(The Story Thus Far: Born out of wedlock in 1929, Merritt Lane McGraw has spent nearly all of his first five years with his mother while she worked as a live-in maid and nanny for a wealthy young widow and her two daughters. Merritt’s mother, Evelyn, found herself in a torrid love affair with Viola Buckner, her employer, while the women’s daughters loved to treat Merritt as a little girl. Merritt was becoming more and more like a girl. To escape the demanding sexual encounters with her employer (which Evelyn feels is sinful) and to take her son away from the feminine atmosphere of the estate, Evelyn left the Buckners and returned home to live with her parents. She soon married Bob Casey, the library clerk and former high school classmate, and they have moved into a second floor apartment above a craft and sewing supply store. Merritt’s days of enjoying “girl time” appear to have ended now that there’s a man in the house.

(Merritt’s stepfather has gone off to war, and was killed in the terrible battle of Tarawa in November, 1943, posthumously being awarded the Navy Cross. Merritt’s mother meantime has taken a job in a war plant making parachutes, and Merritt takes over her dress-making business, which he finds to be a natural fit. Now a high school student, he finds comfort only in being a girl, but still seeks to fit in as a boy.

(Merritt has ventured out as a girl, and his natural femininity attracts the eyes of high school boys as well as a high school girl, with whom he goes to bed. Their innocence — typical for youth of that period — makes for limited sexual experiences, but with much passion, girl-to-girl.

(Yet, he tries to fit in as a boy, believing his hopes of ever living as a girl in the 1940s and1950s would be nearly impossible. His growing femininity has brought him into more adventures as a girl, confusing him even more as he tries to fit in at school. Merritt has completed his sophomore year of high school, having attended two proms, one as a boy and one as a girl, where his date’s infatuation for Marilyn has prompted Merritt to tell the boy the truth, only to be rudely rejected. His faith in the Catholic Church has been shattered when a priest he respected makes a “pass” and Merritt feels shame, not only for himself, but also for the priest. Following his high school graduation, Merritt has taken a job as the first and only male in the typing pool of a large law firm, where he excels in his work and soon is accepted by his women co-workers as one of them.

(Merritt discovered that the lawyer for whom he had been taking dictation was his own father, Drake Kosgrove, a revelation that shocked both the boy and his mother, and will lead to dramatic changes. In the last chapter, we learned that Merritt was fired from the law firm, in spite of his superb performance on the job, an action taken after his father had hired a detective agency that learned the boy often dressed as a woman and that Evelyn had a homosexual relationship with Viola Buckner. What’s Merritt to do now? )

Chapter 31: Charting the Future

Merritt’s sudden departure from Ferrier and Holton shocked his friends; they knew how accomplished the young man had been in secretarial skills and work habits, and felt his discharge had been totally unfair.

“Don’t you know why?” Dolores asked him, when she, Bill Johnson and Sally Orlowski had joined him for a picnic outing at Riverside Park on the following Sunday. It was an unusually warm, muggy day for late August, and the four young people were scantily clad, all with a variety of shorts and tee-shirts.

“All they’d tell me it was ‘for the good of the firm,’ whatever that meant.” He declined to tell them about the role obviously played by his father. In fact, neither he nor his mother had told anyone about the revelation that Drake Kosgrove was his father; for the time being, it was a family secret.

“It isn’t fair. They just didn’t want a man in with the girls, I bet,” said Sally, snuggling against Bill Johnson, as the four sat on assorted blankets, near a picnic table stocked with their picnic items.

“Maybe,” Merritt agreed, without further explanation.

“Too bad there aren’t laws against such discrimination,” Bill added. He had long said that the government needed to pass laws to end discrimination against Negroes and women.

“Actually, I guess men could be discriminated against, too,” Dolores said, with a giggle.

“Except Merritt should just dress up and go to work as Marilyn,” Bill said.

“Then all those girls would be jealous since Marilyn would dazzle them all,” Sally added with a twinkle.

Merritt blushed with her statement. In his mind he knew it was likely true; as Marilyn he could easily be the prettiest girl among those employed at Ferrier and Holton. Yet, in his heart he wondered: he was still a man in his body.

“What are you going to do now?” Bill asked him a bit later when the two girls had gone in search of a bathroom.

“For now, there’s plenty of work at the dress shop,” he replied. “Dolores is fulltime and so is mom now, but we can expand the business enough to keep me going, I guess.”

“I wished I knew what I was going to do now that summer is ending and my job at the golf course will end in October,” his friend said.

“Aren’t they hiring at Benton’s?” Merritt asked, referring to a large local auto parts manufacturing company.

“Yeh, I think they are, but who wants to work in the shop?” Bill said. “My dad’s done that all his life and look where that’s gotten him. I should go to college or work for peace.”

“Didn’t that peace group say they had a job for you in San Francisco?” Merritt asked, referring to the National Students for Peace, which was looking for young people to organize high school students. Bill’s success at several Riverdale schools in setting up student peace groups had drawn the attention of the national group.

“Yeh, and they still want me,” he said. “But that’s 2,000 miles away and the pay isn’t much.”

“But you’d like it, Bill.”

His friend smiled in agreement.

“My uncle thinks I could become a female impersonator,” Merritt volunteered.

“A what?”

“Female impersonator. A guy who can pass as a girl and can dance and perform. There’s a place in San Francisco that does big shows with such impersonators.”

“You could be a girl, easily,” he friend said. “Look at you now.”

Merritt responded by leaning on an elbow, crossing his legs and looking terribly sexy. He put his hand demurely to his mouth.

“God, you are so pretty,” Bill said. “I almost wanna kiss you.”

“You better not. Sally might see you and beat you black and blue.”

The two laughed.

*****
Two months later, Bill and Merritt landed in San Francisco, having driven an aging 1939 Chevrolet coupe across the country, beating the early season snows in the Sierra’s to arrive in the congested, hilly streets of the Golden Gate city.

Merritt’s Uncle Frank had a friend from his Army Service who had a spare room the two young men could use in Mountain View, a burgeoning community south of San Francisco. From there, the two young men could pursue their job fortunes.

Bill had no problems hooking up with the Students for Peace group, which had garnered wide public support (along with much opposition that claimed it was a “Communist front” organization). He would be assigned to work with high school groups throughout the Bay area. They even had arranged for an apartment that he and Merritt could share at a nominal rate in the City.

On the second day after their arrival, Bill drove Merritt to Finocchio’s. They had decided to wait until after lunch, correctly figuring that there’d be no one around before then, since the place likely stayed open to 4 in the morning.

Finocchio’s was closed, but Merritt found a side door that appeared to be an entrance for employees and deliveries. He rapped on the door, tentatively at first, but getting no answer, rapped harder.

Presently the door opened and a balding, paunchy middle-aged man grunted: “Whadd’ya want kid?”

“Ah,” Merritt stammered.

“Out with it,” he man demanded.

“To be a dancer?” Merritt replied, somewhat shocked at both his own tentative request and also at his presumption of being a dancer.

“Well, we got plenty of those,” the man said, moving to shut the door.

“Please, sir,” Merritt pleaded, using his most feminine of voices. “I can do it.”

“My, you are a pretty one!” the man said, opening the door wider, beckoning Merritt to enter.

Merritt was immediately struck by the stale smell of cigarette smoke and beer within the dark interior of the building. The man led him to a backstage area, directing Merritt to the stage, and ordering him to stand in a lone spotlight than was beamed directly onto the otherwise dank stage.

“Let me look at you,” the man ordered. “And take off your shirt and your pants.”

Merritt hesistated.

“Do it,” the man insisted. “You want the job, don’t you? I’m not going to attack you. Just do it. I don’t have all day.”

Merritt did as suggested, dropping his clothes onto the stage floor, there being no other obvious place to hang them. He stood there in a pair of male briefs, but otherwise totally naked, his slender, smooth body looking stark white in the bright spotlight. He could no longer see the man, being blinded by the light.

“Now twirl for me,” the man ordered, his voice gruff and demanding.

Merritt had practiced often walking as a fashion model would do in an exhibition, and he did the walk the best way he knew how.

“Hmmm,” the man said. “Let’s see how you move on your feet. Give me a sample of your dancing.”

Merritt did a few steps, finishing with a few leg kicks in the manner of the Radio City Rockettes.

“OK put your clothes on and let’s talk.”

Merritt joined the man at a table in the night club; all of the white table clothes had been stripped, and the beaten up bare table top looked drab and unpleasant to touch. The man smiled at him, holding a yellow legal pad and several sharpened pencils.

“I must say you’re truly lovely, darling,” the man began. “And your dance steps aren’t too bad, either. You need work in that area, though, honey.”

“Thank you sir,” Merritt said, still affecting his feminine voice style.

“But as I said earlier, we are filled up with dancers and performers now,” the man said. “But you really could definitely be a very pretty girl. Your limbs and shoulders are really very pretty and feminine. Too many girls here are too muscular, but you really are lovely.”

“But you have no job for me?” Merritt asked.

“I didn’t say that, honey,” the man. “What have you been doing?”

“Oh I was doing secretarial work for a big law firm,” Merritt replied. “I’m really a very good typist.”

“That’s nice. Have you ever waited tables? Many of our girls begin here as barmaids or waitresses.”

“No sir, I haven’t but I’m sure I could do it.”

The man shook his head. “We like our girls to have experience in those areas. Give me your name and number, dear, and keep in touch. Maybe we can use you eventually.”

Merritt gave the man his name and address, but admitted to having no phone number the man could use to reach him.

“Do you mind if I check in here from time to time?” he asked, as he got up to leave.

“Don’t pester me too often, kid. Try in three weeks again.”

Merritt nodded, and was about to turn away, but stopped. Looking at the man, he said: “But I sew real well and I can design dresses and be a great seamstress.”

“You can?” the man asked.

“Yes, mom and I have our own shop back in Riverdale.”

The man’s face brightened up. It turned out, Finocchio’s had a working arrangement with a nearby dress shop that helped all of the performers with their gowns, creating the designs and fitting them for the stage. Normally there was a seamstress on duty at the night club on performance nights to assist with costumes, but recently, the man said, that seamstress had quit and the dress shop was looking for someone willing to work nights in a club. Not many women liked the assignment.

“If you’re any good,” the man said, “You could be the answer.”

He wrote down the name, “Celeste Starr of Starr’s Fashions,” with an address and urged Merritt to go there and see if the dress shop could use his services.

As it turned out, Merritt was hired as a part-time seamstress, working from 5 to 10 p.m., six nights a week at the club, helping the fit the performers in their outfits and doing whatever sewing had to be done in a tiny basement room with an old-fashioned, treadle-operated sewing machine. He would start the following night, working from 5 p.m. to about 10 p.m.

*****
The living arrangements for Merritt and Bill were ideal; even though they shared a double bed in the tiny three room apartment carved out of an old mansion in the city, the two quickly developed busy lives that rarely saw them together. Bill’s work got him out in the early morning, before Merritt awoke, and Merritt left before Bill got home at night, rarely returning before midnight.

In spite of the fact that Merritt could have gone to work in female outfits, he lived outwardly as a male, since a co-worker of Bill’s also rented in the same building. It wouldn’t have seemed prudent in the 1940s, even in San Francisco, for a young man and woman to live together without being married, particularly in Bill’s situation which took him into schools.

Yet, Merritt always donned a lovely nightgown after he returned home from work, climbing into bed and into the waiting arms of Bill. He loved Bill’s attention, his warm kisses, gentle caresses and quiet murmurs of affection.

Merritt loved feeling he was the girl friend, and Bill treated him as such, whispering, “Marilyn,” “Marilyn” over and over again. Their love-making was warm and long lasting, but rarely explosive. After long kisses, accompanied by soft caresses, Merritt would work his way to his friend’s penis, holding the slender, long shaft in one hand and kissing the head lightly with his lips, then encircling the hardened flesh with his tongue before taking it fully into his mouth.

He welcomed Bill’s warm juices as they filled his mouth, accompanied by a loud sigh, a convulsion and sudden relaxation of his friend’s body.

Merritt’s own smaller penis grew hard during these moments, and Bill would finger it, licking it in return until Merritt, too, ejaculated. As his friend caressed his sorry piece of manhood, Merritt would squeal and moan, the sounds in a high, feminine pitch, which excited Bill and spurring him on for additional love-making.

It was during these moments that Merritt desired having his own vagina, being able to lie on his back, spread his legs and await his man. The idea of being filled with his lover’s seed and creating a baby obsessed him; he always felt a fully pregnant woman to be the beautiful sight in the world. Would that he could be one?

He and Bill had tried more aggressive sexual acts, but they seemed not to excite either of them. They lived on the illusion that Merritt was indeed Marilyn, a sweet, sensitive, caring young woman.

*****
Merritt had a locker at Finocchio’s, just as the dancers themselves did. Most of them arrived at work n male clothes, changing into their outfits, putting on their oversized wigs, doing their makeup and prettying themselves up for the performances.

He was astonished at how totally feminine many of them were. Most seemed to have arms and legs that were without muscular definition and appearing soft and weak. Yet, they were all athletic enough to perform difficult and exhausting moves on stage.

To his surprise, Merritt found he didn’t like most of the drag performers, who seemed to be so “over the top” in their faux femininity that they appeared insincere. Many were cruel and mean to each other, and the word “bitch” was heard repeatedly in sharp tones in the dressing rooms, backstage and even whispered on stage if one of the girls felt she was being outshown by another.

Many of them were sharp with Merritt as he sought often to assist them in getting into their outfits, but as the weeks went on most seemed to recognize the skill and talent he had with the dresses. He was always willing to make adjustments, even little fussy ones, to please the performers. Merritt always smiled sweetly, seeking to remain the simple girl he always had felt he was.

Normally, Merritt wore either slacks or pedal pushers, along with sleeveless blouses, with a peasant neckline. He tied his long hair in a bun, looking very much like a small town librarian. He was “Marilyn” to everyone at Finocchio’s, and most viewed him as a young woman.

His first friend at the club turned out to be a chubby, fortyish, overdressed drag queen called Dame Elizabeth, who acted as mistress of ceremonies, introducing the acts, telling a few raunchy jokes and singing in an earthy, sensual tone.

“You’re quite a talent, young Marilyn,” the doyenne of the club said after Merritt had been working several weeks.

“Thank you, ma’am,” he said, noticing that the performers all addressed her respectfully.

“And you’re basically very pretty and could be a star, I bet, on the stage here,” she said with a smile. “Have you ever danced?”

“I have some, not much and I applied to be a dancer, but there were no openings,” he replied.

“So you became a seamstress?”

“I already was one. Mom had a dressmaking business and I learned it and loved it. I like this work.”

“Wanna try out for the chorus?”

“Not yet, ma’am,” Merritt said. “I really like creating dresses and doing this. I’m probably not cut out for the stage.”

Dame Elizabeth smiled, and offered an expression of support, telling Merritt he could search her out if ever he had a problem. Indeed, it appeared that Dame Elizabeth was the mother hen of the girls, both keeping them from tearing each other’s hair out and in encouraging their careers. Dame Elizabeth was a remarkable woman.

To Merritt’s surprise, he later learned that Dame Elizabeth had married, fathered two boys and was himself a decorated veteran of the Army, having participated in several landings in the Pacific Islands. Yet, when he was on stage, Merritt could only see a fat, older lady.

*****
Merritt felt terribly homesick and he wrote Dolores each day, composing his letters painstakingly in small script. Once a week, the two talked for no more than three minutes on the phone, since long distance calls were so expensive, and Merritt usually had to find a pay phone to initiate the call. She always called him “Marilyn” during the calls, and he used his most feminine of voices, soft and sensual. He had become accustomed to talking in his feminine mode since arriving in San Francisco and working in the club. All of the girls in the club seemed to exaggerate their femininity, even when backstage, that he had easily warmed up to the habit of speaking that way.

“I miss my Marilyn so much,” Dolores said at least once during their conversations.

“I miss Dolores, too,” he responded, in a purring tone, sometimes breathing a bit heavy.

Constantly he pictured himself nestled against her hard muscular body, his soft, smooth skin receiving her warm caresses. As much as he missed Dolores, he felt he missed his mother even more. He had grown fond of their time together, discussing dress designs or having just plain girl talk. It’s as if they had developed a real mother-daughter relationship.

By September, Bill announced that Sally Orlowski was leaving Riverdale and moving out to be with him, perhaps even to marry. “I don’t know how you can stay here, Merritt,” he said. “You’ll have to find another place.”

The prospect of looking for an apartment in San Francisco, which had high rents, frightened Merritt; he knew some of the chorus girls in the show may want to partner up in a place, but Merritt had found none of them he particularly liked. There were only a couple of girls who seemed sweet and pleasant, but they were already teamed up in living arrangements. A girl who adopted the name Tiffany had suggested they go in together for an apartment, but Merritt found her to be terribly demanding and self-centered.

In the two-week period before Sally was to arrive, Merritt search frantically for a place to live. He had written of his dilemma to both Dolores and his mother, and both had responded with pleas of “Please come home, Marilyn.” His mother wrote that the dressmaking shop was still busy, but that the customers missed the designing talents of “Marilyn.” Business did seem to be stalling a bit.

*****
Merritt was torn between returning home and remaining in San Francisco. He had already been recognized by his employer, the specialty dress shop, for his talents, and there was a good possibility he’d be brought into the main store to work, along with a pay raise. Besides, once he got his own place he could live fulltime as a woman, fulfilling his long dream.

“This town is so open for me,” he confessed to Bill one day. “I don’t know how I can go back to Riverdale and live as Merritt.”

“I know it’s great, and I’m doing so good with the peace group, too,” he said. “I’ve been able to find a place that will probably hire Sally.”

“Good for you.”

“You know, Marilyn,” Bill said. “You’ve become so much more a woman out here. It’s so obvious. I’m sorry you’ll have to move.”

“Me too, Bill, but I understand.”

And, Merritt did understand. He knew that Bill and Sally had fallen deeply in love with each other, and that they’d likely have a successful marriage. He was pleased for both of them.

*****
The door buzzer rang in their apartment several days later, and Merritt asked “Who’s There?” into the speaker.

“Western Union,” said the voice of a young man. “I have a message for a Merritt McGraw.”

“That’s me,” Merritt said. “I’ll buzz the door and come in. I’m on the second floor, apartment 2C in the back.”

A telegram? Merritt wondered what that was all about. Did something happen to his mother? To Dolores? Had there been a tragedy?

Merritt never got telegrams, and associated them only with bad news; he recalled families of soldiers and sailors during World War II getting telegrams to inform them of the death or injury to that serviceman. He opened it anxiously, but with a sick feeling in his stomach. He read its brief message with great wonder:

“CALL ME ABOUT FOUR TODAY PDT STOP URGENT STOP HAVE GOOD NEWS MOTHER”

He had three hours to wait before calling his mother, and he spent nearly all that time trying to figure out what she had to tell him.

*****
“Honey,” his mother said when he called. “It’s so good to hear your voice.”

“And yours too mother!” he said.

“This has to be quick, Merritt, because I don’t how much change you’ve got,” she said.

“I can talk for about six minutes, mom.”

“Honey,” she began. “Viola and I have been talking. There’s a small clothing manufacturing company available for sale in Janesborough. You know where that is?”

“Yes, about 90 miles away from you.”

“Well, Viola is willing to invest in it and let us run it, dear. She feels it would be a big success.”

“What?” Merritt asked, taken aback by the sudden revelation about operating a dressmaking company.

“Yes, Viola believes in the business,” she continued.

“But neither of us know anything about running a business, mom?”

“I told her that, but she’s looked into it, and she feels that the current financial officer of the company is fully competent and would stay on and help us with the details.”

“She’s sincere about this?” he questioned, still unbelieving.

“Very much so. She knows the financial guy, Merritt. You know, Viola has had a summer place on a lake near Janesborough. So she knows the area.”

“Great. It would be a good deal, mom. And you and Vi could still see each other? Would Dolores be able to work there?”

“If she wants too, yes,” Evelyn continued, pausing briefly. “But Vi said she’d do it only if you were part of the business.”

“Me? Come home?”

“Yes, you’re the talent that has made Swenson’s so popular. You’ve got to be part of it.”

“Gosh, mom, I don’t know. I can live almost fulltime as Marilyn out here. It feels so good.”

“I know honey, but this is such a good idea.”

Merritt was silent. His mother continued:

“Merritt, honey, think of the possibility. It’ll be a new city for us, and maybe you could live there as Marilyn. No one would know the difference. I think that would work for you.”

“Oh mom, that sounds so nice, but I need to think about it.”

“OK honey, I’m sure this is quite a shock for you.”

“It is mom, but I just don’t know. Gimme a few days.”

“OK dear,” his mother said. “But I have to tell you something else.”

“What’s that?”

“Your father is also investing in the company.”

“My father? Drake Kosgrove?”

“Yes, the very same. Viola did it. She arranged something with Drake to persuade him to invest, even though he will only be a silent partner.”

Merritt was shocked. “Why?”

“I think she threatened him with going public about his son,” Evelyn said.

“Please deposit another 25 cents please.” With that, the call was abruptly ended.

*****
“Do what you want?” was the only counsel that his friend Bill Johnson could offer. The young man was so busy with his peace group and focused on his coming reunion with Sally Orlowski that he had little time or thought for his friend.

Merritt turned to Dame Elizabeth, hoping the veteran transvestite would have some words of advice for him. As the two talked in the Dame’s tiny dressing room (she had the only private dressing room in the club, the rest having to dress in the cramped, crowded dressing room that smelled of a combination of sweat and feminine scents of perfume and soaps and powders), Merritt could see tears welling up in the old performer’s eyes.

“You know, Marilyn, my dear, we girls here must have a curse upon us,” Dame began. “I just had to be the woman I am dear, but it cost me a good job, a family and the respect of the community. I’m just looked upon as being a faggot, or a pansy . . . oh . . . and who knows what else. Yet I could not live in any other way. I am a woman and must live that way.”

Merritt looked at Dame Elizabeth, who began to sob quietly as she completed her statement. Dame Elizabeth was always so confident and “in command” on the stage, and Merritt hardly expected this breakdown into tears that occurred about 15 minutes into their conversation.

“I’m so alone,” she continued, grabbing a handful of tissues to dab at the moisture in her eyes.

Merritt wanted to hug the performer, but held back in respect for Dame Elizabeth’s position, realizing that this was a private moment that he’d never forget, but would never reveal to another soul.

“My advice?” Dame Elizabeth said, finally having composed herself. “Normally I’d say follow your heart, but darling, it’s such a tough journey, and leaves one so alone. It depends upon how badly you need to do this, to become a woman. You notice I said ‘need to do it?’ It’s not a matter of what you ‘want’ to do. It’s whether you ‘need’ to do it for your sanity.”

“Thank you ma’am. I’m still not sure what to do, but you’ve still been a big help.”

“It’s up to you, darling, not me, and you’re smart and intelligent and frankly the idea of going into the dress manufacturing business sounds great, particularly with the support you’ve got. It’s obvious your mother loves you, and, I think, even though you haven’t said it, that you and Dolores have feelings for each other. Maybe, dear Marilyn, you can have the best of two worlds.”

Merritt stood up to leave, and Dame Elizabeth stood also, gathering him in her chubby arms and pulling him against her ample bosom, hugging him.

“You really do make a lovable girl, Marilyn,” she said. “I’ll miss you, if you go back to the Midwest. But go if you think it’s right.”

*****
Two days later, Merritt wrote his mother that he’d return home by Oct. 15.

*****
The June 21, 1950 edition of the Janesborough Herald-Bugle contained this notice in the Society section:

“The engagement of Miss Dolores Graham and Mr. Merritt McGraw has been announced by the bride-to-be’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Douglas Graham.

“Miss Graham is a graduate of the Our Ladies of the Angels Academy in Riverdale and was the 1947 state tennis champion for the school’s tennis team. She is currently employed as an assistant designer at the Janesborough Garment Works.

“Mr. McGraw is a graduate of Riverdale West High School, where he lettered in tennis and was active in various social service clubs. He is currently chief designer at the Janesborough Garment Works.

“The groom’s mother, Mrs. Evelyn McGraw, is the President of Janesborough Garment Works. Mrs. McGraw was part of a syndicate from Riverdale that purchased the company in November last year as the company was about to enter bankruptcy. Mrs. McGraw and her business partner, Mrs. Viola Buckner, also of Riverdale, were honored recently by the Janesborough Chamber of Commerce for rescuing the company, and saving more than 250 jobs in the area.

“The wedding will take place Saturday, August 19, at St. Patrick’s Catholic Church with a 10 a.m. mass, followed by a reception at the Janesborough Country Club. The maid of honor will be Sally Orlowski, of San Francisco, California, and Donna Mae Lemieux and Edith Mooney, both of Riverdale, will be bridesmaids. Best man will be Bill Johnson, of San Francisco, California, and the ushers will be Frank McGraw, the groom’s uncle, and Nick Woodbury, both of Riverdale.”

*****
Four days after the wedding announcement appeared in the Janesborough newspaper, North Korean troops invaded South Korea, and the United States was once again in a state of war. President Harry S Truman called it a “police action” as the United States along with other United Nations troops joined to repulse the invasion.

It meant that young men, like Merritt and Bill Johnson, would soon be serving in the Army, as their draft numbers were sure to come up quickly as the nation rearmed.

Merritt was conflicted by what he should do; there was no question he’d be drafted: his health was good; though his weight might be low it was probably not too low to cause him to be rejected and made 4-F. He considered the prospect of wearing a dress to the draft board office, in hopes he’d be rejected as being too unstable to hold a gun, but that seemed chancy.

No way, however, would he ever want to be considered a “slacker,” the phrase for those men who figured out ways to dodge military service. Besides hadn’t his own stepfather, whom he greatly admired, given his life in the service of his country? How could he not do his duty?

On July 5th, Merritt took off from his duties at the Janesborough Garment Works and drove to Riverdale and enlisted in the U.S. Navy for a three-year term of duty.

*****
Merritt and Dolores moved up their wedding day to July 22nd, three days before Merritt was due to report to the Great Lakes Naval Training Station. Neither Sally nor Bill could make the wedding; the couple had moved to Vancouver in Canada to stake out a new life after Bill Johnson had pleaded — without success — for conscientious objector status so that he would not have to fight in a war which he thought was wrong. His uncle Frank was best man and Donna Mae was maid of honor in the hurried ceremony, said in a mass at St. Patrick’s, but with only an abbreviated reception in the church hall afterward.

If anyone had followed the newly weds to their honeymoon suite in a fancy Chicago hotel, they would have seen two lovely brides. Merritt and Dolores McGraw launched their life together having their own private party as two women. They looked forward to both a lifetime of love and affection, but also of heart ache and challenges. Both felt ready for the adventure ahead, in which their world would evolve around wonderful private times as two women, coupled with an outside world that knew them only as a happily married couple.

“Marilyn, you could have been such a pretty bride,” Dolores said, smiling in admiration. “I’m so jealous.”

“Dolores you’re beautiful,” Merritt said, as the two hosted each other with complimentary champagne.

“We both make beautiful brides,” she said.

And they kissed. They tried to make love that night for the first time as man and woman. It didn’t work; Merritt had problems keeping his small penis hard, and soon broke down and cried.

“Oh darling, I’m so sorry,” he sobbed, burying his face onto her firm breasts. “I’m not the lover you deserve.”

Dolores hugged him, caressed him and comforted him. “No, dear, you’re just the woman I love and I love you as you are.”

She suggested they both rise from their wedding bed.

“I bought you a wedding night gift,” she announced, going over to her luggage and removing a box from Engelmann’s Department Store tied in pink ribbon.

“For me?” he asked, his eyes red with tears.

“Yes, my darling Marilyn, for you,” she said, smiling. “You’re such a silly one.”

He giggled as he daintily removed the ribbon and opened the box, and pushed aside the white tissue paper to reveal a light yellow, silk nightgown. He removed it from the box, and stood up, holding the gown in front of his body.

“Oh it’s lovely,” he said.

“I bought it, Marilyn, just in case.” She smiled sweetly.

“Dolores, I love you.”

They hugged and their passions grew as they fell onto the bed to create a truly magical wedding night. Could any two women ever be happier?

Epilogue:

With that magical honeymoon night, we leave Marilyn (a/k/a Merritt) McGraw to enter adult life. His future will be uncertain, to be sure. In a few days, Merritt will be a sailor, steaming off into all sorts of adventures in a purely male world. It’s a world he hardly really knows, understands nor enjoys.

The world in the 1950s was terribly intolerant of differences. Only a scant two years earlier, President Truman had ordered the armed services desegregated, requiring African-American (or Negro) servicepeople to be integrated into regular units. There were no such provisions for honoring people like Marilyn McGraw; he would have to “man-up” in order to survive. How will he handle that?

It would be three years before Christine Jorgensen will have her sexual transformation in Denmark, marking a milestone in completing the transition from male to female. Jorgensen’s operation opened a world of possibilities, but until the 1970s, only a few would chance the change. Would Merritt try?

What will happen to the garment factory without the talents of Marilyn steering them? Can Dolores and Marilyn truly live together for a lifetime in happiness?

For Marilyn McGraw, the future held promise and heartache, great possibilities and perhaps even greater disappointments and love and despair. For some strange reason that night, Marilyn McGraw was terribly excited to launch into her troubled future, knowing that somehow with the love of her mother, Dolores and many dear friends, she’d be just fine!