The Ranch, by Karin Bishop

Part 2

Chapter 4 — The Tutor and I Meet Lauren

Jackie had laid out some khaki shorts, a peach camp shirt and the sandals we’d found. I think she’d found these in Miranda’s things because they fit well. I had no underpants, of course, but she’d added a pair of white cotton panties, bikini cut, and I still had things tucked so they fit very well indeed. I liked the way they looked on my hips. I liked the way I looked in them. And I liked the thought of ‘my bikini panties’ …

After breakfast, Carl left and we had an hour or so while Jackie pointed out the washer/dryer and where everything was, detergent and bleach and such. Then she took me to her office and surprised me again, because she had a serious computer, printer/copier/fax machine, filing cabinets, and so on. Of course, you dummy, I thought; the ranch was a business, and a successful one.

There was a work table that I would use with the tutor, and Jackie said I could use the computer for assignments but maybe they’d better think of getting one for me, maybe a laptop. I asked if maybe insurance money from the fire could help out and she gave a pained grin, telling me to never hold my breath waiting for insurance checks!

Jackie explained the general structure of the ranch for campers, and I was looking through their brochures when the tutor arrived. She was a short, roundish, smiling lady that I found myself liking right away. Her voice was a little high and nasal, and when she laughed she’d sometime put a hand on her wiry reddish-brown hair. I suspected that she loved to laugh but thought she had to maintain her authority. Her name was Audrey Bevins, but she said to call her Mrs. B or Miz B; everybody in the valley knew her by that name.

The very next thing she said threw me. “And what shall I call you?”

My aunt stepped in immediately, snapping her fingers and saying, “I knew there was something I was forgetting. Miz B, excuse us for a moment.”

Jackie took me into the far side of the house and told me that Miz B had been already been told that I was slowly transitioning to a girl. I was amazed and asked how she could know that already, since I was only kind of figuring it out myself in the last couple of days.

My aunt looked guilty and told me that if I was mad, be mad at her later and not let it mess up things with my tutor. I agreed, and Jackie told me that she and Mom had been ‘talking for awhile’ about letting me see if I felt better as a girl, only they had loosely planned that Mom and I were going to spend the summer on the ranch, and if I agreed, she and Jackie were going to gradually introduce me to the female side of life, together. The fire had unexpectedly rushed things, but Jackie was proceeding as they had planned.

I was stunned. Mom was in on this? I started to get angry, and just as quickly I cooled off–how could I be angry at her while she was fighting for her life? As I cooled, other things fell into place and I realized how loving both women were, and why they were doing this, and that–amazingly to myself–I wanted it to succeed. I wanted to try life as a girl!

I told Jackie I wasn’t mad, and she said we could talk later, but the tutor needed a name for me. I had nothing, which relieved her, because she and Mom had planned that already, and the answer was obvious. I would be ‘Lauren’, just dropping the ‘ce’ at the end, and informally, Laurie. Surprisingly, I liked it immensely. I’d always felt Laurence was too pretentious, and I’d never known why my parents had spelled it that way instead of Lawrence. I’d sort of figured ‘Olivier, not Arabia’ or something. Regardless of how it was spelled, I was never a ‘regular guy’ enough to be a Larry.

Hmm …Laurie.

Yes. Things were becoming more serious, and more real. More in focus.

We told Miz B that I was Laurie. Jackie explained that she hadn’t told me that the tutor would know about the transition–not the fact that it was farther along than I knew. Jackie had informed the school district about me when she arranged the schooling. There had been obstruction at first, which she figured might be the case in a small, rural school district, but learned that it was just one religious bigot. Someone else in the district contacted her and smoothed things over and handled my registration. Jackie was also told that Miz B was a perfect match, coincidentally; she had a gay brother and was open-minded.

So …school. I’d been an average student, capable of better but kind of depressed. Miz B’s enthusiasm for learning was infectious and I felt like I was coming awake in the first hour. I really liked the one-on-one relationship, but she loaded me down with homework, too. Of course, I had two days to do it before her next visit, so it wasn’t so bad. We broke for lunch, but only after Carl had eaten and gone back out. It was rather nice sitting with Jackie and Miz B, chatting and listening and learning about some of the folks in the valley. Then back to work for another two hours, and we were done. Apparently, this session was longer than normal because it was the first ‘get-to-know-me’ type; other sessions will be breakfast to lunch. After my session, Miz B would be off to an afternoon session with the twins at Morningstar, the ranch over in the next valley.

As I said goodbye to Miz B, I realized that I was looking forward to her next visit. Imagine–me looking forward to school! Then Jackie told me that I didn’t have to work with Carl for the day, but I would work the afternoons on future school days. We had two hours left before Carl came in, so we talked about this whole transition thing.

I reassured her that I was getting excited about it, but worried about Carl. Jackie again told me not to worry, as long as I followed her advice. She admitted that Carl had been told a month ago that I wanted to be a girl–actually, he’d been told that it was some kind of murky medical, chemical thing. It had to be that way; as a rugged, 100% male, he couldn’t begin to understand why a male would want to be female, but as long as it was ‘medical’, he could accept it grudgingly. Jackie said the key was to do it gradually, and after awhile, Carl would think that I’d always been a girl–it would be as if he’d just misunderstood that I was a boy.

She asked if I wanted to have some fun right now before Carl came in. I said sure and she took me to Bethany’s room–I’ve got to remember that she told me to think of it as my own bedroom!–and in the closet were some clothes that I recognized as Miranda’s. Jackie said that she’d known all along that Miranda had left her things, and already heard back that Miranda didn’t care and wasn’t coming back for them. There were some things from the grab bag as well, and Jackie said we would go into town tomorrow or the next day and get some things of my own.

The ‘fun’ she mentioned was a sundress. She looked me in the eye and said, “Go for it, girl!” and I think it was a test.

I stripped down to the panties thinking two things. First, it would be odd to strip in front of my aunt (if I was a boy) but it would be normal to strip in front of my aunt (if I was a girl). I didn’t blush …much. Jackie smiled and nodded when she saw that I was tucked, and I had this irrational urge to cross my arms across my chest, and I’d never felt that before, ever!

She handed me the sundress, which was creamy white with red cherry clusters, red piping, and red spaghetti straps. It slipped over my head, I pulled my hair out and she zipped it up.

Oh …my …God.

The transformation was shocking! It felt really, really good, and when I saw myself in the mirror, I froze. Jackie actually had a tear in her eye, and as I pulled the skirt out and twirled, she laughed, choked, and dabbed at her eyes.

If I had any doubts about trying things as a girl, that sundress put them to rest. I felt wonderful and suddenly wanted to try on everything, but knew I couldn’t just then. I asked if I could wear the dress to dinner, and was disappointed when Jackie said it would be rushing things with Carl.

“But you and I both know what a beautiful girl you will be, and will be soon,” she said gently. “How beautiful you are.”

I clung to those words.

And …why? Why did everything about becoming a girl, or ... beautiful …seem so right, so natural? My mind went into something like a thesaurus mode, coming up with synonyms. So right, natural … so normal, familiar, instinctive …

I reluctantly put on the khaki shorts and peach camp shirt, but Jackie had some tricks … for Carl, I guess. First, she had some jewelry for me in a rosewood box. She fastened a thin gold necklace on me, and I found a silver ring I liked and a neat bracelet of braided, rainbow twine. Jackie had me brush my hair; I still had the part down the middle. She hemmed and hawed and finally told me to tuck both sides behind my ears. Finally, she held up some cologne and sprayed it in the air, then told me walk through it. That way it was fainter, and I could honestly say I didn’t spray anything on me if Carl asked. Jackie was pretty devious when it came to leading him around!

We went to make dinner, and Carl gave me a look when I came in to serve him, but his look wasn’t so much serious or as threatening; it was more of an appraisal. I knew that even if he didn’t know it, he could smell my feminine cologne when I dished out his potatoes, and it probably didn’t register consciously that he could see the jewelry. I didn’t act girly, because Jackie had told me not to and because I didn’t really need to–she said I was naturally graceful enough already. Boy, did that give me a lot to think about!

Dinner was pleasant. Carl told me about the horses and I told him about the tutor. After I cleared the dishes, I went to get started on my homework while they talked over coffee. About me, I’m sure, as well as ranch business. I tuned them out and applied myself to English.

Just before ten, Carl stuck his head in the office. He wanted to know how I was doing, and was I adjusting to life on the ranch. I assured him I was, and that I felt guilty about not working for him today. He waved it off and told me that they’d decided that Jackie and I should go see Mom tomorrow. Jackie hadn’t told me that she’d talked with the doctors while I was with Miz B, and things were unchanged but she wanted to go anyway. I forgave her for not telling me as long as we could go.

Then Carl said, “Look, it’s no surprise that I’m a little uncomfortable with this whole transition thing. It’s not something that I …that I really understand.”

I said, “I know what you mean. It’s really strange to me, too, but it’s happening.”

This was the truth, but I felt a kind of internal grinning satisfaction and determination that it was happening. My answer seemed to confirm what Carl had been thinking because he nodded.

He said again, “I don’t understand it, but I know it must be real hard for you. Um …well, don’t worry about chores tomorrow, you see to Evie, okay? And I understand that Jackie’s got some shopping to do for you …well, I guess you all like that sort of thing …”

I realized with a start that he was doing what Jackie predicted; he was mentally shifting me out of the Boy group and reassigning me to the Girl group, from the Boy to the Girl side of the playing field, so to speak. I decided quickly to put him at ease but maybe advance things a little.

“Well, thanks Uncle Carl, but I don’t really need to get much of anything; I mean, the grab bag and whatever’s around is okay with me. I mean, clothes are for working and getting dirty, right?” I hedged around the fact that ‘whatever’s around’ from Miranda was all girl’s clothing.

Carl looked at the floor and said, “Well, you want to look nice, too, I guess. Um …don’t worry about it. Get what you need. We’ll get back to work day after next. Goodnight.”

Bless him! No boy would ‘want to look nice.’ He was graciously allowing me to get nice–meaning girly–clothes. I turned off the computer and went to get ready for bed. Jackie looked in and I told her about what Carl said and congratulated her. She smiled and congratulated me for my little manipulation there, and I protested that I hadn’t been manipulating him. Jackie chuckled and said that just being myself and not trying to act like a male was nudging Carl into considering me as female. She said he would come around more and more as long as we didn’t get carried away. She grinned wickedly and said she had one last trick for tonight. After I washed and moisturized, and was wearing the sleep shirt, she brushed my hair back and I thought she’d put it in another sleep braid. She twisted it up into what she called a ‘she-non’. Later I learned the word was ‘chignon’, but however it was spelled or pronounced, it was an unmistakably feminine style.

Jackie told me to go to the family room where Carl was watching TV, and then gave me more specific directions …

I did as she said. I stuck my head around the corner, my right hand on the door jamb and right leg exposed in the hallway. Instinctively, I knew it was a seductive pose, but Jackie had me doing this not for seduction but because it was a feminine pose and would register as feminine and submissive in Carl’s subconscious.

I gently called, “Uncle Carl?” When he turned his head to me, he gave a little start but no hard ‘look.’ I went on, “I just wanted to thank you for everything. I mean, putting me up, and putting up with me, and I know I’m no good at hard work for you …” Jackie had told me to say that and trail off, and to stop talking at that point.

Just as she said he would, he started up.

“That’s okay. I mean, you’re welcome, and you’re good for Jackie. The hard work …well, there’s all kinds of hard work. You’re a hard worker, I’ll give you that, and that’s more important than heavy lifting. Hell, I can get college boys can lift hay bales but they’re too dumb to put ‘em down. You’re smart and you’re helpful and you’ve been through a bad patch. And you’re family. You see to your mom and stay on top of your schoolwork, and help Jackie all you can and we’ll be fine.”

I thanked him and we said goodnight, and I marveled again at Jackie’s ability to handle Carl. Was it just him or all men? And was it just her or all women? I’d have to find these things out.

I reported back to her and she said that in just a few days she’d nudged me from nephew to niece in Carl’s mind, although he wouldn’t say it out loud or even think of it in those terms–yet. Give him time and follow her directions, she said, and he’d be calling me Laurie and girl and she and things like honey. I still thought that was a stretch, and wasn’t fully accepting that things could go that far, but found that I was excited by the idea.

Jackie said we’d leave early tomorrow; we said goodnight and I lay in the dark remembering how special the sundress had felt and wondering how everything would turn out.

Chapter 5 — Mom and Shopping

The next morning I was surprised at the clothes Jackie had chosen. They were a weird mix. There were panties in a floral print, but the rest were boy’s clothes, cargo pants and an X-Men t-shirt and the hiking boots. After washing up, I was staring at the clothes when Jackie said the hospital administrators knew me as a boy, sort of, reminding me of the mix-up when I was admitted. There were folks that would think dressing a boy as a girl was child abuse and would raise all sorts of problems, so as much as I wanted to dress even more girly than I did on the ranch–I would have loved to wear the sundress!–I understood her wisdom. Besides, she said, we’ll check on my mother and then go shopping. She also told me to wear the sandals for comfort during the drive, and change into the boots at the hospital. She had some other things in a small bag for later, she said, but to hurry.

We ate quickly before Carl got up, but he came to the door to wave us off. She had already hustled me into the car, and I realized that Jackie didn’t want him to see me in boy’s clothes and revise his new thinking. I didn’t remember the drive being so hot and long. We stopped for sodas at some point, and I had my first contact with the outside world. It was a shocker. A little boy and girl were on the play-place outside, and as we passed, the boy called out, ‘Are you a boy or a girl?’ There was this flash in my head and I knew the answer. ‘I’m a girl!’ I said. The little girl said to the boy, ‘See?’ and smiled at me. I smiled back, pleased. The little girl said, ‘You’re pretty!’ and I thanked her and said she was, too. The little boy shrugged and went back to playing.

While Jackie ordered for us I thought about what had just happened. If I’d said I was a boy, it would have stirred things up. Girls can wear boy clothes, and society is fine with that. But a boy in girl’s clothes …watch out! I talked with Jackie about this when we were back in the car, and she said I was exactly right, but not to worry about the hospital, just see to Mom.

As we neared the hospital, Jackie made another confession or admission. She actually said that it probably seemed like she was always hiding things from me, but sometimes it was just a matter of timing. Yesterday, while I was with the tutor, Jackie called the hospital. The docs said Mom was out of immediate danger and had regained consciousness, but the docs put her back under after explaining her condition to her. Because there was nothing we could do and she was now in for a long recovery, plus the fact we were seeing her today, Jackie didn’t tell me until now. She was right; what could I have done? I’d have wanted to see her but she’d be asleep. Hopefully she’d be awake today.

“Here’s the other thing,” Jackie said, hesitating. “There were burns all over her, including her face. She’s all bandaged up and the doctors communicate with her with a buzzer gadget she works with her hand.”

I was devastated and shocked and everything else you could think of, but Jackie was right–there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

A great ragged sob burst from me. Oh, God–my poor, poor mother!

I had dried my eyes and gotten myself together by the time we pulled into the parking lot. We didn’t get out immediately; Jackie turned to me and produced a hairbrush. She brushed my hair roughly back and made a ponytail at the base of the neck, the way long-haired boys wore their hair. I put the hiking boots on and galumphed behind Jackie, trying to walk like a boy. I did get the odd look from regular people, but the hospital staff must have Seen It All and didn’t raise an eyebrow. The doctor spoke with us before we got in and said that Mom was due to wake at any time, and might already be awake–they had so many monitors on her. We scrubbed up and put on gowns and masks and went into the Intensive Care Burn Unit and I was shocked to see my Mom–and my Mummy, so to speak ...

Because that’s what she looked like. Completely wrapped in white bandages, tubes running everywhere, in a clear plastic cylinder. Even her face was completely wrapped, eyes covered, with a tube running to her mouth and a breathing tube where her nose would be. I was staggered by her complete isolation. The doctor was explaining temperatures and epidermal layers and I wasn’t focusing on what he was saying because I was crying already. Jackie put her arm around me while she listened, and there was a little stirring from Mom and we knew she was awake.

Jackie gently called, “Evie?” and there were two soft buzzes. The doctor said one buzz for no, two for yes, three for I don’t know, and I wondered, irrelevantly, who was on first. Here’s how the ‘conversation’ went:

“Evie, it’s Jackie and Laurence.”

Buzz-buzz.

“Oh, God, honey, I can’t believe this happened to you. I love you so much, Evie, I wish it had happened to me instead of you.”

Buzz.

Jackie paused, then she understood. “Yes, I do–”

Buzz.

“–and you stop saying that!”

I felt a little chuckle deep inside because they sounded just like sisters.

Jackie’s voice softened. “I’m taking care of Laurence; he’s at the ranch with us and doing great. I’ll get out of the way and you two can talk. We’ll talk later if you can. I love you, Evie.”

A quick buzz-buzz.

My turn. “Mom?”

Buzz-buzz.

“Oh, God, Mom, I’m so sorry, I–”

Buzz.

“Mom, I know, but if only I could have been more of a help–”

Buzz.

“Okay, you win. You always do.” I said the last as lightly as I could, and got a buzz-buzz. I heard Jackie stifle a chuckle behind me.

I started to tell her about the ranch, after telling her I was okay, and Jackie tapped me on the shoulder. She leaned down close to Mom and I could hear her but the doctor was talking with a nurse by the door. I realized that was why Jackie chose this moment to interrupt.

“Evie? You remember what we talked about for Laurence this summer?”

Buzz-buzz.

“We’ve started. Is that okay with you?”

Buzz-buzz.

“I mean, everything we talked about; right?”

Buzz-buzz.

Jackie called me over and quietly said, “Tell your mother what you want to do.” She gave me a piercing, direct stare. I looked her in the eye, nodded, and leaned over.

“Mom, Aunt Jackie said the two of you had plans for me this summer.”

Buzz-buzz.

“Plans to let me live as a girl?”

Buzz-buzz.

“Did you think I wanted to be a girl?”

Buzz.

“Did you think I would want to be a girl?’

Pause. Buzz-buzz-buzz. Pause. Buzz-buzz.

“Mom …I think you were right.”

Buzz-buzz-buzz.

“Yes, Mom; I’ve had long talks with Jackie, and I want to try it. No, more than that. I know you were right. I think I would be happier as a girl.”

Buzz-buzz. Pause. Buzz-buzz.

“Mom, do I have your blessing to …to start living as a girl, if I can …as your daughter?”

Buzz-buzz. Pause. Buzz-buzz. Pause. Buzz-buzz.

“I hope that means you’re happy, Mom …”

Buzz-buzz.

“…because I might look a little different the next time you see me!”

Buzz-buzz.

The doctor called us over, and Evie whispered a couple of quick things to Mom and was rewarded with some double buzzes. I told Mom I loved her and to get better, and got a double-double buzz.

And that was it; time to go.

We were quiet as we drove to a mall food court, each with our own thoughts. When it came time to order, I thought about things; I always used to have a hamburger or pizza and a milkshake, but this time I decided on a grilled chicken salad and lemonade, and was surprised to find that it was very good. If this was the way I would be eating in the future, it wasn’t bad at all.

Jackie told me the medical things the doctor had said, which amounted to long, painful treatment as the burned skin sloughed off and the new skin grew. Mom would have numerous chemical baths during the process. Her eyelids were burned, but as far as the doctors could tell her eyeballs were okay, so she probably wouldn’t be blind–oh, thank God! Her face and lips had been protected by something and I realized it was the cold cream she used to slather on at night. Not only did it moisturize, but it saved her skin! However, everything was extra crispy so her face was wet-bandaged; that’s why she talked with the buzzer, so she wouldn’t move her facial skin–and she was being fed intravenously as well.

Poor Mom. Oh, God, poor Mom.

On to other things. I’d be at the ranch for at least six or eight months to a year. It didn’t seem so bad now that I knew Mom was not going to die, and that she’d approved of me transforming into a girl. As to that, Jackie had some ideas for after lunch.

She thought it would be a good idea to walk around the stores. I had thought we’d buy whatever and hit the road, but she said we should talk about being a girl. Of course, it was more than just clothes, but clothes were very powerful and so she asked me what type of girl I thought I might be–tomboy, girly, preppie, hippie, earth mother, rock princess, whatever. I laughed because I could think of girls I knew at school that fit each of her categories. I pointed at some girls by a fountain. Abercrombie, Hollister, American Eagle, Juicy brands and logos; camisole tops and hoodies, low-cut jeans, jean skirts, and so on. Just every day, average girl clothes.

Jackie nodded, and said, ‘What about that?’ and pointed to two Goth girls walking with torn black tops, pierced navels, black leather skirts and fishnets, black boots, and I laughed and said ‘No way!’ Jackie grinned and said, ‘Just testing!’ Then she nodded and told me her plan. Since I kind of looked like a girl anyway, with my long hair and small size, she said we could ‘tweak’ things a little and then I could shop in girls’ stores today without problem. I was unsure, but she told me to get her a refill on her Diet Coke and meet her at the fountain.

I was watching girls go by, which would be a normal thing for a boy to do, except I was studying their clothes and styles and how they walked, talked, and moved their hands. Jackie walked up and told me to follow her to the car. She threw some bags in and we drove around the mall parking lot to a gas station where she gassed up. I thought the shopping trip was over, but she had a twinkle in her eye. She parked the car on the side of the station, got the washroom key from the attendant, grabbed the bags and me, locked the car and I entered my first public Ladies’ room.

Jackie told me to take off the X-Men shirt, which I gladly did, my little nipples hardening as I shivered in the antiseptic tile and fluorescent light. For some reason that drew a raised eyebrow from her. She handed me a small padded bra and said, ‘not the nicest place to get your first bra, but every girl’s gotta have one.’ Even though it had a front clasp, I was awkward and embarrassed putting it on. Jackie adjusted things, then opened a package of stockings, rolled them up and put them in each cup. Between the padding and the stockings, I had little, tiny mounds.

Next she handed me a light blue camisole top. I pulled it over the bra, adjusted everything as she snipped off the tags, and she handed me a white hoodie that she’d just prepared. I put it on, zipped up partway, and I had to admit the overall effect looked perfectly normal. Then the moment of truth …she told me to take off the cargo pants and boots and I was really embarrassed now, standing in the floral panties. She grinned and handed me a denim skirt, which had been distressed so it looked used. As I zipped it up, I asked her how everything could fit so well. She had simply gotten the sizes from the grab bag clothes that she knew fit me. Of course!

After I put on the sandals, I felt very strange, wearing a skirt, but also surprisingly relaxed. Jackie handed me a brush and told me to undo the ponytail, bend at the waist, brush, then straighten up and brush. My hair looked huge! She took over and brushed at bit, and then parted it on the side and swept across a bit; she attached a hair clip. Finally she handed me a set of multicolored thin bracelets which I put on. I looked in the mirror and I looked like any other girl. I hugged her and she grinned.

“Of course, this is way more than you can wear on the ranch–for right now–but it’s more than enough to go shopping in. Nobody–absolutely nobody–is going to take you for anything but a cute girl. And I did it with only half-a-dozen pieces. Less, if we left out the hoodie.”

She was right. It was amazing. Then she said the magic words: ‘Now let’s shop!’

We certainly did more looking than buying; I was always conscious of spending her money, but we got some skirts and blouses and lingerie. That was the best–to get my own panties and some bras and some nighties. Also some assorted shoes, and then we headed to a Target and picked up some toiletries. I was packing everything in the car while Jackie went back in for ‘one last thing’ and then we were off.

We both agreed that Carl should see me in the cargo pants instead of the skirt, so when we stopped for gas and a pee midway through, I went into the Ladies’ room and changed. It was fun; I had my skirt and camisole top, and just asked the clerk for the bathroom key and of course he gave me the Ladies’ key–plus, he definitely checked me out and smiled. I smiled back because it was all so new and wonderful. I actually didn’t worry when I returned the key, wearing the cargos, because I knew the clerk had already seen me as a girl. To him, I was a cute girl in cargo pants. I thought about that.

Back on the road, Jackie and I talked while we drove, with her telling me more of her plans for easing Carl into having a niece. I had just started to doze off when we pulled into the ranch. It was nearly time to start dinner, but Jackie told me to put everything away while she got dinner together. Carl came in and washed, and grunted when he saw me. I had the cargo pants and blue top and hoodie, but I’d taken off the bra and Jackie’s stuffing at the gas station–we both figured that suddenly having a bust was really pushing it. Maybe Carl could see the thin straps of the cami when the hoodie moved when I reached for something. He mostly asked about Mom and we filled him in.

After cleaning up, I went to finish homework. I had another whole day before it was due, but I wanted to get it finished so I could help Carl. I thought it would be a good idea. The homework was fairly easy; just tedious and I had to fight to stay awake. I was done by ten and went to wash up. Jackie came to see me and handed me a new lacy white nightie saying, “Time for Carl to see you in your sleepwear.” The nightie floated down around my shoulders and I felt like a princess. We’d gotten a yellow chenille robe so I wrapped it around me, and followed Jackie–who was also in a robe–to the TV room. I just said goodnight and thanks for everything. Carl nodded and said goodnight, and Jackie said, ‘Goodnight, Laurie.’

That prompted a comment from Carl that I didn’t hear, but I left them quietly talking. I got into bed and thought about things. I came to a firm decision: It’ll be a struggle, but I’m going to become Laurie.

Chapter 6 — Changing Carl

Today I wore a boy’s tank top. It was dark green and had ‘Carlos & Charlie’s, Ensenada’ across the front. It was oversized and hung on me. When I asked, Jackie said it was a ‘transition’ piece and to trust her. She grinned when she said it, so I guess she’s not bored saying it–or angered at my lack of trust. There was another pair of baggy cargo shorts with lots of pockets that were too big, so a belt cinched it all in at my waist. At least I had one thing on that was girly–my panties, which were new and yellow and mine!

Carl looked at me strangely again, but I couldn’t read the looks anymore because I got so many all the time. We ate and it was decided that I’d see to the pool area this morning. Even though it was kind of overcast, I grabbed some sunblock and we took off in the truck. Carl gave me a tool box and showed me the manuals for the equipment, and drove away. I first evaluated everything and found that the impeller was not quite right; took everything apart, lubed it, and reassembled and it was quiet and smooth. I cleaned the filters and backwashed the system; I wanted everything mechanical to be working properly (and known to me) before I began adjusting the water.

In the pool house, I stripped off the top and applied sunblock everywhere. I debated going topless but that somehow seemed too weird, so back on with the baggy top. I went out and began cleaning out the filter traps, then I started skimming and vacuuming the pool. When I was done it was very clean but I could tell the pH was off. I sampled it and made some notes, then discovered we were out of chemicals, chlorine …everything. Who the heck was in charge of the pool? Well …I guess it would be me, now.

Carl tooted the horn and I joined him for the ride up to the house for lunch. I told him we needed to shop for pool supplies; he told me to make a list, he’d add it to his order and get a delivery. He said Miranda had tried to care for the pool but it was over her head–and then he chuckled. That was the first joke I’d ever heard Carl make, so maybe he was human, after all.

I told Jackie and Carl about the pool in detail, and Carl complimented me on sizing things up quickly and on the repairs. He said he’d check them, but I knew he’d approve. Jackie said they had bigger plans for the pool this year; it had been cold last summer and the equipment always seemed to be on the fritz. I explained that it was a hassle getting a large pool up to speed, but once it was up, you just had to stay on top of the maintenance. It was a living thing that had its own ecology. You had to bring it into balance. They looked at each other and said they’d never thought of it like that, but it made perfect sense. They seemed impressed.

Carl told about some fence work he’d been doing, and Jackie talked about some bookings she’d just taken, saying that I’d have to learn their system. Carl said since tomorrow was tutor day, why not start then? I reminded him it was only a half day from now on, and then he’d have me for work, but he said as long as I ‘was dressed for inside for the tutor, no sense in changing to work clothes.’ So it was decided that I’d spend the day indoors tomorrow learning lots of things–and then Carl grinned and said that the forecast called for rain, anyway. He’d be in the barn working on things and he’d see to the horses while I was with Miz B. Fine with all of us.

I asked about the front area of the pool house; it was an area where an attendant could hand out towels. Jackie said the first year they had towels with the name of the ranch, but they all disappeared. Last season they charged per towel and there was grumbling, so they didn’t know what to do. I suggested they get industrial strength white towels, but not big–just about 3x4. They’d be functional but not worth stealing as souvenirs. But people like souvenirs, so I said, instead of the towels, what if we went online and got t-shirts printed with the ranch name and logo and sold those instead? A towel at poolside is an essential, and folks will always grumble if they have to pay for an essential like that. But free towel use and a chance to buy a cool t-shirt to take home …why not one for everyone in the family?

Carl and Jackie stared at each other and grinned, and Carl said, “I like the way she thinks!” I was startled, and I think Jackie was, too, but she glossed right over it by quickly saying, “We’ll get started on it tomorrow! Why didn’t we think of this before?” Lunch was over and we cleared everything.

Carl went out to start the truck and Jackie grabbed my arm, whispering gleefully, “Did you hear that? ‘I like the way she thinks!’ And he didn’t even notice he said it!”

I told her that she was, indeed, a genius, and I worshipped at her feet. She giggled, swatted my butt and told me to get back to work. In the truck, Carl still hadn’t noticed what he’d said, but complimented me again on thinking about the ranch, not just about my own situation. I told him, simply, that the ranch was home now and we were family and I’d do what I could. He grunted and nodded, but I could tell he was very pleased.

I worked with the horses, mucked things out–thank God for hip boots!–and later sorted things out in the tack room. There were some old chaps and parts of saddles, and I got another idea, but then Carl called that it was time to go, so I went out the back way. At the edge of the steps there was a leaky faucet on a pipe sticking straight out of the ground. It had made a big damp muddy spot, and I hated to see the water wasted.

I reached out to tighten it just as Carl yelled, “Don’t–” but that’s all I heard because the faucet head blew off and sprayed me with water. I was so surprised I lost my footing, slipped off the step and fell on my backside in the mud. Water was spraying everywhere, and I could hear Carl laughing as I scrambled around in the mud looking for the faucet head. I found it and jammed it on the pipe; the water really sprayed out now that it was under pressure. I got the thing kind of screwed on and back to the stage it was when I’d touched it. I was soaked and muddy and pissed, but had to grin at Carl, bending over laughing. I was also freaked because my nipples were sticking out a little bit and were visible against the wet shirt, which I quickly pulled away from my chest.

I knew I couldn’t ride in the truck this way, so I told Carl to meet me at the lake. I ran down and onto the dock, took off my boots, and jumped in. The surface was quite warm, but I plunged into a colder layer. I swiveled around and kicked away from my muddy swirl and swam up to the dock, pulling myself up. I’d gotten all of the mud off and I heard Carl pull up in the truck. I climbed in the back; he said I could sit on a blanket up front, but I said why get anything else wet? When we got to the house, he said he appreciated my thoughtfulness and told me to get all cleaned up for dinner. Duh! I thought.

While I showered, Jackie laid out my clothes–a green, blue and white striped top with thin straps, and a new pair of denim Capri pants, and slender white Keds. My hair was fluffed out over my shoulders, and I expected a ‘look’ from Carl, but when I came to dinner he just said, ‘You clean up real good.’ Jackie’s smile told me this was a very good sign.

At dinner, Carl told me that he had found that the faucet head was okay but the pipe had rusted and he’d have to re-thread it, but checking the tools, he found that the right size of die was broken, so he’d have to get a die and other parts just to fix the darned pipe. Since there were other things we needed, like the pool chemicals, he decided not to wait for a weekly delivery and would go into town for supplies tomorrow. It was supposed to rain, and I had the tutor and our plans for me to learn the reservation system, so it made sense.

Cleaning up after dinner, Jackie nudged me to go sit with Carl in the TV room. I curled up on the sofa, sitting on my legs, and we watched the end of a Friends rerun. Then I told him the idea that I’d had in the barn–use the old chaps and leather scraps in the tack room, get a stamping tool and key-ring maker so we could make key rings that had the ranch logo on them. You know, I said, made from genuine leather used on the ranch? Sell t-shirts at the pool and leather goods at the stables. Carl stared at me and called Jackie in and had me explain it to her, and they both were nodding and smiling. Carl told me, sheepishly, that the ranch didn’t actually have a logo. ‘Not yet,’ I said. ‘I’ll make us one, with your approval.’ Jackie left to look up things on the internet. Carl looked at me even more approvingly …at least, I hope it was approvingly. He seemed to look at me for a long time before turning back to the TV.

I was getting up to go to bed when Jackie rejoined us and said she’d found leather-working tool suppliers and the whole thing would cost us less than a hundred bucks. I said price the key rings at five bucks a piece and after the first twenty it was gravy. Carl said I was a real asset, and said whatever the circumstances, he was glad I was at the ranch. Then he said something that almost sounded gooey:

“I know this can’t be easy for you, but you’re smart and a hard worker and most welcome with us.”

He’d said something like that before, but it had kind of felt like he’d been obligated. But the spontaneous, smiling way he said this, I knew he really meant it! I went to my bedroom and undressed, putting on my nightie and washing up. I lay in bed thinking about what Carl had meant by this ‘couldn’t be easy for me.’ He might have meant having Mom in the hospital, or having to live at the ranch, or having to transition from a boy to a girl.

If that was what he’d meant, he was wrong–it was getting easier.

End of Part 2