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Well, today was an interesting day. First, I got a call from the local TS support group I belong to reminding me that there was a potluck dinner today. Trouble was, my brother and sister-in-law were also supposed to come over. I decided that since the potluck started at 430, and they were not supposed to come until 7, that i could go and still come back. But, I decided to leave a note for my mom that I was going to be coming home dressed as Dorothy, so if they had a problem with that, I could just skip showing up. But she phoned me to say they would not cause problems, so I came home. I got a couple of good things out of being with them. For the first time, I was able to convince them that I am not trying to escape my problems by doing this. That I am being careful, realistic, and honest. Plus, my sister-in-law casually said I pass, which was nice to hear. But, on the down side, they still see me as a guy in a skirt, so it was a mixed bag. Ah, well.
Comments
Guy in a skirt
It's extremely difficult for anyone who is already familiar with you to suddenly see the same person in a different way, that's why they see you as a guy in a skirt. Don't sweat it, everything should come good in time.
One of the indicators that will shift their perceptions is not the 'skirt', so to speak, but your behaviour. If you act naturally and that naturalness is the way a woman behaves, then soon their perceptions will begin to shift. There's a mental period of "huh?" where they can't work you out, and then after that their idea of you should realign the way you want it to.
It takes time. The longer they have known you, the longer it might take. But then again, folks are peculiar that way, Your Mileage May Vary, as they say.
- I took a job where a guy in the office downstairs was transitioning, although nobody knew that to start with, so my comments above are based on my own informed perception of how I saw him/her. There was a point along the way when things got very peculiar inside my head. Expect others to have the same experience.
Penny
Absolutely, there is a threshold of gender perception
I get random trans encounters like maybe once every four to six months where I live, excluding support meetings and the like. Some have crossed the threshold, some I can't tell. I still can't get over one very tall african american guy/gal which at first glance looked like a woman with a short oddly cut hair style but then african american women tend to be very creative with their hair (mostly weaves) so I gave no thought at first. Then I noticed she had no purse. S/he was dressed casually in casual top and jeans and high heeled woman's boots. She had this odd hitch walking in her heels and it tipped me off. Listening to his/her voice and then seeing him/her walk in to the men's room kinda cinched the deal.
I still have not figured out whether s/he was a very camp gay person or gender queer or early TS. The signals are so mixed.
Thing is, the objective standards to being perceived as crossed over are not fully definable as some kind of fuzzy logic in one's brain blend together to make that determination when all other gender cues say otherwise. Even with all the signs, I needed clear confirmation of voice and bathroom usage to nail down s/he was some kind of tranny.
Work on the ones that are to your best advantage as to rapidly change that balance of perception as soon as practical. Voice in particular. Luckily voice is, cost-wise, can be done potentially nearly free of cost if one has the self discipline to do your own training or after seeing a voice therapist for some training tips. Personally I have yet paid a professional therapist in a one-to-one session for voice training though I have visited some at conventions in a group session kinda thing which came with convention admission.
Anyway, I would suggest a reintroduction to a person who has not seen you for a while only after some serious work on realigning gender perception and then socially introduce yourself in your new context and the man in the dress phase should be kept at a minimum.
What I talked about here sounds suspiciously a talk about passing, and it is, as every social encounter in a sense is a mini or micro interview, another opportunity to get over the man in the dress phase, just for the fact we are not genetic women. Granted after a long time, the effort becomes miniscule as you are adapted to your new life and is not even noticed, but the skills needed to Keep passing still need to be exerted and used to get the desired result especially if we are post puberty.
Kim
congr'tz
that's one more hurdle :)
Interesting day
Well, Dorothy, you made progress with them. Give it time and they'll see the woman that you are.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine