For the next few months I led a dual existence — Michael outside the house, and Mandy inside. I could hardly wait to get home each day and transform into the person I knew myself to be. Eventually of course just dressing inside the house wasn't enough for me, and I began working on Mum to persuade her I should go out dressed.

I had the support of my sisters who said “She looks totally convincing Mum, so why not let her go out as a girl?”

Mum was still not totally convinced, but finally she relented.

“I'll tell you what I'll do. I won't let you three go out alone in case something happens, but I will take the three of you out shopping, and then I'm there if anyone says something.” So we had to be content with that.

The day we were due to go out, I suddenly started to get nerves. What if someone did say something? How would I cope? It was too late to back out now — after all, I was the one who had nagged Mum to let me go. I was deciding what to wear when Mum knocked on the door.

“Can I offer you some advice Mandy?” she said. “I know you love to wear dresses and skirts, but the first rule you must obey is to blend in. Most girls don't wear skirts to go shopping any more, so you neither should you. You look so much like a girl that even in jeans you will still look feminine so don't worry about that.”

I opened my mouth to protest and then, for once, realised that 'mother knows best'., and accepted the loan of some jeans from Bessie. They were definitely girl's jeans, with some embroidery on the pockets, and teamed with a pretty top I still looked very much a girl.

We went down to the local shopping centre and spend several happy hours in the clothes shops. I must admit that when we first entered the centre my heart was beating so fast and so loudly that I was amazed no-one turned around to see where the noise was coming from! It wasn't long though before I started to relax and enjoy myself. Mum had little money to spare but she did manage to buy each of us something. In my case it was a pretty skirt that had been marked down in price. We girls insisted she buy something for herself, so she chose a scarf. During the whole day, no-one took any special notice of me — I was just one of a group of a mother and three daughters. I had to admit that mother's advice on how to dress had been sound.

After this first experience I naturally wanted to have more trips as a girl into the outside world, and due to her other commitments it was going to be some time before Mum could arrange this. Being young and foolish, of course I decided to take matters into my own hands.

An opportunity presented itself a few weeks later when I had a day off school, but Mum and Kate were working, and Bessie was at school, since she went to a different one to me. I paced up and down for a while and then took the plunge. I was already wearing girl's clothes, and thanks to my sisters' tuition, I was quite good at applying makeup, although as a young girl, I did not use very much. Confident, or perhaps over-confident that I would be accepted as a girl, I changed into Bessie's jeans and a top once again, and went down to the shopping centre alone and wandered around, looking in the shops, and not attracting any attention, except from a couple of older boys who whistled at me. I blushed at this but kept walking, secretly pleased. Then it happened. Who should be walking towards me but my friend Tom, and totally forgetting myself I said “Hello Tom” as he was about to pass me.

Instantly I realised what a mistake I had made. Tom paused and looked at me. For a second I was tempted to say “Sorry, I thought you were someone else”, but it was too late for that. Looking hard at me he said “Michael? Is that you?”

I was blushing furiously. Struck dumb I just nodded.

“What on earth are you doing?” he said.

Somehow I found my voice. “Please Tom, not here. Is there somewhere quiet we can go and talk?”

“Well, there's that little park just down the road, how about there?” I nodded again, and we walked out of the shopping centre together, across the car park and into the little park which was all that remained of the big plot of land that was now covered in concrete, asphalt and buildings. We sat on a seat together.

“Now are you going to tell me what this is all about?” said Tom “It's not Halloween so presumably there's some other explanation.”

I took a deep breath and started to talk, telling him how I'd felt from when I was very young and how I had been caught dressed as a girl by my furious father. “That was the night I first came to stay with you.” I said,

He nodded slowly. “Now I remember, the scent of lipstick. It wasn't that you'd been kissing a girl, you were the girl.”

“Well, when my Mum heard about it, it confirmed what she had suspected about me, so she agreed that I could dress as a girl at home to see if I would get it out of my system. That hasn't happened of course because this is who I really am. I've been out officially once with the family, but they don't know I came out today on my own, so please don't tell them.”

“Of course I won't ,” said Tom “You're my friend and I'd never let you down.”

“Thank you Tom” I said, and for the second time that day did something without thinking. I leaned towards him and kissed him on the cheek, then blushed again.

“You really are a girl aren't you?” said Tom, who looked rather pleased at what I had done.”So what is your name when you are a girl?”

“It's Mandy, Tom”

“Mandy! I do like that name.” he responded. “So are you going to be a girl all your life?”

“I hope so,” I said “I think there are things that can be done nowadays for people like me, hormones and surgery to make me almost a complete girl. Mum's going to talk to her doctor about it soon.”

“Well, I think you look like a girl now. I would never have known you if you hadn't spoken to me at the shops. Anyway, would you like me to walk you home?”

“Yes please”, I said, and we walked to my street together.

As we walked along, Tom said to me “I don't know if this sounds weird but while I like you as Michael, I like you more as Mandy.”

“Well, as Mandy I like you more than I do as Michael.” I replied, and we both laughed.

When we reached my street, we stopped and I said “I'd better do the last part by myself, just in case someone is home, although they shouldn't be.”

Tom turned to face me and now he took hold of both my hands. “When I said I liked you, I meant I really like you.” he said. “Umm, would you like to be my girlfriend Mandy? May be we could go to the pictures together and things like that.”

“I'd love to, Tom, but we'd both have to ask permission from our parents. Are you sure you wouldn't prefer a girlfriend who is a girl all the time, not spend half the time pretending to be a boy?”

“Where's the fun in that?” Tom laughed “No, I want you to be my girlfriend.”

“Oh Tom!” I said, and didn't resist when he drew me to him and this time he kissed me, and what's more, full on the lips. I felt my body quivering with excitement. It was my first real kiss.

When I entered the house all was quiet and I breathed a sigh or relief. I'd made it out and back without anyone knowing. Ten minutes later Mum arrived home and I almost skipped down the stairs to meet her, but stopped when I saw the look on her face. She was holding a large bundle of papers and looked tired and angry. Her first words set me back on my heels.

“So where have you been young miss, and don't lie to me.” She pointed to a pile of papers on the kitchen table. “I brought those home at lunchtime and you weren't here!”

Tears welled up in my eyes, but she was not mollified. “Mandy, if I can't trust you, what am I to do?”

“I'm sorry Mum.” I said “I was so bored at home so I went down the mall, and no-one recognised me until....”

“Yes?” she said.

“I saw Tom from school down at the shops and said 'hello' to him by mistake.”

“Oh great!” said Mum “Now it will be all over the school tomorrow.”

“No it won't Mum. Tom is a really nice guy and he really likes me as Mandy. In fact he asked if I could be his girlfriend.”

Mum stared at me “Really? And what did you say.”

“I said I would like to be his girlfriend if you and his parents agree.”

“Well, I don't know what to say. He seems a really nice boy, and I'd rather you were with someone I can trust than wandering around on your own. We'll have to wait and see what his parents say.”

A couple of hours later the telephone rang and I answered it. It was Tom.

“Hello Tom, have you spoken to your parents?”

“Well, just my Mum. You see she and my Dad are divorced but I haven't told anyone about that. You'll keep it a secret won't you?”

“Of course I will Tom.”

“Well Mum was a bit surprised when I told her. She wants to talk to your mum and she also wants to meet you.”

“Ok Tom, I'll go and get her.”

When I told Mum that Tom's mum was on the phone she laughed “You two don't let the grass grow under your feet do you? Now let me talk to her alone alright?”

I sat in the lounge room, twisting my fingers and waiting to hear the outcome. Mum was gone a long time. When she finally entered the room I looked up expectantly.

“Well Pam Shore seems a really nice woman.” she said “ We had a good chat, and she would like us both to visit them on Saturday afternoon so she can see Mandy for herself. And a word of advice for you — you want to look like the girl I realise you are, but you mustn't dress 'over the top' alright? You can wear a skirt this time, but take my advice on this, just like you did last time, ok?”

“Yes Mum.” I said quietly, while inside I felt like I was dancing a jig.

To be continued