"Time to get up, Aaron."

My dad's quiet voice woke me from my slumber, and got me, bleary-eyed and incoherent, out of bed and downstairs.

We had a ritual on Mother's Day that my dad and I had performed for as long as I could remember. He'd get me up at about four in the morning and we'd begin the process of making breakfast.

I know what you're thinking; pretty lame ritual, right? You make a couple of half-burnt pancakes and some concentrated orange juice and call it good.

Well, for you that might work, but my dad and I did things a little differently. We'd practice cooking the rest of the year so that we could make something special for mom on her day.

This year it would be Eggs Benedict with Hollandaise sauce from scratch–my idea. I liked it, and since we would be making enough for the three of us, it only made sense to make something we would all enjoy.

Of course, there was another reason why my dad and I did this. It was his opportunity to get me alone once a year for a couple of hours and really talk to me.

Sure, we talked at other times during the year, but this was our time–just him and me.

"Dad? How are you so calm about all of this?"

"All of what?"

I gestured toward my chest and tilted my head. I mean wasn't it the most important thing to everyone right now?

"Aaron, to tell you the truth, I didn't sleep at all last night."

"What?"

"I know, hard to believe that other people have lives out of your sight. It's true. I am so worried about what it could be. We weren't with you during the exam because we were talking to the nurse, and then Dr. Sparks, about what this could all mean."

"Oh."

"Aaron? If I ask you a question, will you hear me out?"

"I guess."

"We found out yesterday that one of the main causes of gynecomastia in children your age is steroid use."

"Dad!?"

"I have to know. They're testing your blood, but will you tell me the truth anyway?"

I sighed. It was understandable given my short stature and fits of anger that the doctor would go there. I wanted to be angry with my dad, but he just looked concerned.

"I've never used steroids, dad. I admit that I've been tempted, and that there were times when I had the opportunity. That's part of the reason I stopped going to the gym to work out. The other reason got me thrown into Juvie the first time."

"I don't think I heard that side of the story."

"The guy I attacked tried to rape me. He found out I was gay and figured that meant I'd be up for anything he might suggest. When I told him no, he tried to force himself on me."

"Aaron, why didn't you tell us?"

"I tried, but the fact that I smashed one of his testicles sort of took precedence for you at the time."

"You should have made me listen."

I began to cry a bit, "Like you listened when I told you I was gay?"

He set down the spoon he'd been using to stir the Hollandaise and put his arm across my shoulders.

"I was a fool, Aaron. I should have let you know this years ago. For some reason, at the time, I thought that you were telling me that you were sexually active and that some guy had convinced you that it was normal."

"Dad..."

"Let me explain, Aaron. Please."

The pleading in his eyes shut me up, and I simply nodded.

"It wasn't about you at all, Aaron. It was about me. I was so upset when you told me because I remembered a similar experience with my own parents. A friend of mine had convinced me to sleep with him. He told me it was normal for guys to act this way, and that it was healthy.

"Every time we had sex it sickened me. It felt so wrong to me. I tried to tell myself that it was simply something I needed to get over. That it would fade in time. It didn't."

I didn't want to hear about this, but I could see that he needed to tell me. We'd had a very open and honest relationship up to this point, and I didn't want to hurt that.

"I thought that it was that way for everyone, and that gay men were deluding themselves."

"But I never..."

"I realize that, now. I thought it was your friend, Jeremy, and wanted to tell you to stop seeing him. When he beat you up..."

"Daddy..."

"Aaron, it's not your fault, okay? It's my fault you got beat up. I didn't find out enough about you at the time, and I didn't warn you how people can be. That was my job as a father, and I failed completely."

"You didn't fail me, Dad."

Both of us were crying at this point. He tested the sauce and took it off the heat. It wasn't perfect, but it would likely break if we left it on in our current conditions.

"I am willing to support you through whatever happens, all right?"

I nodded.

"And if that means you were born a girl and we never knew about it..."

"What!?"

"Um...yeah, that is a possible reason for your condition."

"Does the doctor know that is the reason?"

"No, which is why I wasn't supposed to let you know about it. Don't tell your mom, all right?"

"Don't tell me what?"

My dad blushed, but looked mom in the eyes, "I let slip that Aaron might be intersexed."

"Oh, that. I was planning on telling him all of the possibilities before we went into the office on Tuesday for the results of the tests."

"And when were you planning on telling me your plan?" dad said with a tone of mock severity.

"About the time that you told me that you let slip a part of it. I guess we should stop trying to keep secrets. Neither of us is very good at it."

I loved to listen to my parents talk. While some of their words might have a bit to them, they were all said with a smile or a roll of the eyes. I knew that they loved me, and that they loved each other even more.

"Mom? Why didn't you guys ever have any more kids?"

Her smile disappeared, and dad walked over to her and took her hand.

"I'm sorry, mom. I shouldn't have asked."

"No, Aaron. You have a right to know. Would you like me to tell him, Mandy?"

"No, Louis, I'm good. I can do it."

"Tell me what? I'm not adopted am I?"

They laughed at this, even though there were some tears in my mother's eyes, she was smiling at me.

"I had a really difficult first pregnancy, but you are definitely mine. Because of some of the problems, I had severe tearing of the uterus. Without our consent, the doctor performed a hysterectomy while you were being delivered by Cesarean."

"But..."

"The doctor lost his license but it was too late at that point. I can't have any more children, Aaron."

"Hey, it's a little gloomy for Mother's Day, isn't it?" dad said, trying to lighten the mood I think.

"Aaron, you are the best thing that could have happened to us. We love you, okay?"

"Mom, did you want a little girl instead of a little boy?"

"No, Aaron. I wanted a little girl in addition to my perfect little boy. What made you think this?"

"Well, you like my hair long, and you put me in your dresses..."

My mother started giggling. "You keep bringing up the dresses, Aaron. Don't you remember that I dressed you in boys' clothing as well? I design clothing for both genders."

I blinked a couple of times. I could vaguely remember...

"Were there a pair of blue shorts and a hoodie one time?"

"Yes, when you were seven or eight."

Why didn't I remember the boys' clothing?

I rubbed a bit at my chest. I'd been running around all day yesterday, and what little of today there was, without binding my chest. My breasts were beginning to get a little sore.

"Chest hurting you?" mom asked me.

"Yeah, a little. My breasts hurt a bit."

"I do not want to listen to this. Okay, you two go figure something out, and I'll finish breakfast."

"But, dad, that's our job together."

He gave me a smile, "Don't worry about it, Aaron. I'm not cutting you out of the loop. I just figure you'll be more comfortable with a little support. That, and you will be a little more modest. If you end up being my daughter, then I'm going to have to insist on modesty from you, AJ."

I didn't know how to take the statement, so I just followed mom up to her room.

"I know most of my bras are not going to fit you, Aaron, but I have something that might work, at least until we have the opportunity to take you shopping for some lingerie."

"Mom!"

"You know what I mean. Until this issue gets resolved, you need to wear bras."

I blushed. This was so mortifying.

"Here, your father got this for me a couple of years ago, thinking that sports bras were all the same. It was too small for me to ever wear it, but it might just fit you."

I let mom help me get it situated. It wasn't perfect, but at least it fit and provided me some support. It was just a little big for me, but not by much. I was probably in a half size between this one and the one smaller.

"Well, it's not perfect, but it should be more comfortable than just walking around without support."

"Yeah, mom, it does feel better. Weird, but better."

"Let's go get some breakfast, Aaron."

.-.. .. -. . -... .-. . .- -.-
School was school, which is to say easy. I have no idea why people think that a 4.0 is anything special. All of my homework for the day was done and I was lying on my bed, again looking at the plain white ceiling.

I was beginning to realize that I might need a new hobby. All I'd been doing for years was going out looking for fights. Now that I couldn't do that I was bored. I mean really bored.

I needed to do something...

My computer beeped with a personal session request. I got up and accepted the session.

"Heya, AJ."

"Hi, Kelly."

"So, I see you're not wearing the makeup," she had a slight frown on her face.

"Sorry, I've had a lot on my mind recently."

"Want to get it off your chest?"

"I'd love to, which is part of the problem."

"I don't get it."

"I know. Sorry. I'm dealing with a lot right now."

Kelly tilted her head at me and just looked at me for a moment or two. "There's something different about you, AJ. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something has changed."

"My black eye is fading."

"True, but not that."

"Well, I'm still wearing my braid, so that hasn't changed."

"No, you never change your braid."

I giggled with her.

"Wait, did you just...giggle?"

I just smiled. I wasn't going to respond to so obvious a ploy.

"You're smiling. That's what's different. Do it again."

My jaw dropped. I was...happy. As the realization of this dawned upon me I just began to beam. "I'm happy, Kelly. So I smile. Nothing more than that."

"Yeah, I don't buy it. When you first realized it, you were shocked."

"That's because I haven't really been happy in a while."

"Why not?"

"I don't like myself much. And then I go and get into a fight. In the moment I feel so alive, but afterward I hate myself even more. So I go and seek another fight and so on. Pretty soon you just don't care anymore and all that matters is the next fight."

"You need help, girlfriend."

"AJ is fine, please."

"Okay, AJ, but everyone deserves a nickname every now and then."

"I'll think about it."

"You really need to talk to someone about all this, AJ."

"No, I don't, Kelly. I had mandatory group sessions while in Juvie. And I had court-mandated counselling once. I went to three sessions before I just stopped going. I don't think someone sitting there listening to me bitch about my life is going to fix anything, and it sure as anything won't help the person I'm complaining to."

"You'd be surprised."

"Look, Kelly, I don't believe that counselling is for everyone."

"You just haven't found the right counsellor, AJ."

"Kelly, leave off, okay?"

"So, we're having a guest in chemistry tomorrow."

"A guest?"

"Yeah, this local kid genius. He's been all over the world and he just came back from a trip to Africa. He's going to be talking to us about ecology or something. He's supposed to be really cute."

"Yeah, and he's probably ten years old or something."

"No, he's eighteen so he's perfectly eligible."

"I'm sure that you'll have a great time dating him."

"Oh, don't tell me that you wouldn't love to date a handsome, smart, young, rich scientist?"

I blushed bright red. "Sure, I'd love to, Kelly, but I have a problem that kind of limits my prospects right now."

"What?" she looked concerned.

"Um, hello, I'm a boy."

Kelly blinked at me a couple of times, "Oh, yeah. I forgot."

"You forgot?"

"Yeah, I forgot. You don't really look like a boy right now."

I stuck my tongue out at her.

"Don't act like one either."

I shook my fist at the camera but she just laughed at me.

"So, what does AJ stand for?"

"Anne-Jeanette."

She looked at me strangely. "You have a girl's name?"

"I didn't just say Aaron Joel?"

"No you said Anne-Jeanette."

"Are you sure...?"

"Very."

"Well, I kind of like it. Wherever it came from."

"Mind if I call you that instead of AJ?"

"If you like," I said with a smile and a slight blush.

"Are you sure you're a boy, Anne-Jeanette?"

"Shut up."

We giggled at this, and I was still smiling when she signed off half an hour later. I hadn't noticed my mom standing in the doorway.

"Anne-Jeanette?"

"I don't really like, AJ, mom, and well it just came out when I was talking to Kelly."

"Well, I think that I can handle calling you Anne-Jeanette, but isn't it kind of a mouthful?"

"Well, I guess. I like it though."

"You're not the one who has to say it, Anne-Jeanette."

"And a good thing it is too."

"Well, then, I'll call you AJ when I'm in a rush."

My smile faded from my face. "But I'm really still Aaron, aren't I?"

"Is that really what you want?"

"What I want is irrelevant, mom. Boys and girls are different."

"True, honey, but...well, I love you. Your dad and I are heading out for a couple of hours. You be good, okay?"

She left and I lay back down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. Hours to go before I could hope to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow. I had nothing to do in the meantime but stare at the ceiling.

.-.. .. -. . -... .-. . .- -.-
The next day went by in a bit of a blur again, like most days at school seem to, especially when you have something after, like a doctor's appointment, that is eating up all of your attention.

I was only half-paying attention to what the teacher for my chemistry class was saying. But when I saw the person standing next to him, I sort of perked up a bit.

"...So without any further ado, I give you Shawn Harris."

"Hello, Class."

"You're really 18?" I found myself blurting.

"Nice to see you again as well, AJ."

I blushed so hot that I just knew that it would start my hair on fire. I wanted to duck out of the pickup range and log out of the class right there.

"So, conservation. Apparently I'm something of an expert in the subject, even if I don't really feel like it most of the time. My cousin, your teacher, thought that I'd be able to give a more current perspective on the next unit, so he wanted me to come in and share a little bit about what I do..."

I have to say that I wasn't the only one who hung on his every word, but I think I was the only boy to do so. For a moment I worried that I was giving myself away until I realized one very important fact: everyone thought I was a girl.

After that I just relaxed and enjoyed the show. I won't bore you with all the details, since I'm sure that most of you don't want to spend the next hour on a course about water and soil conservation. Something sort of started to dawn on me about halfway through the class. I could literally spend forever listening to Shawn talk about anything.

Chemistry, especially Applied Chemistry like I was taking right now, wasn't one of the things that I really enjoy. To tell you the truth, other than fighting I had no idea what I really enjoyed. After that class though...I think that many more classes like that one and I might find myself wanting to become a scientist if only to have a somewhat intelligent conversation with Shawn.

Unfortunately, I had to leave a bit early to be to my medical appointment on time.

I opened a private session with my teacher, so I wouldn't interrupt the rest of the class. "Mr. Smoot, I have to leave."

"Okay, AJ. See you tomorrow. You can get with me later tonight for the last ten minutes of material."

"Okay. I don't expect my appointment to take more than an hour, so I'll probably be home by four."

"So, if I were to check in on you around six you would be there?"

"Sounds about right."

"Okay, see you tomorrow, AJ."

"See ya, Mr. Smoot."

.-.. .. -. . -... .-. . .- -.-
I simply looked out the window of the car as we drove to the hospital and passively followed my parents up to the eighth floor again.

We put the waiting room through its paces and then were shown to Dr. Sparks office.

"Hello, Aaron, Mandy, Louis. How are you feeling today, Aaron?"

"Okay, Dr. Sparks."

"Well, I'd like to let you know what it isn't really quickly. I know you know this already, Aaron, but your blood is clean: No drugs or steroids that we could find. You also don't have any of the pathogens, toxins, or viruses we tested for."

"Okay, does that mean you don't know what I have?"

"I do know. Mostly I was trying to break the ice. There isn't a real easy way to say this, and this is the first time I've ever had to."

"It's not cancer is it?" my mom asked.

"No, AJ is perfectly healthy as far as that goes. She was..."

I knew what he was about to say. Everything started going black. It was my worst fear. I didn't catch any of his sugar coating as he worked up to the one word that I was dreading the entire time.

"...intersexed."

"But, I'm a boy. Tell him, dad. I'm Aaron Joel Smith. Tell him. Why won't you tell him?" I began to cry while looked back and forth between my mom and dad.

It wasn't fair. I wasn't supposed to have to deal with this. It was all supposed to be temporary. I would be a girl for the school year and then, afterward, I would be Aaron again.

"AJ, this isn't the end of the world. There might be other options for us besides...I'm not relating this well. AJ, beyond it being occluded, internally you have all of the organs that any female your age would. According to the MRI, you also have two sets of gonads. Without doing some testing, we won't be able to tell which ones are active, but from the physical exam I did, it at least looks like you show signs of maturing as a female. This in addition to your 46,XX karyotype..."

The doctor took a deep breath before continuing, "You haven't yet had a full period, or so it seems. If you can have one, it is likely you will start soon. Because the opening is completely obstructed this would likely be a real problem, and could cause sepsis or even death. Whatever we're going to do, we have to decide soon."

"Decide what?" I asked through my tears.

"Whether to perform a vaginoplasty or a hysterectomy."

I almost made a mistake in that moment. I almost, before I thought it through, opened my mouth and told the doctor what I wanted. In fact, I opened my mouth to speak and then looked over at my mom.

She was one of my two friends in this world. Could I really do something like that to her, knowing what the same procedure had cost her? If there was even the slightest chance of me being a mother and giving her grandchildren, could I deny that to her?

For some reason, the thought of being a mother lit a fire deep within me. I was so conflicted in that moment. I wanted to be a boy, but I also wanted to be a mother. To be for someone else what this beautiful and special woman had been for me.

"I don't know, Dr. Sparks. How can I be expected to make that decision?"

"AJ, I'd like you to speak to a friend of mine before you make a decision. He might be able to help you clarify your feelings on the issue."

"Not a psychologist."

"Actually, no. He's a licensed therapist. He specializes in what's called humanistic therapy. That is to say that he's there to help you understand who you are as a person. I'd like you to spend a couple of hours a day with him over the next couple of weeks. Also, we need to monitor your temperature and other factors during that time. If it comes down to it, I need to know what your current choice is so we can do it in an emergency."

"Um...could you just open me up enough for a period to, you know, pass through?"

"I couldn't do that in good conscience."

"And yet you'd leave me this way in 'good conscience'?"

"AJ, the female body telegraphs when it's going to have a period. If we monitor you closely, there should be very little threat to your safety."

"Then why do I have to make a choice?"

"Just in case we miss something."

"Doctor, I want to be able to have children. Whichever choice lets me do that."

"There are no guarantees either way, AJ."

"Then I simply have to think about it."

I got up and walked out of the room without another word.