The Secret Garden Chapter 17: Confessions by D.L. Copyright  © 2011 D.L. All Rights Reserved. Inspired by the classic children’s tale by Frances Hodgson Burnett.

Samuel entered his study, slightly unsure of what to expect. Seeing the semi-naked young girl receiving a massage on the floor, he went over to his chair and sat down, turning himself so as to not look directly at the other two.

“I take it that is doing some good?” Lord Headley asked.

“It feels nice,” replied Hattie, the pleasure evident in her voice.

“I am applying light pressure to the skin to stimulate the lymphatic system. It will reduce the bruising and also helps relieve stress and tension,” Rosie explained. “In addition, the oil I’m using has a slight numbing effect.”

Although still dressed as Richard, Rosie was now talking in her soft feminine tone and her mannerisms had switched to the softer version as she cared for her injured companion.

“Horatio is safely locked in his room and will remain there until I decide what to do with him. I find his manhandling of young women most distasteful. A gentleman should never treat a girl in such a fashion. To drag someone by their hair and attempt to throw them down a flight of stairs is inexcusable,” Samuel stated. “Hattie, I got the gist of why you are here. I take it your brother brought you here and hid you?”

“He was worried that he wouldn’t get employed if my existence was known. Originally, I was going to live in the nearby woods, but when we found that the attics weren’t used I hid there. My brother brought me food. As per usual, his greed got the better of him and he took the money for the wages. I suspect he was on his way to fetch me and leave when he was caught,” Hattie explained. “Since then I have been living in the attics, frightened of what would happen if I was caught. Please don’t send me to the workhouse.”

“You said Martha saw you and was leaving you food?” Rosie asked. She knew that Hattie would deliberately omit that fact, not wanting to get Martha into trouble. “Did you have an involvement in saving her life?”

This got Samuel’s attention, and he looked at his nephew and his companion. Having finished working on her torso and arms, the child had moved the blanket to cover her back, exposing her legs. Rosie was now kneeling with one of Hattie’s legs in her lap, expertly running her hands along the girl’s lower limbs to stimulate circulation. Lord Headley had admitted intervening on behalf of Hattie’s brother because of his involvement in Martha’s rescue, and he could see Richard was trying to have the same consideration applied to his friend.

“I was in the disused staff quarters when I heard crying. Considering those rooms were supposedly empty, I went to investigate. I saw a light coming from one of the rooms. The door was open, so I carefully peeked round the frame and I saw Martha in a drunken stupor rapidly drinking a whole bottle of gin,” Hattie recalled while fighting to hold back tears. “She was only partially clothed and was holding a large pointed stick. She was lining it up to insert it into herself. I intervened, grabbing the stick and taking away the bottle. Martha was too drunk to put up a fight and started to vomit from the alcohol, almost choking in the process. I managed to get her in a safe position before fetching my brother, who raised the alarm.”

“Sir, before you decide what to do with us, there are some points I would like to address,” Rosie stated. “While it is true that Hattie stole food, she did so only in order to survive, and is willing to pay back her keep over time. I am employing her as my personal servant out of my allowance, so she has funds with which to repay you. I have invited her to live with me in my quarters, and will pay for her upkeep if necessary.”

“I’m not sure that it is appropriate for you two to share accommodation,” Lord Headley countered.

“Is it our different genders that cause your concern? If Hattie was a boy, or if I was your niece, would you have the same reservations?” Rosie asked. “May I remind you that I am neither a man nor a woman, but something in-between. My accident has left me without any equipment to procreate. Not only can I not physically perform that act, I haven’t gone through puberty in order to develop those desires.”

Lord Headley leaned back in his chair to ponder this revelation. Although he had been aware of the boy’s injuries, he hadn’t really thought through the ramifications of his condition.

“When the jungle fever hit our town, it left much of the population sick or dying. I was left for several days amongst the rotting corpses of my family, friends and servants, too weak to move. I have been suffering from frequent nightmares ever since. However, since having a companion to cuddle at night, I have slept soundly,” Rosie added, “I think the warmth of another living being, and the rhythmic sounds of their breathing close by, provides comfort that I’m not alone. Please, I beg you, don’t remove Hattie.”

Lord Headley noticed a tear run down his nephew’s cheek. Noticing the moisture, the child swiftly wiped the evidence away with a sleeve. The elder man could see that the youngster was trying to hold back the emotion from his voice. Getting up from his chair, the man walked to the window and stared out into the gardens. The sun was setting, bathing the trees in shades of yellow and orange.

“Hattie, I am going to ask you some questions and I want honest answers. Richard, please remain silent and don’t try to influence her in any way. I would ask you to leave, but I fear that may be counterproductive,” Lord Headley instructed. “Hattie, Richard has a great deal of influence over you. One of the responsibilities of superiority is to not pressure underlings into situations with which they are uncomfortable. Power corrupts, and I have already made the mistake of letting one of my sons abuse his status to force a member of staff to take part in certain activities.”

The words hung in the air, the discomfort evident in the man’s voice. Clearing his throat, he continued, “Hattie, what is your honest opinion of sharing a bed with Richard. If I gave you your own allowance and rooms so that you were equal in status, what would you do?”

“Nothing would change. We are already equal in status. The only difference would be we would have two beds to choose from to sleep in instead of one. You make it sound like sleeping together is a chore. In fact I find it just as comforting,” Hattie replied. “We have a lot in common. Both of us are orphans, and have issues with being left alone. Each of us gets comfort from sharing our bed. I’m not talking about becoming lovers; it’s more the sense of friendship, of sisterhood.”

Hattie suddenly stopped talking and shot a worried glance at her friend. Samuel watched in interest, both at the swift change in demeanour and the choice of words of the child.

“Go ahead and tell him what you are really thinking, we have to be honest and can no longer afford to keep secrets,” Rosie softly spoke, and gently squeezed Hattie’s hand in support. “Don’t hold back on my account, I fully intend to reveal whatever parts you miss out.”

“Richard may be my employer, but he isn’t a real person, just a facade put up to protect the real individual hiding within. My friend, the person I share a bed with, isn’t Richard, but someone else. She’s more than a friend, I consider her my big sister. When I look into her eyes, I don’t see a young boy staring back, but a lonely girl like myself,” Hattie said with confidence. “If you had to picture the face that went with her voice, would you think it a man talking? Richard can’t talk because he doesn’t exist. It is Rosie who has been speaking and is here with us now.”

Lord Headley looked at the children, trying to comprehend what had been said. It was almost as if a match had suddenly been struck, the illumination providing a sudden enlightenment onto the situation. Looking at his young charge, he no longer saw a boy sitting in front of him, but a young girl. Rubbing his eyes, Samuel could hardly believe his own senses as his perception of the person in front of him switched.

“You’re a girl?” Lord Headley asked in amazement.

“Effectively yes,” Rosie softly responded, “I may have been born male, but due to my injuries I can never grow to become a man, as I now lack any of the usual male organs. Following the accident, I had a long heart-to-heart with my parents. Under their tutorage, I started experimenting with my role in society. After secretly living as both a boy and a girl, and given my physical defects, we came to the conclusion I would gain greater acceptance presenting as a woman than as a man.”

Finishing the massage and drying her hands on a towel, Rosie continued to explain, “Only a select few individuals knew my secret. Unfortunately, they are all now dead. The plan was that Richard would head to England for schooling, and Rosie would arrive a few weeks later to visit her aunt and uncle. Unfortunately, we never had opportunity to put the plan into action. My mother was training me as a lady, and I have been making short excursions out as a girl.”

“Miss Kayeeda?” Lord Headley asked, Richard’s possession of her notebook and the birth certificate in the paperwork suddenly making sense.

The girl nodded, “Rose Kayeeda is my feminine persona, Kayeeda being my mother’s maiden name. I don’t know where the birth certificate came from. The person named as the mother is my aunt, who died childless many years ago while still a teenager.”

“So you are the mystery external auditor?” Samuel enquired.

“Yes, that was a ploy by my father to bring out the corruption in the company. We knew the books were being fiddled. I had already found discrepancies working as an accounting assistant, but I couldn’t gain access to the full ledgers. My father was a brilliant leader, but was useless with numbers. He could have asked to see the books, but wouldn’t have known what to look for. If I had tried to help him then the two of us would have been accused of tampering with the books ourselves,” Rosie explained. “We needed an independent audit, but the only people available to us couldn’t be trusted. There was a definite old boy network running between the ex-army officers that made up our staff and the only other trained accountants were part of this group.”

“They never realised it was you?” Hattie asked. “I know you look different when wearing your fine dresses, but not that different.”

“I had access to a wig, and powders to lighten my complexion. I was properly corseted and padded to enhance my shape, and I wore thick-soled boots that increased my height. I looked double my actual age. The main difference was in my voice. As a boy, I was almost mute already. I would happily talk to the natives in their languages, but rarely used English. When I did, I would speak with a heavy Indian accent. The voice I’m using now is the one I have practiced for my feminine presentation: softer, British-accented, and with feminine inflections.”

Lord Headley turned back to the window in thought while the children sat in silence, holding hands, waiting in anticipation for the response from the man. He stood at the window, looking out into the gardens, contemplating the information he had been given.

“Rosie, Hattie mentioned seeing you in a dress. Do I take it you have some feminine attire?” Samuel asked.

“Yes, I have a secret compartment in my trunk that I was able to use to bring some of my other clothes from India. Both Hattie and I have worn the dresses, however as I have a very limited supply of girl clothes, and difficulty in washing them without being seen by the staff, we tend to both wear my boy clothing instead. We burnt the filthy rag that Hattie had been wearing for the past year,” Rosie replied.

“I think it might be a good idea to carry on presenting as a boy for the time being, until we can decide how to proceed, at least until my sons leave. They have already caused enough trouble, and finding out that piece of information could make matters worse,” Lord Headley declared, “You won’t have issue with the staff, as they will do as I say. However, for the time being I will instruct Mrs Medlock to attend to you personally rather than the other maids.”

Turning back to the children Lord Headley continued, “It is getting late, I think it is time to retire for the evening. I have a lot to take into consideration. Hattie, you are welcome to stay as Rosie’s houseguest for the time being until I can work out what to do in the long term. Both of you may return to your room, and please sleep well.”