I dreamed this, it was like Indiana Jones meets the Ghostbusters....
by Erin Halfelven
Two young men attending Illuminated University go out on a field trip, a special assignment. Their task is to retrieve the Book of Infinite Gestures from one of the Hell Dimensions, left behind when the previous class failed to matriculate.
Arnie is a black American, good with weapons and devices, and has a flytrap memory that never lets go of a fact.
Pierce is an Englishman, expert in languages, codes, and ciphers and a form of unarmed combat that mixes parkour and karate.
“You’re shitting me,” says Arnie. “what would you call that, parkorate?” Pierce runs around the room, floor, walls, ceiling; snatches Arnie’s beanie and slaps him on top of the head.
“Hey!” says Arnie, grabbing his hat. “Don’t come to me next time you need help opening your locker!”
They have adventures in Hell and return with the prize, a copy of The Book, autographed by Asmodeus.
“Congratulations,” says the Dean. “You’ve passed the first term.” He doesn’t mention how much they have been changed by their adventures. No longer raw young students, they have become seasoned researchers.
As reward, the Dean gives each of them copies of the Book of Infinite Gestures, the Tome of Impossible Proofs, and the Hermetic Codex of Unasked Questions. The books are enormous, burnt around the edges and stained with unnameable liquids.
Their next assignment, prepare a lecture for the incoming class on “What is religion?”
They retire to a library table on the crenellated wall of a cyclopean castle to work on this.
Arnie pours spiced yogurt into a pocket sandwich while Pierce paces around the parapet.
“You’re supposed to be taking notes,” says Pierce.
“I’ll write them up later. I’m listening, but you ain’t saying nothing,” Arnie says.
Pierce mutters then says, “How about this? ‘Religion is man’s attempt to deal with the infinite.’”
“Sounds like math.” Arnie takes a bite and chews then says, “And you ain’t politically correct.”
Pierce nods and tries again. “Religion is humanity’s attempt to deal individually and personally with the moral implications of eternity.”
Arnie squints at her sandwich, then at Pierce. “You mean like when that succubus swallowed your testicles?”
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Comments
Erin... you are shifty writer -- grin ---
you slipped in TWO clues as to what happened to the two male students on their special assignment.
The first is, and I quote.
>>
“Congratulations,†says the Dean. “You’ve passed the first term.†He doesn’t mention how much they have been changed by their adventures. No longer raw young students, they have become seasoned researchers.
>>
So is it just that they are *seasoned* IE grown up, acting more like adults or.... He clearly wanted to say more about how MUCH they had been *changed* but did not.
The second clue was in the rest of the story neither is referred to by ANY gender pronouns UNTIL the very last line, I quote.
>>
Arnie squints at her sandwich, then at Pierce. “You mean like when that succubus swallowed your testicles?â€
>>
Arnie is referred to now as HER and a "succubus swallowed your testicles" rather implies Piece is also now a female.
Liked the use of BIG words as well..
Nice to see them dusted off and used once in a while.
Short, tight and devilishly twisted tale, Erin.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
I think John
said what I was thinking! :) A very twisty tale, Erin. So There and back again, mostly?
hugs
Grover
Yup.
Twisty and even funny.
Maggie
Snort!
Great twist, it made me laugh when I read that last line.
Have delightfully devious day,
Tasty Treat
This is good, dare I say, tasty. At least that's probably what the succubus thought.
Thanks and kudos.
- Terry
Got to love them thar Rocky Mountain Oysters....
Though as for the donors...
YIKES!
I guess they got it right when the named them Succubuses.
NO HITTING!
Erin, the fastest pun in the west. And mistress of miss-direction.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
okay, so I had to read it a couple of times
before I figured it out.
Erin,
you have some mighty strange dreams!
Angharad
Angharad
Mountain Oysters
come from any male farm animal that gets gelded, or goes to the smokehouse.
May Your Light Forever Shine
Short but sweet
It was very short but also very funny and twisted. It just goes to show you don't have to write a novel to give people a good read :)
I loved the last line.
Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3
I keep wondering...
"No longer raw young students, they have become seasoned researchers." I keep wondering if there's supposed to be a double-entendre or something.
I did notice the thing about the Succubus, but it took the second reading to notice the pronoun in that sentence.
-- Daphne Xu (a page of contents)
Hint
There was a subliminal hint in that line. Look at the last four letters. :) Your unconscious probably picked up on it but your awake mind couldn't see it. :P
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Half-decade-old comment
I can't even remember what I was thinking when I wrote that comment half a decade ago. By any chance, would that be "researc-HERS"? I'm afraid that I'd be among the last persons to pick up something like that. "Research," "researcher," and "researchers" are just too common for me to detect that kind of subliminal suggestion. (My field of education was physics, if that helps.)
-- Daphne Xu (a page of contents)
Subliminal
That's what subliminal means. :) If you pronounce "researchers" mentally with a California accent, it comes out "research-hers". Probably in other American accents, too.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.