Valentine Sweethearts Forever - Epilogue

by Jennifer Sue

I actually wrote main post and ended it as I did intentionally hoping to get some controversial feedback. That was only the first part and for the contest. Please note that none of the adults had consented to Collin's decision to become Colleen. All they did was to use the blockers to stop his anxiety while also aiding Sarah to overcome her fear of males.

*****

Linda and Sheila accepted Colleen’s declaration of existence with love. They encouraged Sarah to help Colleen learn to be a girl. Of course they also cautioned it was too soon to okay a MTF transition, that would have to be approved by Dr. Watkins and such a finding would take months or possible years. Upon seeing the frowns on the youthful faces they quickly added that did not mean Colleen could not stay until such approval was forthcoming, but in fact spending time living as a girl would be a requirement of approval. Sarah and Colleen hugged their mothers and cried tears of relief and joy.

Just because Linda and Sheila didn’t object to Colleen’s declaration of girlhood didn’t mean they agreed. Dr. Watkins had explained the issues Collin was having with masculinity. It was clear Collin felt an overwhelming guilt for his role in the initial tragedy. It really ate at him that he had been proud of manning up to drink the alcohol as a sort of rite of passage from boyhood to manhood. Collin’s confidence and trust in men had been crushed by the tragic accident that took the lives of the fathers. The poor handling of the grievous incident by his male buddies and male peers at school only reinforced his malformed conclusion that being male meant being stupid. The fact the girls in school supported and sympathized with Sarah as she went through the same heartache only aggravated his alienation. Dr. Watkins cautioned Collin had to purge his anger of machismo before he could begin to rebuild his self esteem.

The horrid incident at the dance only aggravated Collin’s loathing of macho actions. Sarah’s reaction of fear and distrust of males, while a natural consequence of the sexual assault, had multiplied Collin’s issues ten-fold. Sarah’s unwavering open affection and support of Collin during as he wrestled with his guilt had been the one thing that had remained steadfast up to that point. After the dance incident, Sarah was unable to be there for him since he was male and even though she knew he had saved her and that she still loved him, the violence of saving her was the anger of a man and she could not handle being around anything manly. That cut Collin to the bone.

When Collin had demanded the testosterone blockers, Dr. Watkins had spoken to the mothers and fellow doctors. They all agreed Collin needed the blockers to enable him to get past his fear of the ‘poisoning’ effects of testosterone. Only once his fear was assuaged could he begin to heal. Having him on blockers would also help. Sarah overcome her unwanted but unshakable angst over being close to a boy. By bringing the pair back to a state of mutual acceptance, both could heal.

Dr. Watkins also cautioned the mothers that there was a possibility Collin might take a headlong plunge into pseudo-transgenderism. The worst thing that could be done was to react negatively as it could hurt both children. The plan if that did happen was to allow Collin to explore girlhood, to rebuild self-esteem right along while he and Sarah resumed their mutual affection. It was hoped that when the novelty wore off, Collin would realize that while he might like some aspects of being a girl, he also had innate aspects that enjoyed being male which would resurface once the trauma had been conquered.

Since the duo were still being home schooled, the fact Colleen was present for lessons was not an issue. The retired tutor had been briefed about the possibility and had agreed to cooperate. Sarah and Colleen quickly became inseparable. Both had sorely missed their close friendship. Of course, Sarah was more than willing to erase any lingering trace of the boy as she sculpted her BFF Colleen into a prissy girly girl.

After months of self punishment and repression, the freedom from boyhood allowed Colleen to soar. As the days passed, Colleen reveled in exploring the secrets of femininity.

When Colleen and Sarah next saw Dr. Watkins, she had them in a shared session. Both were effervescent in their outlook and enthusiasm. It was only when Colleen announced Collin was dead that Dr. Watkins objected.

“Colleen, I appreciate your feeling that Collin is gone, however, he may not be dead. Before you protest please listen. You hated Collin because he was a boy and you want no part of being a boy. No one is disputing those feelings were real. But please take a moment and think back. Before the accident, did you dislike being a boy?”

Colleen frowned. She wanted to say yes, but in her heart she knew she had not hated being a boy before. “No, but I hate it now!”

“That is understandable,” Dr. Watkins replied. “But the fact you didn’t hate being a boy before is important and must be dealt with. Before we do, I want you to think back again. Before the accident, did you want to be a girl?”

Colleen frowned again, then blushed and shook her head. “No, I never thought of it.”

“That too is understandable,” Dr. Watkins answered. “But that is an issue that must also be addressed. Before you can be approved as a transsexual, we must be absolutely sure you are a girl to the depths of your being.”

“But I can’t EVER be a boy again,” Colleen sniffed as Sarah wrapped her arms about her BFF.

“That might not be entirely true,” Dr. Watkins declared softly and continued before Colleen could object. “I’ll agree you can’t be the boy you were before the accident. You don’t want to be the kind of man your fathers were. But that does not mean you can’t be male. Not all men need to be tough and macho. I’m not talking about being a sissy either. There is a middle ground. Some men, some gentle men, blend masculinity and femininity just as some women do. There are men who enjoy spending time living as women while still being men. Of course there are all sorts of extremes in those men. But on the whole, they are caring and considerate. They take the best of manhood and moderate it with a bit of femininity. These men are transvestites. Some just dress as women for a kick. Some do it for a sexual thrill. Most do it simply because they enjoy doing it. They respect women so much they want to emulate them. They have a feminine side they like to express while still keeping the masculinity they also like. The lucky transvestites find a female who understands, encourages, and loves them for being so secure in who they are inside they can express both genders. Those couples have the best of both worlds. Man and wife and best girlfriends. You looked up transsexuals on the Internet, now look up transvestites.”

“Sarah, you love Colleen, but you also love Collin,” Dr. Watkins turned to her. “Before the attack, did you dream of Collin being your husband?”

Now it was Sarah’s turn to blush but she nodded her head. “Yes.”

“Since the assault, you’ve been repulsed by anything that reminds you of those boys,” Dr. Watkins continued. “Even Collin, who you love and was doing all he could to control and temper his masculinity, was too painful a reminder. That’s why you had difficulty being in the same room with him. You never questioned the love you felt for Collin even though you knew he is a boy. But now that he has put off all pretense of being a boy, you can be near once more. All that is understandable. Now, are you a lesbian?”

The sudden question caught her off guard. “No, I’m not a... lesbian.” There had been no hesitation in her reply since it was a gut reaction. The question had pulled several bricks from the protective wall she’d erected to keep masculinity at bay.

“I’ve never seen any evidence that you might be a lesbian,” Dr. Watkins smiled. “Even now, after your assault, you are still heterosexual. The problem is that you’re scared of being near guys. Again, a normal reaction. You’re obviously devoted to Colleen. With Colleen disguising the boy, you are once more able to face him.”

“For both of you, the main issue has been distrust and fear of masculinity,” Dr. Watkins spoke softly. “Colleen has hidden Collin. The disappearance of ‘boy’ has allowed you to resume your friendship. The love you feel for the other, is it based on the physical being or the mental being? In other words, do you love the soul or the body, the essence or the physical?”

Colleen and Sarah exchanged frowns of confusion as they thought about that question. They loved the essence. They looked long and deep into the soul of the other and both knew the answer... They loved the essence.

“Think about these issues until our next session,” Dr. Watkins smiled. “Colleen, explore girlhood. The time you’re spending as a girl is allowing the angst of being a male settle. The fear of growing into a brutish man stopped you from thinking about the various options of being a boy. Now you are free from the testosterone poison you can go back to being the person you were. Now, I have another question for you to think about. Before the accident, did either of you distrust your fathers?”

There was no hesitancy in shaking their heads.

“So for virtually their entire lives they lived good, respectful lives,” Dr. Watkins reasoned. “They made one bad choice, lost their lives and turned your lives upside down . Did that one mistake destroy the love you felt for them?”

Tears filled the eyes of the kids as they shook their heads.

“So Colleen,” Dr Watkins asked. “Can you see now why I said Collin is not dead?”

“Yes,” Colleen whispered as Sarah nodded her agreement.

“Excellent,” Dr Watkins smiled. “Colleen, I think you are a girl, but I don’t think you’re the whole of the person inside. Collin is also part of that person. One does not have to die for the other to live. Think of Collin as a caterpillar. Right now he’s curled up in a cocoon morphing into a new being. While he’s going through his metamorphosis Colleen is exploring girlhood. The Collin that emerges will be male, but a much refined male. One both of you can be proud of. If you feel like Colleen, be Colleen. If you feel like Collin, be Collin.”

The kids did a lot of thinking about the Collin/Colleen conundrum. They grew to realize that the boy was still in Collin’s soul. They realized that the boy both had been living in fear about was no more. What remained was the good aspects of boyhood. A week after their session, Collin timidly returned. Sarah had overcome her fear of Collin the boy by realizing it the person inside that mattered. Spending so much time with Colleen had shown her the goodness that existed in the person she loved. The much changed boy’s return was a major step in overcoming the demons that plagued them.

With the aid of Dr. Watkins and with the unwavering support of the mothers, Collin grew stronger. With his return, Sarah began to conquer her fear of males. Colleen was not absent. They had researched transvestism and thought it would be a wonderful compromise. Some days Colleen came to breakfast, other days, Collin appeared.

By the end of the school year, the testosterone blockers were cut back just enough to let male puberty start. While Collin and Sarah agreed they wanted a male, they did not want a hairy deep voiced man. They wanted a nondescript guy who could easily pass as a female.

By the end of the summer, both had recovered enough they could return to school. Collin was the student but Colleen usually did the homework. Collin avoided the Neanderthals but made friends with the geekier guys. Sarah picked her friends back up and no one objected to Collin accompanying them to the mall. The girls were a bit jealous that Sarah had a boyfriend who had opinions about fashion and appreciated what a girl endured to be pretty.

Sarah and Collin married right out of college. Colleen still made regular appearances even after the children were born. The kids loved aunt Colleen. For them, it was natural to have a supportive and caring father who was also their doting aunt.