Reposted form 2005-04-20

A very short lesson in home economics, sort of.

Threading the Needle
by Lainie Lee

"Where did you learn to sew?"

"My mother taught me. And I can't sew, putting a button back on isn't sewing, it's mending."

"Whatever."

"Hold still."

"Weren't you a guy back then?"

"I guess so, a sissy little boy, at least. Would you believe it better if I said my drill sergeant taught me?"

"He did?"

"Sort of. My mom and my aunts and my drill sergeant."

"All at the same time?"

"No, silly. Hold still or I'll sew this button to your chest instead of your shirt."

"What's sewing if what you're doing isn't sewing?"

"Sewing is like making a dress from cloth and a pattern. I remember going with Mom to the yard goods stores and looking at all the patterns. I wish I could sew."

"This looks like sewing."

"It's not, it's just putting on a button. I helped Mom sew some when I was little."

"You were a boy and you helped your mom with the sewing? Didn't you get teased about it."

"Some, but we didn't tell anyone."

"Were you any good at it?"

"Sew sew."

"You should thank me for setting that one up for you."

"Hold still, look this seam is ripped, too. Take off the pants, you ought to know you're too old to go skate boarding. Losing buttons and ripping your pants at your age."

"Yeah. Yeah. You learned to nag from your mother, too."

"And my drill sergeant."

"I believe that."

"I need blue thread, this time. Are you actually getting a boner watching me mend stuff?"

"There's something very erotic about a woman threading a needle."

"Hush. Your spoiling my aim."

"Mmm."

"I can't--fix your pants--with you doing that!"

"Fuck the pants."

"You're going to get poked with this needle."

"No, you are."

"That's not a needle."

"I'm the thread, you're the needle. The thread goes in here."

"Ack! Wait, stop. Let me put this down. Or one of us really will get poked."

"You."

"No, you."

"Ow."

"See, told you."

"Fuck."

"Isn't that what we're going to do?"

"I'm not bleeding am I?"

"No, silly, that was the blunt end. Now, really, if we're--let me!"

"Rrrr."

"You nut. Is this why you like me to wear skirts?"

"One reason. A good one. Two other reasons are you've got nice legs."

"I like your reasoning."

"Don't giggle. It throws off my aim."

"It's just like threading a needle, it's better to bring the needle to the thread. And some times you have to lick the thread to make it stiff."

"That's not something else your mother taught you, is it?"

"Well, no. But my drill sergeant...."

"Don't make me laugh now, girl."

"Okay."

"Ah."

"Ooo."