In honor of Nebraska's very slight victory over Idaho State 73-7 I present to you an extra chapter.

Cometh the Hour Cometh the Woman: Part 12

[***][***][***]

The governor’s summer cottage was about a half mile from mine, around the next bend west. HE for one, had neighbors in sight both to the left and right so it would appear if he was taking bribes, he wasn’t doing a good enough job of it to be in the same ranks as my adoptive family, fallen though they might be. I was picked up by a suited plain clothes state trooper in an intimidating Chevy Tahoe. I felt under dressed in the jeans and yellow v-neck top I was in until I saw what monstrosity Pilsner was wearing. I was willing to cut him some slack I guess, since he probably spent 18 hours a day 90% of the year in a three piece suit, he must institutionally want to rebel whenever the cameras weren’t around to see it by wearing a loud Magnum P.I. Hawaiian shirt.

His wife was a frumpy woman who I would have pegged as a rancher or farmer’s wife, instead of the spouse of the state’s chief executive. I took one look at her and suspected she was the more practical of the pair. She was dark haired abd without any grey. The eyes though were enough to tell me she was of an age with her husband, but I wasn’t going to be catty and comment on her dye job. She seemed a pleasant enough woman and solidified my impression of her when she embraced me long a long lost daughter.

“Jessica!” she said squeezing me in a hug, “or is it Katherine now, Bob mentioned something about you changing it?”

“Um… You’re sort of the first people I am trying it out on. I just needed a bit of a change, and I always liked my middle name.”

“Change is good every once in a while,” commented the governor as he walked us to the lakeside patio where a grill was set up.

“Well, my name is Sally if you dont remember. I thought about changing it several hundred times, but never had your courage. So is it Katherine, then? All formal and stuffy or can I squeeze in a Kate, and you married! I’m just sad that your father isn’t around to see it… and of course your mother, but I never knew her.”

“Nor I,” I responded trying to show the appropriate amount of reverence for this bodies mother. “Kate is fine I think, or Katie, it’s all new to me so let’s see where things end up. “

“It occurs to me,” said the governor trying to change the subject. “I might have made an error, are you a meat eater? Or one of those misguided vegans. We’re having burgers and I’m sorry to say there probably isn’t a tofu burger to be had for three counties in any direction.”

“Dead cow will be fine,” I replied smiling at him. “As ugly as they are, I figure they have it coming.”

“My grandson Henry,” said Sally mirthfully, “Missed his breakfast because of some damn fool and a boat, and said damn fool compounded his error by feeding him too much junk food and candy for lunch, so he now has an epic stomach ache. So it will just be the three of us.”

“Not his parents? Or your guards?”

“We try not to let the people with guns get in the way of family dinners, Brian our son, is taking a well deserved vacation. The mother is… out west someplace,” said Sally brushing off the woman’s absence with a wave of her hand like it was no issue.

Dinner was ready in a few minutes. I did justice to the Governors grill work. The burger was perhaps more well done than I generally preferred, but the quality of meat was such that it wasn’t dried out, and along with the spice rub used was quite tasty. I helped clean up the few dishes used, and we sat outside to enjoy the weather before the heat of the approaching summer made things unbearable.

The older couple enjoyed some cocktails and got around the social gaff of not offering a minor one by providing me with a truly massive root beer float that was so satisfying that I did not feel in the least slighted. It quite well managed to lull me into a false sense of security when they began applying pressure to the thumbscrews.

“You may not feel it’s my business Katherine,” said Pilsner as he set his glass down on the side table. “But I know that your family is sadly depleted in this generation. And I know your husband’s people not at all. So I feel I owe you a little looking after, particularly after the help you gave me this morning!”

“Don’t worry about that at all,” I said brushing it off. “Anyone could have done it.”

“Apparently not,” quipped Sally enthusiastically. “Otherwise HE would have done it.”

“Now, now,” he said sternly. “Less of that, I’m sure there is some sort of ‘lese majesty law’ I can unearth for this occasion.”

“If there was,” Sally said getting up and giving a kiss to her husband on the way out the door. “You would have used it on me long ago.”

He watched his wife leave the patio like he wanted to have HER for an after dinner treat. It was nice to see people still so in love even after years of marriage, it gave one hope for the future. He returned his gaze to me and suddenly seemed a little at loss for words, which, given his chosen profession must have taken some doing.

“Suppose you tell me you’re honorable,” I broke the silence. “What it is that your wife so pointedly left us alone for you to tell me?”

“It’s just the honorable, not you’re honorable, and really, just Bob, to most people.”

“May I call you Honest Bob?” I asked with a subtle smile.

“I would be honored,” he countered grinning. “So let me be truthful with you now, one of the reasons I was so surprised to realize who you were today, and I confirmed it with Lee this afternoon…”

“Lee?” I asked interrupting him.

“Your congressman,” he said with a nod and a puzzled expression. “He was under the same impression I was that he had used one of his appointments to get you a spot at the Naval Academy and also that said Academy began yesterday.”

“I must assume your information is correct.” I answered with a suddenly dry throat.

“I thought so.” He said looking down at the deck. “Of course, if you changed your mind about military service, that’s no great crime. It’s not desertion, you hadn’t sworn any oaths, yet. But it was in poor taste, and unworthy of your family. Another Nebraskan could have used that slot.”

“I AM, sorry to have let the state down governor, and will so inform Congressmen Lee when I see him next. But not going to the Academy was not my choice, it was for medical reasons.”

“Oh,” he said sounding surprised. “You look healthy enough, certainly you swam out to my boat carrying that heavy box well enough.”

“It’s not debilitating quite… yet, but they do have a strong policy against it.”

“Well, you don’t have to tell me specifics, if you’re uncomfortable speaking of it to a virtual stranger. But I hope you are getting the proper treatment?”

“Yes sir,” I replied like I was being debriefed by my father. “And it’s no great secret I won’t be able to hide it soon enough… I’m pregnant.”

“PREGNANT!” he shouted out while doing a spit take on his beverage.

“Why does every guy I tell react that way?” I asked Bob, but also the world in general.

“It just sort of surprises a man, a girl as young as you, at least I didn’t give in to the stereotype and faint.”

“Not that young, old enough at any rate. I’m only a few months gone, and found out a few weeks ago. The decision was to either get a quick abortion and carry on to the academy with my boyfriend who is also attending or not. We chose not. I did rather, and he eventually accepted it.”

“Well,” he said digesting the information. “As a red-stater in good standing, I disapprove of abortion, but that can’t have been an easy decision for you.”

“No,” I agreed simply.

“So what now for you?”

“School, I guess.” I replied reluctantly. “As much as I can get done before the baby is born, then charge hard as soon as I can afterwards. I have some applications out to colleges in Maryland so I can be closer to… Thomas… my husband.”

“Well, at least that boy that did this to you, did the right thing. But why not here, plenty of fine schools in Nebraska, we ought to know. It’s the single largest piece of my budget.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. You sound surprised,” he said to me harshly as he looked at me askance.

“It’s just that in California and other states, usually its entitlements… or prisons.”

“You’ll find that we run a much different state than California. I think you’ve been to long away, if you didn’t know that.”

“Probably true,” being that this is only my second visit!

“Bob!” came a slightly shrewish shout from the doorway. “I have fresh cherry pie and no ice cream to go with it, and don’t try to blame Henry! I know for a fact he doesn’t like plain vanilla but here it is a whole gallon gone, that scoop for the float was the last of it. And the one I keep in emergency reserve appears to have vanished.”

“Sally, I haven’t been at the ice cream at all today.”

“Today! he says with a straight face,” she said as she turned to me. “Notice he didn’t say anything about the last three days running. Have you sorted out what you needed too?”

“Yes we have,” Pilsner answered her. “Katherine has come home to have her baby.”

“A baby? well that’s wonderful! Or is it? You are rather young?”

“Old enough,” I answered her as I began getting up to leave. “Perhaps I should go.”

“It’s no great shame to have a baby Mrs. Ryan,” said Pilsner gesturing her to sit down. “I just worry that it’s too much on your own, particularly with your financial troubles.”

“What troubles?” asked Sally.

“I’m curious about that myself,” he continued turning to me with a hard look. “Suppose you tell me what mess you have been left with.”

[***][***][***]

“So I’ve only known him for like an hour of face time at this point, already I can tell he’s going to blow a gasket,” I tell Thomas during our late night phone call. I was back at the lake house, laying in the tub hoping that bath salts didn’t have a shelf life when the call came through. I of course had to grill him on the people I should know in my current body. “What’s with that guy, it’s like it was being done to him, or least someone in his own family. Is he a distant cousin or something?”

“Not that I know,” replied Thomas quietly so as to not wake any potential snitches. “Daddy just had a lot of good friends. I don’t really know him all that well. We met a few times, then of course at the funeral. They had to hold it at the cathedral since so many people wanted to come. But really W.S.M. sent me away as soon as she could, Switzerland, then Exeter. You won’t have much trouble with people who knew me then. Any way that you act odd will just be taken for growing up.”

“You mean like suddenly being able to field strip an engine?”

“I still can’t believe you let yourself be seen in public in that suit.”

“Why? It covers all the important bits?”

“It covers everything!” he replied exited.

“That’s what I like about it,” I smiled as I raised my leg out of the tub to examine it for foliage…good enough for now. Though I wondered if they made some sort of swim suit that covered legs?

“Your fath… the General called me today,” Thomas said after a short pause. “He knew exactly when I was having lunch and somehow had gunny pull me out of the chow line to have a quick five minutes.”

“How did you do?” I asked concerned.

“Well enough, I think. If he suspected anything, I think it was that I was too bone tired to hold up my end of the conversation, so any slips will be considered fatigue. But he did ask about you, I mean Jessica.”

“Oh?”

“Apparently,” he continued with a sweet tone of voice. “You had over the course of several years told him you loved me.”

“The details are vague,” I deflected valiantly.

“So, when your mother told him that I, that is, that YOU were not coming to the academy with me, he wanted to check in and ‘see how I was holding up’, but was really just an excuse I think to find out if ‘that girl’ was distracting me from my mission.”

“That girl am I?” I grumbled as I looked down at the view. “Technically accurate, I suppose.”

“Katie, we have to tell them.”

“About the switcheroo or their first grandchild?”

“About the baby, and the fact that we are MARRIED, I doubt anyone would believe us about the switch.”

“Aunt Alane would probably, but she also believes that Elvis is still alive and a vampire…. So dead… huh, I never really thought that one through.”

“Katie!”

“I think we should tell them, just not yet. We have plenty of time. And you shouldn’t feel so gung ho about it, YOU’RE the one who will have to take the brunt of their ire when they hear about. I’m just the impressionable young maiden you had your wicked way with ::sniff::”

“We can wait a little bit, but eventually it’s going to get out, in more ways than one if you remember what’s cooking inside you.”

“I remember…” I said in a serious tone. “There is time enough, but keep in mind I don’t even know where I’m going to be living for the next four years. When she hears about the expansion of her genetic empire, my lady mother is going to want to visit. It will be nice to be settled in one place before she moves in with me.”

“She’s not going to want to move in with you, she has her own house and career.”

“Grant me that I know my Mother better than you do, believe me, the first thing she is going to want to do when we tell her is to… mother... grandmother” I clarified.

“All right,” he sighed too tired to fight. “We can talk about it later… I should get to my rack anyway."

“Sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite, and dream sweet dreams of beautiful women. And they better all be me!”

“Orders received and understood,” he responded crisply as the phone call was ended.

[***][***][***]

All good things must end. I couldn’t stay a beach bunny forever, particularly since what passed for beach up here was black loam and gravel. Melanie was mounted, so we headed south again toward Omaha and an uncertain future. I didn’t want to just pull of stakes and head to just any town in Maryland, hoping it was the right one. My financial situation was going to be tight, I couldn’t pass up the free rent the Scott castle provided while I waited, so back to it I went and made myself at home, so to speak.

The very second thing I did after almost having an asthma attack from peeling off dustcovers was to call in a maid service to come in and give it a good going over. There were six bedrooms and 13 other rooms in the house, I didn’t want any piece of that action. For some things, like petrified dead rats in the basement, you spend the money and promise yourself that you will economize later.

I moved all of ‘my’ possessions into the master bedroom and claimed it as my own. I paid to have all the locks rekeyed and changed the combination to the alarm. If W.S.M. ever showed up again, I would set the dogs on her… right after I bought some dogs, of course. Having done all I could to get into a university short of offering bribes,aAnd I wasn’t discounting that mind you! I just need to see what was in the budget first. So for now, I decided that my new full time job would be to sit by the pool in the shade of the garden and gestate.

I still couldn’t tell any difference in my new waistline, though these things are so gradual, it would be hard enough to tell even with scientific instruments and not just the mark one eyeball. As I sat poolside, I read through the required reading on my new condition. Stacked end to end it amounted to about 2.5 feet of paper. I was pretty sure most expectant mothers gave up a book or two in and just tried to watch the DVD instead. I, however, had nothing better to do at the moment, so manfully worked my way through it. According to the relevant literature I could expect in my first trimester, bouts of nausea?

Check, I still hadn’t been able to go a whole day without some sort of queasiness.

Tender, and or swollen breasts? I inspected the merchandise and tried to see if I could mark that one off as well. The trouble was, I wasn’t used to these things hanging off my front side. Certainly they were sensitive, a misplaced shot of hot water this morning was a testament to that! But were they more tender than usual? And as for being swollen, they seemed to accept the bras that Jessica had left me, though none was a ‘perfect fit’, I had quickly assumed that there was no such mythical creature and was content to just suffer through the occasional pinch or scratchiness in exchange for the needed support they offered. So #2 was a certified maybe.

Increased urination? YES! Though how much of that was due to the inherent female form was to be determined. Food aversions or cravings? Well, I stayed away from some of the vegetables that mother said were good for me, but I secretly thought were being used to punish me for being a bad boy. But I couldn’t really say that I now had an aversion to food. Certainly nothing I had once liked as Tommy was disgusting to me as Katherine, though it WAS early days yet, and I hadn’t sampled the entire palate. I wondered if craving for good pizza could count for this symptom, but if true, it would mean I had been pregnant for years.

Dizziness? No, and no fainting spells since I traded up so to speak, so I hoped this one would pass me by as well. Heartburn and constipation? No. Fatigue? Well, I was getting tired from some of the simple physical acts I had been used to performing before. But again, I had chalked that up to the body swap. I also for the longest time was not getting the best sleep due to stress, but now that things had stabilized somewhat, I should be getting a better gauge.

Identifying pregnancy symptoms must be so much easier for women.

I had just decided to give myself a study break and maybe try some of the suggestions for light low fat meals when my cell phone started ringing, the number was a strange one from an eastern area code, so I excitedly picked up what I hoped was the first response to my college applications.

“Hello,” I answered courtesy.

“Good afternoon,” said a pleasing female voice. “I’m calling to speak to Jessica Scott, my name is Grace Ashford from the Georgetown University admissions office.

YES!!!

“Good afternoon Ms Ashford, I’m Jessica,” on all the official records anyway.

“Well Jessica, I thought I would give you a telephone call as a courtesy to let you know that we received your application over the weekend and processed it. I know that this process can be very stressful for young people. We also don’t get many students from the Phillips Exeter Academy here at Georgetown. When my staff saw your transcripts and your cover letter explaining your situation, congratulations by the way! They forwarded it to me for review.”

“Thank you ma’am,” I said graciously. “I do appreciate your attention.”

“Let me just say that it is one of the finest high school records that I have seen, and we see quite a few exceptional ones. This coupled with the highest standards of Exeter would usually be enough to grant you admission even at this late a date. We keep a few slots open in reserve for just such situations as your own, when plans fall through at a slightly more prestigious school. It has almost always been to our benefit.”

“Usually, you said?” I asked her cautiously.

“Yes,” she said and seemed honestly sad by the admission. “I can’t quite fathom how they haven’t been in contact with you, but it appears that you were some credits short of the necessary standards for graduation from a high school in New Hampshire. Until such requirements are met, I’m afraid we will have to put your application on hold.”

“WHAT!!” I shouted, all pretense to being graciously and gentile tossed out the window. “How the hell could I not have graduated?! I was almost valedictorian! I walked in my graduation ceremony! Cap and gown and some adolescent streaking and everything!”

“The ceremony is not the graduation,” said Ashford lecturing. “As they should have explained that to you, due to the nature of the school year final exams. Papers are often not graded until well after students head off for the summer, so it’s when the actual diplomas, not the diploma holders are handed out that one can be officially graduated.”

“Yes, but, there must be some mistake,” I countered hysterically. “I mean how I could have not graduated HIGH SCHOOL?”

“No doubt there was, if it can be all cleared up in a timely fashion, there may still be a place for you at Georgetown. But for the moment there is not… now I will send you an email with all my contact information, please keep me informed as to the results of your investigation. Goodbye Miss Scott.”

'MRS RYAN! You officious bitch!' I thought to myself

When the call was ended, I plopped down my book on the deck, went running into the house and up the stairs to change clothes. I still had no internet hooked up, and needed to get connected RIGHT THE HELL NOW. I threw random clothes directly over my still wet swimsuit, grabbed my laptop for the mad dash to Melanie and the closest Wi-Fi spot I could find. There was a bastion of the evil empire only a half mile away, I didn’t even bother going inside, just sat in the Starbucks parking lot, waiting for my PIECE OF SHIT LAPTOP to boot up.

I spent the longest seconds of my short life hunting and pecking on that tiny keyboard and referring to the wrinkled piece of paper Jessica had left me with passwords. Soon enough, I was inside her student email account, a place I had never, nor had any reason to visit, before. There it was, large as life and twice as ugly. Message after message from our bio teacher Miss Prissart. Marked, important please reply, then urgent, then urgent with explanations marks. If it wasn’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all…

“Miss Scott, this is my last and final time trying to reach you before I head to Brazil for my summer specimen survey. I have tried your phone numbers as well as that of your guardian and received no reply. You have not yet sent me your term project, as you will recall this encompasses 40% of your grade, which means with this incomplete. You will not have sufficient points remaining to pass my class. It is already severely overdue, but if you can turn it in immediately you will at least receive enough partial credit to pass this class. Please reply as soon as possible. This is your future young lady!”

The message was dated three days ago, Miss Priss was renowned for being completely incommunicado for her summer excursions. It was already too late, there was no way I would be able to get those points added even if I knew where to find the former Jessica’s term project. For a good hour I seethed with righteous rage. What god’s cheerios did I piss in? What bad karma did I incur in a former life to be treated so in this one?

The situation was not helped any by the string of 'pretty people' who were heading in and out of Starbucks. Successful older people who had obviously already finished college, and arrogant undergraduates full of promise and possibility. If I had possession of any sort of firearm, it would have been a close thing preventing me from becoming a spree killer, giving birth to little miss or mister behind death row. But soon enough, humor, if not logic or reason or sanity returned to me and I was able sum up the situation in the manner in which it deserved.

She failed biology huh?

…

…

…

Figures.

:(

[***][***][***]