Scents
 

 by Michelle Wilder
 
A story of another world

 

-

Aya hunched down over me, or cuddled me up closer...

"I don't understand it either, but you're a puppy... and a girl..." She leaned in even more and pressed her face against me, my front legs and head. It was very comforting...

"Poor little thing..."

Little?

Of course I was... I was little. But it didn't seem as frightening an idea as I thought it should.

How could I be a puppy?

They said I'd be big...

I fell asleep around then. Feeling my tail...

I still wasn't scared.

-

I had way more strength when I woke up. And I could see, without even squinting and blinking.

I was still little, though. And not very strong. I couldn't seem to stand... or find my feet...

Aya still had me on her lap, and maybe that was part of my clumsiness, since her legs were all uneven and hard to figure out, and it felt like I was stuck in the middle.

She put me down after I guess she decided I wasn't going to get hurt lying on the floor. And that I might fall off the couch, since I seemed to have half-rolling nearly down.

Aya sounded like a radio play, almost... she kept up a running commentary, or maybe half of a conversation, because Dane and I weren't saying much back, even though he did make a lot of noises. As she lifted me down, she scolded him to be gentle and - whatever he did - ~not~ to eat me! He whined like she was no fun.

I was listening, kind of, but I wasn't really paying attention to Aya's words as much as how she sounded. And Dane too, so I knew what he meant as much as her.

It was further down to the floor than I was long. It was kind of dizzying, too... I felt my back feet for the first time, like that - doing something more than me trying to move them - then my body, elbows... and she let go...

I was alone. On the floor. Dane was far across the rug, even if he was closer-looking when I was up on in Aya's lap. But two feet away seemed a long way from the floor... And he was watching me. I wanted to watch him, too, the way he was, how he looked as a Waere, all dark browns and grey and black... I wanted to go over and smell him better and taste him.

But I couldn't stand up. I couldn't even get my back legs to crawl!

I still couldn't figure out where my back feet even ~were~, even though I could feel them! Like I couldn't... figure out how I... was... connected. I didn't have enough coordination to lift my ~head~ where I wanted to when I tried! It went ~sideways~, too!

And I wasn't strong enough! So MANY things were going wrong! I could see Dane just ~there~... and I was STUCK!

Just when I began to cry in frustration, Aya reached down and grabbed me - my skin - behind my neck and shoulders, and back... along my back... It...

I was standing! Or ~up~! I was ~standing~! My skin felt like it was sliding up off my whole body, or tight... but I was UP!

Dane laughed and kind of lurched over to plonk down in my face. His front legs were spread out both sides of me, elbows down, with his rear and tail high in the air. I could see him all! He licked my whole chin and mouth and nose hello. Or Hi, shorty!

And even with his chin just a few inches above the rug, his eyes met mine. I was a tiny. I was a shorty...

But Dane was laughing at me. For me. His eyes and ears and tail had all the fun in the world in them, all the places to run and play and smell and all the things we could do! His breath and the way he moved and his... scent...

I don't know what or how Aya saw, but she helped (lifted) me to Dane. He dropped his rear and rolled over onto his side and Aya put me on his neck and face and helped hold me there. Held me.

Dane's fur was so much warmer and softer than Aya's legs, and the hair!! Licking and smelling and touching and biting... I ~wallowed~ in him!

And he MOVED! I ~loved~ moving!!

I yipped my joy when he rolled over and dumped me on the floor and pretended to bite with his huge teeth! I wormed and squirmed in his mouth as he growled and shook me with tiny, gentle motions until I couldn't ~imagine~ a better feeling!

Then Aya got down on her knees and started with the tickling and ~human~ growling!

-

I ended up peeing on my rug.

I think Aya almost did, too.

-

As we played, I found a little coordination, and a tiny bit more strength.

I listened to Aya more, too. She still talked to both of us like she knew we understood, and I guess Dane did, but I mostly listened to the sound of her, except I heard more of her words, too. About how I was learning so fast. And what games she'd played with Dane when he first changed, and what she remembered from hers...

And I found out Dane was still a big puppy.

-

As suddenly as I'd changed, I was back.

I was trying to see, or maybe bite my rear leg-

Blackness- like a flash... a dark flash?

Or wind? Like a fast train ~rushing~ by. Not exactly, and not wind, or any noise, but as if the ~air~ surprised me, if that was even possible? I was back, human, laying on the floor between the two of them.

And I was weaker than I'd ever been in my life. Lives.

~Paralysis~

... tired...

-

Dane's nose was right beside mine when I woke up.

Before I opened my eyes, I knew he'd been there a long time, his scent strong, over everything... my shoulder and side were warm where he'd laid, rested his head...

I managed to roll my head an inch his way. He gave me a little lick. I gave a little smile. He smelled sad.

I peeled my eyes open. He gave me another. He was there. I was safe.

Aya was on her knees on my other side and she gently rolled my head back to look at her. Or so she could see my eyes.

"Welcome back, dear... that was so quick! You only changed for an hour or so and you slept half of that. Do you feel okay? You're so tired..."

I couldn't talk. I could think, sort of, but I couldn't talk. It was more than I had in me. I could hardly listen...

Just like when I was a puppy, I blinked.

-

Aya was gone when I finished my blink.

Dane was there instead, his head on my shoulder again, nose against my chin. I remembered Aya telling him... something...

He nudged me. I hummed or breathed noisily, and he huffed.

He was worried. And I was boring if all I did was sleep.

-

Aya returned with a glass of milk. She even brought the bottle.

After figuring out the best way, I suppose, she sat on the floor beside me and supported my head.

I drank almost the whole quart.

Dane licked up what I spilled. What Aya spilled. It didn't matter... It tasted great...

The rug needed cleaning anyway.

-

Like when I was a puppy, my strength came back pretty quickly. In a half-hour or so, I managed to at least roll onto my side and cuddle around Dane.

I got strong enough to lay on the floor. Aya brought me a pillow.

-

I dozed a little, but each time I nodded off, strange sensations woke me. Smells, sounds... things I had no experience with. I couldn't stop feeling my face, what it was touching, the tiny hairs... it was all too new to ignore.

And besides all that, Dane was there, and sleeping with a hundred and thirty-plus pound Waere was ~also~ too new to be ignored.

So I rested on the rug, Dane snoring loudly under my arm. I'd open my eyes just to be sure it wasn't a dream, to see his fur that I could already feel and smell...

I wasn't normal. Aya said my change wasn't like anything they'd ever heard of, and they were worried.

She'd called their parents. They said they'd send the Fenrir as soon as he got there, if he thought he could after driving all night.

The king was coming to my house. He was hurrying, because something was wrong with me...

I felt like I should've been scared of everything. Of that.

I wasn't a big, powerful Waere like they said I would be. Being helpless. Little.

I could barely lift my head, an arm... I couldn't even sit up.

Aya'd said I was a girl, too. A female pup. I was. I could smell it. I wasn't like Dane.

And I was a man again when I changed back, and Aya thought that was wrong, too... some way...

But when I nuzzled Dane's soft, warm neck, none of it seemed too bad.

-

Even with the radio off, it was warm... no... I wasn't in bed...

I buried my face in Dane's neck and breathed in.

I could smell Aya. And someone else. Almost more than Aya's scent, that was everywhere... another man was all over him. I took a long time finding all of it I could reach without moving...

I could smell Dane like he was human, too, almost... like part of the feeling of him was both... I could feel him, too...

He was less than a year old, Aya'd said. Less than a year since he'd changed...

I was less than a day old. Hours.

I finally fell asleep. The last thing I remembered was how Dane felt smooth, too...

-

By the time the Fenrir was supposed to arrive I could just ~barely~ sit up on my own. They'd both helped me to the couch and I was sitting. Just like a grown-up. See?

The Fenrir had called and said he was on his way, though I'd apparently slept through the ringing. But he was on his way, after driving all night. And wanted to talk me since I'd changed back so fast. Aya said.

To preserve my dignity, what little I had, I had pants. A pair of light twill summer trousers Aya'd dug out of my closet that I remembered being better-fitting... and just a singlet, because Aya said we still had to worry about if I changed into a more full-grown Waere again until we knew for sure.

Or something like that. More coherent. I was too dopey from lack of enough sleep to really understand. And changing into a Waere, I supposed... But it was just eight in the morning. Or nine. It was nine. Start of a new day.

Aya had coffee perking. Toast toasting. Rise and shine...

It was Friday, so there'd been ~two~ quarts on the step, a pound of butter and a pint of cream. We were all set for the king.

I ate in the front room, on the couch, and Dane poked at me whenever he wanted a bite. He didn't like coffee much, but he still had a lick now and then, mostly because it was wet.

Aya ate at the table and told me a bit about the Fenrir as she had her toast. That he was Irish, even though he didn't have much of an accent the few times she'd met him. That he lived up in Fort Athabasca and must've come down through the Fraser... and that was a six hour drive in the day, just to their parents...

-

Dane lifted his head from my lap and looked at the door long before I could hear anything. He stretched up to lick my face. Be brave.

After feeling so brave lying on the floor, I seemed to have run out. I was scared about meeting someone I could tell even Aya and Dane were a little nervous about.

Aya and Dane felt like they belonged. That they were a part of my home already, and that was a bit frightening too. But just in a weird, intellectual way.

In a more real sense, in my feelings for both of them, the way I wanted to touch Dane and hear that Aya was close by... I hadn't ever been more comfortable with anyone than I was with them.

I liked the way they argued and made up. The way they were almost the same age but Aya was really five years older. And that Dane was just a bit older than me... I'd never had a brother or sister.

They were ~family~. How could they be family in just hours?

Just because Dane ~made~ me? And Aya was his sister? Or that they were there when I was... born? It felt like more than that. More than anything.

Having a brother and sister felt like a part of me was healed that I didn't even know was hurt.

I wanted to introduce them to my mother. It felt like she'd love them...

But Mr. Garret Conaan, the Fenrir-king-leader of the Waere in all of Oregon was just scary.

He was ~their~ king... not my family. It felt bad that a stranger was coming into my home. It frightened me.

Being as weak as a kitten made it feel terrible.

Whatever, all the reasons, and despite feeling so good about Dane touching me, I was actually shaking when I finally heard the sound of a car, the tires crunching to a stop. A metal door, closing, hard shoes... on the steps.

Dane whined.

Aya opened the door as he got there, and even if she seemed nervous before, she smiled a real smile. "Mr. Connan. Please come in."

A draft of air-

He smelled like woods and Waere - I could tell they weren't just him - and car and... woods... people...

And he was inside a... a ghost. A ghost was around him.

A Waere ghost.

I didn't understand how I saw it. Knew it. It wasn't there - and it was.

He was a short, ordinary man, with a grey beard and mustache. And he was a Waere, too. Strong and... smaller than Dane, or shorter... with white-grey fur and face and legs...

I couldn't think what to do.

When Dane whined again I realized I'd hunched over and was hugging his neck. I loosened my arms and he poked up for a quick lick. Be brave. It's okay.

I wasn't okay, but Dane was right...

I sat up a little, but kept both hands clutched in his neck ruff.

Garret Conaan the Fenrir was looking at us when we looked back. He was serious, but he almost had a smile.

And the invisible part of him was... it was friendlier than he looked? He looked like someone I shouldn't be afraid of...

Aya took a small step away from him. She was smiling for real. I realized that they'd been talking, that she ~did~ like him, even from just the few times they'd met.

"Fenrir, this is Jacob O'Hara."

He smiled at us. Me. A real, you-could-tell he wasn't just putting it on smile. Both of him. All of him.

"Jacob. It's good to meet you. Please call me Garret."

He had a normal voice. Maybe even one I wouldn't remember from someone else. He stepped closer and held out his hand.

I felt a wash of skin-shivering ~energy~, like goosebumps - but warm! And his... ghost... he put out his paw too!!

Dane licked up at the air under the Fenrir's hand and whined a funny, breathy way. Then he kept his head down, with his eyes rolled up to watch us, back and forth.

Fenrir's hand was still out. He still had the same real smile. His ghost tilted his head the tiniest bit and twitched his ears.

And all at once, that energy-sensation stopped being scary. It felt good and warm. It was always warm...

Dane moved. He kept his eyes on the Fenrir, but he struggled around on the cushions and stepped on me so he could sit up.

Aya liked him, but then I'd thought maybe Dane didn't. That he might even be afraid of him, and I guess I took my cues from him. But he wasn't. He liked the Fenrir!

I suddenly had the strange feeling that maybe Dane was thinking the same things about ~me~...

The Fenrir's hand was still out. And he had a look with his smile. Like he'd wait. Like he knew he was scary, and it wasn't my fault. His ghost was almost laughing like Dane did.

Dane stretched out and licked his hand for real. A big, friendly hello.

Fenrir brushed his fingers across the top of his nose and smiled at him. "Hello, Dane. Beat any hares yet?"

Dane's tail moved against the couch and he smiled. At me, too. Like he beat ~all~ the hares.

I wanted to stop and feel the warm ghost-paw more, but I was human.

Fenrir's human hand was cool. Smooth. He was as old as Stonewall - older than anyone I'd ever met.

And he cared about me. And Dane and Aya. All of us.

He showed me his... his love. Like I could smell him...

When he let my hand go, I knew he'd protect me. Knew he'd die for me.

And I knew I'd do whatever I could for him, to make him proud. I wanted his... affection. I wanted him to be happy.

My father died when I was twelve. I remembered loving Dad that way... I remembered his hugging me, like the feeling of Fenrir's warm ghost...

The Fenrir - Garret - had the funniest expression.

And I had my strength back. I was awake.

-

"How long did the actual change take?" The Fenrir was asking everything he could think of about me. He was still eating, too. He'd driven all night and hadn't even eaten.

"I think it was about like ours. But he changed so much, shrinking down and then back to full-sized, both times... it felt like faster... but I think I was just surprised." Aya was doing all the talking, except when he asked about my feelings. What things felt like.

After the Fenrir had sat down to eat some breakfast and Aya'd started telling him all about everything, Dane convinced me that playing was more fun than sitting around...

I still listened, though, and when they called at us and asked something we always stopped. Or when we knocked something over or Aya said we couldn't run around food.

We were resting right then and Dane was showing me places where it felt good to scratch him by trial and error, with silly panting and fake snarls for feedback. And he was being a strict teacher and nipping at me whenever I listened to Aya and the Fenrir and didn't pay enough attention to him, and he missed every time. Nyah!

I was good at finding the ticklish places too, because Aya'd already showed me on me. On my puppy body.

"... but she... it was hard to tell for sure because she seemed to take a long time to completely wake up and I don't know if that's just because she was so little? Like how sleepy some dog puppies are? And she took ~forever~ to open her eyes-"

"It was too bright." I added. Garret smiled at me and Aya huffed. Dane purred. Or whatever you'd call that sound. Happy grumbling? There was a spot in front of his hip he just loved.

"Anyway, it was maybe just a minute, and she made a wail so it wasn't just tired or sleeping. I think she really fainted."

I remembered that! Dane almost ate my nose! So I decided to bite him! I dove at his throat with no warning and growled as I tried to get enough of the loose skin in my mouth. And he started to howl and thrash and wave his paws in the air! I was ~winning~!!

I growled LOUDER! as I got my hands in his ruff (and one in his ear... sorry!) and my teeth in ~just~ the right spot on his neck... and Dane made one more really funny noise- and went limp.

Totally dead...

I sat up. Fast. I didn't know what... I thought I'd hurt him, taken the game too far... or maybe he hadn't been playing! I didn't know!

Maybe Waere didn't do what I'd been doing!!

I checked if I'd hurt him with my teeth. His throat was okay... it looked okay... His heart was beating... and he... but he stayed still! Unconscious! I was afraid to move him.

He wasn't breathing! And he was quivering! I started to get ~really~ worried... and touched him... wiggled...

"Dane? Dane!"

There was chuckling from behind me. I looked back and was somewhere between completely scared and getting mad he'd not help, when Fenrir grinned at me.

"Caught a bear?"

I looked at him..? What?

Under my hands, Dane moved.

~Really~ moved!

He did a fast twist that had his front legs under him while his rear were still the other way and half under me! A moment later ~he~ was on ~me~ with his teeth around my throat! All the way past my ears! Shoving me back and down!

He snarled like a killer, his breath hot and moist!

(Well, ~drooly~ more than moist...) But lots of breath! And warm!

And as the final act of complete domination, he put a wide paw on my stomach... and pushed. Right where he ~knew~ it would hurt!

I couldn't help it. I HOWLED!

I was still laughing and gasping and rolling around after Dane was just sitting there doing his eye-laugh and smile "I won!" thing and Fenrir and Aya laughed at me.

That's when I changed again.

It was ~more~ than the last time. Like every feeling, every sensation in my entire body changed completely - in an instant. It wasn't as gentle as a wind. And brighter.

My vision changed. It was white, blurry... And all the colors were still there but they were different. I ~saw~ differently.

Someone pulled at my head and I could see!

I saw Aya, changed. Her eyes more, her mouth. I knew what her hands said as she folded my singlet, what she meant as she kneeled closer, how her body... I saw so much I stopped seeing anything but her eyes...

Movement

Dane! ~His~ eyes! And the ~shapes~ in his face... his ears....

Everything ~meant~ something! His smile was a ~hundred~ times more beautiful!!

He was more himself than he'd ever been as a human. All of him....

And I could see all of him, almost...

Dane turned.

Fenrir!

When he sat forward I couldn't help myself. I cried in fear that when he touched me I'd DIE from it!

He was so HUGE!

I think I shrieked. The sound hurt my ears. But he still touched me.

His hand was soft. He was gentle. It wasn't more, it was less. His paw...

He didn't move, he just held his hand so I could get used to it.

But his paw was ~inside~ me!

After a few moments, he pressed down, a tiny pressure from all of his giant hand...

And somehow I could feel my new body better. Put the pieces of... all those feelings together... or more together....

Like I could see Dane, I could see the Fenrir better, too. His ghost was the right size... just him, just right...

I licked at his leg, and there was nothing there to taste... mostly...

He stopped pressing. I looked over more and saw his finger was in reach instead and licked ~that~. He tasted exactly like he smelled, though his Waere smell was better. I tried to sniff at it...

He pulled his hand and paw away and sat back on his heels.

I stared. He looked more together in that position. Legs and arms and hands and paws in line, even if his knees were ~really~ different...

Then Fenrir leaned right over me and I rolled, trying to see it all, the wonder of it... and he lifted me up. With the human hands. I couldn't see his other legs... how they fit... He lifted me right up to his face.

I tried to lick his mouth and again there was almost nothing! Even though it was as real as everything! It tasted like him, too!

He held me further away, so I couldn't quite reach, and I looked into his eyes that were the only things in the same place, and he looked at me. He had a serious expression. Right at me.

He almost looked like he was going to growl with both faces, but he wasn't. He wouldn't. I stretched out and dared another, better lick. There!

And ~he~ licked his nose too! And wrinkled it! He showed all his front teeth... and his ears went ~sideways~!

Fenrir suddenly reared his head back and opened his huge, giant mouth, all fangs and teeth...

and ... sneezed!!

Both of him!

It was ~WONDERFUL~!!

-

End of Part Three