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I Haven't seen this asked or really discussed here so things happened to get me wondering something. I think talking about it might help all of us out.
There's a lot of Pain here.
There's a huge amount of it either emotional, physical, and all kinds of in between.
So I'm Asking...
When it really hurts, when it's that point where it's too much...
How do You?, How Have You? Climbed up out of that hole?
Answers anyone?
It can be anything, even if it just worked really good once.
Lately the last year and a half it's been Jonelle.
*Big Hugs Everyone*
Bailey.
Comments
How I cope.
What usually helps me is talking with friends. A lot of my friends are still supporting me. I have told a few of my high school classmates and they have been very supportive, they have told me I always acted very feminine. Also, one of my closest friends, since the 4th grade has also come out transgendered. The only thing is growing up, we both hid it from each other. Also, I am a member of a few online community boards and that has helped too.
Climbing out of the hole
I really don't even try. I tend to close up on myself burying myself in music and stories until the coast is clear and I can think again. It's surviving, but thriving? Probably not. However that's why I have so many stories bouncing around in my head so it's not all bad. And of course of the last few years being able to share my scribbles here has helped.
hugs
Grover
My parents... When it all
My parents... When it all gets too much, they're always there for me.
Thank guh for loving parents.
grtz & hugs,
Sarah xxx
for me, writing has make a big difference
being able to get my stuff out onto the screen, and sharing it with all you people has really helped me cope.
Dorothycolleen
Mostly my parents and family
Mostly my parents and family and friends. I also have the attention span of a ditzy goldfish so I'm always getting into something new or rediscovering something I once did (music, hobbies, etc). And sometimes just sheer bloody mindedness not to let myself get dragged down again.
Well, that and John Hughes movies of course. ;-)
"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life."
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
That's a toughy...
Depends on the source of the "hole"... I've several.
One point to keep in mind. I can be VERY Stubborn in some areas. (This is what allowed me to stave off transition as long as I did.) I can sometimes tell myself to not think about something and manage to avoid it.
That all said. I've a couple of holes in the past few years that how I got out may help...
1) You know - it's not fun when your doctor says "You have Leukemia and there's no cure." I suspect it's like anything of this nature. I don't know about others, but the bottom dropped out of things about then... (The false positive on the lung in a chest x-ray didn't help.) My wife's support was what helped that time (and ongoing). It even had a silver lining. Nothing like a death sentence to focus you on what's important.
2) The past years - prior to #1 and leading up to coming out to my wife about three years ago... The stress of pretending to be a guy was causing me to pull more and more into myself. My online "nickname" even was "ROCK" for a while (As in - I am a Rock, I am an Island)... My wife even thought I was losing interest or something. The solution to this was coming out to my wife.
3) General bits of stress/pressure/etc. the past few years. Exercise. Multi-mile walks is what I've done - that or eat when the other wasn't possible. While the walking is healthy - the eating in excess... Not so. (It's really hard to lose weight when you're eating too much.)
I guess there's two general themes for me... Support of my wife/daughters for the emotional side of things - and exercise to blow of stress when I can't burden my family - and in general.
Chats with my therapist come in handy as well. (Surprise, surprise...)
Dunno if that's what you're looking for or not. Hope it's helpful, anyway.
Anne
Something that makes me squee with delight...
Is having direct interaction with other members of this community. Y'all know who y'are! ^_^
Also, fine seafood (especially prawns!) and exchanging affection. =)
- - -
Royal catgirl of the court of the Empress of Euphoria. I like fine seafood, and I love huggles! ^_^
Many of you aren't probably going to want to hear this...
My faith. My Savior. My Father. My personal guardian angel.
This is what pulled me out of my isolation, allowed me to destroy my own fortress. Before that, I really never truly did. I was dead to any feeling other than depression and sadness, and merely went in waves in severity.
I'm going to need to learn better coping mechanisms now that I'm free, on Friday last week I didn't go to work because I had an anxiety attack and high blood pressure from the stress leading up to coming out to my family. On Saturday this had continued. On Sunday I was able to avoid any anxiety attacks, but my nerves were still frayed nearly to snapping.
After the meeting on Sunday, I was experiencing such an emotional high that it took me over 4 hours past normal bed time before I finally fell asleep, causing me to be an hour and a half late to work...
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have true emotive feeling now, I actually consider anxiety a blessing compared to the deadness from before.
Abigail Drew.
Abigail Drew.
Digging out of that emotional hole.
Before my transition, I let the tension build up until I blew up and yelled at everyone. Thank God, that I never physically hurt anyone. The blow ups were like every two months.
After transition, I spent 4 years in a Veterans Administration Mental Health program called Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. The group was 1 1/2 hours a week with an hour a week with a shrink. I was also very heavily medicated. They said I had severe PTSD and was borderline personality. I cried and protested when she told me that, and threw such a fit, that I almost spent some MORE time in the rubber room. That is where I learned that I had to mind my manners, or lose priveleges.
So, now that I am off most of the meds, when I get down, I go for a walk, or bike ride, or take a warm bath with scented candles on the side of the tub and some Ice cream in a bowl.
One person mentioned talking to friends, and the next step is to not dump on them but to find out what is troubling them and empathise with them. That is a tough switch, because we tend to think that our troubles are worse than everyone elses, but that simply is not true. Reaching out to help others can be really powerful.
Much peace
Gwendolyn
Dealing with pain
Bailey,
For me it very much depends on the type of pain. If it's emotional, I find sharing with my on-line family helps - a LOT. I've many friends who listen to me, cry with me, and pray for me. It is through sharing with others that I find strength to go on. I also find meeting with my therapist REGULARLY really helps. If I've missed 3 or 4 sessions, I can get in a cycle where I don't want to meet with her. So... I try to schedule a month at a time; that way I'm committed to talk things through. Carol has been working with gender patients for 20+ years and has a great deal of insight into what I'm going through.
For me, the greatest pain is not emotional. I have severe osteo-arthritis in most of my major joints. My right shoulder is destroyed, my left leg has been amputated below the knee. My right ankle so so badly damaged that I'll be having it fused, it it's not too far gone. I also suffer from "phantom pain" where my left leg used to be. So, what do I do?
First, My doctors have prescribed chemicals. Drugs. Lots of drugs. As in oxycontin - anywhere from 320 to 400 mg. a day. This narcotic is combined with Cymbalta, Aspirin, allopurinal (for gout - you don't want to go there), lexapro, and others. Sometimes I feel like a flippin' pharmacy. Then there's the nerve blocks my pain doctor uses. Essentially lessening the pain from an entire area of the body. My right shoulder, for instance, gets a series of 3 injections spaced a month apart once a year. They use a 4 inch needle, It has to work, if it didn't I would't do it - I really don't like needles.
Second, I use an advanced version of a TENS unit. Basically it operates on the principle that if it shocks me enough, eventually I'll quit complaining. Actually that's not far from the truth. It operates by giving a series of electrical shocks, "confusing" the nerve signals to the brain; and the pain gets lost in the confusion. No, it's not comfortable, but it's better than the pain.
Third, and really it's numero uno, number one... My faith. I don't think I'd make it through the day if I didn't believe. Yes, like many here, I believe in Jesus as Lord and Savior. I am, as some of you know, a pastor. Without that sustaining faith, all of the drugs and everything else wouldn't get me through the day.
Bailey, that's how I cope with pain.
Hugs and blessings,
Beth