Cats- the musical hits home

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I have two cats. They are both tabby cats with bushy tails that like to collect things likes stickers and twigs and maybe even small gnomes that aren't fast enough to get away. I got these cats shortly after I got my house because I didn't want to be alone and I knew if I fed them that they would love me unconditionally (on the condition I feed them, so maybe not so unconditionally).

One of them is orange, and the other is sort of a rust color that if I saw on my car I would be quite upset. I got these cats thinking I would get hours of enjoyment out of them. That is, until I found out that they were evil.

That's right, I have evil cats and I can prove it. For one, the orange cat got into a fight and I think lost one of it's bones around the cheek and not has a big scar under its eye. I was worried for a bit, because for a few weeks it was a big gaping hole that had a lot of puss coming out of it. The other cat, the one without a scar, is the more evil looking of the two. By the way... the orange one is named Kabookie and the eviler looking one is Madeline. That's not the names they came from the orphanage, em animal shelter with. There original names were hope and faith, but evil little demon cats cannot be named after Biblical references.

Anyway... why are they evil. For one, they steal food. I went to get bread today and one of them (I suspect Madeline) ate through the bag and nibbled at a few corners. But there worst offense... is they like keeping me awake. They jump on me when I sleep and have to lay on top of me. If I lived in the artic this would be cute, but I'm in florida and it's like having an electric earmuff on your back. If I try to move, they don't do the normal thing and jump off... no!!! they did their claws in and wait for me to return back to my original position. EVIL!!! They also like to sleep on my keyboard... which isn't bad. But I opened up open office and I saw they wrote a TG story and it was better than mine. I didn't even know cats could crossdress. They also have this thing where if I am anywhere, they have to be right next to me and have a paw on me... i think they are trying to zap my life force to give them a tenth life.

I just ask for prayer... ask God to save me from the wee kitties.

Comments

horray for evil cats!

I've got a dog who isnt evil at all, but I like the idea of putting a pet to work writing my stories for me...

Hugs sweetie.

DogSig.png

Pets

Dogs can also be masters at getting attention (and food!) - Labradors in particular are gluttons.

Never take one with you when you go to feed the ducks - for a start, they'll try to grab the bread bag, after all, their need for food is far greater than any other creature. When you remove a slice, they'll try to grab it, jumping up if necessary. Once you've thrown it, if it lands on dry land they'll hoover it up - as well as any crumbs (and probably a fair amount of mud as well).

Once at home and it approaches dinnertime, they're masters of strategy. First up comes the stare. I can be quite unnerving seeing your dog out of the corner of your eye with their gaze fixated on you. The next stage is to lie down at / on your feet, so you (a) know they're there, and (b) can't move without disturbing them. If that fails, they'll try getting very loving, perhaps even trying to lie across your lap (very heavy for a 5 stone [70 lb / 32 kg] creature!) Eventually they may decide it's time to exercise their vocal cords, starting off fairly low and quiet, eventually gathering in intensity.

Naturally, if their meal's overdue, you then have to feed them a little at a time, otherwise they'll gulp it down as fast as possible (presumably under the belief that it they don't, you'll nab the remainder after 10 seconds...)

Labradors are gluttons. Even if they've just had the doggy equivalent of a slap-up meal, if there's any food about they'll still be interested. One thing you learn very quickly is never to take them for a walk on a popular route to school near dinnertime. Anything and everything that could possibly pass for food that's been discarded by the teens is likely to get snapped up pronto unless you've both got the dog on a tight leash and are scanning the ground several yards ahead so you can steer them well away from the inevitable discarded sandwich / take-away / chocolate bar.

If you take them to visit a house with another pet (dog or cat), ensure they're either kept away from the kitchen (or wherever the owner's pets eat their meals) or the other pets meals are removed. If the cat's not interested in finishing off their meal, the dog will happily oblige (remember: they can't read, so they don't know the difference between cat food, dog food and human food). Oh, and whenever you're eating, even if you never give the dog scraps of food from the table, they're likely to park themselves within sight of the table or even underneath it, just in case...

But generally speaking, you love them so much you regard all these as endearing qualities of their personality. They're also crafty enough to ensure they're not the only ones getting exercised - pretending they can't find a ball you've thrown outdoors, or can't reach a ball you've rolled under a table indoors; then when you've got within a few feet of the location, they'll suddenly dive for it and grab it, come a bit closer to you, drop it at their feet then grin like mad while wagging their tail - "Aren't I clever?!"

(RIP Bessie 15th April 2000 - 16th April 2012)


As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!

Congratulations...

Congratulations; you bypassed the "sweet purr-box fluffy happycat" and unexpectedly dove right into cat ownership with two evil ones.

Lucky!

The happy, always-purring, little sweetheart cats are lovely for a while but get boring QUICK.

Think of your cats as Inspector Clouseau's Kato, randomly attacking your feet and food like a crazed oriental berzerker.

Your cats will vex you, irritate you, piss you off, and make you want to kill them... but they will also pull stupid and hilarious stunts right before your eyes and keep you hopping in between those brief (and therefor, all the more precious) times when they actually choose to act like proper, fluffy cuddle-bugs.

Enjoy!

Kabookie and the lap

I must say this about Kabookie, the orange tabby. She loves a lap. In fact, if she is in a lap she is quite at ease with the world. When I had to take her to the vet she sat in my lap purring away for 4 hours. Never once did she get antsy or try to jump down, even with all the misbehaving animals around her.

The only issue with her love of lap is that I am rarely still for 4 hours at a time. I move, I shift, I don't like being glued to a chair. However, the cat doesn't seem to realize that I am a human, not a chair and seems to get quite upset when I move.

The 2 evil ones have also picked up meowing at me. I've had cats meow before... usually for food or something. These two just meow for the hell of it. I'm like "What do you want?" And they reply "Meow" which is cat for, I have a lovely voice and you need to hear it for the hell of it.

Katie Leone (Katie-Leone.com)

Writing is what you do when you put pen to paper, being an author is what you do when you bring words to life

I hate it when one of our three cats

Raff01's picture

is in my room. Molly just has to be on my desk and she will walk over my hands and sit between them in the way of the screen. Or when I play a game on my xbox 360, she gets in front of hte T.V. yet if you try to hold and pet her, she panics

I'll never win

Hey Katie!

>> I went to get bread today and one of them (I suspect Madeline) ate through the bag and nibbled at a few corners. <<

Now, if that happened at my house, I would know that rats got into the bread. We mainly keep all our food put away, where they can't get it. We have an electronic trap, battery operated, kills by electrocution. I've been finding one juvenile rat/day for about a week, but I think the adults are still around.

I thought cats were pure carnivores, unlike dogs that are somewhat omnivorous, but if your cats like bread, that's the way it is. Also, with your cats, I bet you couldn't have a rat problem. We have 4 medium sized dogs, but only one, who's fairly old, has ever killed a rat. They also have a swinging doggie door, so things that are outside can come inside. I hate killing the rats, but I'm afraid they might mess up the house wiring and cause a fire.

Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee

maybe is opossum

I had an opossum come in my house once. I was even home at the time and had the back door open so my cat, Fireball at the time, could come and go as he pleased. This animal (got tired of typing opossum) walked through the back door and climbed up my clothes in the closet. At first I put my cat in the closet, hoping it would hiss and scare the vagrant away... nope. I then used a tennis racket to scoot the animal out of the closet. It was a mean little sucker. Instead of running out the door, it ran into my bedroom and under my bed. Understand, I had a princess style bed with all the rails and stuff so it wasn't easy to dismantle or move. After 2 hours I finally got the beast out of my home.

Update on evil cats: Any surface in the house belongs to them. People think I'm a pig because of all the papers and packages on the floor, but that's because my cats knock everything down. Bad cat, bad bad cat, evil cats, but oh so cute!

Katie Leone (Katie-Leone.com)

Writing is what you do when you put pen to paper, being an author is what you do when you bring words to life