An Incremental Journey
Chapter 4
By Portia Bennett

Well, it’s back to being Al, and her dream companion from the first night as Maddy has returned. Perhaps it wasn’t a dream after all. Reconciled to whatever it is that she is going through, Al joins her companion on a lengthy and convoluted journey. She returns to her early school years and learns about someone who could have been a friend that she instead rejected.

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Hopefully, there haven’t been too many violations of the universe created by Bill Hart perpetrated in the revelations in this story. Robert A. Heinlein proposed that each time an author takes to the pen, a new universe is created and I guess I will beg the number of the beast that this universe is just a variation of SRU.

Thanks again to Holly for her enlightening editing.

This work is copyrighted by the author and any publication or distribution without the written consent of the author is strictly prohibited. This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of the characters to persons living or dead is coincidental.

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Chapter 4
 

Al had not been paying much attention. She was a bit put off by the spirit’s unwillingness to reveal anything. They were no longer in the tunnel. They were in what appeared to be a schoolyard. There was a group of boys playing softball in one area. They seemed to be a bit older than many of the other students and appeared to be having a good time. Some girls were playing kickball in another area. Some girls were playing hopscotch, and there was a younger group of girls, probably second or third graders, playing jacks.

Al realized she had been hearing the sounds of the playground activities. It was almost like a river tumbling over rapids, this chaotic mass of noise that would every once in a while eject a louder phrase or shout that could be separated into intelligible words or phrases. They seemed to be moving in on the jacks game and the sounds became more specifically related to what was going on.

“Chrissy, look, there’s that creepy Alfred Gontarski. He’ll probably come over here and want to play jacks. He’s such a dork.”

Al looked toward the bench against a retaining wall at the upper end of playground. There he sat, too big, too fat, too dour and too sad. The girls, Christine and Diane looked at him with obvious distaste. “Alfred,” sneered Diane, “why don’t you just go over and play with the other boys? We don’t want you here.”

The spirits watched the scene unfold before them. They could see that the young Al was nearly in tears. Then his expression changed to a malevolent scowl. He stood and walked towards the two girls, who were totally unprepared for what followed. He passed between them, and with a sweep of his foot, knocked the little metal jacks away, scattering them across the playground. Several fell through a grate-covered drain. The girls watched him with obvious disgust and then attempted to recover the lost jacks.

“Well, Al, that was certainly not the way to win friends and influence people, was it? What happened there?”

“They wouldn’t let me play with them,” Al said with a far away tone in his voice.

“Do you think your attitude might have had something to do with that? Let’s look at another day.”

There was a flicker, barely noticeable, and they were standing at the same place, but obviously on a different day. The girls were playing jacks again; however, there were several more involved in the game. Al was unable to see her former self anywhere in the area. There was another boy there, and it took Al a moment to realize who it was. It was Jackie Baldwin. Jackie was a bit strange, if Al remembered correctly. He wasn’t very handsome as a little boy, and he wasn’t any better looking as he got older.
Jackie stood there for a while watching the game. “That’s kinda neat how you do that. Can I try it?”

“Jackie, this is a girl’s game.”

“That’s okay. The boys don’t want me around. They keep on calling me a pansy. They told me to come over here and play with you. Since you’re a lot nicer than they are, I thought I would ask.”

Diane Hauswald, the one who had rejected Al previously, said, “We don’t want any icky boys playing with us, so why don’t you just leave?”

“What if I pretend to be a girl; you know, make believe?”

“Well, I guess that would be okay,” said Christine, looking at Diane. “You have to promise to be nice, not like that dorky Alfred Gontarski.”

“I promise.” said Jackie as she sat cross-legged with the four other girls, awaiting her turn with the ball and jacks.

“What happened?” asked the astonished Al.

“The problem, Al, is that it was always about taking, wanting, and never joining. You needed to gain rapport, that is, assume the protective coloration of the group. You always were demanding, never joining. Jackie let her feminine side show, and she eased into the group. You were a bull in a china shop.”

“So Jackie was like me. I never knew. He was always pestering me.”

“Jackie wanted to be with you, because she could sense something about you that many others could not. If you hadn’t been so self-centered, you might have found a true friend. However, you always shut Jackie out, just like you shut so many other people out.”

“You know, it was about a week before I went to the mall that Jackie called me. I just let it go to the answering machine. I think I was reading a story on the internet, and didn’t want to be bothered.”

“That’s right, Al, you didn’t want to be bothered.”

The scene suddenly changed, and it took a moment before Al realized where they were. They were in Al’s inner sanctum, the computer room in his condominium. At least it had been his in the time line where he hadn’t been killed along with his parents in the airplane crash. She wondered about that for a moment, then decided it was too complicated to think about. The Al in front of them was deeply engrossed in some story on one of his then favorite websites.

The phone rang, and the corporal Al glanced at the answering machine display. The display was easily read: John Baldwin, 555-0170. Al did not pick up, and the machine went through its recorded spiel.

The voice on the other end seemed almost frantic. “Al, this is Jackie, er, John Baldwin. I need to talk to you about something. It’s very important. I think I know something about you and it’s very important that we talk. I need your help and I think you need mine.

“It’s been a long time since high school, but you’re the only person I know that I think I can turn to. I’ve run out of options. Please call me tonight. I need your help. My number is 555-0170. Please, please call me.”

The Al at the computer turned to look at the display on the answering machine, then shrugged his shoulders and continued to read the image on the computer screen.

“I wonder what that was about? I remember the call. I think I thought it might have been some sort of come-on for the high school reunion or something like that. I didn’t think it could have been very important. I hadn’t seen or heard from him in nearly ten years.”

“Why didn’t you ask yourself what it was about then? I think we shall see what it was about.”

They seemed to flash back into the tunnel briefly, then they were in another room. A woman was at a desk writing something. She finished whatever it was, and stood while reading it over. When she turned, Al recognized her immediately. It was Jackie; there wasn’t any doubt about it. The full head of hair was obviously a wig, and the dress was ill-fitting. The bust didn’t look right, and the make-up was a bit garish.

Jackie turned to the bedside table where there was a glass, a bottle of Scotch and a bottle of prescription pills. Jackie sat on the edge of the bed and took the pills, washing them down with the Scotch. Al wanted to yell, wanted to stop her but she was powerless to do anything. The spirit refused to leave the scene before them and they watched the very intoxicated figure climb onto the bed. She was quietly sobbing and rolled onto her side in a semi-fetal position. The sobbing subsided, and gradually the breathing did too.

“Why did she do that?”

“Out of despair. She came out to her parents and they rejected her. You were her only hope. It’s interesting. Had you come out to your parents, they would have accepted you without question.”

“That’s great! Some woman I would have made at six foot five and 320 pounds. My transition would have been a joke. I never could reconcile how I looked to how I felt inside. No amount of hormones, cosmetic surgery, or sexual reassignment surgery would have made me comfortable with myself. I would have been a joke.

“Suppose I had answered that call, what good would it have done? What sort of life would either of us had? Besides, I am not gay, although I didn’t know about Jackie. What sort of life could either of us had?” Al asked angrily.

“You might have been able to give each other some comfort. Jackie really did like you, even if it was only a sisterly thing. There was nothing sexual about it. For sure, both of you would have gained a lot; things that would have been useful in future lives. Jackie probably could have transitioned successfully, and both of you would probably have been happy in an asexual way. Both of you have much to learn.”

“You keep saying I have a lot to learn. How do I apply all this alleged knowledge? Do I have a reference manual to refer to in future lives?”

“No,” the spirit replied. “Very few spirits ever have a connection to the world we’re in now when they’re in corpora. Running their current body is a major task in itself. There are subconscious controls and knowledge in place; however for first time spirits like you and Jackie, there is nothing to fall back on.

“Almost all of these cases are due to mix-ups at the time of insertion. You have to realize that once you get much beyond the basic building blocks of the universe, nothing is perfect. There are variations among all the universes. In some, what you call magic is almost non-existent. In others, what you call magic is common place. In most, like this universe, magic is controlled by few.

“Imperfections show up at very basic levels. Once detected, some can be fixed; however, many go undetected. There are evil or malfunctioning spirits, as well as very good spirits. I told you what can happen to the evil spirits.

“None of the time-lines we researched indicate you did anything to intervene with the actions you just saw. In fact, even in the universe where you were killed many years before, Jackie still committed suicide. There may be a universe out there where you did respond to the phone call and prevented Jackie’s suicide. Who’s to say what may have happened.

“Okay, I’ve been allowed to make a brief stop here.” They were in a hospital and Al suddenly realized it was a maternity ward. They passed through a wall into a room where a young mother was being assisted in feeding her newborn baby. The baby had a pink ribbon attached to what little hair was on her head.

“Support her head like you are and bring her up to your nipple. Rub the nipple on her lips and see what happens.”

As they watched, the baby’s mouth opened and pulled in the rather prominent nipple and portion of the areola.

“She certainly isn’t going to have any trouble nursing if she keeps reacting like that. How do you feel?”

“Fabulous! I’ve wanted to do this for so long. My breasts have been leaking for the last week or so and I got a tingling sensation in both breasts when her lips touched my nipple.”

”That’s wonderful! You’re having a let down reflex already. That is pretty unusual for this soon.”

Al was having a strong emotional response to what she had been witnessing. “Why did we stop here? That’s certainly a wonderful scene; however, what does it have to do with me? I don’t know those people.”

“Al, the little girl is Jackie. The insertion was flawless, and she is going to have a very nice life and be a mother, too. They wanted me to show you that. Now, we need to move on.”