Copyright Rues ©2012 post on free sites if you wish. I strongly caution if your not feeling well and read this, it's a bit strong. Something I did in 3 minutes sorry forgot to add this, your comment and feelings on this. blaze away
Fate?
I got dressed in my finest and most expensive dress and shoes. Did my face and combed the wig I was wearing, sitting on the bed with some tears slipping past my mascara. I jammed the needle in deep. There! Its done.
I am on my way. I can feel the coldness of the needle in my fingers and the warmth of my arm. It will happen soon. I will be me, have soft skin and silky hair. Ah, to dream of being who I am, not what I see- to correct a wrong that I did not do.
It's just that it won't happen fast enough as I close my eyes for the last time.
The End
Not To Be Continued
Comments
I've been at the edge of suicide 3 times
So I can relate to the feeling in this piece. Thank God I didnt go through with it, or I would have missed all the good stuff happening to me now.
Same here
But I had a good go twice. Hence my 'Dark Night..." story. I am assuming this is the piece that caused your earlier comment. My own reply stands.
Fear...
...there have been several times in my (long?) life where fear ruled my heart. In those desperate times I can safely say that my fear of carrying on was only exceeded by my fear of death. I no longer death, but I also have found my fear of life has slipped away slowly as well. Thank you, as I said earlier, for providing another reminder that I'm not alone.
Love, Andrea Lena
Fate
Short, to the point.
May Your Light Forever Shine
I don't have much to say,
I don't have much to say, I've been in dark places myself, not for the same reasons. Short and to the point this one was, it was good thank you for sharing it.
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YIKES !
WHOA !
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
I really
should listen when someone gives a warning about what they've written.
You and me..
both! Ginger
It is a shame that for many of us, suicide seems the only way
out of a no win situation.
What we need is curriculum in our schools that teach students about why we are the way we are. Doctors, nurses, therapists; even psychiatrists and psychologists are trained in college about transgender persons. All of my doctors tell me it is required. But we need this curriculum at the grade school and high school levels. Like in grade school start with 5th graders. At 10 years old, children are pretty intelligent these days. I mean, you have 9 year olds having sex and using drugs. So 10 year olds are old enough to start learning about transsexualism.
When this curriculum is in the schools, then maybe we can stop the ignorance, most of the hate, 90% of the bigotry and maybe 100% of the homophobia. But this curriculum doesn't work if some of us are still in the closet.
This little ditty hits home for many of us. My therapist asked me if I ever thought about, or tried, committing suicide. I told her I would a liar if I said no. Then I told her, too, that there isn't one transsexual person who hasn't thought, or doesn't think, of committing suicide. She asked me why haven't I done it, and I told her because when I have these feelings of despondency, I write them in a poem or a short story.
Thank you for sharing Rues. This little ditty makes the reader think, and that is a good thing.
If any of you are feeling despondent, please talk to somebody, or write it down in a journal, or a poem, or a story. These are ways to stop the thinking, and put your mind to constructive use.
"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."
Love & hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
Repost
I'm glad you reconsidered and reposted this as this side needs to be told it happens all to often -- Sad HUGS
(DON'T TRY THIS ANYPLACE)
I Can Relate
To feeling this way lots of times, but it was before I transitioned. It seemed completely reasonable. Fate or Karma, I was punished or it was luck. Which ever, I was made wrong. It seemed like I could start over again and maybe get it right. So I thought, but I was unhappy, not suicidal. I thought I couldn't transition, but it was probably that I couldn't accept that I needed to transition.
I know being TS and unsupported in that need, is very stressful to say the least. Looking back, however, I think having chronic depression and subsequent doubt about my self worth/esteem has been a bigger burden in my life. Of course the two problems are related, by abuse when young and possible innate/genetic mental or personality set that is more susceptible to depression.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Time to fly.
I have stood at the cliff and looked over quite a few times. Always held back at the last second thinking about the great poem by Robert Frost and last stanza that says "The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep."
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair