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I'm going to come out to my parents hopefully on Wednesday, and start my transition as soon as possible after that, but I have several questions.
1. What kind of doctor do I have to see to begin?
2. What kind of job would I be able to do while transitioning?
3. Does anyone know any companies with an anti-discrimation policies for gender identity.
4. General advice as well please.
Comments
Wow
1. Well, you would probably want to start with a Counselor who is licensed. Be careful, because many counselors have a bias. I'd try to start with one who is biased against transitioning. You want to know all the arguments against before you proceed. Do try to figure out a way to get a Karyotype test first thing. If there is an abnormality in your chromosomes, I am PAIS, then that provides a reason for your GID. You may be able to get your folk's insurance to pay for it. A good geneticist can just look at you and suspect something. This includes people who are very tall.
My geneticist saw my tiny chin, high cheek bones, narrowed waist and inclined pelvis and told me that it was highly likely that my Y chromosome was very damaged.
2. Depending upon your presentation, physical size and other factors, you may or may not run into significant descrimination. I was a very skilled Electrician, but never worked as one again after I came out. It was as if I lost all my brains to them. If you think you can pull it off, then just say you are intersexed. Don't ever use the word transsexual with anyone. Just sayin. Prejudice is alive and well.
3. It depends upon what state you are in.
4. So, I know your age. Frankly, those of us who are less than 5'8" and 160 lbs have it easier. Just look at height/weight charts on the internet. Don't ever use the terms GID, transgender, or any thing like that with an employer. The company physical can be really problematic.
I'm sick, I have to lay down.
G
Transitioning advice most important week of my life comingup
1. What kind of doctor do I have to see to begin? You need to see two psychiatrist who can prescribe the hormones and blockers as well as help find the surgeon to operate. 2. What kind of job would I be able to do while transitioning? Most any job that does not require physical strength. 3. Does anyone know any companies with an anti-discrimation policies for gender identity. Dorothy Colleen works for Wal-Mart. And there may be secretarial positions.
May Your Light Forever Shine
You Are Forgetting Something
The second Psychiatrist is needed to confirm the diagnosis for the SRS letter needed for surgery. An Endocrinologist is the doctor in charge of the hormonal side of things. My therapist sent a letter to the endocrinologist saying that I had been through counseling to confirm my Gender Identity was female and he examined me, had the lab take blood and then wrote a prescription for my blocker and hormones. To my knowledge, Psychiatrists only prescribe medication to treat mental health issues such as Depression and Bi polar issues if they are part of the issue their patient is dealing with.
Actually Stan, the type of
Actually Stan, the type of job that can be done is any that you have the skills for and can get hired at. Women do most anything so that isn't really a problem.
And as for companies that have anti-discrimination policies... check with HRC. But there are now national level protections for employees (see the following pdf)And Wal-Mart has terrible policies towards GLBT eployees, so I don't recommend it. And just fyi... don't limit yourself to stereotypical occupations. That is far too 1950s. Its 2012 despite what the Republicans are trying to say.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
canada is way more liberal than most of the USA
colleen works for walmart canada.
Your first question...
Your first question is the most important!
And, if you find the right person he/she will help you with a lot of the others... Do yourself a BIG favor and do NOT transition until you're working with a therapist you trust! There are a LOT of reasons for this! But, believe me, swapping the order is likely to cause more trouble than you want to deal with.
You can find a list of companies with anti-discrimination policies in HRC's CEI (sounds like confusing alphabet soup... Here'e the translation: Human Rights Campaign Corporate Equality Index.) The second index takes you to the 2011 index (they're working on the 2012 index now). To score 100% a company has to have both anti-discrimination policies AND trans medical benefits! There are also numerous Universities and some cities around the country with benefits... And even more with such policies. Some states also have Trans protection laws. As of about a year ago, about 38% of the country had such laws, but things have changed for the better in some area (MA added protection) and worse in others (states invalidated local protections). Your therapist can guide you to LOCAL resources around that.
Lots of resources abound on coming out. HRC has one at: Coming Out
Finding a therapist... That's tougher. You can get really lucky (I was, twice), or it can be difficult. Trans friendly therapists exist in all states. Important to note that there are also some who claim to be, but will practice the equivalent of "revision" therapy. Expect to spend a good bit of $$ as you convince your therapist that you are in fact TS... AND that Transition IS the right thing. (The standards of care recommend at least 12 sessions!) Once you do, your therapist should help you plan what to do and where to go. It will be YOUR plan, not your therapists.
Expect to take a LOT of "tests", many of which will seem really stupid. Then, expect to do a lot of talking - many questions will be difficult, and you may feel threatened. You can also feel like the therapist doesn't believe you (a lot depends on the style of the therapist). They're not just trying to make things hard... They are making sure you've thought things through and that you really are who / what you think you are. Ultimately, assuming you will transition, they would likely be recommending/referring you to a doctor to prescribe and monitor hormone replacement therapy, perhaps various surgeries and SRS/GCS. So, they really need to get to know you and believe this is best for you.
Finding the therapist - you can ask for referrals from people in your area, you can look in the yellow pages, you can use the American Psychological Association's referral service (online). There are many other sites with referral services as well. Pink Essence has a resource page as well.
My best advice is don't do anything quickly. As painful and hard as it is to take your time, I believe things will go smoother (with fewer bumps) if you don't rush. I don't know your age or situation, nor do I know your relationship with your parents. I know my parents took a few years to get "used" to the idea. They're supportive, mostly (as I've mentioned).
A second bit of advice is around transitioning / job. Transitioning while on the job can be difficult, unless your employer helps. But, transitioning between jobs (unless you have a LOT of experience living in your target gender) can make getting that new job much harder... Not only will you have issues with references, you'll have presentation and socialization issues.
You also need to know the laws in your state around transitioning... They vary a LOT from state to state!
Best of luck,
Annette
Good advice all around
And a little more:
I wholeheartedly agree with Annette on one point: go slowly. Be careful with your new life. This has the side-effect of giving you lots of time to enjoy each little change and each beginning. Stop and smell the perfumes.
It takes somewhere between 18 and 85 years to become a competent adult of either sex. It *has* to take at least a few years to transition to an adult of the *other* sex!
Congratulations. Be careful with yourself.
Enjoy life, and find work you love, whatever it is.
;-)
Michelle
There's just one BIG problem with the CEI...
No indexing of the beauty industry.
Though I don't imagine an index of the beauty industry is really needed, it's so full of unusual characters already that I really doubt anyone's going to notice or pay much attention to the tranny. Especially the quiet, shy, easily intimidated one...
Oh well... I just hope I can land a good job in this industry I've chosen despite this little thing between my legs and what it's done to my face.
This is about Jaden anyways, and she's more likely to be working in some other industry anyways.
However, most people don't work for any of the big corps either, they work for smaller businesses whose owners may or may not pay attention to any of this stuff or even care.
Abigail Drew.
If you look...
The CEI is predominantly Fortune 500 companies - and their competitors. And, there's a lot of presence in the Pharmaceutical/Health Sciences, Financial Services (specially international banks) and IT. I've watched the CEI for a good many years... And, some have been very inclusive all along, others have gotten on the "band wagon" as their competitors did. (That's one of the factors behind my employer's going the last step to get the 100% score, after several years at 95% and then being down at 30% before that.) Some companies actually recognize the value we bring, specially after transition where we CAN be (in many cases) MORE productive than we were before. Others, specially in states with laws against trans discrimination (and now with the EEOC ruling) are becoming more inclusive out of recognition of the cost of NOT being (litigation can be expensive as many companies have found... When they lost.)
Another factor - the EEOC rules apply to much smaller companies. And, over the years, we've seen a gradual "trickle down" of benefits and such from the big companies to smaller ones.
But, that difference between smaller companies and larger ones is one reason I went with my employer six years ago, despite actually having a better overall offer from another company - that was much smaller. No, I didn't expect to be transitioning then (I'd actually given up on my dream), but I felt that chances were better long term, and benefits were likely to improve with time (which they have). And, in retrospect it was by far the right decision.
Annette
It's so long since
I did it, and the system is probably different from the US, here you'd see your family doctor first and be referred on to a specialist clinic, but then you do for most things here unless you're admitted as an emergency to hospital.
Good luck, but take it easy, the further you get on the conveyor belt the harder it is to get off, so take your time and consolidate every step. Remember, the rest of your life can be a long time to live with regret.
Angharad
Angharad
Regret.
Agreed ! It is not so much that I am not a woman, but that the loss of my family really soured the milk.
G
One of your first steps
One of your first steps should be to go here: tsroadmap . There is a lot of information here that can help you in lots of different ways.
Also to know the current standards of care for treatment go to WPATH . This is also your go to site for valid and knowledgable providers. You may have to educate someone so be prepared for that.
The biggest thing you have to do in all of this is relax and breathe. Coming out is tough. Since you managed to do it to yourself is major. Your parents is huge. Be prepared for tears, denials, unhappiness, etc... but hope for the best. Always hope for the best. If it doesn't manifest it doesn't mean the end and it doesn't mean that they won't be able to accept it, it just means you shocked the hell out of them. That's okay. Breathe and relax.
Be gentle with yourself and them. Have lots of information for yourself and them. Let them know that while you are changing you are still their child, still love them and always will. Try to control your emotions. I know this is super charged but they will get very emotional and you not reacting calmly will only make things worse. Breathe and relax.
I am very proud of you for doing this. It is a majorly huge step. Be safe. Remember to reassure them that you are their child and still love them. Breathe and relax.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
transition advice
Some things happened and I promised to tell my parents with my therapist and they were very supportive. A side benefit is that I'm actually able to care now and have been exercising and eating healthy again.
I'm 22 btw
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
Do that Karyotype ASAP
If it comes out in your favor, then you can use the Inter-sex label and that is much less prejudicial than the Transgender one. My legitimately switching to it, has really smooted the waters.
:)
Gwendolyn
Do that Karyotype ASAP
If it comes out in your favor, then you can use the Inter-sex label and that is much less prejudicial than the Transgender one. My legitimately switching to it, has really smooted the waters.
:)
Gwendolyn
transition advice
I've been seeing a therapist for a while now
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
That is awesome and very
That is awesome and very helpful. Then you are pretty set on that end. The information on those sites can be useful to have things to show your folks.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
That is awesome!
Glad to hear that, and that things are starting to go better for you! That bit was missing earlier.
Best wishes,
Annette
endocrinologist
does that wpath thing actually work because i can't get it to find an endocrinologist near me
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
Yes and no...
It works, but there may not be an endo with WPATH near you.
You've a number of choices. Your therapist can "ask around". You can get your GP to refer you to a good endo who is familiar (or will get familiar) with HRT issues and will monitory prescribe/monitor your progress.
In my case, while I have an Endo, she doesn't prescribe/monitor my HRT, my therapist does (she's also a post op MD)... One of the few that do both. But, my endo watches that and everything else. A year after I started HRT, I was talking to my Endo and someone had come to her, and she was doing research - but was also concerned because the person didn't have a referral from a therapist for HRT. I re-provided contact info for my doc, and she passed that on to the individual.
This is what someone else referred to as you may need to educate folks. (If you find a good/willing but unknowledgable Endo... I'm sure many of us could provide contact info for our doctors so your endo could contact them and get "educated".)
Best of luck.
Annette
There is a good AMA Endo pdf
There is a good AMA Endo pdf file out there that is 60+ pages long and gives very detailed information.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
My experience
I wrote a full reply out and it was eaten, so...
Ignore the sexist '1950s' stereotypes and go for a career that interests you. The transition process depends far more on your colleagues than your job. I work for the government, and in the UK I have a very solid set of rules to protect me.
Process here? GP/family doctor first, and then a referral to your local nuthouse. That sounds bad, but in my case was clearly a filter. Am I mad/delusional? Nope. Am I the subject of a sudden Damascene revelation, a Tigger who has discovered what Tiggers like while watching trashy TV? Nope. Am I a sane person with GID? Yup.
Back to the GP, and a referral to what is referred to as a mental health recovery centre, and a consultant shrink. After that, a referral to the local GID clinic at Charing Cross hospital. Onwards and upwards...
With work, I came out to my immediate boss first, who is a friend, two other friends on my team, and my Union man. Then it was the Head of Office, who has been nothing but supportive. It helps that I am actually rather good at my job, and while I have several people who actively hate me I also have a lot of respect and friendship and a bloody good national support network. No, I don't look wonderful, but that's just how it goes.
next wednesday at 1
I wasnt able to get an appointment this week got one next week and also have a job at the limited/Victoria secret distribution center. Unhappy with the wait But the discount will be nice when I start therapy.
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
Cant wait till next wednesday
It's hard not to be anxious, the waiting is painful.
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
Pace yourself dear...
Slow and steady wins the race! We're all pulling for you, keep positive thoughts and you'll do fine! Big (((Hugs))) Taarpa