I just got out of counseling. I am one week closer to going on HRT (July 12th or something like that). The question that keeps being asked, and one that I don't have an answer to, is what is the end result of my transitioning.
I really don't know. When I write stories I can see and know the end result, usually before I begin writing the first paragraph. That is true with most of what I write except for one concept I have where I only have the premise and have no clue where to go with it. But this is life and going on hormones is a huge step. But where am I taking things. As of now, I doubt I would get SRS. For one, the cost might be prohibitive and two, I fear going under. But where am I taking things? I want to live as a female in reality, or at least give it a try. My main hang up for not doing so already is that I fear rejection. I don't want to be at a store or mall and be made fun of. Part of my thinks that when I am on estrogen and get my weight under control, I can work on beauty later. I'm fine with that. I just really want my inside chemistry to match up with my brain. But I am still at the same place... where is this going, or where should it go?
Comments
End Result
Hope you have the courage to continue in your journey.
May Your Light Forever Shine
I'm sorry...
...it takes courage to go either route. What you seem to miss is that most of us are stuck with an painful dilemma because no matter which route WE take, it's going to be very hard and likely result in some disappointment. Family members or friends or neighbors who won't understand if we 'continue' or hurt and unfulfilled dreams and expectations if we don't 'continue.' OUR journey goes forward no matter which fork in the road we choose. Katie has courage whatever her choice of options. We do not choose who we are, but how we are able to live in that reality. And that choice is courageous, no matter which way we choose!!!
Love, Andrea Lena
it takes courage to survive, sometimes.
I agree with Andrea. You're brave just surviving, no matter what choice you make. One thing you might try to help you decide is write out a story where you make each choice, and see if any of the outcomes appeal to you more.
Good luck hon, and know you're loved here.
Weight under control... Don't tel me about weight! :-)
I just broke hundred k (two hundred + pounds) sustainably :-) And I still dream of returning to my weight of twenty years ago...
On a serious note. HRT is not the end of the world. You'll still have couple of month to couple of years depending on dosage and your body type of time to say "it's not what I want" and return to your current state in sence of the body shape and function. On the other hand, I'm not the one to get advice from as I probably will never get to the HRT stage. I like my salary more than ability to express my feminine side :-) ... at the moment...
In any case, it's more important to be happy with yourself than anything else (apart from your children happyness) .
And one more thing. Don't forget about sex side of everything. If you enjoy sexual relationship in your current state with use of your "extara" parts - it could be a reason to moderate your hrt and not to go all the way.
On the other hand, you know all of this already :-)
So... Just follow your heart! And ask for second opinion.
I think I know
Where you are coming from. I am still working my diet, such as it is, along with my exercise program. I seem to be stuck on 230 for some reason, but I just measured 228 again, with 227 being my low. When I get down to my real minimum, whatever that is, I will start HRT. My GT pointed out my goal of 160 was pretty low, and unreal as an expectation.
For what it is worth, I doubt myself often.