My Mother Has Died

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My mother passed away yesterday evening in the hospice. My father, my wife, and I were in attendance at the time. Her last couple of days were so hard, that it's truly a relief to see her at peace at last. Now, the focus turns to my father. We need to keep him busy, and engaged, and dealing with the outside world. He has hobbies and interests and friends, and we're hopeful that he'll occupy his time and some of his thoughts with that. Several family members came into town already to see my Mom before she died in the hospice, and they'll be staying for the funeral, with others arriving this weekend, too. It will be good for my father to have relatives around.

It's the first time I ever watched anyone die. The staff in the hospice was caring and supportive all the way, not just towards my Mom, but towards the family as well.

My wife held me as I cried. My father didn't want to let himself cry. He gave her a final tender kiss on the cheek before he left, looked quite teary, but didn't let loose. I hope he did when he went home.

My wife and I left after thanking the staff, making a few phone calls, and then stopped on the way home at White Castle for a light, unthoughtful and unnutritious late dinner on the way home. Sometimes, that's just what you need.

Comments

White Castle

Well, i don't know about the Nutritious bit, but I do know it can certainly be "comfort" food...

My wishes for you and your family in this trying time. (Feel free to remove the blog or ask me to delete my comment).

A "fan"

Phrances

My Condolensces Pippa...

to at this juncture in your life. Despite the petty jabs we have at each other, I do care for you and extend my deepest sympathies to you from me and Erin, and all of your BigCloset family. We do love you and care for you. Please let me know if there is anything you do need.
I will do whatever I have to to make it possible.

Love
 

    Sephrena Lynn Miller
BigCloset TopShelf

Hugs

erin's picture

I fear it will be my turn to post something like this, soon. My thoughts are with you. I've already gone through this twice in the last ten years but it doesn't get easier.

Be well,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

On the wings of doves

A soul may fly on the wings of doves or of butterflies.
A heart is an earthbound thing.
It stays forever - - In the memory of those it has touched
and in the memory of those touched by those who remember
and in the memory of those touched by the hearts of those touched by those who remember
and in the memory of . . .

Hugs;Jan

My condolences, too, Pippa

Hopefully it will be quite a while before you go through this again, because it never gets any easier, particularly when it is someone as close to oneself as your mother, who probably had more to do with you being who you are, than anyone else before you were out on your own.

For most of us, our mother wss the one constant, part of our lives almost every day for at least 17-18 years, and someone with whom we have remained in contact ever since. I'm not talking down fathers, but for most, Mom was the one who was there to kiss it and make it better, to greet us when we came home from school, or just to give a hug when we felt bad about something.

Think of those things when you remember her, not just how she looked in her final days.

HUGs;

Holly

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

Holly

My Thoughts and Prayers

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, Pippa. I understand all too well how you feel as it was only six years ago that I lost my father.

You were wise to let yourself cry, and you'll weep more in the weeks to come, but healing will come with time. Taking time over the next few days to share tales of your mother will help, too.

Nicole (a.k.a. Itinerant)

--
"Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite."
Robert A. Heinlein

Nicole (a.k.a. Itinerant)

--
Veni, Vidi, Velcro:
I came, I saw, I stuck around.

Mom died in her sleep at home in 2005 but we knew it was coming

We went though a similar time in the winter and spring of 2005 as Mom lay at home with terminal cancer. She was talking and nearly her old self mentally the afternoon before, talking with a longtime neighbor and childhood friend of mine. She died around three or four AM, probably as she was trying to wake up.

They are the indestructable giants of our early childhood and it is shocking how soon we are their age and beyond and they are frail, dieing shells of who they were. Let Dad grieve but don't let him fall into depression. Encourage the hobbies. If he is healthy, encourage him to take those trips he never took, by himself, with one or more of you or in a group. My dad spent a month driving around Europe the year afte mom died, a week with my sister and I in Hawaii in December 2006 and spent a month terroizing the drivers of Australia this fall. He misses her but is in much better spirits. If he is young enough don't discourage a romance. My dad is 80, pushing 81 but if he found someone who made him happy? So long as it isn't Britney Spears.

Take time to grieve but it gets better, then why am I crying now?

John in Wauwatosa

John in Wauwatosa

Simply

Hugs Pippa
grover

Condolences

Pippa,

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. My Mom died in 1985 at age 53 of lung cancer. God bless.

Danielle

Daniel, author of maid, whore, bimbo, and sissy free TG fiction since 2000

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.- Oscar Levant

Pippa.

There's not much I can add to the sentiments already expressed here. I know how you must feel right now, and I just want to re-iterate what I've told you before. If you need me, please don't hesitate to call. I know that your family is with you and that will help you, but we are your family as well, and I know that everyone here feels your pain and loss.

You've been a special friend to me Pippa, and I just want you to know that I'm here for you, if and when you need me to be.

sympathetic hugs from,
Catherine Linda Michel

As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script. Y_0.jpg

What Can I really Say at this time?

And if I was still back there I would have tried to go to the funeral.

You will still constantly feel the pain for months. Eventually you will remember the good times and her great qualities. I think she gave you those qualities.

hugs

Shelly

Thanks To Everyone

Thank you everyone for your kind notes and condolences.

We had the funeral and burial yesterday. Family and friends flew in from all over. My father was happy to see everyone. We gathered at my cousin's house afterwards (his niece) for food and drink and some spirited chatting. It was so good to see everyone together. It was just the kind of gathering my mother would have enjoyed.

Some of the empty hollowness of emotion (shock?) is leaving me, and in its place I'm starting to see how much I'm going to miss her. I can't even imagine what this is doing to my Dad.