An important message for all here at Top Shelf

I've been online for over ten years now. From the very beginning it amazed me that the level of acceptance and compassion was as high as it was, and is.

I, like so many others, thought I was the only one in the world who felt the way I did. Confused, uncertain of who and what I was, frightened of the consequences of changing my entire life and cowed by the sheer magnitude of the task before me.

One dark night, I decided to end it all, but felt that the few who I had interacted with deserved at least a goodbye. I messaged them on ICQ, and we talked far into the night into the early morning hours. They refused to let me go, and talked me out of shuffling off this mortal coil.

From there, I began therapy for clinical depression and severe stress reactions brought on partly from my gender confusion and partly by the loss of my best friend, my job, and my Father. Put on some anti depression meds, I soon realized that artificial means were not the way out of what was at fault within me, and I began to write.

At first it was just a way to partially fulfill a lifetime of WANTING to be a writer, then it became a way of entertaining others and myself. Eventually it evolved into a way into my inner self... a way to express the me I finally knew had been suppressed all my life. I had, as I said, thought I was the only one like me. To realize that I was NOT alone was the turning point of my life.

Along the way, the comments on what I wrote, which were at first just ego candy, became commentary on a life I wanted, needed for myself. I made many, many friends online, some of whom have since passed away, some who have simply vanished, and others who are still here.

I've experienced a couple of life dreams. One of being a published writer, thanks to Erin, and one of attending a conference which changed my life even more.

There have been more people along the way who have helped me, supported me, encouraged me, and some who have figuratively kicked my ass when it was needed. To name them all would run into more space than is allowed here, so if I may, I'd just like to say thank you... all of you, for accepting me, for befriending me, for giving freely of your hearts, minds, wallets, and time.

Without ALL of you out there in cyberland, Catherine Linda Michel would not even be here, let alone who she is today. Along the way I think I have helped a few, diminishing the debt I know I owe to all of you, at least I hope I have.

I WAS a selfish, confused, horrible example of what a person should be. With the help I have received from ALL of you, I have become a more caring, compassionate, sharing person and I have no words sufficient enough to express my gratitude.

From my heart, THANK YOU... every single one of you who took me into your hearts and in at least one case, your homes, and helped me become a better person. YOU are the reason I became who I am today.

Very humbly, I am,
Catherine Linda Michel.

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