I still have two legs, but I've twice removed the ability to use one of my feet - once by being stepped on by a horse, the other with a bone bruise on the heel.

So, is it wrong of me that when I read your post, this came to mind?

"Oh, I'm a three legged man,
with a two legged woman,
being chased across the country by a one legged fool.
Oh he's hopping and he's flopping,
and he shows no signs of stopping,
I'll tell you now, this life is hard and cruel."