The Ranch, by Karin Bishop

Part 3

Chapter 7 — A White Ribbon and Gold Ribbon

Miz B arrived at 9. Carl had left before we got up (Jackie said we could sleep until 7 because of the tutor) so we had a luxurious breakfast in our nightgowns and bathrobes. I took a quick shower and Jackie met me as I came out of the bathroom.

“Time to move things forward,” she said cryptically.

What she meant was, time to move Laurie forward. While I was still in my bathrobe, she sat me down and showed me a bottle of iridescent nail polish.

“Fingers and toes today,” she grinned, “and the first one’s free.”

That meant that she’d do my fingers for me, and then did my toes, instructing me on nail polish handling the whole way. I felt like I couldn’t move, because I was afraid of smudging, and she grinned again and told me that she was going to put my hair up and to pay attention. She brushed it back, then into her hand and brushed everything up, then pulled it all into a ponytail off the back top of my head, secured with a white ribbon. Then she pulled a few strands down in front of my ears to frame my face. I moved my head around and loved how the ponytail bounced. By the time she was done telling me how and why she’d done it, the polish was dry. I couldn’t take my eyes off my fingers–they didn’t appear to have any polish if you looked straight on, but the merest tilt or movement of my hands and you could see the iridescence. Very cool!

“Part of my ‘Confuse-A-Carl’ mission!” Jackie laughed.

She had me put on a pink top with a v-neck and collar and capped sleeves. It was short and could never be tucked into the denim skirt she had me put on next. Then, a pair of what she called ‘strappy sandals’ with a slight heel that showed my pretty toes. I put on my necklace and bracelet, and she sprayed me with something and said, “Every girl I knew went through a White Shoulders phase; you might as well go through yours.”

And that’s how I met Miz B, who smiled approvingly and called me ‘dear.’ We got down to it; I showed her my homework and she took me through the next subjects, then graded my homework while I worked. She was pleased and gave me an ‘A’ for the session. Of course she then gave me more homework. We’d had a short break around eleven, and she left at one.

Jackie and I had lunch, a light salad, basically; and she said I was adjusting well. I was worried about Carl walking in right now, but she said he’d be gone most of the day and besides, we had to get to work ourselves. In her office, she showed me where everything went–the flow of the paper trail–and then her computer system for reservations and taking deposits. I was a little nervous about handling money, but she said it was a pretty simple and secure system.

The whole time in her office, I sat with my knees together, and sometimes my ankles crossed. It just seemed natural to do it that way, but Jackie complimented me on how well I was doing. I liked to sneak peeks at my toes, and saw my fingernails all the time, and this little voice in my head kept saying, ‘I’m wearing nail polish. Cool!’

When we wrapped for the day, Jackie handed me a small stack of magazines that she’d picked up in the city and forgotten to give me. They included Seventeen, Teen Vogue, Girls Life, and some others. ‘For research,’ Jackie said with a smile. I took them back to my room and sat on the edge of the bed to read them. Too much time passed as I got involved in the magazines.

I was startled by a short knock and Carl sticking his head in the door. I panicked for a moment, looking left and right, and was acutely aware of the ponytail swishing around. Also, my legs sticking out from my skirt, and the pink top, and the nail polish …

Carl said, “Time for dinner,” and turned away. I was still panicky and frozen. Then Carl stuck his head back in and said, “You look fine. Just wash up and come on.”

‘I look fine’? I looked like a girl …well, that was the point, but I thought the plan was to slowly move into things. Or else Carl was just not seeing me. Maybe that was it; I just didn’t register very strongly on his senses. Dumbly, I walked to the door. Carl was still in the doorway holding it open so I had to pass by him. I was now acutely aware of the White Shoulders scent I still faintly carried. I don’t believe this is what Jackie planned, I thought.

I washed my hands, wishing I could magically wash away the nail polish, walked into the dining room and sat down quickly. Even then I was sure to tuck my skirt under me. I kept my hands in my lap; no sense waving the darned nail polish in his face. Jackie came in with a bowl and looked at both of us quickly, set the bowl down and sat herself. I felt guilty; she’d already set the table and put everything out.

We said grace and started eating, although my stomach was in knots. I kept waiting for Carl to say something about me, but it didn’t happen. I mean, he asked how ‘school’ was today, and did I get anything out of the reservation system. I chatted as lightly as I could; the only rough moment was when I held out a bowl of potatoes for him. I realized my nails were definitely right in his face. He seemed to glance at them, then thanked me and scooped out his serving.

After dinner I was reluctant to get up to help clear things. I hoped that Carl had thought the skirt was a pair of shorts and I didn’t want to flaunt them. But Carl fooled me–and Jackie–by saying, “Leave everything. Jackie, you wanna bring us three bowls of ice cream?”

Jackie said, “But …we don’t have any ice cream, Carl; we finished off the batch I made.”

He grinned and said, “You didn’t serve any frozen food tonight; otherwise you’d have seen a surprise in your freezer that I picked up in town.”

Jackie, still unsure, went to the kitchen, and after a murmur and clatter of bowls, came back with three bowls of Baskin-Robbins Gold Ribbon Chocolate. We all tucked in, with contented sighs of pleasure over the rich taste. After the third or fourth spoonful, Carl pushed back from his bowl.

“You know, you two …I’m not so think as you dumb I am.”

Jackie and I looked at each other and burst out laughing. I realized a moment later that Carl hadn’t made a mistake in the sentence; he’d said it that way to lighten the mood.

He went on. “You think I haven’t noticed that I seem to have a niece?”

Jackie and I froze; only our eyes moved to each other. Jackie put her spoon down and uncertainly said, “Honey …”

Carl smiled and waved a hand. “Relax. Look, you were kind of nudging me in that direction, that Larry is becoming Laurie. I was kind of amused by the clothing you put together, too. Then when you came back from shopping, you folded the bags like always, and I happened on them. The Macy’s Junior Department, Abercrombie & Fitch, pastel bags from the Gap, and such. Not really Jackie’s shops, and no boy’s either. So I might have thought you were trying to put something over on the world, some private game.”

He paused and looked at both of us. “But I glanced at that tutor’s records the first day–just being nosy, wondering what kind of student you were–and saw ‘Lauren’ and ‘female.’ So I knew it wasn’t a little game with you–either of you. If the county records stated it; it was fact. And that tutor obviously knows more than I do, so why don’t we drop all of the fooling around and tell me what’s what.”

Jackie launched into a beautiful and completely false story about some time ago, my doctor alerting Mom to a chemical imbalance in me, about tests that showed that I was more female than male, and about Mom and I starting to comply with that. I just nodded in the right places. Then Jackie more or less told the truth, that she and Mom had planned that I could make the transition here during the summer, with both of them guiding me, and that I would have been more obviously female by then. He would have been told before I ever arrived, but because of the fire, everything got rushed to the front and jammed up.

So, she told Carl that I was medically and legally changing to being a young girl named Lauren, Laurie to her friends and family. We should say ‘she’ and ‘her’ when speaking about me, and that this was not the case of a gay boy or transvestite or any kind of Jerry Springer material. Already my body was making the change and that it would become very obvious very soon that I was a teenaged girl.

Carl said, “I kind of figured that. Yesterday when …Laurie got soaked I saw a little bit more than she intended. Yellow panties and …well, the start of something up top.”

I blushed and looked down at my lap. I realized I was also looking straight down my chest, and there were two very small–tiny, really–bumps, no, mounds under my top. I looked up to find Jackie and Carl both looking at me. I had to say something.

“This …this isn’t anything I planned, it just …happened,” I said truthfully. “All I hope is …well, I hope you can accept me …as Lauren.”

It was the first time I’d said my new name out loud, and I got a slight thrill at hearing it.

Carl said, “I said this before, and I meant it, so I say it again: you’re family, and you’re most welcome here.”

Jackie reached out and squeezed my hand, tears in her eyes. Then she turned to Carl.

“Alright, Carl-me-love, now that everything’s out in the open, here are some rules. Facts and rules. Laurie here is our niece, and always has been. She has a lot of catching up to do; other girls get twelve or thirteen years of girlhood to get where she is, and she’s got to cram a lot of things into a short time so she’ll be presentable when the campers are around. So you’ve got to cut her some slack.”

She took a scoop of ice cream while Carl said, “Cut her some slack? What do you mean?”

“You understand she isn’t a boy masquerading as a girl, right?”

He nodded.

“It’s not a gay thing, right?”

He shook his head. “Nope. Not a gay thing.”

“So don’t get all weird at the female clothing you’re going to see.”

He snorted. “Heck, I see your clothing all the time.”

She waved her hand at him. “Not the same. Look …girls growing up try out all sorts of looks, all sorts of clothes, and Laurie hasn’t had that time. She’ll be playing catch-up.”

“You just said that.”

“I want to make sure you know it. This is all new for her, too. But you’re going to be seeing–well, look at her now. A cute ponytail, pink top–I love those short sleeves on you, Laurie–the skirt, nail polish.”

“Yeah, very nice. I told her, too.”

“But there will be more, Carl. Nightgowns and makeup and cropped tops and high heels and bikinis and–”

I blanched. “I don’t know about bikinis, Aunt Jackie …”

She grinned. “I do. But in time …maybe a two-piece at first. Or a maillot …you’ve got that lovely long back.”

“I do?” I was thrilled at that, but also at the future that awaited me.

Jackie said, “You should have seen how good she looked in Miranda’s Red Cross suit.”

“Miranda left that? Good–save us having to get another one. But Laurie’s not certified.”

“I told her that; we’ll get her certified when the time comes. I know it’s fifteen but I think they’ll make an exception because …But we’re getting off track. Laurie’s going to be wearing all sorts of girly clothes, so no hassles from you–and no ogling, either.”

“Since when do I ogle thirteen-year-old girls?”

“That’s true, you don’t; but she’s going to be developing fast and won’t always be thirteen. But the point is, she’s missed her girlhood. That’s an important treasure for every girl, and Laurie never got one. So it’s possible she might get a bit … ‘little girl’ on us.”

That kind of thrilled and revolted me at the same time. “Uh …Aunt Jackie? If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather skip the ‘little girl’ part.”

That got a snort of agreement and a smiling glance from Carl, but Jackie was still on a roll.

“Look, you two; Laurie’s going to be moving differently and speaking differently because she’ll be thinking differently. And because her body’s changing on her. It’s the time when a girl becomes a young woman, only Laurie’s gone slam-bam from a boy into a pretty young woman–not that she was ever really a boy. But there will be lots of new things for all of us.”

Carl said, “I understand all that. I really do, okay? We’ve got a teenaged girl living with us …only like waking up from a long coma or something. But we do have some planning to do because of that.”

“A coma! I like that,” I said with a nod.

Jackie ignored me and said, “You mean what she’ll do here?”

Carl chuckled. Chuckled! “I have no doubt she’ll be doing a lot here. She’s got that great way with the horses, and knows more about the pool than anybody we’ve had before, and I bet she’ll probably be better at the reservations than you.”

“She already is. You should see how quickly she understood things. Showed me a shortcut, too.”

I blushed, partly because of her compliment, but also because I loved how naturally they’d taken to saying ‘she’ and ‘her’, minutes after Jackie saying they were going to have to try to use the feminine pronouns.

Carl said, “You were right; she can’t be everywhere at once. I’m going to have at least one college guy, maybe two, especially adding the extra ATVs this season. So we’ve got to plan around that. We’ll work out in time where Laurie fits in, kind of prioritize her time. But I really like and respect how she jumped right in with money-making ideas for the ranch, and she always said ‘we could do this or that’, not ‘you could.’ She said, ‘I’ll make us a logo’, too. She’s one of us.”

I hadn’t even noticed, but said quietly, “But …I consider this my home …I mean, as long as you’ll have me.”

Jackie squeezed my hand again, and Carl said, “You live here; don’t even worry about it. Later, when your mom’s better, we’ll see what you want to do. But until you decide …you live here. This is your home. Okay?” I nodded and he grinned back at me. “Well, one more spoonful and I’m about chocolated out.”

We finished our ice cream and cleared the table. I had no problem standing up in the skirt now, and before I moved any dishes I walked around the table to Carl and hugged him.

“Thank you, Uncle Carl.”

He put a hand up over my hand. I was momentarily nervous about the nail polish, and then surprised at how big and tanned his hand was next to my small white one …almost dainty. Almost …feminine. He patted my hand and said, “You’re welcome, honey.”

I was walking on air as I cleared the table and helped Jackie wash and put things away. We wiped our hands and looked at each other, then hugged each other.

“See?” she chuckled.

“Never doubted for an instant,” I lied with a smile.

She bumped my shoulder playfully and told me to get ready for bed. I changed into my nightgown and washed my face, wondering about makeup and also about bikinis …

Chapter 8 — Revelations

I realized I was idly rubbing my fingers over my chest just as Jackie came in with some fresh towels. She said tomorrow she’d teach me the finer points of the washer and dryer, which would take about two minutes. But there was an industrial washer and dryer for things like pool towels, and we could work on reservations in between the horses, pool, and whatever else Carl came up with.

Shyly, I asked, “Aunt Jackie …why did Uncle Carl accept me so quickly? Do I really look that much like a girl?”

She leaned against the doorjamb. “Second question first. Yes, you do. Truth be told, you always did, and now that you’re getting older, it’s showing itself big time.”

I thought about the itchy chest and my small mounds.

Jackie said, “As to the first question …well, there is something at work that even Carl isn’t aware of. I’m swearing you to secrecy now, just between us girls?”

I was startled to hear that, then grinned and nodded.

She went on, very serious now. “Carl blames himself for Bethany’s death. It’s wrong, but it’s as simple as that. You don’t know any of this, and don’t breathe a word of it, but knowing it will put things in perspective. I had cancer.”

I was shocked and my mouth opened but I couldn’t think of anything so say. I’d known nothing about it!

“Oh, I’m fine now; they got all of it and I’m tested often and I know it’s gone. But I had to have a hysterectomy, and while I was in the hospital, Carl was home alone with Bethany when she fell ill.” Jackie began plucking a stray string on a towel. “She’d been slowing down, and the week I went in the hospital she was downright lethargic, but we both thought she was coming down with something. And that maybe she was sad because I was feeling so poorly. But I went into the hospital and she got sicker. Carl didn’t want to tell me, at first, because I couldn’t do anything about it and he didn’t want to worry me. And he was maybe unsure if she just missed her Mom. But he couldn’t wake her one morning and rushed her to the hospital. She had a rare form of leukemia that sneaks up on you–no warning signs beyond fatigue–and Bethany was always running around, and getting ready for 4H Club, and riding all the time …so we didn’t know. There was nothing we could do, and the doctors told us that even if we’d gotten her in the hospital a week earlier it would only mean that she spent one more week in the hospital before dying.”

She fell silent and I knew enough to say nothing.

“But Carl still feels that if only he’d brought her in sooner, if only he’d told me, if only …and it soured him. You couldn’t believe how unhappy that man was to be around …but now, you.”

I didn’t know what to say other than, “Me?”

“Yes, you. Laurie. A teenaged girl. Just about like Bethany would have been if she’d lived. Carl is getting a second chance; he doesn’t recognize it openly, but you are a sort of stand-in for Bethany while he heals. You must have noticed that already he’s laughing, joking …getting to be the Carl he was before she died. You’d like him. You will like him, because it’s your doing.”

“I haven’t done anything, really.”

“It’s just you, your nature. Like the way you took to horses, although who knew that would happen? But Carl sets a great deal by how horses react to people. Their reaction to you wasn’t planned, but it meant a lot to Carl. So having you around, especially now that he’s accepted you as a girl …well, like I said, he doesn’t even know–deep down–why he accepted you. But it’s like Bethany watching out for him–for all of us.”

I thought of something and was reluctant to bring it up. “Um …you said the horses’ reaction to me ‘wasn’t planned.’ How much of this was planned? Because, at the risk of offending you, when you told Carl about me tonight …well, you seemed to have a great story already in place.”

She looked down, blushing. “Caught me. Truth time. Remember what I said that first night? Your mother and I know in our heart of hearts that you should have been born a girl. We suspect you know it, too. But you wouldn’t necessarily have a chance to find out just how much …You see, when Evie started you on–oh, my God; I can tell by your face you don’t know any of this. Oh dear. Let’s sit down; my legs are giving out.”

We went into my bedroom and sat on the bed, and Jackie continued.

“Carl said when you got wet, he saw your panties when you fell–got to keep those legs together, girl!–and I think he said ‘something else up top.’ Do you know what he meant?”

“I think he meant my …well, I call ‘em ‘my mounds.’ My chest itches.”

She nodded. “Right. You’re developing. ‘Blossoming’, we used to say.”

“You mean …I’m ‘developing’ developing? I’m growing …breasts?” It was weird saying the word out loud.

She chuckled. “Well, every girl does. It’s just your time.”

“But why …how …that story you told Carl was just a story …”

“Mostly, but not entirely. Your last checkup, at twelve, the doctor did some extra tests and talked with your mom and me. Me because I used to be a nurse. So you do have a chemical imbalance due to genetics; simply put, you’re more girl than you know. It was a major discussion; went on for weeks. They have to take into consideration your emotional well-being as well as physical considerations. It’s part medical science and part intuition. Ultimately, it comes down to, ‘What is the very best outcome for this child?’ So the decision was made, and we put you on testosterone inhibitors …you know your vitamins? Do you remember when you started them?”

“Right after my birthday, I think …Oh! Right after my checkup!” It was all becoming clearer.

“We didn’t add anything to your system, you need to be clear on that. We didn’t do anything to you. But your body was already blocking androgen–part of your medical condition–and the doctors thought the best test would be to inhibit testosterone, which was down to three parts per …I just realized this might be over your head at the moment. No, that’s an insult; you’re way smarter than most kids your age. I just mean that you wouldn’t immediately understand the implications back then. It meant that, chemically, your body was trying desperately to become female, like it was genetically programmed to do. Did you ever wonder why you never developed like other boys? It’s because …you know about chromosomes, XX and XY, things like that?”

“Mostly. Well, some.”

“You tested out as XXY. Meaning that you’re nearly all female but with a pesky little bit of male in there, just enough to mess things up. As you got closer to puberty that Y seemed to be losing its hold as your body feminized; but socially, it was time for you to ‘be a man’, but that just wasn’t going to happen. But the Y might cause enough changes in your body that you’d be too masculine for a girl but too girly for a boy. In that kind of social situation, life would be hell as a boy and bearable as a girl. But if your body was diverted before that, you’d develop as a normal girl.”

She paused as I slowly turned it around in my head. A normal girl? What did that mean for me?

“Laurie …you should always have been a girl. This is not wishful thinking; it’s medical fact. Lauren was the name Evie and Mark chose for their beautiful daughter. Imagine their shock when the doctors pulled you out, looked between your legs, and stamped an ‘M’ on the birth certificate!”

“I was Lauren?” I asked, stunned.

“Since before you were born. Got that, honey?” she said gently. “You’ve always been Lauren, but they had to accommodate that birth certificate so they added the ‘C’ and ‘E’. And we all sat back to watch and wait.”

“For …”

“For any sign one way or the other, really. But by the time you were four or five, it was pretty darned obvious which way you were going. Female, of course. Yes, you wore boys’ clothes and all, but anybody spending any time at all with you knew that you were a sweet little girl.” She frowned. “But a little girl living under a cloud, having to be a boy. That’s why …” She shrugged. “You might have wondered why you hadn’t seen Carl all those years, not since you were little. It’s because you were, well, confusing to him. He’d said something about how similar you were to Bethany, and I smoothed things over by saying that he’d been spending a lot of time with her, so it was natural that he was thinking that way.”

I tasted sourness. “Uncle Carl thought I was a sissy, didn’t he?”

There was a pause and finally she nodded. “He tried to put a good face on it. Said something like, ‘Just because he’s that way at five doesn’t mean he’ll be that way at twenty-five’. And that’s true, actually, because some effeminate little boys grow up perfectly masculine and hetero.”

She gave me a Look. I nodded. “I understand. And some serious tomboys grow up to be feminine women.”

“Yes, they do. I know you understand, honey, but I wanted to be sure. So you went through those years from five on–well, from birth, really–under that dark cloud. The one that said you were a boy. And, oh, sweetheart, you missed so much!” She shook her head sadly and sighed. “And Evie would have loved it. But it was so obvious that you were meant to be a girl, that you were a girl laboring under false pretences, so to speak. And as you got older the doctors monitored your condition more closely. When you were the proper age, your doctors prescribed the inhibitor to see what your body did, and this is the tricky part. You were not informed.”

“Right, you said that,” I nodded.

“You were not informed because your case is not like the usual transgender teen. They’re aware of their gender identify conflict and are demanding blockers, inhibitors. Hormones, too. You were still seemingly unaware of the conflict; just a general unhappiness and disconnection.”

I nodded glumly and swallowed. “Except with Mom.”

“Except with your mother,” Jackie smiled and nodded. “Now, since the blockers can be discontinued with no lasting effects–usually–it was decided to start you on blockers and study your reaction. To clarify things. I said ‘usually’, because the blockers themselves don’t add anything; they delay the onset of puberty. They act as a sort of suspended animation, like pushing ‘Pause’ on your CD player. But your body was already producing estrogen in a quantity higher than normal for a boy. And rather than being merely suspended, your body began showing the effects of that estrogen. You began blossoming,” she smiled.

“So you didn’t make anything happen, just blocked the boy puberty.”

“Suspended it, yes.”

“And so what is happening to me,” I said, gesturing at my chest. “Is normal? I mean, because it’s my own estrogen?”

“Yes, sweetheart,” Jackie said gently. “It’s more obvious now, of course–you really are getting cute!–but even before …before the fire, your doctors were quite pleased with your body’s reaction, and your reaction psychologically as well …so you could say that the results confirmed their diagnosis. Your body didn’t need or particularly want the androgens, and so it’s been going on its merry way, making you a pretty girl.”

“Aw, I’m not pretty–”

“Stop that, young lady. Whew! That was fun to finally say! Anyway, stop that, because nobody likes false modesty. Your body has been gradually feminizing itself in a natural process. So that’s what’s happening to your chest. You’ll get lumps under your nipples and your ‘mounds’ will get rounder and bigger and then …bikini time!” She laughed.

“I don’t know about that,” I said again. “But …but …” I had nothing to say at this point.

“I know, and you will be smashing in your bikini!” Jackie leaned over and kissed my forehead. “Go to sleep, if you can; I know this was a lot to lay on you. But it’s all for your own good. The only planning was on my part to help Carl finally get over Bethany. You are not her, and don’t try to compare yourself, because it’s an empty exercise–there’s no way to make any comparisons. The first night, I told you to make this room your own, and I meant it. I mean it even more now that the truth’s out in the open for all of us. Don’t try to be Bethany, just learn to be Lauren. I think you’ll grow to really like her!”

I got into bed; Jackie paused at the door before turning out the overhead light and saying, ‘Night, honey.’

I thought, now that was an interesting day!

Chapter 9 — First Day for Lauren

I woke up feeling like nothing had changed from yesterday, then realized that everything had changed.

Jackie stuck her head in my room. “It’s raining; gonna be raining the next couple of days. How about you go work with Carl until lunchtime–I think he’s got your pool supplies. After lunch, we’ll send him off and you stay in the house; we’ve got things to do.” She turned to go, then said, “Oh, I thought you might like to wear these, but you can pretty much dress any way you want now, honey. Cat’s out of the bag, right?” She grinned and left.

She’d picked a dark blue tank, a sleeveless hoodie, and jean shorts. Hemmed, but real short. Short shorts. I put everything on and slid into the black flats she’d laid out, and really liked the way they made my feet look. And the shorts made my legs look miles long!

I tried braiding my hair and gave up, so I brushed it out and up into a ponytail again and went to breakfast. Carl was eating; I joined him and got a catch in my throat when he smiled and said, “Morning, Laurie.” The morning would be seeing to the horses and then the rest spent with my pool. He’d put the truck in their garage, so after I put on boots we drove to the barn and stayed dry.

An hour and a half later, horses happy, he drove me to the pool area. He’d given me a yellow rain slicker with a hood from the barn, so I was pretty dry when I got to the pool house. Carl had stacked all the supplies in a corner, and I went through them. I checked the water pH again, and decided to shock the pool, overloading it with chlorine. Tomorrow or the next day I could sweep and then begin balancing the pH once the rain quit. I got everything placed in a locker and the place cleaned up to my satisfaction. Carl wasn’t back for me yet, but there wasn’t much I could do at this time. Idly, I checked the showers and drains; everything was fine.

I went to the window and stared through the rain. I tried to digest Jackie’s revelations. They answered a lot of questions except for one big one–me. How did I feel about the whole thing? Turning into a girl? Or, rather …discovering that I was really a girl? It was like some fairy tale, where the stable boy discovers he’s really a prince, or a princess in this case. Or the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta, The Gondoliers, that Mom loves so much, where one of the poor gondoliers is a prince. Man, I thought, Truth is stranger than fiction!

And the truth was …I was excited about becoming a girl. Not kinky excitement, like the thrill of the forbidden or …what had Carl said? ‘Trying to put one over on the world’ or something. No, it felt right. I’d never felt right before. I didn’t fit any of the categories for a boy, but as a girl, everything made sense. Maybe that’s really what it came down to–being a girl made sense.

I had so much to learn, and of those changes Jackie had talked about …the one thing she hadn’t mentioned (maybe because of Carl) was …boys. If I was a teenaged girl, then there would soon be teenaged boys involved. How did I feel about that? I thought about it and discovered that I really didn’t have any feelings one way or another. As Laurence, I never thought about boys or girls; everything about sex was distant, like something happening in Outer Mongolia–it just didn’t register for me. So now, as Laurie, if I fully, totally became Laurie (and the mental changes that Jackie talked about would seem to make that a sure thing), then I supposed I would become attracted to boys. The thought didn’t bother me, and I found that reassuring, actually.

Carl pulled up and honked; I put on the slicker and ran to the truck. When we got home, I took off the slicker and boots in the garage and cleaned them, then put on the flats. At lunch we brought each other up to date. Carl had fixed the faucet that had shot all over me, and done some more work on the new outbuildings behind the bunkhouse. I told about the status of the pool and pool house. Jackie said more reservations were coming in, and wasn’t it a good thing none of them could look out our window right now!

After lunch, Carl went back out and Jackie turned to face me.

“Okay, I know you thought we were going to work on the computer, but here’s my plan. I think you should actually move into your room. Put all your clothes away–new ones, best of grab bag and the few Miranda things worth keeping. That way we can tell what else you need to get. Get settled; move furniture around if you want. Set up the vanity the way you want it. Now, I told you already; don’t feel strange about Bethany’s things, it’s your room now. And you won’t have very much at this stage, but leave room for more stuff as you build your wardrobe. Okay?”

Okay, I said, and that’s what we did. It was true; I really didn’t have much, but I did have a lot of t-shirts, shorts, and general work clothes. I didn’t have too much else, but there were some nice clothes that we’d bought. As I put things away, sometimes rearranging things, Jackie made notes. Finally, it was as done as could be, and I actually did feel like it was more my room now.

Jackie said, “Since it’s supposed to rain for awhile, I thought maybe we should all go into the city tomorrow. Carl doesn’t know it yet, but he’s coming. We’ll see Evie first and lunch, then some shopping.”

I laughed. “That’s what we did last time!”

“I know; I’m not finished. We’ll drag Carl along for a bit, so he can get more used to the idea of you getting girls’ clothes and things–I can’t wait to see him in Claire’s!–and then we’ll cut him loose. Let him go guy shopping, which means either electronics or tools, probably. We can do more serious shopping–including finding your own fragrance. I should have figured you’d like White Shoulders–your mom does–but you might like one a little younger, kickier. Anyway, we’ll meet up, have dinner and maybe a movie; we’ll play it by ear. What do you think?”

I told her it sounded great, but …Claire’s? That was the mall store with jewelry and stuff. No, not stuff–accessories. I have to start thinking like a girl and using girl words. “I don’t think I need any jewelry, Jackie; it just seems …frivolous.”

She looked me in the eye. “Honey, we’re going to Claire’s to get your ears pierced, okay? A few sets of earrings and maybe one or two things you really can’t live without–you won’t know until you see ‘em.”

Pierced ears? I gulped. Well, yeah …

I did homework for the rest of the afternoon. Carl eventually came in, looking like a drowned rat, so dinner was delayed while he showered and changed. Jackie nudged me and suggested I change for dinner, too. I asked her to braid my hair, but instead she decided to show me how to do a chignon, and I loved it, especially when she curled strands hanging in front of my ears. I put on two new pieces, a lilac camisole with spaghetti straps and pretty lace at the neckline, and black stretch pants with a very low waist. I wore the heeled strappy sandals and actually felt pretty. I had this sudden flash of Audrey Hepburn–not that I thought I looked like her, not for an instant–but of that style of dressing, and realized that Jackie was right about finding out what kind of girl I was.

Jackie had dressed up a bit, too, so we had an almost-formal dinner. Jackie told us of our plan (I acted like I hadn’t heard it already) and it was agreed. I did voice my uncertainty about money being spent on me, but Jackie said to never mind, and Carl nodded, so I guessed it was okay as long as I didn’t go crazy.

We had the last of the Gold Ribbon ice cream while we watched television. It was Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality (which I’d already seen several times), and Carl enjoyed it once he saw it wasn’t exactly a chick flick; it had FBI agents, too. And guns and bombs! I always liked that movie, but looked at it with new eyes–girl’s eyes–especially the idea that the rather butch character Sandra played might have been a boy. Too weird; I then realized that, if I was a girl, I actually could enter a beauty pageant …and that was really too weird! So I just enjoyed watching the battle of wits between Sandra Bullock and Candace Bergen.

I got ready for bed and then thought of something to ask Carl. Without thinking, I went to the TV room, where he was watching a cop show, and asked him about a different routine for exercising the horses. He started answering while still watching the TV, and then looked at me and stopped, staring for a moment. I hadn’t planned or thought about how I looked; I just had the idea and wanted to get it settled. I realized I was in my lacy nightie with moisturizer on my face, and had that totally-naked feeling. I wrapped my arms around me. Mercifully, he went on with what he was saying, and then paused.

“You know, you might want to wear a robe any time you have something like that on.”

“Yes, I just realized it; I’m sorry. You’re right. I just had the exercise idea …”

“I understand, honey; it’s just …”

There was a long pause while he collected his thoughts.

“It’s just that it’s one thing for Jackie to say you’re turning into a girl. Seeing you in girls’ clothes was a bit hard to take at first, but makes perfect sense and you’re real pretty in them …real natural, too. But, to be honest …in that nightgown I could see more than …no, that’s not right. What I saw was that yes, you are turning into a girl. Or …are a girl, I guess. That’s what startled me–how …how far along you’ve gotten. Hell, that sounds like you’re pregnant.”

He rubbed his hand over his face in exasperation just as Jackie entered.

“A little soon for her to be pregnant, don’t you think?”

Carl and I both spoke at the same time.

“Honey, I didn’t mean …”

“Aunt Jackie, it’s okay, he …”

Then we saw the look on her face and all three of us broke out laughing. When we settled down, Jackie gave us both a lecture. Me, for wearing nighttime lingerie in front of a grown man. Him, for ogling a teen girl in nighttime lingerie. We both protested at the same time and then chuckled about it, but I went to bed wondering …how far along have I gotten?

End of Part 3