"I don't want any trouble, Teacher. I just want to go home."

"To him? I certainly don't know what you're going through, but I can tell that you don't want it to continue."

"You can't know that."

"Rita, you're here."

"Look, I'm sure you're a nice kid, but you're still a kid, Teacher. When you're older you'll understand that not everything is black and white."

"Rita, I'm sorry, but you're a bit of an idiot, aren't you? Look, I have seen my share of bad things in the past. I've experienced my share as well. If you don't want help, then fine. I'm not going to force anyone to improve their circumstances.

"If you want help, then Felipe can get in touch with me. Good luck, Rita."

With that I walked out and went and changed. It seemed that most of the women knew about the sorry state of the locker room and were willing to be stinky for a little while and just went home to shower and clean up.

That suited me just fine, as it meant that there was less of a chance of someone seeing something they shouldn't.

I was becoming a regular liar. I'd told Rita that I wouldn't force anyone to change. That was a lie. I was forcing her to change right now. Manipulation takes several forms. Rita needed someone trying to help her so that she could tell herself she was okay, and at the same time know that someone cared.

I'd been the same way not too long ago. My parents tried to make me change, and I simply appreciated that they where there and fought against that change even harder.

By telling Rita I didn't care, I tore the support structure out from under her. My only hope was that it would be soon enough and she wouldn't become another statistic.

"Teacher?"

I covered up in a towel and got out of the shower. Happily everything she could see would be real. I was beginning to be proud of my breasts, even if I wouldn't be showing them off to just anyone in the near future. Shawn on the other hand…

"Yes, Rita?"

"I was out of line earlier."

"I know. Anything else I can do for you?"

"Why are you being so cold? Why aren't you trying to help me?"

"Because you don’t want me to."

"And that's it, you just give up?"

"If I pushed you, would you change?"

"Well…"

"I have a 4.0 GPA in high school, I am trying to get a boyfriend for the first time, and get off of my house arrest status. I go in for surgery on Tuesday. Also, did I mention that I'm the reason my hopefully soon to be boyfriend's sister was in the hospital."

"But, you're supposed to care about your students."

"Rita. I care that you were in class." This lying thing is tougher than it looks. I didn't know if I had it in me to be the cold-hearted bitch I was trying to appear for her sake.

"Look at me!"

"Okay, what is this all about, Rita?"

"You came to me after class."

"Because I don't want to find out that you got killed, that's all."

"But…"

"What? You want me to care more about your life than you do? Look, Rita, if you're not going to make the changes necessary to ensure your safety, then why should I try to force you to?"

"Because you're human, damnit. It's what people do for each other."

"What do dam nits have to do with this discussion?"

She began to laugh, and then it turned hysterical and she was laughing and crying at the same time. I went over to her and put my arm across her shoulders as she began to scream. She grabbed onto the top of my towel as if it was a life preserver and she were drowning. My mom rushed into the locker room to see if I was all right. She immediately got my precarious predicament without me saying a word.

I transferred Rita to her, and took my street clothing into one of the changing cubicles. I dressed as quickly as possible and then went back out to my mom and Rita. She was still hysterical, but she was beginning to wind down.

Someone knocked on the door and I opened it to find Felipe on the other side.

"Good job with Rita. Beth couldn't ever get her to open up, and both of us were afraid she was simply not going to show up some week."

"Beth is the regular teacher?"

"Yes, she's the instructor for our self-defense class."

"Okay."

"Here, have a stack of cards. Beth used to hand them out to anyone in Rita's position. It has the number for a women's shelter."

"Can I borrow a pen?"

"Sure."

I wrote the number for my private line on the back and handed the pen back to him. "Thanks, Felipe."

"You're welcome, Princess."

I shook my head at him and went back into the closet.

"Rita?"

"We moved to the bench, AJ."

"Thanks, mom. How are you feeling, Rita?"

"I still don't know what I'm going to do. He told me not to go back to this class, but it is the only time I get away from him–the only time I get for myself."

"Rita, this is a decision you have to make for yourself, but there's the number of a women's shelter on this card. I put my personal number on the back."

"I couldn't possibly."

"Okay. I can give it to the next girl. Thanks for the time you spent in my class, Rita."

"Wait."

"Yes?"

"I'll take the card, Teacher. But I don't make any promises about using it."

"It's not as if it were printed on gold, Rita. Good luck in your life."

"I don't get you. One minute you're comforting me, the next you're kicking me out the door."

"Rita, do you want me to solve your problems for you?"

"No."

"Then why would I solve your problems for you?"

She opened her mouth to speak, and then just closed it and smiled.

"I do hope you come back, Rita."

"I'll think about it."

After Rita walked out the front door of the gym I began to let the emotion I'd been holding in have its escape. I collapsed on one of the chairs along the wall by the office. I was shaking and couldn't get myself to stop. I hoped that this was the right thing to do, but my fears told me that I'd just sent that woman back into the lion's den, without so much as a bullwhip, although, come to think of it, I'd just given her a stool. Hopefully she'd use it.

"Come on, Anne-Jeanette, let's go home."

I nodded mutely, and followed my mother out the door to our car.

It was a very subdued ride home as I tried to examine everything to determine if this had been the right approach. This entire situation was beyond my experience. While I spoke to her, I was sure that I was doing right by her. Now, I wasn't quite so sure.

We pulled up the long drive to the house, and I just sat there for a while. I was staring off into space. There was a tap at the window and I looked up into his eyes. Shawn was there to give me a ride over to his house.

Crying felt like the right thing to do in that moment, and he pulled the door open and took me into his arms.

"What's wrong?"

"I think I did more harm than good today."

"Why do you day that?"

"I was a complete bitch to a woman in need, because I assumed that she'd never accept any help. I was projecting my own response to the situation onto her, and now I think I might have done the wrong thing. She's going back to an abusive situation and it's all my fault."

"AJ, how can that be your fault?"

"Because I didn't stop her."

"AJ, it's not your fault. If she chooses to go back to her situation, that is her choice."

"But I should have tried harder."

"How?"

"Made it more enticing?"

"AJ, it's not your job to save anyone but yourself. I know, that's callous, but who can you really change but yourself?"

"I can try."

"And people can say no. Come on, let's go meet Theresa at my place."

"But…"

"You have two choices at this point: you can wallow in guilt over your actions, or you can come over to my house and meet my family."

"What if I want to do both?"

"Then that's your personal choice."

He held his hand out to me and waited for me to take his hand before pulling me into an embrace. I only tensed for a moment before I put my arms around him and hugged him to me.

"I…" love you Shawn. There was no way I was finishing that sentence aloud. Even I knew it was too soon–I was too young, and at the most it was infatuation with probably just a touch of lust–but he was the only thing I wanted.

"I know."

I didn't say anything audible, what did he know?

"Come on, Princess Anne-Jeanette. Your chariot awaits."

"Princess?"

"You are wearing a tiara after all."

"Shawn, how do you know Felipe? You two seem really similar sometimes–like your sense of humor right now."

"That's a long story, and I don't want to stand here telling it. Let's get into my car so I can begin on the way."

He guided me to his vehicle and opened my door for me. I gratefully slid into the seat and he shut the door behind me.

"I love the hair, by the way."

"Shawn, you're stalling."

He continued to do so as he started the car and began to drive.

"Shawn?"

"Look, I'm afraid of how you'll react to me when you find out, and I'm just soaking in your regard before I destroy it."

"Look, Shawn, there's pretty much nothing that you could tell me that would destroy how I feel about you."

"Even if I told you I was gay?"

My heart skipped a beat, and my stomach fell out from under me. There was no way that he could possibly know about me, was there? Did Theresa tell him? Did she even know?

"Did you think I was male when you kissed me yesterday?"

"No."

I did my best not to let my relief show on my face. I wanted children, and I wanted Shawn to give them to me, at least at this moment.

"Then I don't think you're gay. Even if you were, that wouldn't be a problem with me."

"How can you be so calm about this?"

"Are you gay, Shawn? Or bisexual?"

"No. I'm not. But my secret is as bad as that."

"Look, Shawn, there is nothing wrong in my book with being gay. Whether I was in a male or a female body, I would like boys. It's who I am."

"Look, this is getting a bit uncomfortable for me."

"Then just tell me your secret."

"Felipe is gay."

"That's his secret, and I kind of figured but I wasn't going to say anything."

Shawn took a deep breath.

"Are you going to tell me you had sex with him once and it didn't mean anything?"

"What?"

"Sorry, ignore me."

"I wanted to. But that is later in the story."

"Fine," I said with a smile.

"I was sixteen and finishing up my doctorate, so this was a couple of years ago. He was one of the students in a class I was teaching. When the course ended I ran into him and his boyfriend Mark and we hit off a friendship. They were twenty-one, but most of my friends were older than me.

"Back then, Felipe was into street fighting. Nothing like you, from what I hear, but he did it. It was a rush going out with them. Sometimes it would be a big group of us, and sometimes just the three of us. We narrowly escaped getting arrested a few times."

I sat there letting him talk. I was excited at where I thought the story might be going, but scared at the same time. Would I be giving up the best chance at being with Shawn so I could have the chance to have children?

"I was falling for Felipe, I think. I don't think it was sexual in any way, but I did have a crush on him. He was so alive, while all I'd ever known was school. The three of us were out looking for a fight one day, when we thought that we found the perfect group. There were three of them, and it just seemed fated.

"We started trash talking back and forth, and then Mark threw a punch…"

Shawn paused for a long time, and I thought he might just stop there. Eventually he began to talk to me again.

"The leader of their little group pulled a gun out and shot Mark. Felipe wrestled him to the ground while I called the police.

"I don't think I really recovered for nearly a month. Mark died in my arms as I tried to stop the bleeding. Everything passed in a haze. The next thing I clearly remember I was kissing Felipe and trying to get his pants open. That was a month after the killing, and I just needed to feel something I think.

"He pushed me away and told me to go home."

"And that was it?"

"Yes, I kissed a boy and I liked it."

I could tell that he was trying to put some humor into this, but there was a lot of fear as well.

"If this is so painful to you, then why tell me at all?"

"Because I am afraid I might be gay."

"You kissed me yesterday, remember?"

"But, I was forcing myself."

"With tongue."

"It felt right at the time."

"Your dick was poking me in the ribs afterward when you hugged me." Yes, a little crude, but I was tired of the banter. It was making me uncomfortable as well.

"See, I knew I would disgust you."

I put my hand on his zipper and pulled. I only hesitated for a moment before I stuck my hand in his pants.

"Shawn, you think of me as female, right?"

"Yes," he said a little breathlessly.

"Then we don't have a problem."

I zipped up his pants with more difficulty than I'd unzipped them.

He began laughing at that point.

"You tease."

"Yep, but it proved my point, didn't it? All I had to do was get close to doing something and you reacted positively."

"Well, I expected you to start doing something."

"And the thought of me doing it did the rest."

"Oh? I guess you might be right."

"Trust me. I've tried to get off thinking of being with a woman–tried really hard."

"AJ, could you not talk about that, please?"

"Why?"

"The thought of you and another woman is making it hard for me to concentrate on the road."

"Men!" I said with disgust. How could the thought of me cheating on him make him horny? I would never understand the heterosexual male mind.

"You're telling me that the thought of Felipe and I getting into it didn't arouse you just a little?"

I had to think about it. Did I even imagine the two of them getting into it? No, I didn't. It was the thought of Shawn getting aroused by my penis that got me there; the thought of him holding onto my breasts as he…

"No, it didn't but I really think we need to change the subject right now."

"Why?"

"Because I really want to have sex with you right now, and it definitely wouldn't be a good idea."

"Oh." He sounded disappointed, but there was a huge smile on his face. The smile would probably disappear as soon as he saw what I hid in my panties, but I could live with that. Tuesday couldn't come soon enough at this point.

.-.. .. -. . -... .-. . .- -.-
The rest of the ride passed without any further sexy talk, or much talk at all. I was calming my hormones so that I could walk at all normally when we got there.

His house wasn't as big as mine, but it was bigger than I'd expected. Okay, that has so many sexual connotations for me right now.

Bad, AJ, get your mind back on the story.

Shawn walked around to my side of the car and opened the door for me. I swung my legs out and he helped me up. I hugged him for a moment and felt something against my ribs again.

I just had to smile at the reaction I was able to provoke and we went inside.

"Anne-Jeanette!"

"Theresa!"

We hugged as if we hadn't seen each other in a month instead of the few hours since yesterday.

"So, my brother was a gentleman I hope?"

"At least until he propositioned me."

Shawn went beet red and Theresa and I just laughed. I went over and hugged him to let him know I was just teasing. He leaned in and we kissed. It curled my toes and sped my breathing a bit.

I pulled back before we embarrassed his sister.

"It must have been a good proposal for that reaction."

It was my turn to go red.

It was a pleasant evening shared with friends, and hopefully future family. His parents were sweet and the dinner was fabulous.

"Anne-Jeanette, I think I should probably drive you home, since I don't think we can trust my brother after dark."

"Theresa!"

"Shawn! Kiss your girlfriend and we'll get going."

We kissed, briefly, and then Theresa drove me home.

I hurried up to my room to call Shawn. Sure, I'd just seen him, but I wanted to talk to him some more. You know, get an after-action report from him.

The red message light on my phone was blinking when I got there.

I looked at it a bit confused, and my confusion turned to fear as I heard Rita's voice begin to speak.