If you have read my prior blogs on my home life, you know that I am blessed with a wife and son that accept me for who I am.
My wife has mentioned a couple of times recently that the one thing that bothers her is that she is isolated, when it comes to the topic of my being TG.
My wife is not a very social person to begin with. She simply doesn't enjoy social settings, dreads any such gathering, even though she usually has a good time in the end. As a result, she doesn't have any close friends, at least not in real life.
She is very active in several fanfiction communities, and has a number of online friends from there.
But she does not feel that she can share her thoughts, feelings etc, about Kristy related topics, whether it is just a comment about my writing, or when she needs to just gripe about me, with these people. (At least she can do that about my way too much business travel of late!) I know it would be healthy for her to have an outlet for this. Complicating that is that her online persona in those communities is known by members of our family and my sons teachers, so she has to be pretty careful of open postings on this anyway, as we are very security minded about this particular part of our lives. Which is why, as proud as I am of her writing, you won't see me publicly mentioning her works here.
I'm really not sure how to help her with this... I hate to be the cause of her feeling more isolated and lonely then she already does.
I'm actually not sure what I'm asking, but I'm open to suggestions.
Hugs,
Kristy
Comments
Simplist answer is ....
why not just have her create an account here?
That way she can talk to all of us about any worries she has. That way none of her nonTG friends need know anything about it :)
After all, I'm on here as my Fem self and none of my friends and family know (apart from two who are also TG/IS in real life)
(My Folks don't even know I am TG :( )
HTH
Huggles
Sammi
P.S. I presume Kristine Roland is only a Pen name so why not get her to use "Xroland" with X being her real inital or maybe she could use "MrsRoland" ??? (just some ideas)
I concur
She wouldn't be the first spouse on the site, and if anything her presence here might help many others who have somewhat less understanding loved ones to have someone to ask about how things seem from the other side.
She wouldn't have to use her normal nom de plume, after all, and if you feel comfortable posting here, surely that would give her a good enough reference to try it herself?
And you know our community would be willing to listen any day.
Melanie E.
i don't think that's going to work
I suspect "being alone" means there are things she might like to discuss without Kristine knowing what she's thinking. I hasten to add that I'm not suggesting she's keeping anything from Kristine. Sometimes it's nice to have a girlfriend to lean on, that isn't your husband.
But I don't know what to suggest as an alternative.
not as think as i smart i am
A name Kristine does not know
RAMI
Mrs. Roland could pick a name that Christine does not know, and use it. She couls also keep things general enough so that the connection s not made.
Rami
RAMI
My wife has created a login,
My wife has created a login, and posted a blog this evening.
For the record, she loves me dearly, but as she says, she is NOT Mrs. Roland. She wants to be herself, she is much more than my wife, so she chose the name FanficWriter, as that is a name that describes who she is.
I think she explains fairly well in her post, what she was really looking for.
I do want to thank Samantha, Melanie, Rebecca and Rami for taking the time to provide your advice. It means alot to both of us.
Hugs,
Kristy
I look forward to hearing from her
its a point of view we dont get to hear very much of, and maybe she would have some tips for us in helping our spouses through our journeys.
Dorothycolleen
There are a number of
There are a number of support groups out there specifically for friends, family and partners, I cant remember what the groups name I'd heard about was but it sounds like maybe she needs to look into finding one or two partners of transgered people who she can chat to about things.
If nothing else having someone with similar issues/experiences who she can share with may help. You might find some info here that will lead you or your partner to the right place: http://www.lauras-playground.com/support_index.htm
Lizzie
Bailey's Angel
The Godmother :p
there are many many support groups for spouses
and significant others. Go online and find the nearest.
Dayna.
Thanks Elizabeth and Dayna.
Thanks Elizabeth and Dayna.
It's been quite a few years since we have looked into this. In actuality one of the key things that helped my wife to come to terms with being able to be around me when I was in Kristy mode, was a TRI-ESS SPICE convention in Philadelphia, PA in 1996. We got a lot out of that, and she was able to make a major leap forward during that weekend.
The biggest problem with it is that such events require a level of socialization that she simply is uncomfortable with.
But certainly the online groups are worth looking into.
Thanks so much for taking the time to give us your suggestions, we both appreciate it.
Hugs,
Kristy
One Suggestion
Short of making some real life friends, which involves time, effort and trust, there are always ears you can borrow or rent.
Bartenders.
Hairdressers.
Pastors. (I'm lucky in the Quaker Meeting I belong to, we don't have a pastor, so we all pretty much have a responsibility to pastor each other. Plus, we're not the kind of Christians who hit each over the head with the literal word of the Old Testament. It's more of a spirit, love and compassion kind of thing. Your mileage may vary.)
Shrinks. I was very happy with my CSW/MSW. She helped me with lots of issues. If your health insurance is like mine, you may have what's called "parity", which requires coverage of shrinks. The right counseler can be a godsend. The wrong one can be a waste of time or worse, but no one says you have to go back. I'm currently on hiatus from therapy. Not sure if I'll continue, but I did want to see if I could stand on my own after 4 years of it. So far, so good, no withdrawal symptoms or anything. :)
___________________
If a picture is worth 1000 words, this is at least part of my story.
Thanks Pippa. She has
Thanks Pippa.
She has posted a blog, further clarifying what her issue is, and I'm afraid there really isn't a solution to it. It has more to do with being in the closet then any need for "support."
Thanks so much for the caring words. I hope to catch up with you and the rest of the gang soon, just have had so little time of late.
Hugs,
Kristy
Could use some advice
Be there for her and have her post a story here to see how the comments go.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Hi Stan,She does not care
Hi Stan,
She does not care for TG stories, probably because fiction is for escapism, and she gets too much TG as reality :)
In any case, if she were to post a story here, it would have to be limited to here. I'd love to be able to share with you all her writing, because I think she's great (I may be biased, but I don't think that I'm that biased...) But that just is too dangerous for the security of our family.
Thanks for the suggestion --- We do appreciate your giving it some thought to provide some advice.
Kristy
I hear that...
My wife's looking for someone to talk to as well...
Several things we're looking into for her:
1) We've been told that the NYC LGBT Center has "meetings" for "families" of LGBT people. (social, so not what you're looking for. Not great for us due to distance.
2) There's a PFLAAG chapter in the adjacent county - that we'll be looking into - re a support group (also social...)
3) PFLAAG has a list server - with several lists - including one for spouses of. I've been told you can sign up/post anonymously - and interact with others in your situation (not tried yet).
4) Several churches hare open and supportive. (For example, there's a practicing Methodist minister who's F2M... My daughter talked to his wife briefly @ the Trans Health conference in Philly.
5) Therapist...
There ARE resources available for our families... Just not always convenient.
Another possibility - is for her to log in here (as others have suggested). But, from the way you worded things, she might be happier with someone that can relate to her concerns - rather than cause the concerns.
Good luck to you both! Having a loving/caring/accepting family is a WONDERFUL thing - something to be cherished and supported.
Anne
Anne, Thanks for all of
Anne,
Thanks for all of this. I know you also saw and responded to her blog as well.
Yes, we both agree completely on having a loving/caring/accepting family being a WONDERFUL thing. We do Cherish it and support it.
I wish you and your wife well as you look for the support that you both need.
Hugs,
Kristy
Hi, Sweetie
I love you and you spoil me rotten, as always.
It's lovely to see how the people in your online home respond to you. They're lovely people and I'm glad you've found so much love, support and fun within.
xoxoxoxo