A calm and sedate Ryan family Thanksgiving.

***

PART 20

I sort of freaked the hell out.

The airport police were on me in less than a minute. I can’t really blame the young woman at the counter. When some stranger starts yelling about cutting off body parts and burning military installations to the ground while standing in a mid-sized airport certain things start happening. My mother was there to mostly explain away my actions and gramps had me… mostly restrained. I think they probably would have held me as a potential terrorist but they ran my ID and perhaps my good deeds in another airport were actually recorded. So with that, and given my obviously pregnant state the cops didn’t put up to much of a fuss when my family wanted to take me away. I heard one of them mutter something about a mental hospital but I let him live anyway.

Mother drove us home uttering reassuring words along the way. Obviously he had changed flights and not told us, perhaps something came up at the last minute at the academy, some paper left undone to the last minute. And damn that foolish boy for not calling! She tried to be soothing and compassionate and for the sake of the rest of them I let her calm me down. Obviously Thomas had lost his guts I thought to myself, been too afraid to face the music with his borrowed parents and decided to hobbit up for the holiday. Or worse, my first and fearful thought being, he had done a runner and abandoned me again.

There was after all, some precedent.

We had Italian take out for dinner and I tried to drown my sorrows in connolis. Aunt Alane had attempted to be helpful as well, in a new age sort of way and I almost took a bite out of her hand on the way to the bakery box by way of thanks. The rest of them soon got the message and left me to my just deserts.

I couldn’t sleep that night, a combination of too much sugar, too many worries and baby on the way. And was still tossing and turning and planning a jihad against all men when I heard a slight rumble down the street that was getting louder by the second. I turned to the clock at my nightstand and it showed. 2:15 AM. It sounded oddly familiar and I pegged it instantly as the overcharged engine of a muscle car. What kind of mook revved the engine on a residential street at two in the morning of a national holiday? That had to be some sort of treason right? I angrily got up out of bed sliding on my slippers as I walked to the windows facing the street where I saw a car pull up into the driveway. The darkness combined with the glare of the headlights preventing me from getting a good look at who or what had arrived, but, whoever it was, they hadn’t made a wrong turn because they cut the engine and a figure emerged from the driver’s side.

The fuck?

I ran down the stairs as fast as my load bearing hips would allow and opened the door just in time to prevent Thomas from ringing the doorbell. When he saw who it was the first thing he did was light up a smile that could have melted most wax candles. When he got a good look at the expression on my face the second thing he did was cover his nuts with both his hands.

There was after all, some precedent.

“Surprise Katie,” he said awkwardly. “I uh… decided to drive out.”

“You could have called!” I belted out eventually.

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” he said a little less enthusiastically.

“I knew you were coming, you dingbat, how was it supposed to be a surprise?”

“Well… I brought you a present.” He said moving aside and indicating what was in the driveway.

I still couldn't get a good look. This far from the streetlights it was still an indistinct blob. I shoved him aside a bit and moved to the side panel and flipped on the floodlights to reveal Rocinante. My first true love.

“I thought it would be a nice gesture,” he said as I we walked onto the cold concrete my slippers not being enough insulation to totally protect my feet. “I know you love that car more than me sometimes.”

“That’s not true…not always true.”

“I know I can never make up for what I did, but I thought I might make it a bit easier on you.”

“But what about my family? They are going to look at you all sorts of funny if you leave me your car, and how are you going to get back?”

“They will think that I love this girl,” He said as he grabbed me with both arms and did his best to embrace me allowing for my forward protrusions. “And that while I may hesitate to come back for her, Thomas Ryan would certainly come back for his car. I’ll fly back to the Academy I’ve got no desire to make THAT trip again. I left at 0400 this morning, yesterday morning I guess. I thought I would pick up time by going above the speed limit but I lost most it when I got pulled over by highway patrol south of Chicago. I had planned to be here just in time for the plane to arrive but-”

“You’re a damned fool,” said my mother as she came down the stairs with her arms crossed. “WHY did you decide to drive, Thomas?”

“Hello mother,” he said letting me go and trying to determine how much she had heard before arriving. “Keeping the car at the Academy was too much drama. It bred a lot of resentment that I was able to park it on campus when almost none of the rest of the underclassmen could. And I certainly wasn’t going to park it on a SURFACE lot over winter. So I brought it up here. I know Katherine has the space and that she loves Roxy almost more than I do, I figured one of us should get some use out of her.”

“And why couldn’t you call!?”

“It was supposed to be a surprise for Katie, but you know traffic…”

“And an increase in insurance rates!”

“Um,” he looked down in shame. “That too.”

“Get inside and go to your room!” she said finger pointing menacingly at the front door.

“Um,” he said blinking a few times. “Ok”

“No wait,” she said thinking better of it. “Katherine needs her sleep, you drove her into a FIT this evening! Go to the couch in the living room and be damn grateful she doesn’t have one or I’d make you sleep in the dahgouse, wunter or not. Now get!” she said finishing, with her southern accent slipping in at the end against her will.

***

The baby kicked me in inappropriate places all night, the only clean bra I had left was for pre-pregnancy boobs and looked it (I knew sending the girls on vacation was a bad idea!) and, just to top it off, all these new guests in the house hadn’t been made aware of the intricacies of the water heater rotation system and when I finally gave up and gave in to not getting any sleep I had only cold water to greet me. It was so cold that I only washed the important places but still got enough water on my hair to mess things up and require a repair job that I gave up halfway through and just pulled it back into a pony tail. All that’s by way of saying I didn’t look my best that morning.

Thomas however, was welcomed to my home like a conquering hero. Only Caroline seemed to hold him at arm’s length and that probably had more to do with her own issues than his. My sisters all blockaded him and showered him with questions and follow up all the while ribbing him mercilessly over his relationship with me. That didn’t stop them however from filling him full of all sorts of dainties that a civilian kitchen and MY BANK ACCOUNT could provide.

For those of you fuzzy foreigners who have never experienced an American Thanksgiving holiday there’s really not much to it. You gather family and friends, some of whom you may not have seen since the last Thanksgiving, and you eat. End stop. Sure you could throw in a semi religious angle but that was rather forced for the secular holiday. And some people actually took the name seriously and gave thanks for all the good things in their life over the last year, specifically all those previously mentioned family and friends. The male members of the race also gathered around the television to watch football. (the one with helmets.) but really, you just ate. From the time you woke up in the morning till you fall asleep clutching the cold turkey leg leftovers you sneaked out of the fridge when you thought no one was looking.

From a pregnant woman’s perspective it sort of had Martin Luther King Day beat hands down.

Anne and Martha had collected the General and his aide who would be joining us for dinner. My mother was somewhat schizophrenic at the moment. She was certainly the matriarch of all assembled, even Caroline nodded at her commands respectfully but she was not, technically speaking, the hostess. She was a guest in my home, and I even had the deeds to prove it. So every time she went charging off to the pantry for another piece of provisions she would ask me if it was ok. When the nice silver was needed it was me she asked, when furniture needed to be moved it was me she asked for permission. It got to the point where I said everything she thought proper would be fine with me and waddled off as quickly as I could to a quiet spot of the estate where my frazzled nerves would not be picked at every three minutes. So bundled up in my too large coat which I very much hoped would never fit right, I escaped the kitchen for my back yard. Where it appeared my husband had the same idea.

It was the first time we had been alone together in almost six months and 25 pounds.

“Hello Katie,” he said as he set down a propane tank. “Our lady mother put me in charge of frying the second turkey. But…um, I was going to head off and find you anyway.”

“No idea how to do it?” I asked amused.

“I saw you do it once, but I didn’t know I should be taking notes.”

“The first thing you need is a flat surface. That much hot oil on the grass is a bad idea… a wooden deck is even worse,” I said interrupting him as he began lifting it toward the porch. “Let’s set it up on the concrete out front. You lift I’ll supervise.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he said as he hefted the twenty pound tank as if it was nothing, and we started walking. “It’s good to see you in three dimensions again. Video phone is all well and good but it’s not always enough.”

“I quite agree. Did you get enough peanut oil?”

“Mother sent me to the store early this morning, I got two gallons?”

“Should be enough,” I said as he set the tank down on the cement. When I judged that the inflammable material was reasonably safe I looked him in the eyes and kicked him in the shins.

“Ow! Jesus Tommy,” he said backing away defensively.

“That was for not calling,” I said sternly.

“I’m sorry…Katie, I just,” he said as I stopped him with my kiss.

“And that,” I indicated with a follow up. “Was for bringing back Roxy.”

“I think I prefer the Austrian way better.”

“You’re welcome,” I smiled demurely.

“So…what next,” He said looking at me fondly.

“Well I don’t care what you have heard about horny pregnant women but it’s not true. Or at any rate, I don’t recognize the signs; it will be summer probably before we have any sex.”

“I meant… what’s next for the turkey fry.”

“Oh,” I blushed remarkably. “Put the pot on the burner and fill it full of oil until it’s about half full then we light the fire and set it on high for about an hour. It actually takes longer to heat the oil than it does to cook the turkey. “

“So we’ll have a while to talk?”

“I guess so.” I stamped my feet a little in an attempt to keep them warm. “I’ve spoken to DeGeas You’re covered twice as far as the Navy goes. I have the annulment paperwork upstairs You will be surprised to know that Jessica Scott was temporarily insane.”

“Ha!” he barked out laughing. “Had to be to marry Tommy Ryan.”

“But that’s all by way of backup, he had a private investigator out of Boston by the name of Spenser head up and appropriate the only other copy of our marriage certificate from the county courthouse. We never sent out any announcements and the records were never copied or accessed according to the log so it will be like it never happened, as far as the Navy is concerned. I’ve been telling a lot of people that I am Mrs. Ryan and even had my drivers license changed but if pressed I will let people know it was just a single mother trying to avoid scandal.”

“Katie you don’t have to do this, I can drop out and try one of the other commissioning sources.”

“It’s done already,” I said smiling at him softly. “I thought, back when our positions were reversed, that we could keep it a secret. That I could have my cake and eat it too, well the General pointed out that it was dishonorable of you to be in violations of regulations…but it wasn’t you that was dishonorable. It was me, so it’s only fair that I do this.”

“It just seems damned odd Katie, you were all fired up to get married and that caused all this drama and now you want to divorce me.”

“Annul.” I corrected him. “It will be like it never happened. “

“I like that even less!” he shouted out angrily. “I was growing rather fond of being your husband. Despite all our downs and ups…”

“Well then you’ll just have to propose to me proper, and I expect a big damn ring too! We’ll get married again once you get your commission.”

“It’s not worth it; I can come back to Omaha and be with you.”

“Now you listen to me Marine,” I said a bit of fire in my voice. “The Academy was both our dreams and I won’t have both of us wash out.”

“It should be me who’s having the baby and missing out on the Academy,” he said dejectedly.

“And I should have worn a condom, or maybe tried a different method of dealing with the pregnancy. There is plenty of blame to go around in the past, it’s time to embrace the future,” I said as I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight. “Besides, this way I will finish early and probably be a first lieutenant before you are even a second.”

“You always were an overachiever,” he said as he began kissing me. I still wasn’t quite used to the change in roles. Thomas had shaved this morning but the feel of rough stubble on my smooth cheek was taking some getting used to. As well as the large hands on my much larger ass, we were just starting to get to know one another again when the front door opened to reveal my mother with disheveled hair and a full on apron bearing the words “Professors pile it higher and deeper.”

“Thomas!” she said abruptly “Your father wishes to speak to you in the den…alone I’m afraid,” when she saw the look on his face. “You knew it was coming, best to get it over with and on with your life.”

“You think I’ll survive then?”

“Your father will not kill you before dinner is served. He knows better than to spoil my seating chart. You may not be able to chew solid food though but don’t worry I laid in a blender and a supply of straws before you came.”

“How thoughtful,” he said as the blood drained from his face.

“Katherine,” she said turning to me as Thomas walked toward the door. “Captain Roberts, the General’s aide, mentioned how he missed having pecan pie for Thanksgiving. It’s too late to make one and I don’t have the ingredients anyway. Can you head off to the store and pick one up? Store bought is better than nothing. And we could use some fresh cranberries if any can be found?”

“Sure,” I said happily. “It will give me a chance to drive Roxy again.”

“I don’t think that will be a good idea?” she countered me sympathetically.

“I know how to drive a Firebird!” I said, irritated at her presumption.

“I’m sure you do dear but have you forgotten those 70’s cars are not exactly built to accommodate your baby bump. I doubt you would be able to squeeze behind the wheel.”

I looked down at the offending body part and did my best not to cry, to have my car so close and be denied her pleasure was discouraging on a whole new level, finally I sighed and looked back at my mother. “I miss my toes…”

“You’ll see them again soon enough Katherine I promise, oh and, if there are some really FRESH rolls, pick some up too, in fact be sure to take your cell with you in case I need something else.”

***
An American supermarket midmorning on Thanksgiving Day was not an experience for the faint of heart OR for a fair lady. I had to elbow some dude in the kidneys to get him to release the last tub of whipped cream and after trading shamelessly on my current condition was able to brazen through to the register with only a fifteen minute wait. The drive back to the house was uneventful enough but truth be told Melanie was also having a hard time accommodating my girth as well. I only had another two weeks to go and I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Of course the day that happened I could look forward to a whole NEW list of things to complain about…

When I got back to the house there was a strange truck parked on the street next to my driveway. I didn’t pay it much mind, the neighbors on both sides of me had invited extended family and cars had overflowed their driveway and it took a supreme act of will not to call them to be towed like they had done for my girls earlier this year. What DID bother me though was that there was no sign of Caroline watching the bubbling oil at the castle gates or anyone else either to prevent a fire from breaking out. I parked Melanie grabbed the groceries and walked toward the burner to make sure everything was ok for the moment before heading inside to deliver the goods. Just as I was getting a good look at the pot I heard a heavy thud followed by a low alto scream.

“I don’t care WHAT you say you are,” said a different much deeper voice. “You’re coming home with me NOW Christopher!”

“I won’t!” shouted Caroline as I came around the corner of the house and saw them. Caroline’s wig was torn off her head. Her own hair had grown a few inches but was still well short of the two and half feet the wig achieved. There was already a large bruise forming on her left eye and she was being dragged by tall grey haired man in a brown leather jacket. He had rather gone to seed, I could tell that he had once been heavily muscled but every one of those was now covered by a not so thin layer of fat. He was still strong enough though, to almost yank my friend out of her shoes.

“What the hell is going on here!?” I shouted out as I moved to stand in his way.

“Out of my way miss, you don’t know what you have living here,” he said to me as he tried sweeping me aside.

“I think I have a friend living here with me, which has always been plenty enough for me. Let her go!”

“I’m taking my son back home; He belongs with his family on Thanksgiving. I’m not going to hurt a pregnant woman but I’m not going to leave him here either.”

“Go get help Katie, please!” Caroline shouted as she tried fighting back and got smacked in the jaw for her trouble.

“Get out of my way!” The old man shouted as he shoved me into the house and almost caused me to see stars. He did cause me to drop the bag holding the jar of cranberry sauce and the plastic container of whipped cream which broke open on the cement.

This

Means

WAR!!

NO ONE gets between me and dessert!... plus I was sort of fond of my friend too.

Caroline was putting up a good fight and fatso wasn’t in enough of a condition to just lift her off the ground and carry her back to the car so I had a bit of time to come up with a plan. I headed back inside the house through the garage entrance and once in the media room spotted my father’s aide enjoying a beer that I hope he had bought himself.

“Captain Roberts,” I said commandingly as I tossed the last bag on his lap. “Here’s your pecan fucking pie now follow me.”

“What?” he asked me mildly shocked.

“Get up and follow me NOW MARINE! Hostiles have breached our perimeter,” had to give him some credit he got right the hell up and didn’t even stop to make sure the pie had landed in a safe place. It was only the matter of walking to the next rooms so my hips didn’t cause any minor earthquakes on the way, though if it had been any further that probably wouldn’t have been the case.

“Rip this door off,” I said indicating the ornate wooden gun cabinet.

“What?” he asked still confused.

“NOW!!” I shouted as I tried my own strength on the handles. Soon enough both of us combined were able to pry the board off the hinges. The NRA would no doubt disapprove of the safety flaw but the cabinet was built for show and to keep small children out not determined housebreakers. Once opened, I grabbed the side by side shotgun and a box of the 12 gauge shells. They probably had been manufactured before I was born but I couldn’t exactly be choosy at the moment.

“Call the police, my friend Caroline is being kidnapped.” And then I headed toward the front door and the still screaming roommate.

I slotted in two shells in the chambers and stepped outside just in time to see Caroline’s father toss the girl in the bed of the pickup. Judging by the twine on her arms and legs it appeared he had literally hogtied her before she was immobilized. It didn’t look like I had much time left, dearest daddy was walking around the truck to the driver’s side and I fired a shot into the lawn to get his attention.

And was subsequently knocked on my fat ass.

I realized almost immediately that I had screwed up on the trigger mechanism and both barrels had gone off instead of my intended one. I scuffed up my knee pretty bad trying to get back up and with a great deal of trouble was able to get back on my feet. Of course the box of shells had fallen out of my grasp when I fell and, despite how imposing it looked, the main disadvantage of a double barreled shotgun was that it had…well…only two shots.

“Let her go now!” I said as I drew a bead on the intruder. He was a good twenty feet away and didn’t look very spry and I thought I had a good chance of grabbing some more shells and loading them in time, but would much rather he not know I had an unloaded gun pointed at him.

“This gun,” I continued brazenly. “Was euphemistically called a ‘street sweeper’. I don’t think you want to find out why that is. Now the police are on their way and if you let my friend out of that truck and never bother us again I’ll tell them I had an accidental discharge… something I’m sure you're familiar with. But you only have a minute or so to make up your mind. It’s a holiday sure but they are certain to respond fast to THIS neighborhood.”

“It sounded, girly, like you fired both barrels,” he said lowering his raised hands. “And I know you didn’t have time to reload. What’s to stop me from just getting in my truck and leaving you behind?”

“Me,” said my father’s voice and the sound of a pump action being pulled back.

“And me,” said Thomas. “THIS one is loaded.”

“I’m not sure if this one has bullets in it,” said my grandfather. “But I could probably just beat you to death with it.”

My lady mother insisted the family dress up for formal dining occasions, which the Thanksgiving holiday most certainly qualified for. The womenfolk, who would be zipping in and out of the kitchen with preparations all day were waiting as long as they could before putting on their best frocks so as to avoid any embarrassing stains. The men folk though, their only strenuous duty was to be lectured to by angry parents in Thomas’s case, and watching Football for the rest of them. So they were mostly already dressed for dinner.

Thomas, somehow fittingly, was pointing the 9mm I had almost ended my life with back in the summer. If I had been thinking NOW I probably should have grabbed that one but I had instead instinctually gone for the one that was more substantial looking. He was wearing his midshipmen’s dress uniform and a feral grin on his face and both made him look quite dashing.

Grandpa it appeared had been interrupted in the middle of putting his clothes on. The only thing he was wearing were his blood stripes and, while he was rather old as these things went, he was still a fine figure of a man and looked even more imposing holding the three and a half feet of Garand rifle like it was a returned lover, which in his case, was possibly the literal truth.

The General was in full kit, medals, cover, sword and everything. He had chosen the other shotgun in the cabinet but this one was a much more efficient and modern Remington which had up to five shots in the magazine. The effect of the three generations of them together was somewhat substantial. I wasn’t even the one that had all that history and hardware pointed at me and I was about to piss my panties in fear.

“Fucking marines,” said Caroline’s father in disgust as he moved to the truck bed and grabbed her by her restrained feet and just dragged her out and onto the street several feet below. “You want the fag you can have him.”

He didn’t even look at his child as he got in the cab and drove away.

***
When the police finally arrived all of the weapons have been safely grounded and we all tried to appear as non life threatening as possible, which for some of the Ryan family was a stretch. The officers cautiously got out of the car and turned to the general since he was wearing the most shinies and asked politely if there was an ‘invasion going on and no one had told them’. Have to give credit to the dog robber, Captain Roberts hadn’t told the police there was a kidnapping in progress until he checked with the general and by then there was no point. So the police were only responding to the gunfire call.

Grandpa took one for the team, probably because he would be safely out of the country by the end of the week. He told the police it was his bad, that he was “messing around” with the shotgun and it accidentally went off. I’m quite sure that we could have solved the worlds energy problems by rigging up a turbine generator on all the marines spinning in their graves at that comment but it seemed to work. Or at any rate, the police were not going to force the issue against the glare of all of daddy’s stars. They gave him a citation for discharging a firearm in the city limits along with a not insubstantial fine and then were on their way. Grandpa looked at it like he wanted to wipe his ass with it but I quickly took it from his hands and promised to pay it on his behalf.

Caroline was somewhat the worse for wear. My mother wanted to take her to the hospital but the injuries appeared superficial and she didn’t want to answer any embarrassing questions and particularly didn’t want to be examined. Martha wanted us to call the police back so charges could be sworn out against Caroline’s attacker but she was quickly shot down not least by the primary victim. Eventually she settled on helping the T-girl get cleaned up and into her evening dress. Something she had been looking forward to all week and wasn’t going to let a little thing like an attempted kidnapping get in the way. My own attire was waiting for me laid out on the bed by my mother. The last few weeks she had taken pity on the “tomboy” who had grown up without a mother and had been trying with mild success to instill feminine virtues in me.

Judging by the display outside… I sort of had a ways to go.

The red gown waiting for me had taken over three hours getting it to fit my current dimensions. That the price tag was apparently a state secret and kept from me did not make me feel any better. Why we had spent all this time and money on a garment which would be worn only once didn’t make any sense to me but no doubt I would understand in time as my education progressed. I took my second shower of the day and luxuriated in it since I wasn’t competing against any of my sisters for hot water. My hair took the usual age to blow dry and I contemplated again getting it cut. Some sort of pixie bob perhaps? But I was fighting my culture a bit. Mother and all the women in the family had long hair and perhaps it made me a male chauvinist pig but the short hair sported by several of the young ladies I had seen in and about class just made them seem unnecessarily mannish. Having been a man until relatively recently I had no great desire to become an imitation one. Since I could not go back I would have to go forward.

Damn the Doc Martens, full speed ahead!!

I pulled my hair back into a elaborate bun, with a single strand on the right side askew suggestively just like my mamma taught me. And then went to work on my makeup. I was getting much better at it but was far from perfect and as a result I was the last one ready for dinner. Mother had strange notions of what was needed and necessary in a dinner party, so I was met at my bedroom door by a uniformed Thomas who would act as my escort. He offered his arm as we walked down the staircase and even though I was wearing flats I was sort of grateful for it. The dining room was all set and those of us who had men in our lives had our seats held for us. As the titular hostess I was seated at the head of the table and the General was opposite me. We all took part in the blessing and thus were given permission to eat, which we did at once.

And that was all we did for the first five minutes or so. All honor to the meal served but it wasn’t that good, even to a hormone drenched pregnant woman. Usually at a gathering of the clan table conversation would begin at once, continuing conversations which had gone on all through preparations but it seemed at the collected table of academics and warriors everyone was too afraid to speak. Caroline looked like a mouse in the corner even though no one looked to be ready to pounce on her. She wasn’t even eating just staring down at her plate and passing the serving dishes when called to. Once all the food had been distributed she seemed to gain a bit of courage but it wasn’t to speak, she was just about to pull out her chair and bolt from the dinner table when I cut her off.

“Well,” I said from my commanding position at the head of the table. “Let’s talk about the elephant in the room shall we?”

Everyone did their best not to look at my friend after that, which meant a generally scattered look on everyone’s faces as they tried to be polite and only served to drive the point further home to a terrified Caroline.

“I’m pregnant,” I continued not giving them time to readjust. “And Thomas is the father of course…originally we had decided to marry but it was explained to me that it would mean the end of his tenure at the Academy and that is…quite precious to me. In addition to his not inconsiderable self of course.”

“How not inconsiderable?” asked Connie with a raised eyebrow.

“Constance!” my mother scolded from across the table.

“Considerable enough to do the job in one shot at any rate,” I replied giving my sister a smile. “At any rate I have no others to compare against. But back to my original point, as far as the Navy and the world at large is concerned we are not married. But it would please me greatly if all here could presume a state of wedded bliss does exist and you treat me like family. My own being…somewhat thin on the ground so to speak.”

“That would please me as well,” interjected Thomas as he reached over and took my right hand in his.

“So what do you say?” I asked all assembled. “I promise to wash behind my ears , to brush my teeth and otherwise not prove to be much an embarrassment.”

“I think I can speak for all here when I say, Katherine,” said my father after only the slightest hesitation as he raised his wineglass. “Welcome to the family.”

“Thank you sir, before the year is out this family will welcome its first grandchild, a girl unless the doctors have screwed up more than usual,” I quipped to the subtle laughter of most of the table. “It is a tradition in the Scott family to name the first granddaughter after both grandmothers. My own mother is dead and I would like to give her pride of place, but with your permission Professor Ryan I would like to use yours for her middle name. Mary Margaret Scott and soon without too much of a delay Mary Margaret Scott Ryan USMC!”

“Hear, hear.”

***

The ice was broken somewhat, even though the table talk just devolved into several family members picking on the new parents to be. I got it coming and going since they hauled out of archives all sorts of embarrassing stories from my youth that Jessica had never known and I wished I could have forgot. And then of course, not wanting to leave the new me out, Aunt Alane and her husband Rick illustrated quite a few pregnancy and childbirth stories, one of which was demonstrated with a turkey drumstick

Don’t ask.

After dinner once most of the clean up was completed we debarked en-mass for the media room and worked our way through dessert and the five pies split between the twelve of us. Since obviously we hadn’t eaten enough for the day. The boys had been watching football all day, excepting their interruption for the rescue mission, so my mother put her foot down and said we would watch something together that we could all enjoy somewhat and eventually a DVD of “Princess Bride” was selected. I remember watching it before of course, but it was from a slightly different perspective this time. I was no longer a dashing dread pirate type but more resembling the eponymous princess bride . Even though I wasn’t a bride anymore, and was damned if I would be a princess.

Caroline, tried to get out of it, but she was physically restrained by my sisters and was sandwiched on the couch between Abigail and Constance and wasn’t even allowed to fetch her own slice of pie. The General was at a table in the corner with his aide going over some report or another as quietly as possible. He knew his wife wanted his attendance for this quality family time but some things couldn’t wait and he had seen this movie before. Grandpa was misusing his recliner by sitting in it ramrod straight, but was giving in to his retired status slightly by indulging in his third piece of pumpkin pie. A comestible, I guess, which was not available in abundance in Belize. Caroline was seated to his right and must have got a good look at his chest. Because out of the blue she spoke up and said the first words she had uttered all evening.

“That’s the Medal of Honor isn’t it?” she asked pointed at the ribbon on the top of his seven rows of awards.

“Yes it is,” he answered looking down as if he hadn’t even noticed he was wearing it, which after almost sixty years he probably had. “I’d tell you how I got it but I don’t remember, woke up in a hospital in Japan a month after the fact. Other people saw, a couple dozen of them, and their stories more or less agreed so I suppose I have to believe them. It’s more trouble than it’s worth most days. While I was active duty I kept leaving it off my uniform but somehow it would be sewed back on the next day when my back was turned. They also tried to stop me going with my regiment to Vietnam when our time came but I put a stop to THAT. Junior over there even used it to get a presidential appointment to the Academy and further my ruin.”

“A fact,” said my father looking up from his maps. “You haven’t let me forget in decades.”

“You could have gone far boy,” he countered turning his head to look at him as he set down his plate. “Why, with your smarts you might have ended up as Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps, instead of washing out as a corporal.”

“My second career has been quite fulfilling I assure you,” father finished and then went back to looking at the papers on the desk.

“My father was in the Army in Vietnam,” said Caroline looking nowhere in particular. “And other places.”

“Was he?” Grandpa asked unemotionally.

“He was always very proud of that, and his twenty years of service. He was already retired by the time I was born but he always made sure us kids knew about thing like that… like the Medal. His highest was the bronze star but he had it framed and placed above the mantel. He would always tell stories of how he got it, sometimes they even matched.”

“Some folks are like that I guess,” said Grandpa as he tried to look back at the television screen.

“Proud of that, and ashamed of me,” she said mortified as she got up and made a run for the door only to be stopped by my grandfather's viselike grip on her arm.

“Now listen here… young lady. I won’t pretend to know what all is going on in that head of yours, but my son’s wife, whose opinion I trust, says you’re good people and I haven’t seen anything to indicate otherwise. Quite frankly… you disgust me, but that’s because I’m an old dinosaur who thinks that the only people that won that Vietnam War we talked about, were the hippies, and they have been running the show since. When I was your age, people didn’t even know people like you existed. But as far as shame goes, there are lesser and greater things to be ashamed of and beating your child for how they are is damn near the top. Probably it’s you that should be ashamed of him.”

“I just… I,” she stuttered.

“Are you a murderer?” he asked her harshly.

“What? No!” she answered surprised.

“I am,” he continued resolutely. “At least seven people I know of who were not legitimate targets. Found out after the fact but that doesn’t make it untrue. And I am generally counted a hero despite that. Ever raped someone?”

“N… no.”

“Not a fair question I guess since you probably don’t know how to use it.”

“Or want it,” she clarified.

“Probably takes you out of the running for pedophilia too. Theft? Arson? Violent overthrow of the government?”

“No, I, well, I took some gummy worms out of a gas station candy bin when I was ten. Mama slapped me silly when Johnny told her.”

“As is proper, can’t abide a thief and it's best you got sorted out while you were young. Well then, Caroline,” he said, releasing her arm. “All things being equal, you are an upstanding citizen of the Republic, can live anyway you damn well see fit and are entitled to the protection of the Marine Corps while you do it. Say thank you, if your mama brought you up proper, and let’s never speak of it again.”

“Thank you,” she said as if she meant it, and she walked out of the room in tears, but also with a slight smile on her face.

“Boy,” said grandpa, turning in his chair to face Thomas. “Honor your elders and bring me a piece of pecan pie.”

***
The first movie was done and halfway through the second one Thomas and I began yawning in synchronization. I gave him a looked and gestured upstairs with my head, along with a half smile. He got up first and then offered me his hand and superior strength to get up off the couch, which I needed every little bit of.

“I didn’t get much sleep last night,” I said to the room in general. “I think I will turn in early.”

“Good night Katie,” said Abigail from the couch. Followed by Martha and Connie.

“Good night dear,” said my mother. “Try to get some rest.”

“Tom, where are you going,” said my father abruptly from the corner.

“Well I was, that is I thought…,” he tried to evade.

“You can sleep downstairs on the couch like you did last night,” he continued as he pushed up his reading glasses off his nose.

“Sir,” I said trying to sound reasonable while I held my belly. “The worst that can happen has happened. And I’m not really in the mood for any funny business anyway.”

“Good, then you won’t mind if my boy spends the night on the lumpy couch.”

“General Ryan,” my mother interjected stiffly. “Do YOU intend to sleep with your wife tonight?”

“I was planning on it,” he said looking at her a bit surprised. “Though, from the way you are staring at me, that assumption is in doubt.”

“They have been away from each other for many months and will be away for many more. They are starting a family together even if we can’t make it official because of your SILLY regulations. They will share a bed tonight as a man and wife and you are not going to stand in the way is that cleauhr!” she said, her southern slipping in again.

“Crystal,” he answered her simply and then, after a brief pause, nodded genially at the both of us.

Thomas stopped in the living room to collect his bags and then we both walked up the stairs to the master bedroom. He hesitated only a little bit at the door and then his courage won through as he walked inside after me, closing the door behind him. I walked over to the closet and began undressing, the gown didn’t slip off easily, I had too many impediments in the way, but I was able to win through eventually and hung it up in the closet so it wouldn’t wrinkle. Turning around in my bra, panties and pregnancy support hose I faced an edgy Thomas who still hadn’t moved past the entryway.

“Nervous?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. “This was, after all, your body until relatively recently, though you may not recognize it.”

“It’s not that,” he said waving his hand dismissively. “And you look fine.”

“Just fine?” I said putting my hands on my hips and trying to look insulted.

“Great! You look beautiful. It’s just… that’s my father’s bed,” he said indicating with a curt nod of his head.

“No it’s not,” I said as I walked over and put both my hands on his shoulders. “I sort of had the same hang up when I first got here. It’s a new bed, frame, mattress and everything. Now don’t make a lady feel she’s underdressed. That’s an order, Marine.”

“Aye aye, sir,” he said with a sarcastic two fingered salute.

I helped Thomas out of his uniform jacket and he helped me into my nightwear. You can let your imagination run wild if you want but reality was much duller than fiction. The outside temperature was well below freezing and the furnace in this place was merely adequate, something I intended to upgrade as soon as possible. So it wasn’t really optimal conditions to be wearing something sexy from Victoria's Secret. I instead donned a dark flannel long sleeved v-neck pajama set that was INCREDIBLY comfortable. Thomas got by with boxer shorts and a white t-shirt, and I thought I could detect a little envious glance in my direction. But, if he wanted to wear these clothes, he had only himself to blame.

After I removed my makeup, we awkwardly got into bed and I flipped the switch by the side to kill the lights. He started to reach over to touch me and then quickly bolted back like I was on fire. I shuffled over on my side to face him and gave my once and future husband a weak smile.

“If you want to hold me Thomas, I won’t be too offended.”

“I do Katie, it’s just, I didn’t know if YOU wanted to.

“I’m not sure if WANT is the best word to describe it but I’m sort of interested in how it will actually work. This is the first time we will have actually SLEPT together, after all.”

“First time I'll have slept in the same bed with anyone actually.”

“What, never?” I asked disbelieving.

“No siblings remember, and then boarding school with private rooms and armed guards to prevent boyfriends from having their way with me.”

“Worked great didn’t it?”

“From the actually sleeping together part of it yeah, I guess I must have slept with daddy after a bad dream or something, but I can’t really remember specifics. So this will be the first night that counts.

“Well, I’ll try not to fart too much.”

“Ha ha,” he chuckled at me.

“You think I’m joking but I’m not, that particular symptom started in earnest a few weeks ago. But I’m mostly able to keep it inaudible, I’m trying to act more like a lady.”

“How very… considerate of you Katie,”

“Thank you.”

“God Tho… Katie, look at us!”

“I can’t, we turned off the lights, but I can feel just fine, now put your arms around me and get closer, I’m cold.”

He did as he was ordered and brought his front side up along mine. A few seconds later Mary Margaret welcomed her daddy by nudging me in the guts

“Hey,” he said happily surprised. “Did you feel that? I felt the baby kick!”

“It starts losing its shine after a few months, particularly now when I’m trying to get to sleep. I note that you are not reciprocating and poking me with little Tommy, you’re starting to make me feel fat and unwanted, Thomas.”

“You’re not fat, you’re pregnant. The only place you've gained weight is in all the strategic places. My ar… that is YOUR arms and face and legs, they all have exactly the layer of fat they should have. When the baby drops you will be back in fighting trim in no time. Trust me; I would be mocking you mercilessly for destroying my body if it were otherwise.”

“Ok, so I’m not currently unbecoming, you just don’t find me sexually attractive?”

“I’ve been thinking about that a lot these last few months, and I’ve been field testing my orientation as much as I could get away with.”

“Hey!” I shouted shoving his arms away.

“I meant looking, just LOOKING!” he said trying to calm me down.

“It better just be looking,” I said with sniff.

“And YOU’RE not getting as much of an eyeful as often as you can? I saw the picture of your roommates even Caroline probably gets quite a bit of unwanted male attention.”

“That’s different.”

“Oh? How exactly?” he asked bemused.

“Because I’m the girl now and we get to have double standards, comes with the double X chromosome in case you forgot… so, what were the results of all your ‘field testing’?”

“I think I’m probably bi at this point, which works for our situation I guess, it’s hard to tell where culture, socialization, hormones, biology and reptile hindbrain all begin and end. If we ever let the head shrinkers get their hands on us they could write whole libraries full of psychology books.”

“I’d eat a bullet first,” I said taking his hand and wrapping it around me again.

“Don’t joke about something like that, Katie,” he said giving me a good squeeze. “Not even a little. And how have your tastes changed or stayed the same after the switch?”

“I still like girls, but I have been too afraid to do anything about it, that and I was married to you.”

“Even when we were fighting, or rather you fighting and me whimpering on the ground.”

“Particularly then!” I said nuzzling my nose with his. “I was too shell-shocked to think of any sort of romance, or even mere lust. As far as guys go… results are mixed. I’ve tried flirting a few times…”

“FLIRTING!” he shouted letting me out of his embrace.

“Just clearing the decks! Trying to figure out how I swing, nothing happened not even a kiss.”

“And what did your investigations determine?” he asked gritting his teeth a bit.

“A twinge or two… but how much of that was me acting, and getting into the role the whole world sees me in and how much of it was actually real I don’t know. Certainly never the sort of zing we used to have.”

“Well thank God for that!” he said stiffly and readjusting himself in bed as he resumed holding me.

And poking me with something stiff at the same time.

“Thomas?” I asked cautiously.

“Yes,” he answered curtly.

“Is that?”

“Yes,”

“Oh,”

“Yeah, all this talk about it I guess… hey!” he screamed as I grabbed his junk with both hands.

“I just want to hold it a bit, stop being a baby! I could probably charge by the hour for this service.”

“Maybe you could, but your hands are cold, Katie.”

“They’ll get warmer, I just want to see if I can hold it and not gag, it will be the first time I’ve done it from this direction. I’m not ready for anything more, and the logistics of it in my current state would be problematic anyway. But if we are going to have any sort of future together, particularly after the annulment, these are questions that need to be asked and answered.”

“I see your point Katie, would you just warn a guy, or at least warm your hands first?”

“Deal,” I said giggling a bit despite my best intentions, which did interesting things to the organ in my hands.

“Christ Katie,” he said taking in the entire situation and laughing a bit himself. “If we tried to sell this story to Hollywood no one would believe it.”

“What and rodents of unusual size are so realistic?”

“That’s an obvious fantasy,” he said trying to appear reasonable.

“You mean, like magical body swaps? Hello my name is Ingo Montoya, you stole my body prepare to die!!”

“You know what I mean, take this afternoon for instance. Instead of a normal shotgun wedding with the groom being held at gunpoint by the girl’s father. It was the knocked up teenager holding a double barrel on a different father while she agitated for a divorce!”

“Annulment,”

“Whatever, the point is we can’t seem to do anything the normal expected way. And by the way, you need to realize Katie that you are not Tommy anymore, as your own hands are proving to you. That was incredibly dangerous what you did today. I was proud of you, but I was also scared to death for you and the baby when I saw you on that lawn facing some madman alone. You’re not a great big hulking hero any more, princess,” he said as he moved in to give me a long deep kiss.

“I said I was TRYING to be more like a lady, obviously there is work still to be done.”

***

Bad writing covered up by the Robynn Hoode