She's tired, not physically, but emotionally. Tired of trying to get by in a world she doesn't understand. She doesn't understand the people and, not surprisingly, they don't understand her either.
Getting into her car, she heads west on the highway. Any route aiming west would do but she chooses the shortest one she can find. Interstate 80 gets her most of the way but once in Salt Lake City she turns north on 84 to finish her journey.
Non-stop it would take her over twenty-five hours to get to her destination. There is no hurry, so she splits it into three parts and doesn't rush herself. She fully intends to enjoy this trip. It might even take a bit longer depending on the sights along the way and she's okay with that. She also wants to time her arrival so, while not worrying too much, she does try to keep an eye on the time she is trying to arrive.
She's made at least five trips like this before but they all have ended up failures and she is determined to make it work this time. She has a plan, she knows her destination, and there is nobody around to stop her making it there.
A few miles short of Twin Falls, Idaho she turns off the interstate and approaches the Snake River. This area is part of the Snake River Canyon which has very high bridges crossing it. She pulls over at one end of the bridge and checks the time; less than a half hour to sunrise. She's very happy with her timing and very glad that Mother Nature has given her a clear sky to enjoy that sunrise.
She bundles up because the wind is quite cold, especially this time of year, and walks out to the center of the bridge and looks over the canyon to the east. A beautiful sunrise is there to greet her as she reaches her destination, well, almost to her destination.
As the morning sun is lighting up the bridge, the canyon below is still full of darkness. She leans forward to look down into it and feels a peace that she has never been able to feel in her previous forty-five years.
She looks one last time into the morning sun, closes her eyes and leaps into the waiting darkness.
That's how she has it planned...maybe tomorrow, but not today.
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Comments
Her Plan
This is the way any plan to jump off a bridge should end - By not doing it - there is always a way to get help to prevent these thoughts, seek them out!!
Richard
On the brink...
...been there, happily haven't done that, but it's only by the grace of God that plans fell through. It's not dying, but the not living, you know? I've been blessed enough to find out that living beats any alternative. Thank you for such a personal glimpse.
Love, Andrea Lena
Her Plan
Hopefully her plan will give way to a new alternative.
Hopefully this story continues; we identify with her feelings and desperation. No two stories the same, but does she stay alone; can she find those to understand and encourage her by acceptance.
Hugs, JessieC
Jessica E. Connors
Jessica Connors
Whoever she is,
I hope that Her Plan will change. She needs love and understanding.
May Your Light Forever Shine
..
...
How many of us haven't
had a similar plan? Lord knows I have had a few myself but thankfully none of those plans actually took place to its finality!
Such sad thoughts in this story. I guess though that if a person is going t jump into a river then the Snake River is a good one although the Columbia River is a much better choice as the fish there are tons bigger so I'm told.
Then again a river in Alaska might be better as long as it is near freezing so death would be near immediate.
None of those choices attract me in any way as it is a one way street with no more choices to make in life or people to meet or to love or care for in some way! How ever in my past there were a few close calls but again thank the stars those close calls failed!
I now live with a very loving and sweet man who loves and cares for me deeply and I him.
My past worries are all gone. Now today I have new worries but they are not the old haunting ones that plagued me for so long.
Vivien
This is a great in depth soul searching story.
The reason she doesn't jump in to the Snake River, is because deep down she feels that there is hope for her plight. There is not one transgender person who hasn't thought about ending it all. But, somewhere, deep down in our psyche, there is a that voice that says, "no, there is hope". I have thought many times about what it would be like for me to not be here on this earth. Then I realize that there are those in my family that accept me for who I am. I have friends, both main stream and transgender, that care about my psychological as well as my physical health.
A person who ends his or her life, may not have any more earthly problems, but they are hurting those that actually do accept and love them for who they are. In 1964, Peter & Gordon came out with a song called "A World Without Love". If we look around us today, we see people just going their separate ways and not caring about anybody, including themselves. If every human being committed suicide because nobody cared about them, there wouldn't be any people left on the face of the earth.
Stand up, smooth out your skirt or dress, shoulders straight and head held high. Show the world that you at least love yourself to continue living. Thank you for sharing this very short, but important story with a very important message.
"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."
Love & hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."