Irrational fears. We listen to them all the time, they are fears we cant get past. Fears that keep us back afraid, fears that have the power to paralyze us from acting. These fears kept me in hiding for thirty-three years. I was so afraid that my world would come crumbling down I hid, terrified of loss.
I had finally made a plan to reveal myself to the one person who meant the most to me, my wife. I was prepared for the worst but hoped and prayed for the best. well it didn't go as planned. My best friend mediated for us and all my contingency planning went out the door. A moment of silence where I thought it was all over, and she said " I love you". I was stunned she loved me all of me. I had been living a duality that ate a piece of my soul every day, and in a flash it was over. It took me awhile to process this, to come to terms. All this time I had concentrated on what to do if this went badly. I had never thought about what would happen if she accepted me.
She knows and she loves me more than ever. We have a long road to go and there will be bumps, but we can get there together. I have the most precious thing in the world a partner a supporter a wife, who loves all of me. I don't need to hide from the most important person in my life anymore. The line from the Shawshank Redemption says "get busy living or get busy dying", we are living for each other.
I have told her of the many dear friends I have here, and how they had saved my life. BCTS gave me an outlet and support that I needed to get here. Here being a renewed life with not as much pain. The little depressing hispanic girl might be done with her sad stories maybe now she can write happy endings. Thank you to everyone that helped me to survive, I owe you a great debt. I will still write I have some things in the works, but for now I will cuddle up with my sweetie and rejoice in our love.
Smiles, Jennifer Cavazos.
Comments
Very nice to hear
Hugs to both of you and your friend, too.
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Jenn C Spouse, Wife, Partner, Friend, Lover, etc.
Jenn and I started dating in 2005. Fell in love and were married. She is the only person that has made me laugh in my whole life. She is the only person that loves me for me. She is the first person in my life that I did not have to pretend who I was or wasn't and I was able to just be me. I am sad that she felt that she couldn't be herself or thought she couldn't. I am glad to be able to be with her during her transition. I am sad she doubted that I really loved her for her. I will doing my own writing about the Love Story of Jenn and Kathryn. Hopefully it will inspire others to know that when some one truly loves YOU they LOVE ALL OF YOU not parts of you.
Kathryn D
Well done that woman
Love is unconditional, you have it in spades. May it never cease.
Angharad
Angharad
Absolutely Beautiful
Jenn, Kath... you both give me hope for the future, your's as well as mine. You both are very dear to me, Jenn for 6 plus months and now you Kathryn. I hope that Dani and I will achieve the levels of love that i feel from you both when i "talk" to you. Just know that you have a friend in "americas hat" :)
Hugs to you both,
Diana
Happy doesn't begin to describe how I feel...
..I have been so grateful to get to know Jenn these past few months, and I've hoped and prayed for this blessed news; now also to get to know Kathryn as well! All my love to you both!
Love, Andrea Lena
So, so happy for both of you.......
I was truly hoping it would work out this way for you Jenn, way to go girlfriend! Kathryn, your one special woman, so nice to finally meet you hon. Big Hugs, Taarpa
This is wonderful news
And I'm sure we all feel the same joy for you, that you have such a wonderful person in your life.
Melanie E.
Jenn and Kathryn...
I am so happy for you two. I've had many friends over the years who went into a marriage without telling the spouse about their "feminine side", and when it came out, the marriage collapsed, either because of the secret being kept (and maybe a sense of betrayal that they weren't told), or because of common misconceptions people have about us (primary one being that we're all gay males, even though most crossdressers are straight). Some spouses end the marriage right away. Some give it a try but it's too much for them and they end it down the road. But I've known several who've weathered the storm and made it work and had a stronger relationship for it. I sincerely hope this for you, Jenn and Kathryn.
From the sound of it, Jenn, you sound like one of the lucky ones, a spouse able to accept you for who you are, even the parts she didn't know about until now, even if they may not have been what she was expecting or even wanting before now. If she can still love you, not only DESPITE that, but BECAUSE OF that side of you, hold on to her, she's worth more than her weight in gold!
But then, what do I know? I've never been in a serious relationship myself (before now). Although on the other hand, that may give me a perspective, an intuitive wisdom gained from being an outsider looking in (enviously) at all the relationships around me. I always knew I had something to offer that special woman (gg or tg, I didn't care), if I met her. But I had decided myself that I would tell her about my "Lisa Danielle" side before we married. If she left me over it, it was not meant to be, and I'd rather she do it before we get married and really establish the relationship. But I can understand why a lot of my sisters do not or have not done this. It's scary as hell. A lot of us are in denial or actively trying to "cure" ourselves of what is not something that NEEDS curing. Also, before the last decade, trans issues were not well known and what people did know about us were a lot of unfair, unflattering stereotypes and misconceptions.
But now I've met Diana, and we knew all these details about each other pretty much in the first week in our whirlwind introduction. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm still learning amazing things about her nearly every day. But I mean the important stuff, we've already mostly discussed already. It's so nice to have someone you can totally open up and just BE yourself with, and have her still love you, warts and all. Dammit, I'm tearing up just thinking about how nice it is. *laugh* (I'm a big bawlbaby.)
Anyway, how did this get to be all about me and Diana? I just wanted to introduce myself to Kathryn and say congrats to you both for having each other, and accepting the other fully. I hope you two are as happy as I am going to do my best to make Diana and I happy. (Even if we don't win the lottery.)
Lisa "Dani" Lore
Yay!
I love a happy ending. :)
Hug
- Terry
Happy Ending :D
I love happy endings. :) But remember, while this ends one chapter, it is the start of a new chapter in your live. I'm thrilled that your wife loves you and is willing to stick by you. May you both have a wonderful time exploring your new relationship together.
Hugs,
Mark <3
PS- I hope to find a woman as understanding as your wife someday. :)
Hooray!
Wonderfulness abounds. Joy for you.
-love, Ronni
Well shit, I guess it really CAN happen here..,
.
I am so happy for you, Jenn, and so proud of you, Kathryn...
I wish you all the joy and happiness that life with someone you love should and can bring...
God bless you both,
Ole
We are each exactly as God made us. God does not make mistakes!
Gender rights are the new civil rights!
God bless you both!
I can't tell you how wonderful Katherine's acceptance is, or how much it thrills me. You are both exceptionally special people. My love and best wishes go out to you two.
If I could, I'd wrap an arm around each of you, my heart swelling with pride and joy, and hug you.
May you have the best life has to offer all your lives. If I can ever be of help, just ask.
Your friend always,
Maren
Amazing
I find it amazing how you all are afraid to tell the 1 most impotant person & your life partner about the little girl inside. The most amazing part is that the wife is most times OK with the girl inside and hurt that you kept the secrect.
Jenn I am very happy that your love for each other has cross this major bridge
GOD BLESS both of you ALL MY LOVE RICHIE2 :-)
that's good news
its wonderful when a spouse is along for the ride