I've been questioning where I am going. I will eventually become a woman on the outside, via SRS. I am thinking of moving faster in other ways, clothes especially. Basically I am currently androgynous. Chemically I might as well as be neutered.
HRT is barely started, but mentally it has been wonderful. I find I am scared and excited at the same time. My ironic sense of humor has made a come back, it is how I deal with things.
So here is the deal. When I was a much younger person my dreams let me know in no uncertain terms I was a woman, and when that happened I was with a man. I once a dreamed about being gay, it shocked me so much I jerked myself awake, and it has never repeated. I suspect my subconscious was testing scenarios with me. I have also had many dreams about being a man with a woman, but I tend towards the former.
When I was new to this site I was repeatedly told sexuality doesn't change. Recently several people at this site have disputed that, and I know of more than one friend (t-girls) that claim they were straight men, and now they are straight woman. So there is no stereotype that is true here. What is true for one is not true for others.
I wonder how many people that have complete transition also transitioned their sexuality?
It pertains to me a lot. I am open on the subject. I like woman, I like looking at woman, but lately there is no sex drive left. Lots of motivation towards loosing weight though. It is amazing how motivating the promise of removing ones manhood can be. Starting at 240 (post diabetes, pre-diabetes it was 270) I am down to 177. I plan on getting much lower, as a recent writer put it, girl thin.
So will I be a straight woman, a lesbian, or bi? I really don't care, other than intense curiosity.
What do you think?
I believe
I believe that our sexuality doesn't change... only the layers peel off that we put on them to hide them even from ourselves. I find that the longer I'm transitioned the more honest I've become about who I'm attracted to.
I also believe that humans are natively bisexual with leanings in one direction or the other and the rest is environmental. As we are exposed to men treating 'us' like the women we are... we begin to see them in new lights... and sometimes (not always) that means our previous version of hetrosexual 'orientation' swings as we realise we might have been fooling ourselves putting on a grand show for those around us.
As children we hear about 'fucking homos' and the die is cast... I'm not one of THOSE perverts... and when the die is broken by transition... a new die is formed... some jump in with both feet and some are dragged kicking and screaming trying to return the the safety of the act. Most find the die uncomfortable having experienced the freedom... it can no longer hold us and we 'change'
On the other hand... perhaps your environmental influence wasn't as strong as others when they forged your outward sexual orientation.
Dayna.
ps. I was a severely homophobic person... now I stare at mens butts... go figger.
after I started hormones I noticed men more
I dont know about being with one in real life, as my rape makes that idea hard to consider. I still look at woman too, so I guess I'm more or less bi.
That's just me, however.
OddPOV, I believe that you
are on a journey that will never end. Relax, and enjoy the ride. Only YOU can choose who you are. I say: find ouut who you truly are.
May Your Light Forever Shine
Me I just don't want a masculine mind in my partner
I did not appreciate men at all pre but post I appreciate them a bit more but the vast majority, not so much. Their masculine energies just does not mesh with mine and forget one that is too hairy *gag*. Young men, like puppies can be cute, and the dog analogy is very apt as I do not like them when testosterone has hit them too long. Thing is I moved from no way Jose to you better be the most damn amazing man in the world before I will want to bed you.
Everybody has different degrees.
Finally, HRT can be fine tuned that you transition while not losing all sex drive.
Kim
I really don't mind,
You have to understand how close I was to offing myself. That urge is gone, it is a fair tradeoff in my point of view. I was in a lot of pain. It isn't the HRT that did it directly, the decision alone was enough to break a very long depression. A lot of the time I had it I didn't really understand where it came from. Now I do.
It is not like I have a partner or anything. I have become more accepting (that was part of the problem, I couldn't accept myself). When it is time I suspect I will regain an equilibrium, I'm questioning what that will be.
My GT has commented several time that I don't have any problems with other people, but with myself I was harsh *sigh*.
Sex doesn't matter.
There is no disgrace and embarassment here. Our own minds are more devious than we imagine. Without going into all the extenuating circumstances, While I was married, I was never attracted to guys. Frequently during coitus, I would imagine myself as the woman in the act, however. For me the moral responsibility of caring for a wife and three children kept my focus completely. I love them with my whole heart and the loss of them frequently drives me to very dark thoughts.
Because of various happenings in life, my wife began to work long hours, and the children were increasingly absent. Old business began to surface and eventually GID became a terrifying aparition in my life. At first, it felt as if I had been kidnapped. But, eventually I began living as a woman, and discovered that I had always been a woman who pretended to be a man.
Now being post op by 6 years, I find that I don't crave sex. However, I do know that if some handsome, gentle giant with a powerful intellect came into my life, he could have me easily. I would melt before him. There is scant likelyhood of that happening.
A while back, a woman I talking to laid her hand on my upper leg. It was electrifying. I found that if in the unlikely event that we were both in bed and she did that, I would respond to her. But, with what? I have never tried lesbian sex. Hmmmm
At almost 66, I rarely even think of the act. My most recent stories don't even include it. It is a relief to not be plagued with the thoughts. I think of eternity more and more. Perhaps soon I will be there.
Gwendolyn
It really doesn't matter...
This is such a personal thing that others' opinions really don't matter much. It all boils down to how you feel, which may change as time goes on.
There have only been two or three males to whom I've been attracted to through the years. For various reasons, none were ever 'available' to find out what might have been. All ended up being dear friends, though.
My current wife (met and married after SRS) is very feminine looking, but has a very male temperament and behaviors. It's kind of a joke between us of how much a guy she really is.
Anecdotally, I know girls who have changed, not changed, or expanded, in about equal numbers.
So my advice is to do your research and then follow your heart. In the words of Mame Dennis Burnside, "Life is a banquet and most poor sons of bitches are starving to death!"
Janet
Mistress of the Guild of Evil [Strawberry] Blonde Proofreaders
To be or not to be... ask Schrodinger's cat.
Same title as Dottie's
I've posted this, probably in comments, a few times; I have no idea if you, oddPOV, remember.
I was living, going to work, etc., full time for 3 months before my therapist let me have HRT. He knew or was fairly sure I was a womyn right from the start, but he was just following HB standards of care. I was cool, living full time was de-stressing and gender euphoric at that point. One or two months on HRT, I was crushing on one cute, tall guy at work. I thought it was estrogen freeing up my womyn's brain. The guy was cool; we had to work together fairly often; when he saw me starring at him, I'm sure he could tell I was lusting and he just smiled. My pre-op adventures were mainly flirting with lesbians; I knew I had to stay away from guys till after GRS and after I had healed up.
Post op, and after dilating for 10 weeks, I was really getting the idea that some guy could do that for me. When I first started socializing, I joined the local tall club; waiting around for the voting (that I be allowed to join), this guy and I started talking, then flirting and later that night I took him home (and had fantastic sex). After 6 - 8 weeks, he had to go to Texas, turned out to be for 2 months, to take care of things after his father died. My next 3 BFs were losers and I was outed at the tall club by wimyn who knew wimyn where I worked (big company with 6+ locations on my side of the Phoenix area). I got lonely and decided that since the coolest people I'd ever met were M2Fs, I should try to be friends with one. I tracked down Kim, who I'd met once, she flirted with me big time and in a month she moved in.
I disagree with Dayna about sexuality. Like most LGBTQers, I think we are born with our sexuality; studies show het and gay brains are shaped differently. I also agree with what I've read more recently, that men's sexuality is more fixed and drifting into bisexuality from being only het or gay, is more rare than in wimyn. Either a larger portion of wimyn are born bi or they are more flexible about sex partners. I think many of us are more interested in love and a continuing strong relationship than we are about bodies.
I have to confess I used to be somewhat afraid of gay men when they hit on me. I thought gays were fine (and I was very attracted to lesbians since college), but if I had gay sex with a man, that meant that I was a man; that's what scared me. Along with this, I've never had anal sex, pre or post. Seemingly, having sex with wimyn was OK because I could have been a lesbian doing it, altho I was impotent with the same number that I managed to have sex with.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
I've not noticed..
I've not noticed any change in who I'm attracted to... (For which, given over 31 years of marriage, I'm very grateful!)
Of course, I've not been able to have any surgeries as yet (Active Leukemia gets in the way... Go figure.) I don't anticipate any changes either.
Annette
I wonder Too
That's honestly one of the things that has concerned me about if I ever were to do HRT/look into SRS. While I feel more like a woman inside, I enjoy my current sex life and am worried that would change. I guess it's probably a stunning lack of information about the effects of hormones and what the body is capable of post SRS, but I've heard different places that they can reduce or eliminate the sex drive.
I have the same kind of thing going on with my partner that janet does--we joke that she's really more of the man personality wise. Actually, I think sometimes she's not quite sure how to deal with that, but that's a post of a different color.
All that to say, you're not alone in wondering OddPOV.
-Rachel
I will never own enough cute shoes ;)
Visit me on Google Plus
When I first decided to transition...
I bought a lot of new shoes. I have backed off a bit, for one thing I'm shifting sizes fast. Even my feet aren't as fat, I slide around in the flats now. So, patience rules the day. I have to admit I'm looking forward trying some new styles out.
My GT (whom I consider a friend) mentioned she thought the fastest way to out yourself is being too extravagant. Women like comfort as well as fashion. I am not a drag queen, I just want to pass. I also want to wear an occasional dress, just because, but I don't want to get too carried away. I don't intend to spend hours in front of a mirror putting on makeup, but there are the basics. Being girly is a state of mind as much as anything. I am working on cleaning up my language (among other things). :D
Diabetes has not been kind to my feet and legs. They work OK, but the damage to the skin is probably permanent. It is many colors. Ah well, there are always tights and jeans.
My breasts are more sore than before, but I look at this as a positive. No visible changes yet.
BTW, the scales now say 175, but who's counting (durn straight I am).
YAAAAAY!
Keep on losing dem pounds girl! Believe me, you're gunna feel like a whole new woman once you get all that excess weight off your shoulders. And chest. And arms. And legs... Hehe. :)
Abigail Drew.
Shoulders
Were the first to change on me, they have become fairly narrow. I credit both weight loss and spiro. For a fat guy I had a lot of muscle mass, I did strength exercises but neglected diet when I started martial arts 20 years ago. Needless to say, I shrunk a little in the waist but gained 10 pounds.
Hey, I'm starting to show a collar bone! It will hopefully match the breasts I'm hoping to grow.
Now I walk (and walk and walk). You can not diet without exercising and expect to stay healthy.
When I was in college I hit 169 and thought to myself, I'm done. Stupid Stupid Stupid!
I expect maintaining is going to be the hard part, this needs to be a permanent life change (but hey, I'm doing that already!). I am still in the weight loss mode, it will be interesting how well I can maintain when I really reach my goal. Don't loose weight, but don't gain any either. Hopefully I will start having something like a figure by then.
A woman at work told me her method. She tries to maintain 120. When she hits 125 she starts a diet (similar to mine) until she hits 120 again. Repeat as needed.
Changing Sizes
When I gave up drinking Coke and lost 30 pounds over the course of a year and a half, I was totally surprised when my feet shrunk as well. I went from a size 8-1/2 to a 7ish in women... It actulaly made finding men's dress shoes (which I needed for work at that time) a royal pain.
Good for you for being able to lose so much and keep it off! Keep up the awesomeness.
Hugs,
Rachel
I will never own enough cute shoes ;)
Visit me on Google Plus
I have a lot of trans friends,
which isn't too surprising. I highly recommend finding people local to you who have a common interest, and it doesn't get any more common than this.
All of them are tall woman, the shortest is 5' 10 (I am 5' 9½"), and have been on HRT for over a year. Some think it is the spiro, others think it is the hormones, but all agree they have shrunk an inch or so. I see no reason to disbelieve them. Their feet have also shrunk a size or so.
I find some humor and irony in usually the first thing a man who decides to become a woman is start dieting like a girl. It seems to be one of the first behavior changes.
Start dieting like a girl...
You might be on to something, though I started dieting BEFORE I came out. How do you explain THAT one?
Abigail Drew.
Dieting
It's nothing to do with you coming out. You were a girl before you came out, so you started dieting then.
Make sense?
Penny
Giggle.
Perfect sense.
At the time I think I was partially thinking that my (poor at the time) diet was entirely to blame for my depression. After all, it was even worse while I was at school and that was when I went comatose! When I realized that wasn't the problem I started taking chaste berry for its mild opiate and soul searching which led to coming out... LOL.
BTW... I HAVEN'T reverted to my old eating habits. If anything, as I've learned more about my bodies specific requirements I've improved them even more. I still need to figure out a way to add more fresh veggies though, the only stuff I really like are dark green leafy stuff. Spinach and seaweed mostly. It's also really tough to do without either making a salad or a sandwich... And salads kinda annoy me to make and sandwiches are something I -really- need to avoid - while I love grains, my body doesn't.
Abigail Drew.
Healthy eating
I could still stand to improve my diet. The low calorie (and by definition, low quantity) diet has messed up my system a little, nothing painful, just need more fiber. To help compensate I have upped my intake of vitamins. It is not really a substitute, but it may help cover areas I'm missing.
The good news is when I do let go of the diet for a day my stomach has shrunk so much that I still not eating a lot. If it weren't for all the loose skin I would be a lot happier, but I'm not really complaining. I love buffets, so I hate them. How's that for conflicted?
It is funny, second day as full fem in clothes, but you could not tell unless you were really paying attention. I wrote an email to some t-girl friends I had a little fun with. I guess I am more relaxed about myself than most, one of them expressed concern it was too soon. For me transition day at work will involve a wig and possibly make up, very little else will be a lot different. After that I get to play with shoes (finally!), but I am finding a lot of this is state of mind. Clothes do help. BTW, the verdict from the email is a sports bra.
Subject: When is a problem not a problem...
OK, I went to work in a blouse. This sounds like a bigger deal than it was, given this was a simple button up shirt that happened to have the buttons on the other side. I suspect a few women noticed, but it is not certain. I used to wear a t-shirt, I'm about to give those up along with men's shirts. Small baby steps, that seems to be my MO. By the time transition day comes I would be happy if no one really noticed (that will involve a wig).
So here I am, in a simple blouse. I have been on HRT just a little over a month. My moobs have come back (thanks I think to spiro), but there are other things going on, real female style breast development. At this moment just a little swelling of the nipples, not very noticeable.
Until, of course, they get cold. Then the girls stand up tall and proud, kinda like another member used to do for me (and at just as awkward times). When I wore a t-shirt it was no big deal, but like many things, this is changing.
I don't see a training bra in my future just yet. A chemise perhaps? What is the best solution for this problem? Is it even a problem? I am basically an open secret at work. I don't have a lot of experience with this, obviously.
I would be lying if I said it bothered me.
And yes, I have no shame.
a theory on weight
If a person hates the shape of her body, gaining weight is one of the easy ways a person can change it. An overweight male body resembles an overweight female body more than a fit male body resembles a fit female body so without hormone therapy it's the closest some can get to feminine softness. It's unhealthy and self-destructive, but so are a lot of our behaviors.
Once someone takes the plunge and decides to transform her body for real, she doesn't want or need to hide it behind that layer of fat any more. Thus those beginning transition often start by dieting. There also could be motivation to take better care of her body now that she no longer hates it.
Does it change?
A straight man becoming a straight woman after srs, did the orientation change?
or did the interest change to match the new hormonal balance, KEEPING the orientation? [ I personally think it is this. ]
I'm waiting for my assessments for getting the srs, and have noticed recently, after 2+ years of hrt, that I'm now interested in men instead of women, and it is my own thoughts that the "straight" orientation is the same, the focus is changed from the change in hormonal balance in my body.
in the early 1990's at a women's conference in the Philippines, a small survey was done, on the 15 post op trans women in attendance. @ 40% identified as straight, 15% as bisexual, 4.6% as asexual, the balance as lesbian. of that, roughly 66% said their orientation after the surgery was different. at the time, it was only a poor 25% of them able to achieve orgasm from vaginal intercourse.
Stupidity is a capital offense. A summary not indictable.