As much as I try not to, as much as I try to divert my attention away from the feelings of worthlessness, of intellectual and creative inadequacy, and the persistent question, "Why bother?", I'm finding myself slipping into depression again.
I recently turned 52, and it occurred to me--FINALLY--that it's too late. It's too late to do all the things I wanted to do when I was younger. At one time, I was a cartoonist--even made a bit of money at it once--but never hit the big time. I recently attempted to revive a comic strip idea that has lain dormant for about twenty years, but drawing has proved frustrating.
I have trouble with what should be simple things for a cartoonist--making a character look consistent in every drawing, drawing hands, drawing a character walking sitting, etc. It looks amateurish and always did, even when I was selling stuff. I start to draw, and soon give up in exasperation.
But even if I drew well, 52 is a rather late age to try to syndicate a comic strip, as I've always wanted to do. I've never heard of a rookie cartoonist who started at that age.
And writing. Oooooh, boy.
The problem used to be that I had no ideas. Now I have plenty, but am so paralyzed with fear I'm afraid to start. When I worked on my Christmas story (which I'm still debating whether I should finish) I was on the verge of throwing up many times, the fear of ridicule was so great.
The prospect of research always bogged me down. Unless someone were to lead me through the process, with a nice little organized list, I'm lost. In the story I want to do now (the child star one--see my "Random Musings" entry) I'm going to have to know the following:
- How equipment is set up in a TV studio (specifically the name of each light, and where they're typically located
- I have to decide whether I will have my main character hide away in a real Arizona town, or a fictional one. If a real one, I'll have to look up local landmarks. If a fictional one, I might still have to refer to/have the character go to/nearby towns, and will have to research them for authenticity's sake
- The warmup comedian character is Jewish, and I'm going back and forth about whether his family is observant or not. If they are, I have to research Jewish traditions. Dare I say it? Oy!
The last of the three is especially daunting, because if I screw that up, I offend an entire religious group.
But you see why I so easily get stuck and can go no further.
On top of everything else, I look at Katie Leone's work, and Nancy Cole's especially, and find my own attempts wanting. Despite having a college degree I feel incredibly stupid for not knowing as much about history as Nancy. And history is a subject I've always been interested in!
Overall, there's just the feeling that I've wasted my life. I spent it watching TV, films and cartoons. There's no point in furthering my education now (no one would hire me once I graduated) and no point in trying to have any sort of career, even in something I like to do.
OK. Rant over. I just hope my whining doesn't bother anyone.
Comments
I will be 57
in 3 days, I find birthdays in general depressing. Thing is, it beats the alternative.
It really isn't too late. It is too late when you are gone, but not before, so give yourself a chance. This from a girl (it still feels weird saying that) who didn't start transitioning until she was 55.
We all get better with practice. And no one is worthless, we all have people who love us and (whether we know/notice it or not) depend on us.
I'm 65
I've got no hesitation about starting a comic strip, I just can't manage my time well enough to keep it going.
Being able to draw well is not a big deal, really. Look at Dilbert and some other strips. It can be done.
Remember that Rex Stout started writing his Nero Wolfe novels at age 55 and continued doing so for over 30 years. He'd been a banker before that and didn't start writing fiction until age 50.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
51 here
I'm 51, the only time it's too late is when they nail the box shut.
Here's something Scott Kurtz (the guy who does the PvP webcomic) had to say about writers and age: http://www.pvponline.com/comic/2012/06/18/novel-idea And as for making characters look consistent: Take a look at Order of the Stick: http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0001.html Rich Burlew had just about zero drawing ability when he got started, and he still managed to make a hilarious web comic.
TV Studios: There are a fair number of images of what a typical studio looks like on the web. Even if you do get it wrong, most people won't know. Heck, most people will be impressed that you tried.
Towns: Set the story in a town YOU know well (the one you live in works quite well). Change all the names. Poof: Instant fictional town that you know all the details for.
Religion: Call your local temple, explain you're a writer and that you're researching Jewish traditions. Ask if there's anyone who could answer some questions.
Don't give up, it's not too late. Make YOUR stories, don't worry about what other people are doing.
Write about what you know
and don't get bogged down in the detail unless it's essential to the story. If there's too much it will put readers off.
Angharad
It has been proven
that birthdays are good for you.
The more you have, the longer you live. = )
At 68, you've just discribed my life.
I'm 68 and I started college, dropped out because my fiancee's family didn't approve of her choice and took her out of school, so I followed her. They didn't know we had the same home town. I think that they hoped I was from somewhere else and once she was gone, I'd simply find another girl... NOT!
Since then, I blew a chance at being an electrician because I waited too long to figure out how to get around a low GPA in high school. (A GED will do it.) I managed to get fired from the only good paying job I ever had and after bouncing around from one poor job to another, I've ended up as local delivery truck driver @ $ 16 an hour.
Writing, now there's something I love. Compared to Nancy and Katie, I'm a real hack. However, I enjoy it. I write the story that pops up within me. I never post until I have finished it. With the exception of "I Should Have Seen It Coming," I don't post until it's sat on my computer for a couple of weeks and I've reread it to see if it still seems like a good story.
As far as being frozen with the idea of getting everything just right.... Well my computer is littered with unfinished work because I either wrote myself into a corner, or the necessary information on some salient point escapes me. But even with all that I simply write and post what I can and let the devil take the hind-most. How can I do that??? It's simple... I write for me. If someone else enjoys it, well, that's icing on the cake.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann
I'm no spring chicken myself
and you're not dead yet, so you still got a shot at doing the things you love.
I'm old as dirt
Even my kids remind me of that. It sounds as though you're too hung up on the little things. If I read a story about lighting on a stage that takes more than a page, it's Bye, Bye. I use real locals in most of my stories and I haven't had one complaint that a street has a hump in it rather than a dip. You'd be amazed at how much information is on Google Maps. On this site, the story is about the person, not whether or not a town has a burger joint. Lastly, gathering information is fun, at least it is for me. If it wasn't for my ex I'd have never researched the Comstock in Nevada. Don't worry about whether anyone likes your stories, the only one that counts is you and whether you like them. Hey look at it as though you're cooking a meal, there have been plenty of times I screwed up, over cooked something or added the wrong spices, but you know what, the world didn't end and I learned not to make the same mistake again, and even if I did so what? I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, and I see what other writers do and sure I'd like to have even a tenth of the knowledge they do, but I don't and I'm also not going to write like them, which is why I read their works. I write my style and hope someone reads it, but if they don't, it's their choice. Just try to enjoy what you have, not what you don't, Arecee