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So... I'm at a store where I shop regularly. Well, maybe I'd better preface this. First of all, my transition has gone so smoothly that I can't believe it. There have been a handful of people I knew "before" who haven't accepted it, but almost everyone has simply adjusted and moved on with their lives with me still in them.
okay, so now, as I said, I'm in a store where I shop regularly. The cashiers and workers there all knew me "before." I'm in the store and several of the workers there come up to me and, in the course of conversation, commence to tell me how brave I am, how courageous I must be and how they admire those traits in me.
HOW do I explain to these nice folks that it ain't courage? It ain't bravery? When in fact, it's simply assuring that I remain amongst the living? I don't want to rain on their parades or anything, but I ain't no damn hero! Bravery? More likely, desperation is more to the point. You know, when you reach that point where there are only two choices left open to you and neither of them is the greater evil? Transition or die. That's what it comes down to. Is it brave to choose life? Is it brave to willingly put myself outside the "norms" that society dictates to us that we must conform?
I AM pleased that these nice people seem to really care and accept what I had to do, but I get really embarrassed when someone refers to me as some kind of hero, or brave person. This is really a frustrating thing for me and I want to tell them that it isn't courage, it;s simply choosing life, but I don't want to hurt their feelings or anything.
So, is it MY perception, or is it theirs? Are they right? Is transitioning brave and courageous, or is it more surrendering to the inevitable? I'm just trying to live what's left of my life without jeopardizing myself or anyone else any more than what is absolutely necessary.
Does this situation happen to any of you, or am I the only one who perceives this as a quandary?
Lemme hear you all on this one, please?
Catherine Linda Michel
Comments
Bravery
certainly in their eyes they find you brave, probably because of all of the horror stories of women being beaten, raped, and even killed just because violent homophobic bastards cant leave their noses out of others' business... they live in fear but thank God they are just letting you be you.. Its not to much to ask of others personally I say to BY GOD be proud of who you are
'nuff said
This Happened To Me
A little, but I had this "wimyn just accept complements gracefully, etc." idea drummed into me at my support group. I used to argue that I didn't look wonderful or fit other complements, but after learning I'd just say "thank you", acknowledge that I had to be brave a little and let them keep talking.
Actually, I feel and felt just as you do, that I did not have any even slightly good other choice. My close friends who were trans already knew the situation and close friends who weren't just accepted me and didn't rave about what I did.
At the time, I believed that no one who wasn't trans and wasn't in the situation (of desperately needing to transition) could really understand how it is with us. If someone had a misconception, I thought I would have had no luck trying to get them to understand, so I didn't try.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
They are entitled to their opinions
and to them it takes courage, so just accept it and move on. It's better to be seen as someone with the courage of their convictions than as a weirdo or some sort of pervert. Don't worry, it'll stop when the novelty wears off.
Angharad
To them and others around you,
Catherine Linda Michel is a role model and respected for transitioning. There maight be others girls or boys near you who need your guidance in their journey.
May Your Light Forever Shine
being brave
people tell me I'm brave too, and I just dont see it. I'm saving my life, that's all.
Well...
I think that life is filled with brave choices one way or the other. Not often, but even in a broader sense, even some folks in the at-large TG community have said things that have made me feel not brave at all. We all do what we can when we can with as much strength as we can summon, I suppose. And I feel inauthentic half the time anyway, being so far back in the closet that I keep running into the Pevensie clan. But even after all that, I still consider you very brave indeed.
Love, Andrea Lena
Catherine....
I too received many expressions of my "bravery" or "courage" & could not understand why I was getting that reaction. After many "thank yous" for I knew not what, I finally came to an answer of sorts. The fact that I had changed gender was, to them, such an in-comprehenceable act that it must of taken tonnes (metric tonnes) of courage. By the time I got my mind around my confusion, I knew that the only way forward was to switch, which I promptly did. It only took until 67 years of age to figure myself out & I was then in a hurray as the train I was on had left the station & was picking up speed.
Just relax & go with the flow. Say thank you with a big smile & compliment any woman on her dress sense or any man on his obvious good looks & move glowingly on.
Ruth
May the sun always shine on your parade
It's hard...
...to explain anything to someone who hasn't been there. To be honest...I don't know that any explanation from you is necessary. It simply might be one of those situations where one takes the off-handed compliment with a nod and a smile whilst thinking 'arse hole' and move on to more pressing issues.
I once heard a conversation that went something like this: White person: I can image how hard it must be to face racism all the time.
Black person: Oh...so you were once black.
It's kind of the same with us. How do you explain that what you are doing/did is a driving need as strong as the urge to breath air or eat food? Ultimately we all handle these things in our own manner and in our own time. This is strictly how I feel about a very difficult situation.
Strength to You Always...
Da Brat