tonight or early tomorrow, it will all come back to you. Not all at once, but enough for government work." He gave a wry smile.

"I'm sorry," he told me. "It was an experiment that I probably shouldn't have done, but it seems — aside from your occasional memory lapse — that everyone is happier this way."

I thought about my new anatomy, and nodded.

"Listen," he said. "I can still hit the reset button. It's the big UNDO. Like I said, you'd find yourself as Marcie Donner, back on that plane to Hawaii, and we'd have Jerry back. I'm guessing that maybe there's a month or so left when I can use the reset. After that, there's some kind of dissipation or degradation of the, uh, reset buffer, and once that happens, you can't go back. We'll all be stuck this way. So, if you feel like going back to way things used to be, let me know and we'll talk."

"And you'll push the button?"

"We'll talk about it," he replied.

"Okay," I said.

"And one more thing," he said, as he stopped and turned me to face him. I noticed that we were back in front of the Auburns' house — our house. It hadn't been a long walk, and now it was over. "I love being your father. It's wonderful having you as a daughter. I know that you and Cassie fight like crazy sometimes, but that's what siblings do. I think we have a great family."

"I think so, too," I said. I don't know what I based that on, but I believed it completely.

Then he opened his arms and gave me a fatherly hug that made me feel like I was in the right place in the world.

It was all crazy, and, honestly, the business with the time-machine was pure hokum. I didn't buy it.

There had to be a logical, reasonable explanation, and eventually I'd find it. Maybe I just imagined that I was Marcie Donner. Maybe it was all a dream, and my family — the Auburns — were humoring me now, trying to ease me through... whatever it was that was happening to me.

As we walked into the house, I thought, Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe this is a dream. Maybe Marcie Donner was a dream. Still, what's happening right now seems so real! No: it didn't *seem* real. It WAS real.

In that moment, I made my big decision: No matter what's going on here, no matter what the explanation is, I like this! I like being Marcie Auburn! Whatever's behind this, whatever the truth is, I'll let it go for now. I'm going to live this life, and I'm going to live it as well and as deeply as I can.

What else could I do, after all?

© 2008 by Kaleigh Way

[OTHER STORIES]