Authors Note

Sorry for the long delay, this chapter fought me for quite a while, and ended up longer than I intended.

Chapter Four

After supper we all decided to go and catch a movie. Apparently the entertainment director was on a Stanley Kubrick kick. Tonight was an old movie called “A Clockwork Orange.” Very strange and somewhat disturbing. I had disjointed dreams about it all night. As a result, I was a little bleary eyed I the morning and stumbled through my shower not really waking up

I pulled my school uniform from the closet, and was about to put it on. It all crashed down on me, it was ugly, and it was for a girl. Yesterday, I had been rushed off my feet with hardly a chance to think about it all. I sat on my bed and cried. I was still there, looking at my uniform, tears running down my face, feeling numb and disconnected when Lilli showed up.

She hugged me, and I sobbed “I can’t be a girl, I just can’t.”

“I know,” she commiserated. “I used to be a boy too Onyx.”

“That’s not my name,” I protested. “I liked being a boy, I hate this,” I flung the uniform onto the floor. “I want to burn it.”

“How about the boots?” Lilli asked. “Do you want to burn them as well?”

Her question brought me up short. I loved my boots, but they were girl boots. I felt confused and lost, I didn’t want to be a girl, but to destroy those boots, I couldn’t, I loved them. They sang out to my soul. “No,” I said with a small voice.

“Okay,” she said. “I’ll just take them back then.”

“NO!” I exclaimed. “They’re mine!”

She tried not to smile, but a small grin escaped. “So you want to be a girl, you just don’t want to wear the uniform?”

“It’s ugly.”

“And that offends the girl in you?” she asked.

Her words struck me like a blow to the stomach. Did I want to be a girl? I was at war with myself, confused and scared.

“Come on,” she urged, picking my uniform off the floor. “We all wear the same thing, and it’s only ‘till lunch.”

I grumbled. I still wasn’t happy, but gave in to the inevitable. Even her cheery mood didn’t help much.

Nor did the fact that I was at least six inches taller than every other girl there, and taller than most of the boys. I could not blend in, or hide. I felt like every eye was on
me. I cringed, and would have fled except for Lilli’s hand grasping mine.

School was school, a drag. Apparently becoming a girl who can see in all directions doesn’t make school any more fun. Oh and better yet, all morning I was writing tests, and would be tomorrow. The excuse they gave me was they wanted to make sure I was placed properly. Bah, they just wanted to torture the new girl.

Once the second days collection of tests were done, I raced back to my room, thankful to be done a little before the rest so didn’t run into anyone on the way. I might come out for supper, but not if I could avoid it. I was about to flop onto my bed but there was a package on it. I opened it with some trepidation, but when I saw the first item, I was ecstatic. Pants. I could get out of this skirt. I eagerly upended the entire thing on my bed. Three pairs of jeans, light blue, white and black, a red leather jacket, some long sleeved shirts, and the best of all, black leather pants.

I’d always wanted leather pants, but Dad had always categorically refused to buy them for me, and I couldn’t afford them. I had always said I’d do anything to get leather pants. I just hadn’t expected to have to become a girl to get them though. I hastily stripped out of my ugly school uniform, letting it fall to the floor, and pulled the pants on. A little different from what I had pictured as a boy, these were skin tight hugging every curve. They felt wonderful. I added a long sleeved bright blue top with a deep scoop neck, the red leather jacket fit perfectly, and I even liked the way it emphasized my narrow waist. I didn’t hesitate, only my babies would do for foot wear. I reverently got them down from their shelf and put them on. Thankfully the pants were the skinny type that would fit inside my boots. I looked at myself in the mirror. God damn I was hot, and I realized I was smiling at this. I liked being a girl I decided.

Screw hiding in my room, I went for lunch, standing tall and proud, daring anyone to laugh. No reaction at all, it was as though I wasn’t there. Damn, I thought, then I spied Sean of the grabby hands standing at the back of the lunch line. Paybacks a bitch. I giggled softly, walked up behind him, and smacked him on the ass, quickly stepping back and trying to look innocent.

Apparently I smacked him a little harder then I intended. The sound of it echoed around the caf, and everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at us. Then my defender from yesterday laughed and called out “Sean, she got you. Point to the new girl.” Sean just sputtered incoherently.

Laughter broke out, I guess I made an impression in the end. Grinning I picked up my lunch and walked over to the table where Lilli and Veronica were already sitting, and laughing still. “Wow,” Veronica said as I approached. “I don’t think anyone has shot Sean down quite so well. Ever.”

I grinned. “Hey, paybacks a bitch. Besides no one noticed me until I smacked his ass, and I so wanted to be noticed.”

Lilli snorted. “Well, you’ve been noticed now.”

“Yeah,” Veronica added. “The skin-tight leather probably helped there.”

I grinned at that. “They’re what made me decide not to skip life.”

I wasn’t able to wear the leather for long though, I had to report to Mr. Hill for the torture regime he had planned for me. Three hours of circuit training, with the promise of doing the something similar every day from one to four in the afternoon. I wasn’t the only one there though, but I was the slowest. Only a few of us had to be there, most of the others chose to come and seemed to enjoy it. I suppose that eventually I might, but I couldn’t see that happening.

After my second shower of the day, I staggered to supper, to tired to do much more than fuel the furnace, and return to my room to collapse on my bed.

***

I groaned when I got out of bed, if anything I hurt more now than I had after PT. I dragged my sorry ass to the shower, and luxuriated in the pounding of hot water on my sore muscles. After I had dried, combed, and braided my hair; a lot more work than short hair, but I always liked long hair on girls. I pulled on panties and a bra, and looked at my school uniform lying on the floor where I had tossed it yesterday, NO, I thought, not today, I defiantly pulled on my black jeans and a loose white t-shirt, and as a small concession to my girlhood I picked out my pink sneakers. I pulled out what I would have to wear for PT and kicked the horrid uniform into the closet and closed the door on it. The longer I could go before seeing it, the better.

I browsed the web, munching on a granola bar until class, frustrated only by the block to Facebook and Hotmail. I didn’t really want to go to class at all, but eventually I realized that I had to, and left. I was the last to arrive, and got some curious looks as I went to my desk, I was about to sit down when the teacher, Mr Franks, yelled “Stop right there!”

I turned and looked at him. “What?”

“Where’s your uniform?” he asked.

“In the bottom of my closet,” I replied, sitting down and muttering “where it belongs.”

“You will go and change into it right now,” he retorted, “I will over look this for today.”

“No. I will not,” I harrumphed.

“Yes you will,” he said, voice raised.

“No.”

That seemed to close the issue. He looked angry but continued the class. Some of the class looked at me in horror at my defiance, but I resolved to not let it bother me.

American history was weird, not at all what I remembered, but as my father had always told me, history is written by the victors, so it was not surprising that some details were different.

At least I could cut class time short, I had to attend my appointment with Mr. Tubman. It was more of the same, though he was pleased that I was beginning to accept my new female status. I got the impression he as worried about something though.

Finally, it was over, and after a light lunch I changed to my PT gear and went for my daily torture session. It was a little different today, we went for a run outside, stopping periodically for sets of sit-ups. It was thoroughly exhausting. I walked back to my room on rubbery legs, stripped and tossed my soaking PT gear down the laundry chute and grabbed my robe and went to shower.

The shower revived me somewhat, and resolved to wear my leather again, I was getting used to the appreciative looks, and was actually enjoying, even preening a little. I guess, with every aspect of my day reinforcing that I was irrevocably female, I was becoming accustomed, even happy, about it. I smiled happily as I returned to my room, brushing my hair and resolving to wear it loose for the evening. I opened my closet, and stopped shocked, my mood dashed. It was bare, everything was gone, except that horrid school uniform, now neatly pressed and hung up, taunting me. I frantically pulled open the draws, looking for anything else. Nothing, the only thing remaining was the uniform and undergarments. I collapsed onto my bed and cried.

***

A bell chimed and the voice of WO Davidson came over the speakers, “All staff, all residents, report to the Auditorium at 1645.”

Crap, thought, I guess that means me too. I had half an hour, not enough time to get to wardrobe to acquire anything else to wear, I would have to go in the hated uniform. I slunk in the back, just before quarter to five. There were two others, also in the school uniform, hanging at the back, looking worried.

WO Davidson was on the stage, looking very sharp in his military uniform, a stern expression on his face as he looked us all over. “Miss Onyx, Miss Sparks, and Mr. Hill, front and center.” I hesitated, this did not look good. “Now.”

I slipped through the crowd, with the other two, everyone was quiet, and I felt all eyes on me as I stood at the front, but I did my best not to cower like a naughty schoolgirl, even though that is what it seemed I was.

Once we ere at the front, the WO continued, “Miss Onyx your act of defiance this morning has consequences for everyone here. Word of it spread, and Miss Sparks and Mr. Hill heard of it, and obviously thought that if you could, so could they. As a result, they joined you in abandoning the school uniform. They shall also join you in the punishment.”

I shrank a little, the other two glared at me, Miss Sparks hair standing on end and St Elmo’s fire was coursing over her skin.

“Miss Sparks, Mr. Hill,” he continued, “you chose to join her, do not blame her for your decision. The two of you will wear your uniform at all times except for Physical training, your PT gear will be kept in a locker in the gym, and wardrobe, movie, internet, and cinema privileges are suspended for one week.”

Their glares subsided, and they looked shaken.

“You, however Miss Onyx,” he turned his gaze to me. “Because you initiated this display of defiance, your term of punishment will be for two weeks, and at the end you will report to me, when I will decide on what to do then.”

“What?” I exclaimed, shocked and dismayed.

“Then I will decide whether to allow you to return to the normal privileges, continue the suspension, or take further measures. Use the two weeks to evaluate both yourself, what the Center is, and what we offer you.”

We were all handed a ring bound book. “In there you will find a brief history of the Center, a synopsis of the threats to you, to us, and the ideals of the Center and benefits it offers to you all. Use it well.”

He raised his voice, “If anyone, staff or otherwise, observes infractions of the rules, you will report them, or suffer the consequences. I hope that no others will decide to join these three. We want to be friends, but our security, our safety, will not be taken lightly. Dismissed.”

A cluster of people, friends I supposed, surrounded the other two, and I felt very alone, until Lilli and Veronica came up to me. “Cheer up, V and I will keep you company, keep you busy.”

“Thanks,” I whispered. “But you don’t have to.”

“That’s what friends do,” Veronica replied. “Besides, I think in a way, he was proud of you. Yeah, harsh punishment, but one thing that is emphasized here is that we need to gain a strong sense of self, and you have that in spades.”

Lilli and Veronica linked their arms to mine, and led me to their room. One half of it and explosion of pink, the other half a much more restful purple. We sat and talked half the night, until I finally had to go back to my lonely room and sleep.

Over the next week, I became a little used to the uniform, and actually became friends with Felicity Sparks and Aaron Hill. They stopped blaming me for their punishment, and we commiserated on the unfairness of it, especially as mine continued for the second week. It was during this second week, that I was able to accept the uniform, and understand the reason for it. Reading the books we were given, we came to understand the why of it. A lot of the others gave me words of encouragement, in a way, we had done that they had all been too scared to do. This began to worry me.

Sean found me on the first Friday and dragged me to a secluded common room. Somehow, he had arranged that we would not be disturbed, and produced a candle-lit supper for two. He was a perfect gentleman, funny and nice about it all. He even wore his school uniform as a gesture of solidarity. He also promised that when my sentence was over, we would do this again, with the movie I could not go to that night.

Finally the two weeks was almost over, this was the last day, the day of judgement. At the end of the morning classes Mr. Franks reminded me that Warrant Davidson was expecting me. I went to his office, nervous, but yet hopeful. I had really come to understand what the Center stood for, and so I knocked on his door.

He met me in the room with another girl, one I didn’t know, and wasn’t introduced to. He interviewed me for half an hour, and I answered his questions as best I could. I hoped he believed that my answers were truthful, as he held my future here in his hands. At the end of the half hour he turned to the other girl and said “Well, Dani, what do you think?”

I blinked, a little astonished.

She smiled at me, then turned to Daniel, and said, “She’s telling the truth. I think she should get some training to go on missions. She’s committed, and can be trusted.”

The WO smiled. “That was what I thought.” He turned to me, “Dani is an empath, I asked her to come here from Alpha to help me evaluate you. I am pleased to see that you understand what we are here for.”

“I do,” I answered somewhat fervently.

“Good. Now you probably want to change out of the uniform you apparently hate so much. You can go, you’ll find your other clothes have been restored to you. All privileges are restored.”

“Thank you,” I said and turned to leave. “But to tell the truth, I have gotten used to the uniform. I don’t hate it anymore, I think it was the symbol it is that I rebelled against. It was the wrong thing to do.” I then left, and raced to my room. Faster now than when I had arrived here, Hills’ torture sessions in the gym were starting to pay off. Actually, to be truthful, as I got fitter, I even was starting to enjoy them a little.

I got to my room and threw open my closet doors. Everything was there, exactly as it was before it was taken away. I dithered, unsure as what to wear drinking in the sight of all my clothes. There was, I finally noticed, a tissue wrapped package on my pillow. I opened it, finding a small card which read “I think green is better colour for you than red. And yes it is real.” It was unsigned, under the card was a silver choker, very like the one Lilli had lent me, but with a brilliantly green emerald suspended from it. That decided me. I would wear this with my first outfit again.

Once I was dressed, my hair loose down my back, I looked myself over in the mirror. When I first wore this I was so self conscious about how much skin it showed, but after two weeks of wearing nothing but the school uniform, I felt liberated and unafraid. I called Aaron and told him my restrictions had been lifted, and told him to get dressed in his best, and that Felicity and I would pick him up from his room. He agreed, but was obviously puzzled about what I had planned. One down, one to go. I called Felicity and asked if I could meet her in her room, she agreed.

A short time later I was knocking on her door, when she opened it her face lit up. “Free I see,” she said. “And dressed to kill?”

“Yup,” I replied, “and we need to get you dressed to kill as well.”

“Okay I guess, but why?” she asked uncertainly.

“You and Aaron have been keeping a low profile the last week, it’s time that changed.”

She seemed unsure. “Look,” I explained. “All three of us were shown to everyone as examples of what not to do, and what would happen if you did. Yeah, the restrictions sucked, but some are going to think that it wasn’t so bad really. There maybe some people who will do worse than what we did.”

She nodded. “I can see that.”

“Yep.” I continued. “And I know now, and I hope you and Aaron do, how important the Center is to all of us. We have to show them this, and to do that, we can’t hide in the shadows, and without the two of you helping, I won’t succeed.”

“Ok,” she said. “But next to you, I won’t be noticed.” She looked me up and down. “I mean, dang it all, you’re sexy as all get out, and tall.”

I started rifling through her closet and came across a black dress. “I think this would be good for you.”

She blushed prettily. “I haven’t worn that, I don’t think I could, it looked nice but…”

I convinced her to try it on and show it to me. Two weeks ago I would have agreed with her. It was quite translucent, and her pale skin heightened the effect. That plus the fact that the long skirt had slits up each leg up to the hip.

She was blushing hotly. “I couldn’t wear this.”

I agreed. “Not with white underwear, no.” Unashamed, I dug through her panty drawer and found a pair of skimpy string black panties. “These will do, got a black bra?”

She shook her head , “No, only white and pink.”

I shook my head. “You’re almost less of a girl than I was. We’ll have to try without one, luckily you’re small like me.”

I finally got her to try the dress with just the panties. She was decent from every angle, barely, but the dress gave the impression that you might see a little more at any moment. “Perfect!” I exclaimed.

In the back of her closet I found an elegant pair of black 4 inch stiletto heels, I cajoled her into wearing them, and looked over the whole effect. “Wow.” I said. “You are a stunner.” Before she could lose her nerve I hurried her out the door, and down to Aaron’s room.

When he opened his door and saw us his jaw dropped. He’d seen me in the white and silver before, but Felicity had been dressing like a mouse her entire time here, and he couldn’t tear his eyes off her. “I, uh, you’re…”

I think he might just be a bit sweet on her, and was suddenly seeing a side of her he never suspected existed. “To the café Aaron, give us your arms.”

When we entered the cafeteria, Aaron in the center, with us on each arm, it was like a bomb had gone off, a wave of silence spread through the entire room, and every eye was on us, and many of them were stunned. I whispered to my compatriots “This is what we dressed up for.”

Once I was sure we had everyone’s attention, I started. “To everyone who is thinking of following us in defying authority, don’t. This place is too important for petty games.”

This was a case, I judged, where a few words were better than a long speech. I lead my two cohorts to the nearly empty table where Veronica and Lilli were seated, and joined them. “Do ya think we got their attention ?” I asked the two friends. They both sputtered and nodded.