Right after I finish this incredibly long entry, I’m going to watch the moon’s reflection on the lake for a bit, and think about Steffi and the new life I want to share with her.

Her. My niece. Definitely!

The Beneficiary, by Karin Bishop

Selected entries from the Journal of Donna Everton

Part 6

4/25

I never thought I’d be doing daily entries, but so much to report …

I got up earlier than usual, had a quick light breakfast, and locked myself in my office. First to come out of the box were the pills; I’d checked the internet about long-term storage and a cool, dry place was recommended so they went on a top shelf of my bookcase. It was a corner that had always felt cool-ish to me; something about the way the air circulated in the room. I put them behind a photo of Mark and me on our honeymoon. I looked at his precious face for a long moment, thinking again bitterly that he was taken from me too soon, and how much we’d wanted kids, and how much he would have loved the girl Steffi was becoming. I knew that Mark was open-minded enough to accept her transition. God, I miss him!

Then it was time for the stacks of cash. I was overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed, still! Back at the bank, in the shock of discovery and the flurry to get the money in the box, I hadn’t paid any close attention. It was just grab and stack, grab and stack. I knew that the stack I’d stuck in my purse had over $1900 in it, so I started there and pulled it out to count again, minus the amount I’d spent on Steffi’s things. It took awhile because the bills were in no order or denomination; a couple of twenties and a hundred, a fifty, three hundreds in a row, and so on. When I was done, it had added up to $2850, an odd amount. I pulled a stack from the box and it was the same denominational mess and was $3800, and the next one was $3125, so I’d learned three things.

First, the stacks were tossed in when they were about ‘so’ thick, regardless of the amount. Second, it was insanely time consuming with my calculator to add up all the odd denominations. Third, it was, as they say, a shitload of money and was going to take awhile to count.

Since I don’t have a bill counter it seemed the best way to proceed was to open each stack, not bother counting, and just sort the bills according to denomination. But since it was going to take time and require space, I needed a way to cover them. What if Eduardo came up to complain about the quality of vegetables in the day’s delivery, for instance? If he saw the money, at the very least he’d want a raise! The unsorted bills would stay in the box under my desk, and I worked out that I could cover the stacks with a desk drawer, upside down, so I emptied the contents of one and used a screwdriver to take off one of the rails. I figured I could cover the bills quickly and the whole thing would look like I was working on the drawer.

Then it hit me–how quickly money messes up your mind! Here I was like a thief, figuring out ways to cover my, well, not ill-gotten gains, but still …But I consoled myself that this money is for Steffi’s new life and my sister’s dream and final wishes, so I was justified being cautious. Still, the whole ‘hiding’ thing leaves a very sour taste.

Then it was the repetition of mechanically grabbing a stack, removing the rubber band, sorting through like a deck of cards in denominations and on to the next stack. Fortunately, it was rare to find anything under a twenty. When a stack got tippy I decided to count through and band stacks of $1,000, which would be fifty twenties but only ten $100. I worked methodically and part of my brain was reeling. Just how crooked was Dave? Was this drug money, or hush money, or payment for a kill, or from a bank robbery, or what? I remembered an old line from a movie that money doesn’t care–if you use a hundred dollar bill to buy medicine for a sick child in Africa, the bill doesn’t care that it came from a bank robbery in Chicago. People care, but the money itself didn’t.

It took me hours but by noon I’d finished my computation, after consolidating as I went and then consolidating further once the box was empty and stacks opened. I sat back and stared at the result. Not counting what I’d spent for Steffi, it added up to $163, 760. My brain locked up, going ‘omigod, omigod, omigod!’ I knew that this was Debbie’s running-away money for her and Steven, and so now I dedicated it to Steffi, as I’m absolutely certain Debbie would want.

So now I was faced with storing the cash. I thought of a bank but knew any account would bring the IRS and I couldn’t properly explain the money. A safe-deposit box was an option, but still there was all of that back and forth that could draw suspicion. God, the subterfuge a lot of money demands! I had a twinge of conscience about the IRS because Mark and I had always been scrupulously honest, but I was pretty sure that if I declared it, in my zeal to be honest, the money would be confiscated as being ‘dirty’. And, damn it–that was money my sister wanted her child to have!

Then I thought of a safe of my own; I’d always been concerned about the cash on hand from the inn. Although most customers used credit cards, there was still enough cash laying about that we kept in a small safe in the meat locker. It was awkward and too many people probably knew about it by now. I went online to Office Depot and Staples and checked the prices and sizes of safes that could fit the pile of cash and a little to spare, and they were surprisingly affordable, as against a single year’s rental of a safe-deposit box. I placed my order and charged it to the inn as a business expense. In the meantime, I put the money back in the box, taped it back up, and stuck it under my desk with another box on top. I repaired the drawer and put everything back and went to lunch.

I found that I was washing my hands thoroughly. The whole thing was making me feel unclean.

A hundred and sixty-three grand–Debbie, Debbie; what the hell was Dave up to, and how did you not get caught? Suddenly I realized that if she had managed to squirrel away that much money without Dave even noticing, how huge were the sums that were actually passing through his hands? Then I thought of her resolve to finish nursing school, and her decision to change Steven, and I knew that her steely determination allowed her to steal from a thief. Once again I was in awe of my little sister. And a little afraid of her, in retrospect.

At lunch I saw Steffi; she’d woken and dressed in new khaki capris and a yellow sleeveless v-neck shell. She wore a bra and had brushed her hair out and straight back, held in place by a headband. She looked absolutely fresh and girlish and happy. I reminded her that Carla was coming and she nodded and said she’d be changing into ‘her sweats’, the ones I’d given her, but that she knew she had to dress well now that she would be in public areas, even if only the staff could see her. I thanked her for her thoughtfulness and realized I’m going to have to have a blanket statement for the staff, some of whom were new but some, like Don and Bonnie, had been with the inn when Mark and I bought it. Since we were alone, I asked if Steffi had any trouble with the ‘cover story’ being that Steven and Stephanie were fraternal twins and that Debbie and Steven had been killed in the crash and Stephanie the only survivor, terribly hurt, including the ‘head trauma’ story to cover lapses.

Steffi frowned a bit and said, ‘I know you don’t like lying. I’ve …lied a lot already and I don’t like to do it. But this cover story …it works, I think. It fits for people that might have heard you talk about your nephew Steven over the years. And I like it because, in a way, Steven did die in the accident.’ She gave me a look of determination, much as her mother’s looks that I’d just been thinking of. I leaned over and squeezed her hand. ‘You are your mother’s daughter,’ and she squeezed back and said, ‘And my aunt’s niece!’ I had a thought and quickly went to find Tim and brought him into our little dining area.

‘Tim knows about Steven,’ I told Steffi, ‘and he’s okay with it. Right, Tim?’ and bless him, he smiled and said, ‘You look quite pretty today, Steffi’ with such a warm grin that even if I didn’t love this old man before, I sure did now! Steffi blushed and thanked him, and I told Tim that we had a cover story for the staff and people in town and tried it out on him. He listened critically and said, ‘Only one thing missing. Steffi is beautiful, smart, and a wonderful person. How have you not told folks about your lovely niece before?’ We both thanked him for his compliments but he was right. Then I realized that about the only things I’d ever said about Steven, in response to a letter from Debbie, were things like, his grades weren’t good or he was becoming too much like his father. Tim nodded and said, ‘That’ll work, if you think about it. Think of Marc Antony’s speech about Julius Caesar … ‘the good oft lies interred with their bones’. You didn’t mention Steffi’s good grades and such because she was overshadowed by Steven’s shenanigans. How’s that?’

He looked closely at Steffi and she blanched and then nodded. Tim said to her, ‘Steffi, I know all about you. I’m the only one besides Donna here that does. I want you to know two things. First, that I fully support who you are becoming, what you’re trying to do with your life. And second, that I will never betray you.’ He looked at me and said, ‘I think most folks will come to me if they’re confused. You know, pull me aside and say, ‘Didn’t she have a nephew?’ It was smart to bring me into the loop, so to speak. Hey, Steffi; you’re a computer whiz. Photoshop and all?’

Steffi nodded, surprised at the sudden question. Tim chuckled and said, ‘And you’re also thinking, whoa, the old gardener knows about Photoshop?’ He glanced at me. ‘Your aunt might tell you that I’m not quite as rustic as I look.’ Steffi blushed and said, ‘Sorry’, and Tim said, ‘Don’t worry about it. So, in your spare time–after your homework is done, young lady–’ He waved a finger, grinning, ‘–you might want to take any old photos you might have and see if you can’t Photoshop young Stephanie into them.’

The look of amazement and that ‘of course!’ moment on her face was priceless. Tim nodded and said, ‘Got weeds to get to, you’ve got Carla coming in ten minutes, and Donna …good job,’ he grinned and squeezed my shoulder as he passed.

‘God, I love that man,’ I said after he left. That made me think and I said, ‘Sweetie, you’re already aware of two not-so-great men. Your father was charming and handsome, but he was a criminal and deserted you before …’ And without blinking, Steffi said, ‘Before they killed him.’ I narrowed my eyes. ‘You know this? I mean, for sure?’ Steffi nodded. ‘I overheard Mom. I thought you knew.’ I didn’t, but managed to hide how stunned I was. She tilted her head. ‘On second thought, Mom might not have told you. See, he was gone for months and months and we figured he was, you know, on the run.’

‘Mexico,’ I said.

She nodded. ‘It was a …what do you call it …what’s that word? God, Haynes would have a field day …’ She sat up smiling. ‘Euphemism! Mexico was a euphemism for wherever Dad ran to and laid low. But Mom got some calls from some people and …’ Her sunny mood collapsed suddenly. She looked down at the table, took a drink of juice, and her voice was very small. ‘They got him–I don’t know who they are; I don’t think Mom did–they got him in Los Angeles and ‘Soloed’ him. Mom found out it was a thing from the James Bond movie Goldfinger.’ We watched it one night and she explained it.”

‘My God, the guy in the car!’ I suddenly remembered. ‘He’s a trivia answer, because there was a TV show, um … The Man From U.N.C.L.E. in the Sixties, and the hero was Napoleon Solo, but the first guy named ‘Mr. Solo’ was a bad guy in that Bond movie!’ Ah, the things you pick up playing Trivial Pursuit!

Steffi nodded. ‘The guy in the movie was a bad guy, but he wasn’t totally bad, or wasn’t bad enough, maybe, because if you remember, he walked out on Goldfinger and said he wanted nothing to do with the plan. They shot him in the car and then took it to be compacted in a junk yard.’

I remembered the scene–Mark had loved the Sean Connery Bond movies–and my eyes were wide. ‘And you think that’s what happened to Dave?’

‘I know that’s what happened to him,’ Steffi said gloomily. ‘Mom got a confirmation, and we lived in fear that they’d come after us. And she was just starting to relax when …when she died.’

My God, the implications, I thought. Poor, poor Debbie, carrying all of that spiritual weight! Suddenly I realized that her decision to turn Steven into a girl had even more implications, especially with the stolen hundred and sixty grand in the bank. I bet she was afraid that the guys that got Dave would come after her, and she was planning to disappear with her new daughter …

Carla was due any minute, so I said my piece. ‘Honey, we got sidetracked there and thank you for telling me about Dave. And, um, I’m sorry. He was your father. So back to what I was saying about bad guys, or ‘not-so-great’ guys. Um …okay, Dave wasn’t a total bad guy, like Solo. And there’s Darryl, Tina’s husband, who is souring and getting worse after a golden promise. And I think he hits her, too.’

‘I’m pretty sure of it …just some things that she didn’t say,’ Steffi nodded, her jaw tightening. ‘Bastard! She’s so sweet!’

‘That’s my point, sweetie. Those guys are on one end of the scale of Men. At the other are guys like Tim, and Mark, my husband. Really absolutely wonderful human beings and real men that you can depend on and love and …’ I waved my hand in the air, out of words.

She looked at me so openly, so trusting, and so lovely. In a soft voice, she said, ‘I know you miss him so much it hurts. I’ll see these …shadows of sadness pass over your face and I know you’re thinking about him. I’m sorry, Andonna.’

The simple sincerity brought tears, but I sniffed them back, thanked her, and I was also amazed at her observation–Steven wouldn’t have noticed my pain and wouldn’t have put it so poetically. More to think about later, I decided …

I finished with, ‘You’re a girl now, and a very, very pretty girl, and boys are going to be interested in you. How you feel about that is something for another time but I know how they’re going to react once you’re healed and up and around. Basically, just–’

Carla was at the front so I stood and finished quicker than I’d wanted. ‘Basically, just be on your guard. Know that there are all types of males out there, some wonderful and some not so, and …oh, hell, we’ll talk about this later, maybe. Go get changed into your sweats and I’ll get Carla.’

I let Carla in and told her Steffi was changing. Then I chuckled and told her that already there was a very different patient waiting for her. I told her that she was partly responsible for naming her because of her accent, and thanked her for it. She smiled and nodded and handed me a slip of paper with the doctor’s name and number, the one that she recommended to handle Steffi’s situation.

When we got to Steffi’s room, she had the gray sweats and sleeveless yellow top; I hadn’t noticed it was cropped and how cute her tummy was getting. Her hair was up in a high, girlish ponytail and of course she still wore the burgundy nail polish. Carla took it all in and said, ‘Vood you prefer I call you Stef or Steffi, young lady?’ and Steffi said, ‘Either is fine. And thank you, Carla. For everything.’

Carla nodded and smiled as she turned to me; I could tell she was pleased. She told me that after exercises she was going to start Steffi–she said the name–on walking without crutches. She would look for what she called ‘touch-points’, like the edge of a desk or a bureau. Steffi would never be more than two steps away from a touch-point to support her should her legs give out. Carla would move things as needed on a temporary basis until Steffi’s legs got stronger. I approved. She said Steffi would move around–and Carla meant into the inn itself, the kitchen, and so on–from touch-point to touch-point, sort of like Tarzan swinging from vine to vine.

‘Can’t I be Jane, instead?’ Steffi said, cracking us up.

Carla grinned. ‘No, you vill be Stephanie, Queen Off The Chungle!’

I left them to their work. Later in the afternoon I saw Carla move a hallway armoire a couple of feet sideways and marveled at her strength, and then out came Stephanie, Queen of the Jungle, grinning hugely as she maneuvered through the halls. Carla got her back to her room and left a pain med with me ‘chust in case’

I finished up on the phone with the doctor, managing to get an appointment tomorrow–amazingly–just as Tina knocked at my office. I told her that business was probably light tonight so she could hang with Steffi as long as she wanted. If I needed her in the restaurant, I’d come get her. I planned to make an announcement tonight about her helping Steffi.

Steffi was tired but lit up when she saw Tina, who seemed to lose her cares when she saw Steffi. She was sitting on the bed, obviously tired, but grinned and raised her arms and Tina moved in for a hug. I left them to it and went to make my announcement. I gathered everybody, including Tim, excluding Tina, and said I had two announcements, one just to bring everybody up to speed and the other was new. First, I told them the new cover story about my niece, a fraternal twin, being the only survivor of my sister’s crash, and so on. I said her physical therapist was working with her on getting off the crutches which meant that she’d be much more present than the last couple of months. Some of them had met her or at least seen her, and some had only heard of her, but pretty soon she’d be working, maybe hostessing, wherever I could use her depending on her strength and ability.

The second announcement was that Tina had met her and the two had hit it off. ‘Let’s face it; she’d rather hang with Tina than her old aunt,’ I joked, pretending to grumble, but they nodded, understanding. I told them that Tina would be on the clock and ready to jump in at a moment’s notice, but that she would not be sharing in any tips–which brought small smiles to my wait staff. Everybody more or less understood the situation with Tina and Darryl, and agreed that helping to take care of Steffi was probably a good relief for Tina. I thanked them for that, and said that Steffi’s doctor also thought it was good she had someone closer to her own age to help her recovery.

Then I dropped the final piece into the puzzle, or mini-bombshell, or whatever. I explained that Stephanie had severe facial injuries and reconstruction and that there had been some brain trauma. Not brain damage, I stressed. But the trauma was such that her brain had some short circuits that needed repairing.

‘You’ll find that she doesn’t seem to know some things she should know, or rather, did know,’ I explained. ‘Those are areas that just need to be reconnected.’ I told them that she couldn’t remember if her ears were pierced or not, for instance, knowing that Tina was probably piercing them as I spoke. Everybody understood and said they’d be patient with her, and Tim spoke up and said that he’d probably spoken with Steffi the most, besides Tina, and take it from him–she was a wonderful, smart girl who survived a horrific fatal crash. She wasn’t fragile, just mending. And ‘real easy on the eyes, too!’ he grinned, and the meeting ended on that positive note. Job well done, Tim!

I was pleasantly surprised that we had a bit of a rush on dinner; I was tempted to get Tina but I did the hostess duties, freeing up Bonnie to waitress, and we got through it. Once it was slow again I went up to see how Steffi and Tina were doing. It was a repeat of before; I heard the giggling even as I knocked. Inside it was also a repeat, but different. They were at Steffi’s desk; Steffi sat hunched at the desk, applying eye makeup and studying herself in the new makeup mirror I’d just bought. Tina stood, leaning and watching as she was teaching. Steffi turned to me with a huge smile.

‘Andonna! Look!’ she cried happily as she pulled her hair behind her ears. ‘Do you like them?’

True to her word, Tina had pierced Steffi’s ears, which now sported the traditional gold studs. The difference to Steffi’s appearance was subtle yet definitive; she looked even more feminine.

‘I lectured her on hygiene and gave her some disinfectant. Hope it’s okay,’ Tina said.

I assured her that it was, that I approved, and that it looked lovely. I complimented her on the makeup technique; it looked like they’d bypassed the typical teen girl thing of raccoon eyes, since Tina was older and was studying cosmetology. Of course I knew Steffi would get into makeup; I’d bought the kit after all, but I wasn’t prepared for how great she looked. She looked sixteen or even eighteen; she did not look like a fourteen-year-old boy that was becoming a girl, or for that matter like any typical fourteen-year-old girl, either.

I told Tina that it was an incredible job, but there was about an hour left on ‘her shift’, keeping to her regular work hours, so maybe she could teach Steffi a less glamorous look, something for a young teen girl during daytime? She nodded and grinned. I quickly told Tina about the speech I’d given to the staff, and warned Steffi that she was not to abuse the privilege Tina had. If she was needed in the restaurant, that’s where she would be, no matter what the girls had planned or how lonely Steffi was. She hung her head and said, ‘Yes, Aunt Donna’ like a Good Little Girl and it was hard for me to keep a straight face.

Back in the restaurant things were slowing so we ended on time and on the way back I came upon Tina and Steffi. Steffi was walking slowly, with the touch-point system of Carla’s, and Tina had her crutches with her. Tina said Steffi had wanted to get moving, and I think she wanted to be seen with her new earrings and makeup, too. She looked lovely; Tina had got the makeup exactly right. And I noted that Steffi wanted to be seen in a public area and was wearing the denim skirt, showing her long, pale but very shapely legs. She also wore a fuchsia camisole with thin spaghetti straps, and I could see she wore the lavender bra.

There was a soft gasp behind me and I turned to see Bonnie and Eduardo, staring at my pretty niece. Eduardo turned and playfully slapped Bonnie’s shoulder. ‘And you said she was a boy! ’ Bonnie grinned and said, ‘I may have misunderstood …’ and I realized that this had been perfect timing on Steffi’s part, as well as establishing Tina’s validity being away from the restaurant and helping Steffi–because walking slowly and carrying the crutches, this looked more like physical therapy and not the fun the girls had been having earlier. I did the formal introduction and was quite proud of how secure Steffi seemed to be. I hugged her and told her not to overdo it; better to head back to her room and Tina had to go home, which brought a sad cloud to Tina’s smiling face.

Poor girl. I was so blessedly lucky with my husband. I had an inspiration that might bring a smile to her.

‘Tina, Steffi and I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. She’s only got casual wear here; why don’t the three of us go see if I’ve got something for her to wear that’s a little bit more …first-time-meeting-your-doctor-y, maybe?’

I was thinking specifically of an outfit I had but Steffi might balk and I thought Tina might persuade her. We trooped into my room and I pulled a couple of things out that I didn’t hold much hope for. Tina was saying that a blouse was better than a top because her hair would get messy taking it over her head, which I knew and planned for Tina to say. I didn’t want to be the pushy parental figure; I know there’s going to be plenty of opportunities for that in time.

Finally I suggested the outfit, which was a white pointelle skirt, to mid-calf, that had a cute bolero jacket. Tina loved it and I think Steffi did, too, because I knew she was self-conscious about the damage to her legs–but they’d looked darned good in the denim miniskirt tonight. And the doctor’s going to see her naked, but modesty is modesty and I know she is still so fragile. I said that normally a sleeveless shell would be nice for the outfit, but we sorted through blouses and found a sleeveless pale green sateen that I thought I’d lost. I really have to spend some time getting reacquainted with my closet, I thought. After Mark died I was so lost and didn’t care how I looked or dressed. It was only the routine of running the inn that kept me going.

Strike that. Truth be told, Tim pretty much ran things and made it look like I did it; he was my rock and I was a sobbing mess for so long …

The sandals I’d already bought worked with the skirt and jacket so we were set. Tina asked some sensible and frightening questions. She asked about Steffi’s purse and jewelry. Perfectly sensible; even in the terrible accident, a girl’s purse would be retrieved and kept with the patient, right? And she would have had her daily jewelry on, the assorted bracelets, rings, and necklaces that all teen girls wear. Perfectly sensible, and it frightened me that I hadn’t thought of it before, and wondered what else I’d missed. Steffi gave me a stricken look and I said the original hospital–not the one around here–had screwed up and her purse and wallet had gone missing and we’d filed a report to get them back. Her jewelry was removed for surgery, of course, and put in her purse, so we knew they were together at that point, but after that …I shrugged. ‘Hospital security got a black eye on this one. They’re bending over backward to explain how it happened, but there’s a ninety-day period. Then they have to pay the value of the items to us.’

Tina bought it completely, and grinned. ‘That’s when you get to stick it to ‘em, and tell them about the diamond brooch, the platinum necklace, the Rolex …’ I grinned back and said, ‘Tina, I may have to rethink this association. You might be a bad influence on my niece!’ and we both laughed.

Meanwhile Steffi was trying the clothes on and looked wonderful. I could tell she was exhausted and in some pain from her long day of walking without crutches, so Tina and I quickly approved her look and helped her undress and led her back to her room. She got ready for bed while I filled in Tina on a couple of things that had been said tonight in the restaurant, but we both feel that Bonnie and Eduardo would spread the news of the assistance that Tina was providing. I paid Tina and about then Steffi came out of the bathroom, ready for bed, so pretty in her nightie. The girls hugged and Tina left and I hugged and kissed Steffi goodnight.

I love my niece!

End of Part 6