Synopsis:

With the funeral over, Simon has to come to grips with his new life as Charlotte.

Story:

A Different Plane of Existence

By Karen Page

Edited by Angel O'Hare

Part Eight

"Simon, wakeup," said Kelly trying to wake the sleeping boy.

Simon eventually stirred and after a few noises of resistance asked, "Are we nearly there yet?"

"About ten minutes," said Kelly. "I just wanted you to have chance to wake up."

"Thanks," Simon replied sarcastically. "Where are we?"

"On the outskirts of Gloucester," informed Kelly. "That building to the right is the Walls ice-cream factory."

"Wow, that’s so cool," Simon said, giving a small stretch.

They drove for another five minutes before climbing up a very steep hill. At the top, Kelly turned the car towards Holcombe. This road was narrow and was only one car width wide, with the occasional passing lay-by. After many twists and turns, they eventually turned right into Kelly's driveway.

Kelly stopped the car in front of the large house and said, "Welcome to my home."

Simon carried in his bag containing his personal belongings. The only clothes he'd brought were the suit he was wearing and something to wear tonight. Kelly opened the front door and as they walked in Kelly said, "Why don't I show you to your room and when you've sorted yourself out we can have a chat in the sitting room?"

Simon nodded his approval and Kelly took Simon up the stairs to the bedroom which would be his while he learnt what he needed to learn. The bedroom was tastefully decorated but was a bit feminine for Simon's tastes. She then left him to look around his room while she put on a light supper.

Simon took out of his bag a framed picture of him with Kirsty and his parents taken a few weeks before they were supposed to go on holiday. He held the photograph in his hands and looked at the three people he loved. Two were dead and the other was lost to him.

"Even if I found Kirsty how could she ever love me?" thought Simon

Simon stared at the picture, "Mum, Dad, I hope you don't mind what I'm about to do. It hasn't been an easy decision and I'm still not sure if it is the right one."

Simon continued to stare at the picture, hoping that his dead parents would communicate that it was okay. Nothing occurred, so after five minutes he placed it carefully on the bedside table, gently stoking his finger across Kirsty's face.

Apart from his toiletries, Simon didn't have anything else to unpack so he went down to the sitting room. Kelly was there waiting. "I've put something simple in the oven to cook. While that’s happening, let's discuss how we go forward."

"That makes sense," agreed Simon as he settled himself down.

"Let me just recap where we are and how you've got here. You were impaled by wreckage from the terminal building collapsing and were given a sex-change. After much thought you decided to try to learn how to live as a woman; which is where I will try to help. Last week you had your first session of electrolysis to remove your facial hair. Is that correct?"

"Essentially," replied Simon. "A rather blunt interpretation of the events but basically correct."

"You've started through puberty," continued Kelly, "but your features don't appear to have hardened too much. You have some facial hair which we will continue to remove. The one thing that is going to make it difficult for you to pass is your prominent Adams apple."

"So what's the point in all of this?" Simon complained. "Why learn how to be a girl if I'm going to be seen as a boy pretending to be a girl?"

"There are ways around it," stated Kelly. "You could wear jewellery around the neck or there is surgery to remove the Adams apple."

"I don't think I could cope with more surgery," stated Simon.

"Don't worry about it," Kelly said reassuringly. "There is a lot of time to go and you have a lot of work to do before you decide what you do."

"A lot of work?" questioned Simon. "Surely I only need to remove the facial hair and put on some girls clothes."

"No Simon," said Kelly. "There is a lot more than that. You have your speech to correct. The way you walk is masculine and you think like a male. You may not have a penis but in your heart you are still a man."

"I didn't realise I have so much to learn."

"You do, I'm afraid. Look, why don't we eat, watch a little television and then you go to bed and sleep on it. Dr Ruiz told you that you could stop anytime you wanted to and that includes not starting."

Simon thought about things and nodded his acceptance. "Thank you for making sure that I'm happy with this. My life has already changed more than I could ever imagine. I never wanted to be a girl; I still don't. However, I now have the body of a girl and I have to try and live with that."

"Can't you just live as a boy? You might not have a penis but that doesn't stop you being accepted in the world as a male."

Simon sighed, wishing that was an option. It was obvious to him that Kelly hadn't been told about his special operation.

"I don't think that is an option," Simon replied sadly.

"Oh and why's that?"

Simon shook his head, trying to stop himself getting upset. "Please don't ask. I just need to move forward."

After the light meal, they went back to the sitting room to watch the news.

"Doctor's have revealed in tomorrows Nature journal that they have succeeded in the world's first womb transplant. The details of the donor and recipient are not revealed but they were related," said the news reporter.

"Wow", said Kelly. "That'll help a lot of infertile women."

Simon didn't hear. He was concentrating on what was being said. His heartbeat had skipped up a notch as he listened to see if anything gave him away.

The science editor came and used snazzy graphics to explain what had been done. Simon sat there fascinated at what had been done while Kelly sat there wondering why Simon was so interested in this.

"Now joining us in the studio is Suzi Leather from the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority. The government formed the HFEA in 1991 to regulate experiments regarding human fertilisation as well as IVF and donor eggs, sperms and embryos. Ms Leather, what are your views on this exciting new procedure?"

"The result we will have to study over time. However, this was a new and experimental procedure. The reasons why it occurred are not mentioned in the article which is highly suspicious. I've launched an immediate investigation into Dr Millard's operation. It appears that the operation, due to a transplant of tissue involving fertility, should have been regulated by the HFEA. No request to carry out this operation was ever received. I've consulted with the General Medical Council and they agree with my interpretation of the rules. Therefore, as of twenty minutes ago, the GMC have suspended Dr Millard pending a full investigation."

The newsreader who was interviewing Ms Leather looked surprised and it obviously had ended the expected line of questioning. The newsreader soon gathered his wits. "But don't you think that this is valuable research that will aid infertile women?"

"I'm not saying it isn't," smoothly replied Ms Leather. "However, there are rules in place so that doctors don't perform unregulated procedures. Dr Millard broke those rules. I will be asking leading fertility experts to examine Dr Millard's works and if it is safe, put in procedures to protect the donor, the recipient and any child born. This procedure will give extra medical complications to any child born. Their birth mother won't be their biological mother. There will need to be an investigation to see if rules regarding surrogate parents can cover this area."

With Dr Millard being suspended a vital link for Simon was gone. How would he explain to other medical people that he was a boy with a womb? Simon thought about telling Kelly but how could he explain that he was the person they were talking about. Would she think that he was a freak? Simon couldn't take that chance.

Even though Simon was tired he stayed up to watch more of the news. Strangely though, there was no further mention of the story and eventually Simon went to bed, very unsure of his future.

Sleep didn't come easily to Simon as he had much on his mind. Should he continue with the quest to learn to live as a woman? What would people think if it came out that he was the person who had received the donor womb? Would Kelly still be willing to help? Would he ever find a permanent foster home?

Kelly in her own bed also struggled to sleep. There was something about Simon that didn't make sense. What did he mean that living as a boy wasn't an option? Simon had been given an artificial vagina when his penis had been removed. There was no reason that she could see why Simon had to live as Charlotte. And what was this obsession he got about the medical issue on the news. I know he had been under Dr Millard but it seemed very strange.

The next day soon came. Simon had only had one strong nightmare and Kelly only had to comfort him for twenty minutes. Things were improving.

"Well, is it going to be Simon or Charlotte," asked Kelly as she opened Simons curtains, letting in the morning sun.

"Charlotte. Today is my tenth day since I came into existence. Like I said yesterday, its' not physically possible to be Simon anymore and I have to move forward. Charlotte is my future. There is no point in my looking back. I have to move on."

"Okay, Charlotte it is. Well Charlotte, why don't you go and have a shower while I find some clothes for you to wear. Please don't shave so you can build up hair for electrolysis. Then during breakfast we can discuss our plans."

When Charlotte came back from her shower, she found lying on the bed a pair of panties, a top and a skirt. Charlotte looked at the panties and noticed that they were the same style that she'd accepted at the hospital. She donned the panties and the top. The skirt, however, was a different matter. It was a female piece of clothing, which identified her as female. Charlotte sat at the edge of her bed and stared at the skirt; her mind wrestling between her past and her future.

Having heard little since Charlotte had stepped out the shower; Kelly came up the stairs and looked in. She saw Charlotte sat at the edge of the bed, her gaze not moving from the object in front of her.

"It's okay," said Kelly as she sat on the bed next to Charlotte. "You don't have to wear a skirt. Would a pair of trousers do?"

Charlotte didn't say anything for a moment while her mind digested the new options.

"I don't know," Charlotte eventually sighed. "It's like another part of me dying."

"Another part of Simon dying?"

"Yes. I suppose it's silly really as I've decided to live as Charlotte and I already wear girl's panties."

"Girls these days very rarely wear skirts. The only reason I chose one was I thought it would be less painful where you'd been operated."

"Thanks for the thought but the swelling went down quite quickly. Dr Millard did a good job. Would wearing a skirt help people see me as a girl?"

"Perhaps as it is something only a girl would wear. A US Senator said in 1952, 'If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck; it's probably a duck'. You are going to find it difficult to achieve these things without work. A skirt just gives one extra push.'

"Okay, I'll try," Charlotte reluctantly replied.

Kelly stayed with Charlotte as she stepped into her first skirt. Kelly had deliberately chosen a plain denim skirt, hoping that Charlotte would have not found it too extreme. If Charlotte was freaking out at such a simple skirt, Kelly knew that Charlotte had a long way to go.

During breakfast Kelly outlined the plan for today. "There are three areas which I want to start with; voice, deportment and familiarisation."

"Huh?"

"Huh? Do you mean, 'excuse me?' or 'can you expand on that?'"

"Sorry, can you please explain what you mean?"

Kelly gave a small grin and continued, "Your voice sounds masculine and is going to take a lot of effort for you too change that. Deportment is the way you sit and move. That needs to change to a more feminine style. Lastly familiarisation is getting you used to things a girl would understand. For example, you might not want to wear makeup but a girl would know the different items. Is that acceptable?"

Simon thought for a moment. "Yes, but what about electrolysis?"

"You will need to wait a few days for the hair to grow before we can start on that. Anything else?"

"Two things. Can we get a copy of Nature so I can see the article and when am I due to get the stitches removed from my abdomen?"

"I believe Dr Smith, from the Charing Cross hospital, is due to travel across to see you tomorrow. She wanted to do a follow-up check. Since she is travelling all the way from London, she will be staying for lunch. After breakfast I'll nip into the neighbouring village to see if I can get a copy of Nature. Holcombe is too small to have a shop and I need to go in and find out why my newspaper wasn't delivered this morning. While I'm out I want you to start looking at some teenage girls magazines. They have articles on makeup and will give you some ideas what children your age, and younger, think about."

Charlotte nodded her head in acceptance. This was all a bit much to take in. Her life as he knew it was over and she was scared of the life to come. After breakfast Kelly went to get a copy of Nature. Charlotte took the crockery through to the kitchen to wash up. After clearing round she went into the sitting room. There on the coffee table, as promised, was a selection of teenage magazines.

Charlotte sat down and started to flick through them. Allsorts of things were discussed ranging from boyfriend troubles to fashion and makeup. A whole world that had been hidden to her was opening up.

"This I can do," thought Charlotte to herself. "I'm good at studying and research. If I treat this as a research project then things might be a bit easier."

After reading one article on the problem page, Charlotte put down the magazine in amazement. "I only thought boys thought about things like that," Charlotte thought to herself. "I'd never heard girl's discussing things like that at school."

When Kelly returned she found Charlotte sprawled across the settee, music blaring from the music system. Charlotte was engrossed in the article she was reading and didn't see Kelly enter.

"Ah hem," coughed Kelly as she switched off the music. "I know some people like music as they read, but in future can you not have it so loud."

"Sorry. Did you manage to get a copy of Nature?"

"No, it seems that there was a fire at the distribution warehouse and all copies were destroyed. It also affected my newspaper, which was also distributed using the same distribution network. Do you mind if I put on the news?"

"Go ahead," replied Charlotte. "I've just finished this article on different flirt techniques."

"You read that!" exclaimed Kelly in shock.

"Well I thought it might help me understand girls better. If I don't read articles like that, how am I going to be able to fit in?"

"Not all girls flirt like that. You don't want to get yourself a reputation."

"I didn't say that I was going to flirt, just that I wanted to understand."

"You're attitude seems to have changed remarkably since this morning," observed Kelly. "Why?"

"I decided to treat this as a research project; sort of like studying for my exams. So far it has helped me not get too stressed about things."

It was just coming up to ten and Kelly switched on the news.

"Police are investigating a string of arson attacks at newspaper and magazine distribution depots. Nobody was injured but there has been damage of nearly a million pounds."

"Well that's the reason why I couldn't get a copy of Nature," said Kelly. "I wonder why a group would want to burn all those newspapers."

"It's probably the television stations trying to make people watch the news on the box."

"After seeing the news, why don't we have a look on the internet? I'm sure that Nature has a website."

"Thanks," Charlotte replied putting down the magazine back on the coffee table.

A short time later the computer was powering up. After the PC decided it wanted to reboot due to an update to the anti-virus program, they managed to load up the web browser.

"Any ideas where to look," asked Kelly.

"Why don't we try www.nature.com," Charlotte suggested. "The journal sounds big enough to have its own domain."

Charlotte tapped away and a few seconds later a screen came up informing them that the website was down for maintenance, following a hacker attack had defaced the website.

"Look, if you're so concerned about Dr Millard, why don't you telephone the hospital," suggested Kelly.

"Would you mind?" Charlotte replied.

"Not at all, or you could ask Dr Smith tomorrow."

"That sounds even better. They always seemed very busy on the ward and I wouldn't want to disturb them. They are probably even busier if Dr Millard is suspended."

With a way forward, Charlotte put her worries about being discovered behind her. There was an injunction about her name being revealed so things probably were going to be okay. She spent the rest of the day doing strange vocal exercises and doing strange walks.

"You've done well," informed Kelly as she said goodnight to Charlotte.

"Do you recon I'll be able to go back to school before the end of the school year?"

"You're certainly not like other school children," smiled Kelly. "Most would love to have a few months off."

"I always liked school and I miss the learning."

"Just think of this as a different type of learning. You're learning something a lot harder than History and Geography. You're learning how to live as the opposite sex, while retaining your own personality. That isn't something to be sneezed at."

When Kelly had left, Charlotte lay awake, thinking about the day. The caring way that Kelly had treated her made Charlotte feel that she wasn't going through this awful experience alone. With those comforting thoughts Charlotte drifted off.

"How did you sleep?" queried Kelly, the next day.

"With my eyes closed," quipped Charlotte. When Kelly seemed at a loss Charlotte continued, "Last night I didn't have any nightmares. It was the best sleep I've had since the incident. Will that be the end of the nightmares?"

Kelly thought for a moment, wondering how to respond. "Probably not, you have had a terrible trauma and you don't get over it quickly. Your nightmares will probably diminish in their severity but the incident will always be with you."

"You really know how to cheer someone up, don't you?"

"Sorry, but it is best to tell the truth about these things. Learning how to live as a girl is just a small part of your time here. You have to learn to live with what happened to you. That is probably a much harder part. You have the loss of your parents as well as your own loss. That isn't something easy to deal with."

"I think I'm only just beginning to realise that," Charlotte replied as Kelly put a comforting arm around her.

"Now let's have breakfast before Dr Smith turns up."

It was a good job they ate when they did as quite soon after finishing washing up, the door bell rang. Charlotte took off her washing up gloves and accompanied Kelly to the door.

"Hello again," said Dr Smith when she saw Charlotte.

"Hi," Charlotte replied.

"Let's go through to the sitting room," suggested Kelly.

We all trouped into the sitting room. Kelly nodded her head in approval as Charlotte straightened her skirt before sitting.

"How have you been?" Dr Smith asked Charlotte. "Any pains?"

"Only the one in my heart," replied Charlotte. "Your..." Charlotte paused and swallowed hard before continuing, "Handy work appears to have been mostly painless."

Dr Smith nodded, knowing how hard it was for Charlotte not to call the operation a mutilation.

"I need to remove some stitching and check on her health," stated Dr Smith. "It might be more comfortable for Charlotte if that is done on her bed."

Charlotte looked at Kelly for her permission. "Up you go. I need to make a few phone calls, so come down when you're finished."

"Please remove your skirt and panties then lie on the bed," requested Dr Smith as they entered Charlotte's bedroom.

When Charlotte was lying down, Dr Smith lifted Charlotte's top and examined the stitches. "You look to have healed very well," murmured Dr Smith. "I'm going to remove your stitches. This might hurt a bit."

Charlotte gritted her teeth as Dr Smith removed the stitches as gently as she could. The old adage of boy's not showing the pain was still strong in Charlotte's head

"It's okay to show pain," prompted Dr Smith. "I'm sure that removing those stitches hurt."

"A little," Charlotte acknowledged. "It's difficult to change the way you've been brought up."

"Just a little?"

"Well it hurt a lot."

"Does admitting you were in pain make you any less of a person?"

"I suppose not," admitted Charlotte. "I'm not like many of your other patients, am I?"

"No," confirmed Dr Smith. "It is very rare that we have patients like yourself, who require the services of Dr Millard, that don't want the surgery. I hope one day that you will be able to find peace with yourself."

"So do I," responded Charlotte wistfully. "So do I."

Charlotte lost herself in her thoughts for a few moments before asking, "I'm surprised you were able to get away, with Dr Millard being suspended."

"Dr Millard is no longer suspended," replied Dr Smith. "Soon after the suspension was announced a visitor met with Dr Millard. Soon after, the suspension was lifted."

"Who was it?"

"I'm not sure, but afterwards we were told that your operation mustn't be discussed with anyone."

"Well that’s a bit late; it was discussed on the news and in Nature."

"I'm not sure. I was just told not to discuss the nature of the operation with anyone. Dr Millard said that everything else would be taken care of."

"Well I'm not planning to discuss it with anybody," reassured Charlotte. "Can I get dressed now?"

"Of course. Now there is nothing stopping you having a sexual relationship, but I'd rather you wait till after your first menstruation."

Charlotte turned white at the thought and was nearly sick. "I don't think there is going to be a problem with that."

"I suppose not. Sorry for the suggestion."

"So you think the transplant was successful enough that I'll have periods and be able to have children?"

"It's still too early to tell. If you do have a period, then please let me or Dr Millard know. I'll go downstairs and let you finish getting dressed."

When Charlotte finished dressing she went downstairs to find Dr Smith waiting at the foot of the stairs.

"Ms Baxter was on the telephone, so I waited out here," explained Dr Smith. "I didn't want to disturb her."

Just then Kelly appeared. "You should have put your head round," she chastised. "So is everything okay?"

"I've removed the stitches from Charlotte and checked her over. Physically she appears to be healing well from the operation. I'd like to check again in a week. Is that okay with you both?"

"I doubt I'll be anywhere else," Charlotte quipped and was silenced by a stare from Kelly.

"We will be here," replied Kelly. "We might have got you to a stage of being able to leave the house by then."

"Within a week?"

"You never know," Kelly responded. "Think positive."

We all walked to Dr Smith's car, the sun beating down on Dr Smith's gleaming red BMW convertible.

"If you have any problems, just ring the ward. Sally and Jasmine have been asking about you, I'm sure they would be happy to hear from you."

"Next week why don't you come for just before eleven, then you can have lunch. It's much better than a service station on the M4."

Dr Smith laughed. It was the first time that Charlotte had ever seen Dr Smith anything but serious. "If there isn't surgery scheduled for next week, then it's a date."

"Well done," praised Kelly as they walked back towards the house. "Your motion is becoming less stiff and I can tell you are trying with your voice. It will take a while for things to become second nature, but I can tell you are trying."

"Well all I want is to get on with my life. I don't like trying to be a girl but I've no choice."

Kelly shook her head puzzled at why Charlotte didn't think she had a choice. However, she could see that Charlotte had enough on her plate without trying to get her to change her mind.

"Charlotte, I know there are things you've not told me. However, I'm not going to pry. Just know I'm here if you want to discuss things. I'm a good listener."

"Thanks Kelly," Charlotte replied and leaned across and hugged her guardian. When it dawned on Charlotte what she'd done, she gave a yell and ran into the house. She ran up the stairs and into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Kelly stood by the entrance wondering what was going on.

After failing to come to any firm conclusions, Kelly climbed the stairs to find out for herself. As she reached the top, she heard sobbing coming from her charges bedroom. Kelly quietly opened the door to see Charlotte lying naked on the bed; her clothes strewn across the bedroom floor.

"What's wrong?" gently asked Kelly as she sat on the edge of the bed.

For a long time there were no answers, just tears. As if from nowhere, Kelly produced a box of tissues and handed them over. Kelly waited patiently for Charlotte to calm down. She would stay for however long it took. Kelly couldn't take the chance of leaving Charlotte while she was in such turmoil. The room wasn't as safe as the one at the hospital.

As the crying diminished from a torrent to a gentle patter, Kelly again asked what was wrong. Again there was no response. Eventually the crying stopped and Charlotte fell asleep. Still Kelly stayed in the room, watching over her charge, her mind full of thoughts and theories. Kelly pulled out a blanket from the top of the cupboard and covered Charlotte, not wanting her to get cold.

Eventually Charlotte stirred but Kelly didn't; she just sat in the chair observing. Charlotte eventually sat up and looked around the room, her eyes looked red and bleary. When Charlotte saw Kelly sat, waiting patiently, the memory of earlier came flooding back.

"Are you ready to talk about things?" queried Kelly, not moving from the chair.

"What's happening to me?" queries Charlotte, her eyes again watering up. "I just seem to be so emotional."

"That will be your body adjusting to your new hormone level. I presume you have a hormone implant, since you don't take tablets. If you are still overly tearful when Dr Smith comes next week we will query it then."

"Okay," wearily conceded Charlotte.

"Now can you tell me why you initially ran into the house? That was for a different reason."

"I hugged you."

"That’s a perfectly natural response," reassured Kelly. She got off the chair and went to sit next to Charlotte.

"But it isn't a natural response for me. Boys don’t hug like that."

"You're trying to learn to portray yourself as a girl. Hugging is just one of those things that a girl does."

"But I'm losing who I am. It's like Simon is dying and all that's going to be left is Charlotte. Simon was a legacy my parents left behind; someone to continue the family name and traditions. If Simon dies then who will be there to remember what my parents stood for."

Kelly opened her mouth to respond and then stopped. This wasn't a problem she had expected to come across. Simon was willing to try and become Charlotte but not at any cost. Kelly also found the way that Charlotte was referring to Simon as a separate person very interesting.

"I'm not trying to kill off Simon. The essence of Simon could never die as it is so strongly engrained into you. Your sense of responsibility, your kindness, your sense of equality are all noble items that will stand you in good stead as you live your life. Your parents did a fantastic job raising you and I don't want to remove that. I doubt I could even if I wanted to. You are you. The only thing I'm trying to show you is how you portray what you've been taught in a feminine way. Does talking in a female style make you less than what your parents taught you?"

"No."

"Does understanding fashion and make-up make you less than what your parents taught you?"

"I suppose not," conceded Charlotte.

"Did the hug you gave me depart from the manners and kindness your parents strongly instilled into you?"

"I suppose that a hug is just another way of showing manners and kindness," confessed Charlotte. "You're right. I'm sorry if I was silly."

"Never be afraid to show your emotions and fears," responded Kelly. "Just also never be afraid to tell me about them. I'm here to help you, not destroy you."

"Thank you," said Charlotte, as she leaned across and gave Kelly a warm embrace.

Notes:

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