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This can be the worst time of year for people like me, who are trans. Far too many of us are either rejected by our families, or forced into the closet to please them, and that stings even more during this season, which is often seen as "family time." How can we endure it? More specifically, how can I?
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Life is like that
I normally work those days, but for the first time in around twenty years I am off over Christmas. I shall simply stay in and probably write. Life begins again on Wednesday.
xmas & co
>hughs< Dorothy.
Trouble is, it doesn't change ...
We Simply Have To
[email protected] ...I can't say anything beyond that.
I have three nieces, a nephew, and one of their friends camped out in my living room.;0 Being the 'Holiday Hostess' just makes me feel so good.;)
Can't help it. This is when I feel most like 'Me'.
Hope You can feel that too.
Hugest HUGS,
Holiday Lovings,
Always Your Friend,
Jonelle-Elise
[email protected]
You're Right!
I get winter depression along with all my normal crap. Even doing/feeling my best, it's the worst time of the year for me. OTOH, days are getting (minutely) longer now, but lengthening rate will slowly increase.
I always had trouble with Xmas. There was this persistent, unavoidable myth that kids would get presents and that would make them happier. I was in denial, but I had gender dysphoria. I wanted to be happier, but chrismas gifts never did it. This time of year always disappointed me.
Also, I think Jesus was a really great guy and religious savant. It's just that he was born in the spring per Roman historians who told of the census his family had to avoid. Spring is also the time that lambs are born. The church, centuries later, decided that they would celebrate Jesus birth on Dec. 25 to coincide with the Roman Saturnalia feasts and events.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Ready for work, 1992.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
hohoho
During this time a year any holiday any major event and especially our transition alone, will bring about many trials of our lives you gotta be as tough as nails (stick it to em) hard as marble (polished and defensive) stuburn as hell, as beautifully ready like a red rose ready for anyone or thing to pick (on) you and ready to use your thorns to p(r)ick back. if people anyone even family no matter how close show any negativeity towards u for who/what u r cut them out of your life, this is a time where being stone cold will have its advantages and hopefully as does me keep u safe. We all loose people in our lives, we all have crap storms that threaten our inner utopia, we just have to move forward best we can no matter what the stakes no matter what stands before us and rise above it.
I live by this everyday. my confidance has increased depression has subsided, i do not take mood elevators antidepressants or the sort just my hormones. When i get blue depressed and isolated i deal with it by keeping busy.
You are amazing as everyone is we all have the flare and charm that our individuality intails. Be you, dont let others rules and justifications determine your life cycle. It sucks, you are incharge of your life...no one else. trust in yourself to be yourself, be yourself to live your life. you can do it, it is hard, much to learn, much to adapt and much to overcome but that is womanhood & manhood and that is life and you my dear can overcome anything that stands in your way. be true to yourself.
Family sticks by family, sticks up for family and loves unconditionally and those that dont live by that family code of honor isnt really family worth keeping around in your life. As Selfish as this all may sound, it is what u need to succeed in this trial of your life.
eg.
recently my aunts huband passed away and she wished for me to attend the funeral 'i dont want erin dressing as a girl'; bs i had a breakdown almost did myself in took a few people to calm me down. i bucked up got angry and moved forward and was invited to go by my cousin that invited me instead. I went as erin the girl i am and did not even look at my aunt the whole damn time, not even accknowledging her existance. and you know what, i felt wonderful because i stood up for my self. she made me out to be a fabrication of existance, and i made her in my mind non existant, i came i conqered and i was not defeated.
so i hope this cn help u and anyone else reading this, because everyone deserves there own life to live and peace to live it in :)
With Love and Light, and Smiles so Bright!
Erin Amelia Fletcher
With Love and Light, and Smiles so Bright!
Erin Amelia Fletcher
It goes with the territory
and might be seen as part of the price paid to do something a bit different with your life. So stop moping and start living, nobody's going to do it for you.
Angharad
Angharad
I shall be on my own this Christmas
and looking forward to having a few days when I can chill out and do what I want, after serving two cats of course. I spend most of my life running round after others, so a couple or so days of pure self indulgence is just what the doctor/Father Christmas ordered. As some of that will also be writing, hopefully you'll all get a share of it.
Angharad
Whose cups runneth over - might mean I need a new bra!
Angharad
See the positives
The are many people who would take the opposite point of view and welcome being alone on Christmas. You don't have to deal with visiting boring relatives you don't get on with, put up with obnoxious young children screaming in your ear, fighting over the remote control for what to watch on TV, worry about cooking for a large group of people (you can also cook what you like and you won't disappoint anybody). You can have lunch when you like, dress how you want, and generally relax without all the usual stress that goes along with Christmas day.
It may be fun for kids, but I find Christmas always tends to be anti-climatic anyway. You spend months trying to buy gifts and trying to organise a single meal, which by the time it comes round is simply another day like most others, possibly with a few extra people and a larger meal which you spend the afternoon sleeping off.
I have rather unusual tastes in music, and one of my favourite Christmas songs sums up the situation rather well. http://youtu.be/Run-ylVLefU. Note this is from South Park, so don't listen if you are easily offended.
Christmas with my dog
I was going to go see my brother over Christmas, drive about 400 miles and stay in a nearby motel and put my dog in a kennel for five days. Then Cuddles had a health emergency and the trip was canceled. But I'll be here, with my little dog taking care of her, on Christmas.
And I'm happy.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Being alone
On the one hand you haven't got company so can't socialise in the real, physical sense.
On the other hand, you're not faced with preparing / consuming / clearing away after possibly the biggest meal of the year; you haven't got to put up with young 'uns demanding your undivided attention, you haven't got to watch some mindless nonsense on TV because someone else likes it; you're free to do what you want, when you want.
And if you get bored, try reading some of the thousands of stories here you haven't had time to read yet :)
Bear in mind also that you are not alone - there are millions of others on their own / lonely at Christmas - not only those disowned by families, but those who've lost a loved one (either through death or relationship breakdown), those who live too far away from their families, those who've got to work on the day itself...
Just find a typical Christmas episode of Eastenders (heck, it pretty much started the tradition of family strife / breakdown / tragedy in the Christmas Day episode) to see why being in the presence of family is not necessarily a good thing... :)
There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't...
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
being alone
Don`t let it get to you, I`ve been alone most of my life.
My family hated me from day one and those that are still alive wherever they are don`t acknowledge that I exist until they need something.
Work well since I left the Army I`ve usually had jobs that require me to work on my own, when ever people found that I was Transsexual they refused to work with me, now I drive a truck so have little or no contact with anyone at the depot or the various places I deliver to.
Where I live is a prodominently Asian area so you can imagine the names I get called, the block I live in though is most occupied by white people who also keep their distance.
I go for weeks at a time without talking to anyone, but that is their choice.
There is a plus side to it though, I don`t have to listen to other peoples problems ort get involved in petty arguments with other block residents.
The only companions I have are my too dogs Badger and Georgia, obviously they can`t talk but they do listen sometimes, they don`t give me any problems and all three of us know that we love each other.(Photo at top). Plus asians don`t like dogs they are terrified they might get Rabies so they stay well away from me.
I don`t like the loneliness either but we can`t alter peoples opinions towards us, we just have to get on with live and manage as best we can.
Horrendous results
I as a mental health facilitator far too often hear the loneliness stories, This year is the first time I will not be having guest at my house. Not because I don't want to but for medical reasons.
I usually have ten to twelve people over who have no family. I buy them gifts and feed them well and let them know they are part of my family and if they need to talk I am here for them.
This year as I was speaking to Homeland security of Delaware, I had mentioned suicide ideation. One of the members asked me if I still have that ideation, I replied no I've decided old age was the way to go.
I am aware if the numbers of suicides at thei particular time of the year. this year I donated food baskets to familes, each time I went shoping I picked up feed the hungry bags and paid for them.
Dorothy, for you I woukd suggest you journal your thoughts or find a listening ear. It seems to work for others when theyhave someone to just talk to.
Invite someone to dinner share with them.
This past week my own mother finally accepted I was her daughter.
I will keep the lonely,homeless, transgendered individual, gays and et al in prayer.
Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.
Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.
being preachy again.
it is an easy out to say, woe is me, the world is bad, and it's not a good place to be. it's easy to do that. on the other hand, it's always hard to find the good things in the world. it's especially more so at christmastime. as a post-op transexual girl that has had her share of ups and downs, i have "plumbed the depths" of depression, so i know. but, if you want to get to the point where life is looking better, you gotta work at it. on that, i know the score, too.
the world might not cooperate. likely it won't, but you still need to work at it. i am not talking about getting a better job or buying cool clothes and things, or getting enough moolah to take the srs plunge, all those will help - material things have their place, too. but what i'm talking about is trying to find the good things in life despite everything - the sunshine behind the clouds, the greener side of the street. but the thing is, contrary to what people think, this is hard to do, and i mean HARD. but its an incontrovertible fact - you have to.
over the months, i have had, on occassion, read your blog. and never do your blogs talk about the greener things. i can count with one and all your positive blogs. seems it's all about how bad things are - how hard it is at work, how hard it is to get along with your ex. a recent one that i can recall was all about this vague feeling of badness... nothing specific, just a feeling. just another one-sentence throwaway blog about how bad it is. you seem not to put any effort to it, even - usually, typically just a throwaway sentence about how bad it is... *sigh*
it's like you are talking yourself into a depression.
all i can say is that, at the end of this dark road to self-destruction is, well... all i can say is that, sadly, i also know the score there. i KNOW.
it is time to get off that road.
i am not saying it's easy. it'll be hard. it'll be DAMN HARD. but on that road is the path to happiness. your material problems will not go away, but, as you tread this hard road, as unbelievable as it may sound, these things will follow. not right away, and not all at once. but they will. i know.
this positive thing comes under many guises - sometimes it's called 'smile therapy'. aa people call it "the tweve-step program." therapists espouse what they call "positive reinforcement." seems to me, your blog is an exercise in "negative reinforcement." please stop. it's not healthy.
and if you should try being positive - many will be the time that you will curse and moan, and say, there's nothing, NOTHING good to see, or find, or feel. the pursuit of happiness is hard. but it's worth it. like a diabetic who needs to continue exercising and staying on her meds - it can be tedious, it can be difficut, but it is an incontrovertible fact that she needs to do it, or she will die.
forget the pipedream that happiness just comes because we are entitled to it. that it will just be there. we are not children anymore, waiting for presents to just fall in our laps. we know that happiness must be chased, sought, fought for.
christian tradition tells its believers that they have to do their best, and for the things that they have no control over, God will take care of them. Even an aetheist will like that. i heard somewhere "nothing succeeds like success." i think that's true - one's attitude often dictate how successful she is. and if you continue talking yourself into a depression, well...
you can very well get mad, and say to me, it's easy for you to mouth off these platitudes, you pompous bitch. if you do, i'm sorry. all i can say is that the little that i have now was the result of years of hard work, of slogging on even in the face of what felt like the entire world up in arms against me. but i had to. so, i think, with some effort, you can turn your world around.
i hope you take this in the spirit it is given. if just for this christmas day, please think of this. many is the time i have tried to tell you, but it just seems to go over your head, and you blithely plow on with your less-than-positive blogs. i'm so sorry for this brutally-frank comment. please don't be angry. just for this christmas day, at least, think about what i said.
for what it's worth, i sincerely do wish you a merry christmas.
Bobbie's stories -Â
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/14775/roberta-j-cabot
Bobbie's blogs -
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/blog/bobbie-c
Positive...(to tag along with Bobbie)
...Dear Dorothy...speaking as one who has experienced some not so nice things these past few years, I can safely state that my recovery has been due to the positive reinforcement of many here, but none more tenaciously caring than Bobbie. She has be a stalwart support while by remaining insistent that my focus should be on the positive. The gains rather than the losses...the steps forward, which are too numerous to count, rather than the steps backward, which pale in comparison.
A complaint, while understandable, was always met with, "But look how far you've come," or "Don't be discouraged," or "Soon you'll see a breakthrough." Coming from her, it was authentic and credible, since she knew and understood and even shared in some instances just what I was going through.
To appeal to our mutual faith, I recall the passage in the Bible that encourages in that...
you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. Philippians 4:8-9
Not just putting on a brave face, but realizing the benefit of being positive; not only for ourselves but for those for whom we care. It can be very easy to give advice from a place of safety? From Bobbie to me; credible encouragement from the "unsafe" place of understanding and experience. I had a friend ask me once why I had so much compassion for people. I told him, 'Dave...you don't want to know.' A joke of sorts, but really, we give out of our plenty, and that includes who and what we have become by the tempering flame of experience. Whatever we have received that has made us stronger we share to those. The credible experience that can say to someone who is down and hurting that we indeed know exactly what they are going through because in some painful but joyful way, we have been down that hard road ourselves.
It says somewhere that we share and bring comfort to others the same comfort we ourselves have received. Be encouraged, dear heart!
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
I really wish I could be there for you!
I've been there, and yeah, it sucks. My only advice would be not to be alone if possible. Volunteer or Visit a nursing home ore something. You'll feel better, and matbe you'll get an ego boost. I hope you have a better holiday than you think!
Wren