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Ok, folks I need your help and opinions on something that happened at work. I need to know if I am being overly sensitive because of my gender issues or do I have a valid complaint. I'm going to number these so you can follow the course of events.
1. On Monday our store tech room was getting audited so repair supervisor was at the store but not in tech room when this happened. My fellow tech was out of the room but my store manager was sitting in the room. While repairing a phone the volume button flew out of the phone bounced off my chest and ricocheted under my desk.
2. I could not reach the part so I got my substantial male frame out of the chair onto my hands and knees crawled under the desk to retrieve the part while under the desk I heard the camera shutter sound from my bosses phone.
3. I asked my manager to delete the picture but got no response whether he did or not and soon got distracted by finishing the repair and answering questions about the audit.
4. Today while at work about an hour before closing I got that picture sent to me with the text "you look good on your knees" the text came from a previous store manager I had worked with in this company for eight years I sent him a text back that said "f**k you" i probably shouldn't have done that but anyway i tried to call my boss since he was the one the picture had to have come from he ignored my call but sent me a text that " blank (my old boss) is drunk we are at a bar it was all in good fun bro (I really hate that word) don't get all bent out of shape" to this I sent him the message "bro in all good fun and with all do respect f**k off" probably shouldn't have said that either.
So now my problem these are two managers above me do I just let this go, do I involve the management ass*ole above them who is just as bad (bro), do I go to HR. I feel if this had happened to a real female it would be lawsuit city. But because I am a male it's all in good fun (bro). If I do go to anybody including HR I fear they the company will use this as a microscope to manage me out. See my previous blogs about that I have worked on my resume it is out there but no returns yet.
Two friends one who knows my gender problem and one who doesn't were split when I asked them they also know the managers in question one said let it go the other said talk to him with another manager in the room to at least get it on the record. Or am i just being a little crazy and overly sensitive.
I don't know what I should do please help.
Comments
you shouldn't cry
You should sue!!!
What you just described is called sexual harassment and it is illegal. You need to bring this up IMMEDIATELY to your HR department, or whoever else might handle such matters. Do not put up with this shit, or it will get worse. Both the person who took the picture and the one who forwarded it you should both be fired.
Katie Leone (Katie-Leone.com)
Writing is what you do when you put pen to paper, being an author is what you do when you bring words to life
*Big Hugs for Jenn C first!* Then save all that stuff.
Then take it to HR and get it handled. K.T. is right, you don't need to put up with this!
*More Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
I agree with Katie
You were sexually harrassed by people who have power over you. They also screwed up by actually sending you a text msg. DO NOT delete the messages sent to you and go report this incident ASAP. If your employer will not take any action then I suggest that you report the incident to your state's office that handle's sexual harrassment issues.
Sexual Harassment
was the first thing I thought of reading this post (even before reading the other comments).
Heck, even if you were a male WITHOUT gender issues, this would be sexual harassment.
Go. Be brave and cool, yet let them know this is NOT okay with you. We love you, sis (NOT bro). -Sigh
Sighs are the natural language of the heart.
-Thomas Shadwell
That's just it I'm not out no
That's just it I'm not out no one there knows about me. I am just some old fat guy who is a tech. Is it still harassment? I'm worried they will use this to performance me out because "why should he be offended its funny."
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
oh
oh you're old and fat, that changes everything. Then of course they have a right. In fact, I'm surprised that they haven't demanded you to give them the required blow jobs on the spot.
It doesn't matter what you look at. It was an inappropriate sexual comment. And, if the company gets rid of you (Which I doubt) do you want to work at a place that devalues you?
Katie Leone (Katie-Leone.com)
Writing is what you do when you put pen to paper, being an author is what you do when you bring words to life
yes
it is harassment
Meant as humor or not
It's still sexual harassment. Not only that, but it could also be considered defamation of character since this manager is circulating potentially compromising pictures of you to individuals who may have a say in your future career.
Have you ever given any sign that you found this kind of 'humor' funny in the past? If not, or if you have more so demonstrated distaste with this same type of thing before, then that could add even more weight to your argument.
Melanie E.
Males can sexually harass males
You have several points on your side. First, why did your boss take the picture in the first place? Can he justify it as part of the normal work routine? I would suggest that the HR people seize his phone (they can do that if it is in the company policy that personal cell phones can not be used at work) and look for other pictures that might be relevant to your complaint.
Second, if he makes the case that the photo is relevant to work, then why did he share it with a former employee. He obviously gave the image to the former supervisor, since that person had it in his phone to send to you. Discussing private employment details with an outsider has to be a no-no in any company's books, it leaves then wide open to a lawsuit.
Third, the wording of the comment is pure sexual harassment, and goes to the intent of both men when the photo was shared. Not harmless, not for purposes of employee evaluation.
I suggest you copy all the pertinent information and the photo to your home computer and a flash drive. Go to HR, make your complaint, and give them the flash drive to document what took place. Get a phone that will accept your SIM card, copy all your personal and work information to it, then take the phone with the evidence and stick it in a safety deposit box. Don't have one? Get one! Then talk to an attorney.
A lot of possibly unneeded work here, but if you do need it and you didn't safeguard the integrity of your data, you are screwed. It could only be more secure if you surrendered it to an officer of the court (like your attorney or the DA) or allowed it to be placed into property custody by the police. But for the DA or the police to have an open case, there has to be charges filed and you're not there yet. Until that time I'd keep control over the phone in my own grubby hands. People say I'm paranoid, I probably am, just a touch anyway. But I'm much happier taking precautions that weren't needed then not taking those same precautions and finding out too late you should have.
"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin
It is sexual harrassment not matter what your gender
or your gender expression.
You have every right to go after the managers,
But, you are right, they can decide to get rid of you for 'other' reasons. You are stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place.
I think working your resume and looking elsewhere sounds like a good idea. While you have a right to go after, them, whether you win or lose, the action of going after them can follow you for a long time.
So you may win and lose, and I don't have any 'you must do this' advice.
Holly
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Holly
Does your company have an employee hand book?
If so it should all be spell out there what to do and where to go. You don't have to stand for this kind of behavior! Sending you BIG(((HUGS))) Taarpa
Get a copy of the hand book!
Then beat the shit out of them with it!
Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!
(Mark Twain)
LoL
Rita
As I stated in my previous reply
You have an obvious case of sexual harrassment here. By all standards of Sexual Harrassment training I have attended, Military, Church, Civilian employment, it hit every single button required for filing a sexual harrassment case against both jackasses.
Definitely Sexual Harassment
Everyone has this right. Karen J has great advice. Back up the data/pictures/messages etc and keep several copies for yourself. File a complaint with HR and if your supervisor is not disciplined go to the State DA or whoever handles sexual harassment complaints. That includes OSHA. OSHA regulations state the employer must provide an environment that is safe and free of harassment. Also go talk to a lawyer. Document everything from the complaint, any comments made by other employees, emails, messages, etc. It is illegal to get rid of you for filing a complaint, but difficult to prove -- SAVE all information even if you have to keep a journal, that is evidence that can be used in court, if necessary.
Your feeling offended is normal. I'm not tg and I would be greatly offended if someone did that to me. You definitely have my support and prayers in this. Good luck.
Mark <3
hugs, sweetie
I'd take it to H.R., if only so they dont try and do worse. Good luck.
In my humble opinion!
Take your evidence to your solicitor/lawyer, and accompany them with your lawyer to your employers and sue for everything inc costs.
You can't afford to work there again as you will be treatd unfairly, make sure that they remove all offensive material and cover your expenses until you are fully re-employed elsewhere!
Good luck!
LoL
Rita
Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!
(Mark Twain)
LoL
Rita
At least talk with the HR
Rep about the issue. It can only get worse, and if you put them on notice it may stop now.
Keep the evidence for later.
Just curious, have you talked to your HR about being trans? It is a bit of a gamble, I know, but working for a largish corporation it was one of the first things I did. They assure me it will not be an issue. Going to support groups I have heard one major horror story about how it can go wrong though, which is why I mention the gamble.
Take it to HR
Seriously take it to HR,but first I'd talk with a lawyer an explain what happened an your fears that they may use it as a excuse to "phase" you out. Doesn't matter if your a guy or gal with gender issuses or a guy or gal without them it's still sexual harassment.
OH MY GOD YOU PEOPLE!
First lets put the issue in perspective without emotions.
Boss takes picture of a fellow worker on his(your viewed as male by him) hands and knees mostly under the desk. Probably a Kodak moment for whatever reason. From his point of view it was a cute and somewhat funny picture. From yours not so funny and asked it to be deleted which is your right.
He may or may not have deleted the picture,however as most people know not everything gets deleted on the first try as it sometimes goes into a trash bin where it can be pulled up again.
Later on your boss leaves to go meet your former boss for lunch supper whatever who possibly grabs his phone and looks through it and finds the picture which he sends to his phone then sends msg.
OR
Your boss could have shown it to him in good intentioned humour. Your former boss however took that a step above and made a comment that can be seen as sexual harassment, probably not intentional and he expected a humourous reply back if anything. He could have done this on purpose while under the influence but I doubt it.
Still you have to leave open the chance that it was meant as a joke and nothing more. If you take this up as a harassment issue, which you can as it is your right, you may be digging yourself a hole.
My advice. Talk to your boss and find out what the deal was. He may apologize to you right off and even help you if you wish to make a claim of harassment. The former boss may get a slap on the wrist small fine and black mark on his record but you wont have an enemy.
OTOH they may be total pricks and deserve it.
Jumping all over "sexual harassment" just because you are trans (regardless if your out or not) is not always the best way to do things. Some have done just that and yes the person who did it got fired but then again so did they and couldn't get a job afterwards as employers were scared to hire them.
Taking a photograph of someone
without permission in a work environment, where it is not a part of their job to be photographed, is subject to Federal and State privacy laws. Just because you work, a business cannot "do as they please" with it. Photographing someone like what Jenn describes falls under stalking, potential blackmail, and threatening behavior. Especially if Jenn herself does not get along with them well. Its reasonably expected that that behavior is not normal at all and failing to delete the picture(s) is a sign ill intent is involved. Even news media has limits on when and where they can do this as well.
Discussion within your company on cellphones and their place within your workplace should take place regardless of anything else: Whether they should be banned, or permitting only ones without camera features and no Internet access on the premises could be brought up. After all, it is a company and employees should be using the company phones for business. Cellphones with a camera and Internet access are not conducive to a proper work environment. Too much time to play with the camera and uploading to Youtube.
Potential recourse should include HR, secondly call your local news station that has a helpful resource department like channel 12 news in our area has and let them know this is going on and you would like possible news assistance to investigate or dig up the background on those people and broadcast it publicly. Bringing things to light like that makes the rats scurry to hide.
Wearing a "wire" would be an excellent option depending on which agency you have assisting you to record and monitor you while you confront your boss over the issue and get him to confess.
But above all else, do seek legal assistance and get a lawyer ready. ACLU is the most notable form of legal assistance I know of and there are free legal assistance teams you can ask in your area for help.
Sephrena
None of this has even mentioned the blog's author being trans
Because sexual harassment is sexual harassment, no matter who or what you are, and intended as a joke or not, the author had readily made it apparent they found the picture offensive as soon as they knew their boss had it, making the later circumstances irrelevant as simply keeping the picture was enough in my book to make the boss guilty of such.
Melanie E.
Stupid Man Tricks
If they know you're TG, it's definitely sexual harassment. If they don't know you're TG, it isn't, because they see you as another guy and this is just an example of what I've come to call a "stupid man trick."
For some reason, man culture sometimes involves enjoying humiliating other guys, particularly with scatological imagery. (Don't ask me why, I've never understood it and I'm so glad my husband and my son don't seem to understand it either). In a way, it's the real world equivalent of Beavis and Butthead sitting around watching the news and laughing because a newscaster said "intercourse" when referring to conversation.
I'm reasonably sure they thought taking a picture of your butt and texting a stupid comment was a "bro" thing and funny as hell. They probably didn't realize you wouldn't take it in the spirit it was intended, because they don't know you're not really a "bro." I agree that if it goes further, take it to HR. Nobody likes being humiliated. But calling it sexual harassment now will underscore the fact that you are a woman inside, and I'm not thinking you want that out yet, especially at work.
Take a step back and remember, they're just guys who think you're one of them, and apparently both of them have the emotional development of three-year-olds.
Hope this helps. *soft hug*
Randalynn
I like it...
Makes sense to me.
From a former fat IT guy's perspective
A picture from behind of one under the desk isn't all that bad really. I could see that have happening to me when I could work. I wouldn't have been happy about it. If it was spread around I wouldn't have been crazy about it. However aside from being grumpy, I wouldn't make a fuss over it. If the guys in question just 'guys being guys' as it were, then let them have their fun, and then its over. The bigger the reaction the longer the torment. It's juvenile, but not nearly as bad as what happens in fraternities.
It isn't sexual in nature. Unless there is a series of ongoing behaviors that all add up to harassment, I don't see this one particular incident as a big deal. Going to HR will get him warned and more than likely set up a true adversarial relationship between you going forward.
{{Hugs}}
Frank
Sexual Harrassment
There is much excellent advice above, and whether or not it falls under the guidelines of sexual harrassment, it needs to be brought to the attention of your Human Resources People as soon as possible. To the best of you ability, save EVERYTHING including the picture sent to you, and all related texts, and store it somewhere other than your phone. Have a copy to present to the HR people. You could start with just a complaint against the supervisor who started it, and let HR know if it continues, you will be filling a sexual harassment complaint. The comments made about ACLU are good also. If they at least know about it, they can be ready to go forward with it should you desire.
Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?
Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm