Thoughts and Dreams and Hopes
"Crying is all right in its own way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later,
and then you still have to decide what to do." - C.S. Lewis
a blog by Andrea DiMaggio
Why is a raven like a writing desk? No...seriously...why is a raven like a writing desk. Lewis Carroll never answers that, and speculation regarding same seems a bit...lame? Here's another riddle. When is something very, very bad actually very, very good? Okay.....time's up. When it is redeemed. Today marks the first day of my continued diary on the House of Lights column of the Daily Kos. The House of Lights is the publication by the Tree-Climbers Survivor's Advocacy Group I mentioned a few months back. ( http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/blog/36056/it-was-meant-evil-but )
The diary is an edited version of a blog I wrote here; which was made even more relevant with the continuing story of the sexual abuse of children and subsequent cover up at Penn State. You can find my blog here: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/07/18/1111303/-I-never-kn...
My therapist and I talked today about how hard it is for me to believe good things for myself; this stems from the damage that was done when I was abused as a child. I still feel worthless and not worthy of any consideration because I was taught that nothing that was done to me mattered, and that I in turn didn't matter at all.
A very kind and generous and talented friend of mine (who took quite a bit of her own time out of a very bad day) reminded me today of just how much love folks have shown me. It wasn't that I was oblivious to their care, but more so that I still struggle with feeling like someone actually would care for me. There are days where I don't feel 'special' at all, tropes and stereotypes to the contrary. It has taken me nearly all of my life to feel that I have something to offer. Today's diary made me feel proud, and that's a feeling that is so foreign to me.
For that, and for all the love and support I have received, I thank you!
Comments
you are indeed loved here, sis
special and wonderful and a great friend, as well as a talented writer and a brave soul.
I know I wouldnt be where I am without you sis. I hope whenever you feel like you dont matter, you can remember that.
I had vowed to myself...
Never to comment here again, but this seems like the perfect place for my final comment! Many here know the lasting pain and trauma of childhood sexual abuse: They carry the scars, physical and mental for their entire lifetime. Andrea expresses the lifelong pain better than anyone I have ever read.
To Andrea I say, thank you for opening up the horror of your story to us and the rest of the world through your writings. You are making a huge difference in the world for good.
For those who are enablers of this kind of EVIL, There's no other word for it, like Joe Paterno and the other culprits at Penn State, there is only everlasting shame! Nothing they have ever done or ever will do will erase their wicked act.
The most shameful phrase in the English language is the excuse they used to hide Sandusky's disgusting acts under the rug: He didn't mean anything by it... He didn't mean anything by it...
Those words have now been called by the press: The Predator Defense and the Child Molester Defense!!! He didn't mean anything by it!
We have met the enemy and he is us: God help us all!
Ole
We are each exactly as God made us. God does not make mistakes!
Gender rights are the new civil rights!
I was lucky
I escaped such things. I had my own childhood demons, but they were of simple (!!!) violence rather than rape. I have, however, a number of friends who were dealt that other hand. In a number of stories I have attempted to address, to open up, the issues, in one case in a rather brutal manner for which I offer no apologies. I suppose the sum of what I have tried to say here, which I hope reflects some of the pain that many people here suffer, comes from my character Chantelle.
"I'm Chantelle. I'm a rape survivor"
That is what people here and my other friends are doing. Surviving. What the people in question do never goes away. I understand that intimately with my own PTSD. You cope, you learn to deal with it, or you go under. What has always helped me is the company of like minds, of those who have walked the walk. A problem shared is not just one more person depressed...
Never, Ever forget Maman
That even if i am not online, i think of you each day with love and joy, every day as my mind tries to calm it's racing for sleep, i pray for you. you are a bright star in my life and the lives of so many others. I am proud of you and all you do and write and achieve each and every day. even your smallest achievements are huge and to be celebrated. Brava, Bravisima! I Love you Maman Andrea...
Biggest Hugs And More Hugs,
Diana
Ah, Come On, Drea!
I know that you know that i love you, just for being you and also for letting me be your big Sis.... And for everything you've done to help me or cheer me up...
Not sure what to say, except that I'm so, so, sorry that you're still hurting in your soul, along with your body. What can I do?
Maybe I should say that I still love you even if you don't feel/think very well about your self, your worth, etc. I know it's crummy to feel bad, but it's also OK; like you are perfect as you are now, whether you change or not.
And, I'm not mad that you haven't started transitioning yet. ;-P
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
My Friend.
You have moved SO many people with your tales, and songs, and just your willingness to BE kind. You graced my little idea of a place OF love with stories of folks who became real by the telling of their struggles and successes.
Feel GOOD about yourself and what you have accomplished. You DESERVE it and you have EARNED it. I cannot begin to imagine the events in your life that led you to believe that you don't matter, but honey let me tell you... YOU DO MATTER!! You matter to your wife, your family, your friends, and hundreds and hundreds of fans of your writing.
In spite of what happened then, you have shown beyond question that you have a kind, loving, giving heart, NOW, and it's what happens NOW that should help heal you. Know beyond any shadow of a doubt, that many, many people there and here, love you for who you are.
Healing huggles,
Cathy
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
"Reminded You"
Dear lady, you are worth that love many, many times over!
-Liz
Successor to the LToC
Formerly known as "momonoimoto"